A beautiful drink for beautiful people - TAB

On Friday night, Lebron and I went on our third date. Well, sorta. She texted me to say that her little brother was playing in a basketball game that evening and she really needed to go watch him play. So Steve-O and Milo and I bought some steaks and grilled them up. The plan was for Lebron and I to meet up later that night and go see a movie but it ended up being much later. Lebron came over and we watched a few episodes of The Office. We cuddled and she fell asleep. Since we both had early mornings, Lebron took off fairly early.

On Saturday, I flew out to meet up with TheCaptain and go to the football game. We met up with TheCaptain's girlfriend MrsTheCaptain on Sunday night. MrsTheCaptain is much cuter in person than she was in any of the pictures I had seen of her. Not sure if TheCaptain reads my blog anymore but way to go man. They are totally going to get married soon. I enjoyed hanging out with MrsTheCaptain, although at times she seemed a little bit aloof. And she definitely reminded me of Belle from a year and a half ago in both looks and the way she acted.

On Monday, I woke up at 4:45 to catch an early flight home. I rushed through security only to find that my flight had been canceled. Thus, I spent most of the day laying on the floor of the airport waiting for the new flight. Disastrous.

On Wednesday, I had my first date with TAB. The moment I picked her up, I knew it was going to be a good date. One, TAB is a touchy person. I hate being touched by people that I don't want touching me. But an attractive girl that I am interested in touching me? Yes please. We immediately hugged and TAB had to show me her room (I guess she had just cleaned it). We had dinner at my favorite Bosnian place and TAB handled herself quite well. She made jokes and asked interesting questions and laughed at all the right times. It was definitely a fun first date. Without much else to do, I took TAB back to my house to eat some dessert. Milo and Steve-O were there and they decided to give TAB a bit of a hard time. TAB seemed to handle it pretty well, laughing and acting like one of the guys. I am sure when their language became fouler, it bugged TAB a little but she handled it like a champ. When we got back to her house, TAB invited me in for a minute. I met her roommates and she showed me her gingerbread house that she had made. We sat on the couch and she whispered some secrets to me about her roommates. It was really fun. I left feeling that I really wanted to see TAB again soon.

Tonight I am going out with House. Tomorrow I am going out during the day with Lebron and then with Dee and Dum in the evening. Should be a busy weekend.

Adventures in Dating Wonderland

Last weekend, on Friday House and I went to a basketball game with BFF and the guy that BFF is currently dating. House is just so comfortable around everyone. It's amazing how I have never noticed how uncomfortable most of the girls that I date are. Or maybe it's just that House is particularly good with people. After the game, we stopped at Wendy's so I could get something to eat. Then we watched Christmas Vacation. Hands down the best Christmas movie ever made. We cuddled and kissed and it was a great evening. I have definitely started liking House more recently. Is it enough? Well, I just don't know yet.

On Saturday, RunsWithScissors and I went on a sort of double date with Dee and Dum. I drank a large coke before the date (Caffeine makes me act a little like I am on cocaine I think) and on the date, I was uber hyper. I had the hardest time sitting still. But it was fun. On Monday, Dee and Dum decorated a tree in front of my house and placed a sign saying "From Santa" on it. It was actually pretty good looking. Sort of like the Christmas tree from the Charlie Brown Christmas Special.

On Tuesday, I had a date planned with FarFarAway. I kinda decided recently to maybe try and go out with her a few more times to see if there is anything there. I called her the day of the date and received no response. Around 9 that night, she texted me to say she had called in sick to work and had been sleeping. She really wanted to reschedule but I was/am hesitant.

Simpson has started texting me again. She wants to hang out. I told her if she made me cookies, I would forgive her for just disappearing 5 months ago. Since I always felt lukewarm about Simpson, I will not be too disappointed if she drops back into another coma at any time. I think it is her flakiness that drives me the most crazy.

On Tuesday night I called TAB to ask her to this Christmas party. We played phone tag a bit and in the meantime, MrShit sent me an email wanting to know if I wanted to talk on the phone with her in Hong Kong one last time before she took off on a trip to Cambodia and Thailand. I told her a specific time to call me and a few minutes before, TAB called me. TAB and I absolutely click, at least on the phone. I really enjoyed talking to her. Problem was that MrShit was calling me from a foreign country and didn't have much time to talk before she was leaving the country. So I think TAB was a bit disappointed that I cut our conversation short. She couldn't go to the Christmas thing with me and I was a bit disappointed but MrShit already called once during my phone call and I couldn't very well explain to TAB that I was waiting on a phone call from a girl in Hong Kong. So I told TAB that I had to go do my laundry. Afterwards, I felt like such a dork for giving such a flimsy excuse. Then I talked on the phone with MrShit. It is always fun to talk with her.

On Wednesday, I had a date with Lebron. I was really excited for this date. Lebron is so smart and I just smile when I look at her. I think she is very cute (although she could probably use a breast reduction). I decided to take her some place a little nicer. I called and made reservations and we wandered through some stores while waiting. One of the problems with Lebron is that she seems so innocent and I worry that I am not quite myself around her. One of the stores we were in had all sorts of kooky stuff and I was trying to make jokes about buying some of them and she just kinda shrugged it off as if they were inappropriate. After dinner, we watched some episodes of The Office at my house. At one point, there was a sexual reference in the show and I made a comment about it and Lebron kinda laughed at me but wouldn't really respond to my comment. We didn't cuddle but there were a couple of times where I felt like we were really clicking. Because TAB couldn't go out with me on Friday, I asked Lebron if she would like to go do something with me. She said yes. At the end of the night, as I went in for the hug, I noticed a subtle way that Lebron approached the hug that suggested she might be open to me kissing her. I didn't but I felt like maybe I had the option.

TAB texted me before my date with Lebron and said she was making Thai food and that I should come over and try it. I told her that I already had plans but that I would really like to do something with her next week. I am not sure if she was disappointed or not. But it was a good sign.

On Thursday night, House was going to come watch my soccer game and then we were going to grab a bite to eat and sit in her hottub. She texted me midday to say that she had to cancel because of unexpected chaos from a friend visiting from Australia. I totally understood. It was probably good anyway, since I lost my temper at the soccer game. This Bosnian guy on the other team picked up the ball after it went out of bounds when he shouldn't and I yelled at him and he started really yelling back. I totally would have fought him right then and there. Milo came and intervened. We ended up losing the game and I left in a rush because I was so mad (on a side note, a guy kicked the ball pretty hard into my junk TWICE during the game - the second one laid me down on the floor).

Tis the Season

On Tuesday night, I finally managed to go on a first date with Lebron. Lebron and I met through the online dating website. Having been out with girls I met online in the past, I was very nervous. Would she be pretty? Would she be much heavier than in the photos? Would she attempt to steal a lock of my hair so that she could perform voodoo spells on me? Thankfully, all was pretty normal.

I picked up Lebron and we instantly clicked. I guess there are just some personalities out there that I really click with and others that I do not. But Lebron found me funny and that's usually enough to get me going for the night. We went to a Japanese Hibachi restaurant. In hindsight, not the best place to go on a first date. The cook comes out and cooks right in front of you, leaving you very little time to talk with each other. Still, we managed to get through a few subjects. And I managed to make her laugh, which is of the utmost importance.

Lebron had told me beforehand that she felt like most first dates were too long. So I had planned on taking her home after dinner. We parked the car at her apartment and kept chatting for a minute. It was obvious we still had plenty more to talk about. So Lebron says "Wanna come inside? But I'm not coming on to you." I thought that was hilarious. So we went inside and ended up talking for another 2 hours. We talked about some serious subjects and some not so serious subjects. But the conversation seemed to flow easily. And to be honest, I found Lebron to be very attractive. I am almost sure we will go on a second date.

Last night, House and I went out to this Christmas festival. I always have fun at these things but I can't help wondering why they even exist. I understand that they are for charity but are that many people really that interested in going to look at a bunch of decorated trees? And the entertainment: horrendous. Painful even. At some point, these kids need to be told that they are talentless hacks and pushed into more appropriate hobbies (like reading). Ok ok, I am jesting. But they shouldn't be given a stage and encouragement. Their dancing was fairly bad and their singing was much worse. And the boys that were involved? House and I had an interesting discussion about how these boys ended up in dance groups where the girls outnumbered them (sometimes 12:1). I voted that it was because the boys planned on hooking up with these girls. House tended to agree with me, noting that her roommate (a high school teacher) thinks that the girls on the dance troupe at her school have a much higher percentage of sexual experience than the average student. Mostly, House and I felt bad for them. We both shared stories of growing up and playing on sports teams where we were clearly inadequate. I think most of the kids are pushed into it because of their parents. Points for House for agreeing with me that kids should not be raised in a way that they feel forced to join awful dance groups and perform at Christmas festivals.

At the festival, I ran into BFF. She was there with a friend of hers that I had never met named TAB. Afterwards, BFF texted me to say that TAB had said she thought I was funny and cute. So I might end up taking TAB out soon. She is this shorter girl with lots of personality. Now, before you become too critical of me for dating other girls besides House (or for dating House at all as some readers believe), remember that I am just trying to figure this whole dating thing out. I continue going out with House because I really enjoy spending time with her. And we have kissed, although not a ton. I don't have an answer of how interested in me she is. I think she really likes me and maybe it will go somewhere but it is going to go at my speed.

I have been getting quite a few texts of fanmail lately from FarFarAway. We hung out a few weeks ago (it didn't really feel blogworthy) and she is always sending texts saying things like "Hey handsome, how are you?" It's a little weird. Especially when she says things like "We need to hang out so that you can fall in love with me and we can get married and I can have your babies." I am not kidding, she says things like that. So I told her I would take her out on a date this next Tuesday. Last night, as I was laying in bed texting five girls (BFF, Dee, House, Lebron and FarFarAway) I felt just a bit overwhelmed.

Updates

Last week, I met Dee and Dum for dinner. They are such a strange couple. If I text one too much, the other one will get mad at me. At this point, I am pretty sure that Dee likes me more than Dum does. Dee randomly texted me on Sunday night and asked if I was attracted to Dum. I waffled a bit and then said yes and she said she figured that was the case and it was to settle an argument. It kinda felt like unnecessary drama to me.

On Sunday, I invited House over for dinner. I made pork chops (since I have my pig skittles in the freezer), rice a roni and brownies. I don't know if House liked any of the food but at least she pretended to. Then I played my guitar for her. I think House was impressed but she is so nice that she probably would have said it sounded great even if it sounded awful. We watched Groundhog Day with Milo and RunsWithScissors. Then we watched House's new commercial. Yeah, that's right, House filmed a commercial last week. Both Milo and RunsWithScissors couldn't stop complimenting House for how hot she looked in the commercial. After House left, Milo and RunsWithScissors and Steve-O all told me that I need to marry House. I can just add them to the list.

Tonight I am meeting Lebron for dinner. Lebron is a girl I met online. This is our first date. It should just be a short dinner to minimize the awkwardness. I wonder if I should get my haircut before I go...

Style Points

I haven't made any huge life decisions about cars or dogs yet. I have been thinking about cars a lot lately today and odds are I am going to keep the same car that I have. When I bought it, I thought that girls were going to go crazy over it (or at the very least, give me style points for it) but I was wrong. It's really just a way to get from point A to point B.

As for the dog, Milo kept reminding me of how large the feces would be for a large dog. He thinks I should get a much smaller dog. Then again, he doesn't think I should get a dog at all. I work a lot and I mostly worry about a dog having social issues because no one is around the house. Even with the four of us living there, the house is unoccupied more than 50% of the time. I certainly don't want to become like my grandparents (they each base their entire schedule around their dumb dogs - it's an excuse to leave early for everything "Gotta go take care of the dog." I wanna just scream "It's only a stupid dog, it's not as important as this event." But I don't.).

Last week at church, I met two new girls Tweedledee (Dee) and Tweedledum (Dum). They are these two besties forever crazy girls. We went bowling on Friday night. I made a bet with Dee that the loser of bowling had to run naked around the outside of my house later that night. She lost. We decided to blow up pumpkins at my house using dry ice bombs. So I ran by the store and bought some dry ice. It was a disaster. 1 in the morning in my residential neighborhood and we are outside trying to blow up pumpkins. Only on the third attempt did we have any success (a loud boom much like the shot from a gun - the pumpkin still didn't blow up). We ran back inside and I started realizing how dumb the whole thing was. If the cops showed up, I would be the one to take the blame because a) I own the home, b) I won't lie to the cops and c) I instigated the whole thing. KJo and my new friend Rogen were there too. They saw my vulnerability and started pretending like the cops were outside snooping around. I was so nervous. Of course it was all just a joke (thankfully) but I had nightmares that night about it.

The next day, Milo and Dee and Dum and I went to the soccer game. It was kind of a date but it was obvious early on that Milo did not approve of Dee or Dum. A direct quote from Milo "These girls aren't cute enough for you." He acted sick and I ended up with the two girls watching a movie. They both seem interested in me, but in a weird kind of way. It's just asking for trouble to hang out with these two girls. For instance, on Monday I texted Dum a few times and then she told Dee that I had been texting her (and not Dum) all day and so Dum was pissed at me. Instant drama, just add water. I had a bit of interest in Dum up until that point. Now I have zero interest in dating either of them.

The online dating thing has produced a few prospects. There was one girl that I had even set up a date with. She had one picture that was very cute. Then she posted about 5 more pictures and she wasn't as cute in any of them. Now I kind of feel a bit committed. I have to keep reminding myself that dating is not charity. Nobody is entitled to a chance. Still, I feel really bad canceling on her now. Overall, online dating has been less effective.

I still talk to MrShit regularly. She is coming back to the USA in January. I still talk to House all the time too. We went on a date last week. There just isn't much to report there.

Girls that are into flashy cars and big dogs

I haven't written much lately. But then, I haven't dated much lately. Last week, House and I went to see The Social Network. It was fascinating. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. As I walked House back up to her doorstep after, she said "Kiss me goodnight Tripp." So I did. And guess what? Still nothing. I have been debating telling her that it just isn't working and cutting things off. I enjoy spending time with her so much though. Some of my friends and coworkers are convinced that she is right for me and that I should just ignore my feelings. But for how long? I am a normal warm blooded male. I just dont see House in that way.

The online dating thing hasnt produced any substance yet. Milo looked through the profiles of the girls I was chatting with and he didn't think any of them were attractive. The problem is that I am just not meeting any girls that have the potential to date. The girls at the singles ward are all too young for me to date (well, in reality, I am too old for them to date). There aren't lots of places for a single LDS guy to meet single LDS girls. Especially out of college. So I have been considering a dog.

Yeah, that's right. I am thinking about getting a dog. Something that will attract girls. I mean, I tried buying a flashy car and it didn't really work. Milo has been suggesting I trade my car in for a Lotus or a Nissan GTR. He thinks that the problem is that my car (an Infiniti) and me both look just like everyone else. I already know what you are thinking: "But Tripp, won't a flashy car or a big dog only attract girls that are into flashy cars or big dogs?" The answer is yes. Those girls are better than no girls, right? So which should it be, a flashy new car (that just happens to be capable of going 193 mph) or a big dog (I am leaning towards a Great Dane)?

Pink Floyd with Punk

Last week, Punk and I went on a date to see this awesome band. I have known Punk for 2 1/2 years. We have hung out quite a few times but, to be fair, we have never been on a date. She was good friends with an ex-girlfriend of mine (that is how we met) and there were times when Punk advised this ex-girlfriend that I was a jerk. So we didn't exactly start at a favorable point for a romantic relationship. In fact, there was a time when Punk and I didn't get along so well. But now, I adore her.

I haven't made a ton of effort to take Punk out on any dates. She has this on-again off-again boyfriend that is basically her best friend and that creates a huge wall. Plus, Punk seems to stand me up a bunch. She always has a pretty legitimate excuse but a lot of the time, I think it's just so she can go hang out with that guy. Although Punk has said that she is attracted to me, she doesn't particularly act that way around me. Sometimes I think Punk just likes to hang out with me because I am too agreeable. I will admit that around Punk, I tend to be more agreeable than around other people. I think it might be because Punk intimidates me. Not a ton, but just enough for me to always kinda be on my best behavior around her. And as I have already mentioned, my best behavior is very impressive to people but it doesn't induce romance.

Punk picked me up for the concert. She had an extra ticket and texted me a day or two before the show. I was really excited to go but I definitely felt like I was her backup-backup plan. Her parents and brothers and sister and brother-in-law were all there and then me, so I am guessing she had plenty of time to plan for the concert and at the last minute, she invited me. It was ok though, I was excited to go. I had made plans to do something with House that night (to go to some wedding reception) but I texted her and told her I was invited to a concert that I really wanted to go to.

For the most part, Punk and I interact solely as friends. We joke all the time about how we are going to get married but we have never kissed or held hands or anything. At the concert, she did rest her head on my shoulder for a minute but it was short lived and more friendly than romantic. Still, the concert was awesome. We had VIP seats in a suite. After the concert, Punk dropped me off at my house. The night was young and I totally wanted to watch a movie or something with Punk but she kinda acted like she had to go (when we pulled into the driveway, she left the car running). I was a little bummed since it was Saturday night at 10 and I was basically in for the night. I just can't really figure out if Punk is only interested in me as a friend or if she would actually enjoy spending more time with me. I have invited her to play video games with me but she hasn't yet come over to do it. Before the date, I texted her and said "Wait, is this a date? Does that mean we are gonna kiss and stuff?" and she responded with "It is a date. But no kissing cause you have cooties."

I broke down last week and joined a dating site. Thus far, it hasn't produced any solid leads. Thing is, the girls that it is going to match me up with are not necessarily the girls that I am super attracted to. It seems to match me up with very conservative girls. Most of them are over 26. I think I am attracted to younge girls because I look so much younger (and act so much younger) than I really am. Punk's little brother LittlePunk said at the concert "Are you really 30?" I took it as a compliment.

Waves of notalgia

I am not sure if it's the fact that I am listening to "The House That Built Me" by Miranda Lambert or that I just finished reading some of the real story behind Mormon Bachelor Pad or the fact that I kissed House for the first time a few days ago or that I recently turned 30 but I am feeling very nostalgic.

The past 9 years have been crazy. I quite literally went out on dates with over 200 different women. I had the worst first date of my life (she said partway through the date "You know what Tripp, sometimes you just need to learn when to shut up!"), I had the best first date of my life (thus far) with a girl named Mindy to the Ballet. I watched girls come and go in my life. Some of the girls I used to date have married friends and I have seen a glimpse into their lives that I don't usually see. Others have disappeared and I may never see what became of them. There are lots of girls that I have been on a date with that I wouldn't recognize if I passed them on the street. I am not sure they would recognize me either. There are a few that I could spot from 100 yards away. Some I would approach and strike up a conversation. Others I am sure I would hide if I saw them. In fact, the last time I saw Princess at the mall, I hid to make sure she didn't see me.

I guess it makes me sad to think about all of the missed chances and blown opportunities. I fell in love at times when I shouldn't. I didn't fall in love at times when I should have. I cried with girls and I made girls cry. As I remember it, I cried more than the girls but it's hard to really know how much a girl is crying over you when you aren't there. I have treated girls better than they deserved to be treated and others much worse than they deserved. I have kissed girls that I didn't like and not kissed girls that I really liked. I have even told girls "I love you" when I didn't mean it and remained silent when I should have said "I love you."

I have been far from perfect in dating. I would like to think that I always had the best of intentions but I know that sometimes I did not. I felt sorry for myself when a girl didn't like me but I never thought twice when I didn't like a girl and she liked me.

And now, I have never felt further away from falling in love. I like House and think the world of her. If I married her, we would be happy. She would make my life better. But she deserves someone that loves her. Someone that really loves her. And I don't. I know what it's like to fall in love cause I have been in love. It wasn't perfect and I screwed it up but I felt it.

I had a dream on Tuesday night about House. I dreamed that we were friends and that she told me that she was getting married. I was confused and realized that I was in love with her. I was disturbed that what I wanted had been in front of me all along. The dream really affected me. So I decided I needed to try with House.

Sometimes I think I am more broken than I like to admit. I have taken a beating from dating. I am not innocent. Just damaged goods. "I thought if I could touch this place or feel it, this brokenness inside me might start healing. Out here it's like I'm someone else, I thought that maybe I could find myself..." Here's to hoping.

A month off from blogging

Well, I took a month off. In the past month, I have gone on zero dates (other than dates with House). I spent a week of vacation with my family. I talked to MrShit on the phone in Hong Kong. And guess what? Life just kept going.

I decided to take a break from blogging after my mom read my blog about my trip to New Orleans and she was less than pleased with my behavior. I guess making out with a drunk girl is not something you should tell your parents about. Ever. Or at least if you are a single mormon male.

Milo has moved into my house. I am excited about it cause I think I need to get back into dating. Milo thinks we should join an online dating site (separately). I have been trying to evaluate my dating habits and I have come to a shocking conclusion. Maybe you will disagree but I wonder if all my dates just find me horribly boring. If you have met me, you probably don't think I am particularly boring. But, when I am on a date with a girl, especially a girl that I am interested in, I think I may be reverting to my old boring ways (i.e., the boring person that I was in high school). For instance, telling a girl that I am a patent attorney makes me think that I come across as responsible and hard working. But in reality, I think I come across as stuffy and boring. Milo's solution to this problem: change the game. He thinks that if I go on dates with a more playful attitude, it will help the girls see that I am a fun guy. So, his suggestion is for me to downplay all of my accomplishments. Instead of saying I am an attorney, he thinks I should say I am a garbage truck driver or something to that effect. Then, if the girl likes me, she will be pleasently surprised to find out that I don't actually collect garbage for a living. I am a bit worried that she might find out and think I am a liar but it seems like it's worth a try. After all, I am never going to lie to build myself up, only down. So any lies that I am caught in are like a pleasant surprise. That way, maybe I can come across as interesting and fun to girls. Think this is a bad idea?

The Situation

MrShit and I have talked on the phone a few times and messaged a number of times. She flew to Hong Kong early this morning for her study abroad. Meeting and hanging out with MrShit has reminded me that it is possible for me to meet someone and fall in love. It also reminded me that I will know it when it happens. Maybe for some people love is just being there. Just showing up. But it isn't that way for me. I require more than that. I require a legitimate emotional connection. I have had it happen enough times to recognize it's presence or lack thereof. Every time it happens, I question whether it will happen again. It may never happen again but as many readers have suggested, it is nonsensical for me to marry someone that I don't feel that spark with.

I am not saying things would or even could work out with MrShit. Right now she lives thousands upon thousands of miles away. We have different goals in life. Maybe something will come from it over time. Maybe not. But I am saying that I would rather spend my life lonely than compromise and marry someone without that spark. It would end in divorce. And if I think I am broken and lonely now, I can't imagine how it will feel to go through a divorce.

House came over on Wednesday night and we watched more Band of Brothers. We get along well. I don't know if she is frustrated that the relationship doesn't seem to be progressing. I guess I kind of am frustrated with it. I texted Pot about going out this weekend but she is busy. I think I will try one more date with her. I think she is cool but I don't know how high of a priority I am for her and she certainly isn't a super high priority for me.

Other notes: A girl named Conrad called me the other day to ask me to go to a concert with her. I had already made plans so I had to decline but I may end up taking her out.

We live and die by the same principles or A night in New Orleans

So last Thursday was my long planned bachelor party trip to New Orleans. As the token Mormon, the trip promised to have some awkward moments. We hopped on the plane and I found my seat next to MrShit, a pretty blonde. (I apologize for the nickname, but during the flight, she told me that it was her nickname and explained why and it was just too hard to avoid). Milo was across the aisle from me and Thunder was up in first class. Thunder and I have been friends since undergraduate. He has a bit of a temper.

So, I really had lots of time to talk to MrShit. And talk we did. MrShit was just fun and bubbly and interesting. I was kinda sad to have the plane land. I felt really awkward asking her for her phone number cause we had merely sat next to each other for our flight. We live in different states and lead very different lives. So I said bye to her and set off for the weekend.

Drama ensued. At one point in a taxi, I seriously thought we were all going to be arrested. If I thought it was uncomfortable spending the night in our suite with the AC turned all the way up, imagine how uncomfortable a jail cell might be with the humidity and the temperature. This was Friday night. After a number of harsh words were exchanged between all of us (there were six guys), my friends went into a pizza parlor. I stood out on the street to people watch. Suddenly I heard my name spoken excitedly. It was MrShit! She was really excited to see me and I was super excited to see her. After all, my friends were darn near ready to kill each other and any distraction from that was welcome. Her friends and my friends immediately merged into a large group, saving us all from killing each other.

When MrShit found out I didn't drink, I think it weirded her out a little. It hadn't come up on the airplane. But we still quickly found ourselves really connecting. I gave her a shoulder rub. Milo was trying to hook it up with her friend Shontelle (not her real name but funny nonetheless). As the night progressed, MrShit and I became more and more friendly with each other. We danced. We kissed. We held hands. To be honest, I really liked hanging out with MrShit. I just felt an emotional connection with her. Eventually, MrShit and I and Milo and Shontelle ended up back at our suites. Milo had signalled to me that he intended to copulate with Shontelle. I made out with MrShit a bit in another room. Then she fell asleep and the heat got to me. I really liked spending time with MrShit but it was nearing 6:30 in the morning and I hadn't slept. I was exhausted. Figuring that Milo had been alotted plenty of time, I left MrShit sleeping and headed to the room I shared with him to figure out the situation. Apparently Milo and Shontelle were in the middle of their act when I entered the room. Milo tried to get rid of me and in the process, said something that offended Shontelle. She got up to leave and he begged her to come back saying "Shontelle, come back here." Well, Shontelle was not her real name and she was most displeased at being called by a different name. We woke up MrShit and they left on their merry way while Milo lamented to me about how awful he felt. I felt a little bit bad too but sleep was so necessary.

The rest of the trip occurred with very little incident. Upon returning home, all I could think about was MrShit. I found her on facebook and wrote her a message. She wrote back. She said how much fun she had with me and how great it was to meet me. It made me feel really good. I actually read through that message about 6 different times yesterday. I haven't felt this kind of emotional connection to someone in a long time. Of course, it just happened to be about the worst timing in the world. MrShit is moving to Hong Kong in less than two weeks for a study abroad. And she lives in a different state than me. And she drinks a fair amount. But spending time with her was so great. As I explained to Milo, it wasn't like all the pressure filled dates with Mormon girls. MrShit was excited to be with me then. She wasn't thinking 3 months or 3 years or 30 years or 300 years into the future. She was thinking about the now. I think that a lot of the girls I go on dates with are emotionally closed off. Sure they are friendly and have fun but they are guarded. They have walls put up and I hate them. MrShit had no such walls.

Now that it is over, and I will probably never see MrShit again, I can't stop thinking about her. I want to see her again. I want to talk to her more. I have a feeling she is going to push me away. Say something to the effect of "I am moving to Hong Kong and I don't want to get too attached to something here in the states right before I leave." I guess in the end, you live and die by the same principles. My connection with MrShit was born because of her short-sightedness and will probably die because of the same short-sightedness. But for a few brief hours, I was on top of the world.

The Bare Minimum

Since the last post had a list of things that I wanted, I thought it might be appropriate to write a list of the things I need. The absolute bare necessities without which I simply will stay single forever.

1. Female. (There is no way I am marrying a male or something in between).
2. Somewhat near my age. (I wont marry a grandma or a child.)
3. Drug free. (I have dated girls that had former drug habits and I guess I am ok with that. But no current drug users. I don't have time for that. My insurance only covers so much rehab.)
4. Willing to let me be Mormon. (I don't absolutely have to marry a Mormon girl - although I would like to. But I cannot marry a girl that pushes me away from the church or fights me constantly about my religion.)
5. Willing to let me raise my children Mormon. (Again, even if she isn't Mormon, I fully expect my children to be. I want them to be active in the church. I think that as parents, we are responsible for our children and I won't let someone change that.)
6. Not overweight. (I would rather be single than marry a huge girl. I think a large change in weight - say more than a 40% increase should be grounds for divorce.)
7. Not ugly. (She doesnt have to be a model but if I am not attracted to her, I am not marrying her. Forget it.)
8. Able to read and write. (There is just no way that I could marry an illiterate girl.)
9. Clean. (I have a maid service but they only come once every two weeks. If the house becomes a pigsty over the course of 13 days, then this girl has a serious problem and I didn't sign up for that big of a problem.)
10. Disease free. (Mostly I am referring to STDs like AIDS and Herpes. I won't sign up for that. If she is a cancer patient... I would have to think about that. I mean, marrying someone knowing they have 6 months to live would just be really difficult.)
11. Normal body. (I simply can't marry a girl with three arms or three eyes.)
12. Straight. (I guess sometimes a lesbian chick is hot but if I don't turn her on, why would I marry her?)
13. Non-abusive. (I don't like getting hit or put down any more than anybody else does.)
14. Capable of working. (If she can't go get a job if need be, I think that would just be too hard.)

Well, that list was quite depressing. I think some of my minimums are actually higher than what was listed but I don't know how to define where they are on the medium so I just listed the bottom threshold. Ugh, let's hope it never comes down to a game of bare minimums.

So tell me what you want, what you really really want.

It seems like everyone is telling me that if I figure out what I want, then maybe it will be easier to nail it down. When I was on my mission, I made a list of the things I wanted in my future wife on my blue planner. It was very detailed and included "sexy shoulders" and "likes the music that I sing on the guitar." Many years later, the whole thing has become much more vague. So this is my attempt to write what it is that I want in a wife. I am not saying that it is what I need. Just stuff that I want.

1. Sexy shoulders (why not?)
2. Tall enough that we can slow dance and not have it be awkward.
3. Shorter than me by enough that she doesn't appear taller than me wearing certain types of shoes.
4. A healthy weight. (Not obese and not anorexic. Somewhere in between. I want a girl with some curves but not one with lots of fp (fat potential). It isn't so much about the weight as a number as it is about how they carry themselves.)
5. A decent amount of self confidence. (I don't want to put up with a girl that thinks she is really ugly all the time. I also don't want a girl that thinks she is so gorgeous. I would say almost dead in the middle but leaning a bit towards a higher amount of self confidence.)
6. Low makeup maintenance. (There are plenty of girls who wear so much makeup that it is disgusting. I would say the closer to the minimum that you can get, the better. Not necessarily a granola. Just not "whoa, check out my makeup, are you looking at me? can you tell I am wearing makeup? I hope the sun doesn't come out and melt off all my makeup. My makeup is affected by gravity. My face is not even the same color as the rest of my body.")
7. Good sense of humor. (She will probably have to be a little on the "I can take a dirty joke" side since that is where my sense of humor falls. Not disgusting joke telling. Just able to handle a few off color jokes.)
8. Mormon. (But she has to be a fairly relaxed Mormon. You know, there are super uptight Mormons that believe you should never ever talk about sex. They take themselves way too seriously for me. But I also don't want a "Mormon by baptism only" type girl. I don't want to have to drag her butt to church every week or chastize her for going out drinking with her friends.
9. Proportional in body measurements. (Some girls are pear shaped. I don't really want that. Just a normal looking body.)
10. Exerciser. (I want a girl that will continue to try to look good long after she doesn't need to impress me anymore. Staying in shape is absolutely important. She doesn't have to be a gym rat, just the type that agrees that regular exercise is absolutely important to her well being.)
11. Get along with my family. (This is easy, as my family is fairly easy to get along with. But some of my friends have married girls that hate their familes and they basically have to choose between their family and their spouse. What a horrible decision.)
12. Well rounded. (I want a girl that wants to go on vacations and see stuff and experience culture. But also wants to stay at home and watch a movie with me. One that will play charades in front of 50 people she doesn't know. Just a girl that is comfortable doing lots of different activities and able to enjoy them all.)
13. Willing to get dirty. (Life isn't always fancy banquets and expensive restaurants. I want a girl that will climb under the car and get oil all over her if that is what needs to be done. She doesn't have to be a mechanic. Just unafraid of hard work and the possibility of getting dirty.)
14. Intelligent. (She doesn't have to be a genius. I don't care if she is bad at math and writing. I just want a girl that can have a normal conversation with people. I would like for her to want to always learn new things. If she can't correctly use 'your' and 'you're' or 'their' and 'they're' and 'there' then I hope she is able to learn cause those things drive me crazy.)
15. A problem solver. (Being married to me means you are going to find yourself involved in interesting problems. I can't predict them. I just know that they are going to happen. I want a girl that can help to solve them rather than just give up.)
16. Values education. (She doesn't have to have a doctoral degree. But a mother is the single most determining factor in how our children are going to end up. And I want them educated. I expect her to encourage reading and to teach by example (by reading herself). I want her to constantly seek to improve herself. If she likes cooking, take a cooking class. If she likes tap dancing, join a tap dancing group.)
17. Independent. (Some of the most successful couples are ones that each have some of their own hobbies. I want a girl that has her own hobbies. Maybe she really likes dogs. Maybe she wants to go on a vacation once a year with a girlfriend to Alaska to deep sea fish. I think if you are capable of spending time apart, the relationship will be much healthier. I want a girl that wants to be with me but is more than able to fill the 16 waking hours of a day with her own activities.)
18. Sexual. (She doesn't have to be crazy on this one. But she had darn well better like sex. I seriously believe that there are plenty of Mormon girls out there that don't have any idea whether they like sex or not. If a girl is that sheltered, she isn't for me. I am not saying she should have prior sexual experience. I just think that a girl should have a healthy sexual appetite even prior to marriage.)
19. Likes to listen to me play my songs on the guitar. (It means a lot to me.)
20. Madly madly deeply in love with me.

When worlds collide

On Friday night, I took Pot to a baseball game on a double date with Milo. Pot is just so chill. I think that is probably one of her best qualities. As we were walking together, I honestly thought about holding Pot's hand. But I am not sure if I am ready for that. So I didn't. After the ball game, we went and saw the movie Salt. Absolute rubbish. The people involved in this movie shouldn't be allowed to make movies anymore. It was just crap. I think Milo and Pot enjoyed most of it. Seriously though, 10 minutes into the movie, I called the ending. I even told Pot so that she could verify how predictable it was. When I dropped Pot off, she kinda seemed to linger. I wonder if maybe she was expecting me to kiss her. Milo was in the car with his date so I certainly wasn't going to kiss her in front of them.

On Saturday, House and I went to the demolition derby. It was great fun. I wonder if House felt a little overwhelmed at times cause at the derby, I am probably more hyper than normal. She seemed to take it all in. I know she had a lot of fun.

At both the baseball game and the demolition derby, there were lots of scantily clad tattooed girls (sorry Punk, but you know I love you). This is the reason that I think maybe I wrote previously about mistresses. On an intellectual level, I can have these great conversations with House and Pot and have lots of fun. But on a sexual level, the scantily clad girls with tattoos have always held some appeal for me. They just appear so much more sexual than the conservative girls. I just wonder if maybe some guys are trying to "have their cake and eat it too" by taking on a mistress. I guess the reason I don't go out with more girls like that (the wilder girls) is cause I don't think I would have much to offer them. I suppose there are some wilder girls that don't drink but most of them probably do. And they probably have sex. I just kinda feel torn between two different worlds with neither one really fitting me.

Men and mistresses

My date on Friday night with SG was about what you might expect. A little awkwardness, conversations about some really strange topics, and watching a couple of really crappy horror movies. SG and I don't really click at all. Thank heavens for that. She is quite the strange girl. It was a fun night, don't get me wrong, but I am not at all interested in her.

On Saturday, House and I went to a concert. It was an outdoor concert and so we just chilled on a blanket on the grass while people around us drank wine. We stopped at 7-11 after the concert and got donuts and chocolate milk. Do you ever think about why men have mistresses? I watched The Other Boleyn Girl on Sunday by myself and the king had a wife that he loved but he kept finding a mistress. I know some of it was because he was searching for a male heir. But, I also wonder if maybe a wife can never really fulfill both roles. Maybe you can't have both an intellectually satisfying connection with the same person that you have a sexual connection. Of course you initially are sexually attracted to the girl you marry. But maybe everything becomes utilitarian once you have kids. She cares for them more than she cares for you. Once a woman is a mother, her role as wife is diminished. I am not trying to place all the blame on women for men cheating but I wonder if maybe men are taking too much of the blame.

I talked with my friend Hobbes last night about his divorce. He told me how crazy I am for wanting to get married. Basically, getting married was the single worst decision he had made in his life. Is it just society pressuring me to find someone and get married or does it begin internally? I don't have an answer. My parents are absolutely disappointed in me for not being married. It's not the first time they have been disappointed in me. Every one of my friends from high school is married. I think that sort of thing is naturally going to have an influence on me. Three of my closest friends from law school (girls) are getting married in the next month.

Bullied by the world around me.

This weekend I have a date with SG and a date with House. I know what you are saying, "Tripp, are you crazy? Why are you going out with SG?" Well, I just thought it would make for an interesting story. I kinda feel a bit low on interesting stories right now. House came over the other night and we watched band of brothers. We talked and it was just great. I think the world of her but I am just not finding myself falling in love with her. According to my dad and one of my coworkers, that should be no excuse. I should just marry her anyway. Marriage is less about love and more about mutual respect and partnership. In 7 years, the whole looks thing won't matter anyway. Phooooey.

I don't want to live that life. I refuse to live that life. In the words of Taylor Swift (yeah, I listen to Taylor Swift, what's it to you?)

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
and it's 2 am and I'm cursing your name
you're so in love that you act insane
and that's the way I loved you
breaking down and coming undone
it's a roller coaster kinda rush
and I never knew I could feel that much
and that's the way I loved you.

Maybe I am just writing this because I might be starting to cave a little. I might have been thinking "sure, I can marry someone that I am not in love with. It would make my life much easier. We could talk and have lots of fun and when it came to lovemaking, I could just go with it, I guess." It just adds to the problem of me feeling bullied by the world around me.

Conversations with future strippers

House came over for Band of Brothers last Wednesday night. Nothing eventful. I enjoy all of the time I spend with her. On Thursday, Pot and I went to dinner. It was fun. Pot is older than me by a few years and is divorced. We went for Indian food and then dipped ice cream cones. It was a short date cause Pot is super busy right now but it was fun. The conversation went well and Pot seems like a super chill girl. I am excited to take her out again. Probably sometime next week, since she is out of town for most of this week.

On Saturday night, Milo and I met up with a couple of other guys for sushi before heading to a bar. I always feel a little awkward at bars cause I don't drink but it seemed like fun. We ended up at the same bar that I met Jasmine at a year ago. I ended up in a strange conversation with a girl that I will call StripperGirl (or SG for short) about whether stripping is degrading to women. SG wants to be a stripper and plans to make a ton of money and then retire and live the great life when she is my age. I just wasn't so convinced that it was such a great idea. But it made for a great conversation. SG definitely enjoyed talking to me and as the night went on, SG informed me that she was probably going to sleep with me that night. I hated to burst her bubble but it needed to be done. I hate using the excuse of "I am Mormon" cause it implies that I don't really think for myself and that the only reason I wasn't going to sleep with SG was because of religion. So I explained to SG that I wanted to wait for marriage and such. It was an interesting conversation, one that many mormon girls can probably relate to but not one that many guys have experienced. I was trying to explain my values to a drunk girl intent on sleeping with me.

Eventually, SG got offended that I wouldn't sleep with her. She said I was a tease. There really isn't a good response to that. I went to the bar because I wanted to have an interesting discussion with someone but to the average person, I guess going to bar is all about hooking up. Due to some weird circumstances, I ended up giving SG and her friends a ride home. I guess I should take the whole thing as a compliment.

On Sunday, I texted back and forth with McSwanson. I met McSwanson with littlebrother and Sugarloaf at a party celebrating the 4th of July. McSwanson is divorced with a kid but very spunky and friendly. I think she might have given her number out to four or five guys that night (including littlebrother) but she has potential. I might try and take her out this week. But McSwanson seems a little too playful to take seriously. Like that maybe she isn't taking dating seriously at all right now.

The pot calling the kettle black

The rodeo date with House was great. I absolutely love the rodeo and so does House. I just don't want to kiss her. I know it is confusing because if you read my blog, you probably think I am a bit of a slut and will kiss anything that walks. But still, I don't want to kiss her. I have a hard time explaining why. But why should I have to explain why? Isn't it just enough for me to say that I don't want to kiss a girl and leave it at that? I have kissed plenty of girls in my day. I know what kissing is like. The lack of a desire to kiss a girl basically means the lack of a desire to mate with her, correct? It's so frustrating cause if I could just fall in love with House, my life would be a lot easier. She is coming over tonight to watch the second episode of Band of Brothers with me.

When I was at the arts festival a few weeks ago, I ran into a girl that I met a year ago named Pot. We talked for just a minute but there was definitely some clicking between Pot and I. So we did the texting back and forth thing and we are meeting up for dinner tomorrow. Pot is generally pretty cute BUT she wears lipstick. Which, as you know, grosses me out. So here is the real dilemma. If I take Pot out tomorrow night for dinner and she is wearing lipstick, I will be grossed out and then I probably won't want to take her out again. But there is no way to call or text her before the date and say "oh, by the way, I have OCD about stuff on lips, so can you please let your lips be naked for the night so that we can find out if we are compatible?" My only hope really is that for some odd reason, Pot will decide to not wear lip crap tomorrow (cause it is really nonsensical - we are going to eat dinner - thats like making your bed right before it's bedtime). I will keep my fingers crossed.

Pho, a platinum blonde and Jerry Springer

Last weekend, I went with some friends to an art festival. I love looking at the art and mingling with those artsy fartsy girls. While I was walking, I saw Anastacia. I have mentioned Anastacia before but never by name. She is a Russian girl that used to be in one of my wards. About a year ago, Anastace informed me that she was ready to settle down. Apparently, she had decided to live a fairly wild life until she turned 25 and then she wanted to find a nice (rich) boy and settle down. I was skeptical, to say the least. Especially when she informed me that I would make a great suitor for her. I am smart enough to know that I don't make enough money for a girl like Anastacia. She has dated rappers and worked as a concert promoter in Russia. But she wants a nice American guy cause they don't cheat and can lead a more normal lifestyle. So when I started talking to Anastacia on Saturday, she was all compliments. It was kind of an ego boost to have an attractive girl gushing about how good you look. But like I said before, a girl like Anastacia would bleed me dry and then disappear back to Russia; with a 50/50 chance of taking the kids with her.

On Wednesday, House invited me to go see a local play. Her company sponsors the theater and so we were VIP. It was great fun. As usual, I had tons of fun with House. In fact, I invited her to the rodeo with me tonight. It should be a lot of fun.

Last night, I met up for dinner with my friend Smash. Let me just tell you, if you haven't tried the Vietnamese dish Pho, you are in for an experience. She took me to this trashy little restaurant and ordered this dish for me. It had floating meatballs that had a texture I had never before seen on an animal product. Pho is some kind of soup with vermicelli noodles in it. Now I understand how my grandpa felt whilst fighting in Vietnam (actually, I am not sure if either of my grandpas fought in Vietnam, nor do I know if they partook of Pho, I just thought it was a funny joke). Either way, it was not for me.

I was dropping Smash off at the apartment of her friend Platinum. As Smash opened the door, Platinum was standing there in a towel from a recent shower and Smash immediately shoved me away to prevent me from seeing anything (jerk). So Platinum tells me to stay for a minute while she changes. Here's where it gets interesting. Platinum is a fairly attractive girl with more drama in her life than mine and Flava Flav's lives combined. Perhapst thats an exaggeration but she comes out in this pink shirt that goes down to about her thies and is semi transparent (don't worry, she was wearing underwear, you could see it) and these knee high white stockings. She has her nose pierced and her hair is platinum blond (almost white) which could be natural but is more likely totally fake. Then, Smash's friend shows up and they take off to go clubbing. I was about ready to leave but Platinum looked like she needed to talk to someone (and maybe I was a little interested in what her story was) so I stayed and we talked until about midnight. I won't tell you Platinum's life story but I will tell you the portion that caught me most off guard. Her mom and dad separated after she was born and remarried. They each had more children. So Platinum's half brother from one side of her family is now dating Platinum's half sister from the other side of the family. I kept waiting for Jerry Springer to jump out of the bushes and for some huge transgender to come running at me ready for a fight. Sometimes you need moments like that to remind you of how stable your own life is.

Dissatisfied

Last night House came over and we watched Band of Brothers. It was fun. We had a great talk about a bunch of different subjects (skydiving, weeding, video games, dogs painted to look like tigers, WWII). The conversation is always great with House. We just click. Ten seconds ago, I sent a text to Gamer telling her that I just don't feel right about dating her. Before you judge me too harshly, let me tell you that I seriously considered just not having any more communication with her. She hasnt texted me since Saturday and I haven't texted her. I already feel bad but there is nothing that can be done about it now. Right this minute, I don't like myself very much at all.

Older girls versus younger girls

On Friday night, Cowboy and I did some volunteer stuff for the American Cancer Society. Just in case anyone was wondering, I am against it (cancer, that is). There were about 5 guys and 7 girls there. It actually was extremely conducive to meeting people. I had a good conversation with a girl that had gone to two years of law school and then dropped out and another conversation with a girl that had "Faith" tattooed on her wrist but was embarrassed about it. These girls were a bit older (probably their early to mid 30s) but they were super chill. I think all of them were Mormon but they weren't crazy Mormon. I think being Mormon is kinda like being a parent. Your first kid is way overprotected. You have tons of rules set up for them and if they don't follow the rules to a T, then they get punished. At least this was how my parents raised us. However, over time, you seem to chill out a little. My parents stopped freaking out if one of their kids was a few minutes late past curfew. And the curfew was moved from midnight to 1 or even 2. Of course, there are downsides to this. Littlelittlebrother speaks to/about my parents in ways that would have never been acceptable when I was his age. I think this is more because of his personality than because of my parents' more relaxed parenting style. Anyway, so people who have been Mormon a while can sometimes get that it isn't easy and they don't come off quite as judgmental early on. Thats how I felt with these girls. It was really fun.

On Saturday, BFF and I went to a theme park with BFF's cousin and her cousin's husband. There were tons of early teenagers walking around in love. How come it is so much easier for them to find love at that age than it is for me at this age? Most of the guys just look like total freaks. They have piercings in their faces. They are wearing girl's pants. And yet they have a fairly attractive girlfriend. Do the girls just have lower standards at that age?

The Getaway

Gamer peppered me throughout the weekend with texts. I really didn't want to hang out with her so I made it seem like I was super busy with work and just too tired to hang out. Instead, I went to a Mormon Aristocracy party with Sugarloaf, TheCaptain and littlebrother. I have been to this exact same party approximately 47 times in my life. It may be at a different setting and there may be a slightly different group of people there but essentially it is always the same party. I guess it is better than nothing but I always find myself leaving these parties saying to myself "I am never going to another one of those parties again." It's not that there aren't cute girls there. Aussie was there (although I doubt she recognized me). It's just that most of the people don't seem to go to these things to meet people. They go to hang out with people they already know. Halfway through the party, someone cranked up the volume on some obnoxious music just to ensure that anyone attempting to have a conversation would be discouraged. For the upcoming generation, dancing and physical interaction always seem to have a higher priority and come before real social interaction.

On Sunday, while avoiding texts from Gamer, I called up House and suggested we go on a walk. I drove over to her place and we just walked for awhile. It was great. The conversation with House is always lively and interesting. Throughout the night, my mind kept running into the dead end of "why can't I date this girl?"

On Monday, I even sat down with one of the partners at my law firm to discuss it. His advice was actually quite astonishing to me. He said that if he were single, physical attraction would not even be close to the top priority when looking for a wife. He said that no matter what, all of that will mean basically nothing in five years. To be honest, I still have a hard time wrapping my head around that. If I were marrying for personality, House would be great. And House isn't an ugly girl. As I have thought about it over the past few days, I have concluded that I have an ego. On my mission, an elder that was fairly popular sent out engagement photos. My friends and I were shocked when we saw the announcement. This guy was marrying a girl that seemed obviously less attractive than him and was slightly overweight. To be honest, we all threw in a few jabs about them. Maybe I do have a bit more of an ego than I would like to admit.

When I dated Mindy many many years ago, it felt so great to go out in public with her. I was a superstar. Is it wrong for me to want that again? Should I just take my dad's advice "Tripp, you are never going to find a better girl for you than House."

Last night, I went to dinner with Gamer. I kinda felt obligated to. Gamer seemed even more clingy. I walked her back to her car and I know that a) she really wanted me to kiss her and b) she really wanted me to invite her back to my place (we met near where I work). I just wasn't having it. I felt bad about it too. I have always been terrified about dumping a girl (even when we aren't really dating). But I gotta do something about Gamer. She wants things to progress and I am really not feeling it.

Clingy

Work has been particularly busy this week and so dating has taken a hit. On Wednesday, I sent a text to Simpson suggesting we go to a soccer game together. She responded that she already had plans for that evening. I know it's weird but it really bugged me. Maybe it's cause she didn't say something like "Let's reschedule." I think it is has been about 4 weeks since I last saw Simpson so I guess that whole thing is just kinda dying out. The same thing happened with her a year ago. It wasn't that I didn't like her, she just kinda became less and less available and I got tired of dealing with it.

That night, FarFarAway called and wanted to go to dinner. It's hard to explain why I don't feel a ton of interest in FarFarAway. She is definitely cuter than most of the girls I date. And she has told me on more than one occasion that her and I ought to be married. On Wednesday, she came over and I was weeding around my house. She knew tons about the plants around the house and told me that if we got married, she would take care of all the weeding around the house. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I actually really enjoy weeding. After dinner, FarFarAway took off. She was heading out of town the next day. I will admit that I wouldn't mind making out with FarFarAway. She looked awful pretty in her summer dress. But it's pretty obvious to me that I am not driven to date her.

Last night, I hung out with Milo for a bit at his new business. His little sister LittleMilo was there. I met her once a year or two ago but didn't get a good look at her. She is gorgeous. Bosnian girls have a tendency to be much prettier than American girls. Of course, it's one of my best friend's little sisters and she is muslim (but not practicing) so it is probably out of reach.

Gamer got back into town last night. I think she was bothered with me that I didn't want to meet up and hang out at 11 last night when her flight landed. I gotta be honest, lately Gamer has become very clingy. Here's the situation (and I am able to explain it well because I have been on the other side of it). You like someone and they show some interest. But they are very casual. Things progress a little but that person stays casual. In fact, they might even start pulling away. So how do you naturally respond when you think you are losing something? You fight for it. And the other person gets really turned off by this.

I am not ready to start spending every night with Gamer and talking all the time on the phone. I don't want her to know the intimate details of my life and I don't want to know the intimate details of hers. But as I kinda pull away a little, she sees it as requiring her to pull me back. Which just doesn't really work. Gamer texted me today and really wanted to hang out tonight. I probably have to work tomorrow and I wanted to get my work done early enough to maybe go watch the USA play England in the World Cup Soccer with Milo (and maybe LittleMilo will be there, ha ha ha) so I told Gamer I couldn't be out late tonight. I said something to the effect of "Ok, if we go see a movie, you have to promise to go home right after so I can go to bed. Deal?" Immediately after I sent the text, I got a bad feeling (an omen). A few minutes later, Gamer texted back with "Are you being serious?" I think I pissed her off. Now I don't even really want to hang out with her at all. See girls, clingy just doesn't work.

Take your memories I don't need em

On Saturday, my roommate RunsWithScissors and I went to Costco looking to spend some money. Our initial plan was to check out their barbecues and maybe look for an edger for the lawn (since RunsWithScissors doubles as my lawnboy). I was also interested in patio furniture. We walked around and my head was definitely in the game. I was looking at items, considering their usefulness and just generally enjoying participating in the commerce that is Costco. I looked up from the solar powered yard lighting pieces and exclaimed to RunsWithScissors "Oh my gosh, there is my ex-girlfriend."

WhiteTrashExGirlfriend (WTEG) and I dated many years ago. We both worked at Walmart at the time. So did her mom. I remember when her mom told me that WTEG was coming to work at the store that I had better stay away from her daughter. Within a few days, we went on our first date and we just clicked. WTEG was not mormon.

The thing that I found particularly intriguing about WTEG is that I didn't feel constantly judged around her. WTEG wasn't judging me for potential eternal companionship. She was living in the now. And the now was that we had a lot of fun together. As the summer drew to a close and WTEG prepared to move back to the city where she attended college, I decided to break up with her. We had talked before about how our relationship could never really go anywhere. I was committed to getting married in the temple and WTEG didn't have the slightest interest in joining the Mormon church. It was a sad day because I really liked WTEG. I saw her a few months later at my brother's funeral and hadn't seen her since until Saturday.

WTEG got married a few years ago and now has a two year old. I said hi to them and told them I was "just a lawyer" which they found funny. Not too many other Walmart coworkers had since become lawyers. I really just wanted to talk to WTEG for a few minutes. I wanted to say how sorry I was for breaking up with her so many years ago. That I had really cared about her and that I just felt the pressure of family members and friends to not date her. I really just wanted to find out how she had been after all these years. It didn't work out that way.

After saying hi to them, one of WTEG good girlfriends from high school also came into Costco and saw WTEG. WTEG turned and started talking to her. I was all but forgotten. I said goodbye to her mom and RunsWithScissors and I turned back to the task at hand. However, in the brief two minute delay, I lost my zeal for shopping. We drove back to the house while I took many a trip down memory lane. Determined to get my mind off WTEG, I weeded around my house for four hours in the sun. I looked her up on facebook and found her but didn't add her as a friend. I missed her. I missed that sense of wonder that I felt when I was with someone that I really liked and that I just felt very comfortable with. Maybe I really just missed liking someone and having them like me too.

We had joy we had fun, we had seasons in the sun

On Friday, I left work early and headed down to stay in a houseboat on the lake. I traveled with Robin, BeefCake and MrsBeefCake. Although they aren't married yet, BeefCake and MrsBeefCake are practically married and it just makes things easier. We met Sugarloaf there with Barrel and a bunch of girls. SpicyTuna was there. I haven't talked about SpicyTuna before. I have met her many times and have always perceived her as a snob. It's cause she is always hanging around tools and snobby girls. I wonder if she even realizes that she is such a tool magnet.

Being out on the lake was mostly great. Exhausting. By the last day, I was so ready to get out of there. Can I just say that I really like BeefCake but MrsBeefCake drives me crazy. She is bratty and self-righteous and snotty. I couldn't have been more annoyed with her on the trip and the drive home was no exception.

So I got a chance to have a couple of deep conversations with SpicyTuna. She is actually really cool. Super athletic and spunky, she is the type of girl that everyone knows. I am sure many of the tools pursue her too. Thing is, she doesn't strike me as the type that would want a tool for a husband. She wants to get married and have kids. She wants to fall in love. I really enjoyed my conversations with SpicyTuna. I even kinda would like to take her on a date. It's hard cause SpicyTuna has been out with Cowboy a number of times and she dated Barrel for awhile.

On Sunday, after I got home, Gamer came over. I had fun hanging out with her. I think I am going to keep hanging out with her. I made plans to go out with Simpson this Thursday.

Kissing across languages

Mormon Bachelor Pad recently wrote a blog post about kissing a girl that had limited kissing skills. It reminded me of an experience I had a few years ago. HandsomeRob served his mission in Brazil and he knows tons of Brazilians. Oftentimes, HandsomeRob would invite me along to Brazilian parties that he was invited to. I didn't speak Portuguese so I often found myself in awkward situations at these parties.

One party had a karaoke machine. Everyone was having great fun singing popular Brazilian songs. A really cute Brazilian girl (lets call her Braza) was doing some of the singing. We flirted a bit. Braza spoke a bit of English but to say she was fluent in it would be a lie. We tried singing a duet of a popular Brazilian song but holy crap, that stuff moves fast and my Portuguese reading skills are probably on par with my Portuguese speaking skills. So we sang a duet of an English song. This is probably what led me to believe that Braza understood what I was saying. I was wrong.

We went to her apartment after the party to watch The Incredibles. I think this further persuaded me that Braza spoke fluent English. HandsomeRob played an excellent wingman by sitting on the floor while we watched the movie. We had drove there together so we didn't have lots of options. It took probably half the movie to get Braza to cuddle with me. It just wasn't very natural. But then, less than 5 seconds after starting to cuddle, Braza and I were making out. This was my first experience kissing a Brazilian.

So, we started kissing and here is what happened. Braza took her tongue, inserted it in my mouth and then stopped. I kid you not. She put her tongue inside my mouth like a dead anchovy and then she... did... nothing... It just kinda sat there. Don't get me wrong, I like having a cute girl's tongue in my mouth as much as the next guy. However, I don't so much enjoy having a cute dead girl's tongue in my mouth, which is what this felt like. Her tongue wasn't going cold, it just wasn't moving at all. I tried pushing her tongue out with my tongue but she was obviously practiced in the skill of tongue wrestling, rendering my tongue ineffective at removing her tongue. Finally, I pulled away in desperation.

Not wanting to disturb HandsomeRob (because I was grateful he was finally playing wingman to me - how many times I had sat there watching a movie while he macked on some chick? I lost count), I tried to quietly explain to Braza that a little less tongue would be appreciated. "Hey, uhh, Braza, I like kissing you, and uh, it's great, but could you maybe just use a little less tongue?" Her response of "OK" let me know she understood every word that came out of my mouth. I moved back in and we began making out. Braza wasted no time in again aggresively inserting her tongue into my mouth and claiming the territory as her own. I was growing a bit frustrated. I pulled away again. I seriously considered asking HandsomeRob for help but decided to try and explain again to Braza. "Hey, so, yeah, I am not sure if you understood me last time, and it's totally ok if you didn't, but anyway, I was kinda hoping maybe you could use less tongue. Would that be possible?" Again, Braza responded in the affirmative with "OK."

We started making out again. Third time is a charm right? Wrong. Braza took her tongue and placed it in my mouth like it was now her designated tongue parking spot. Then she took the keys with her and went into the mall (metaphorically speaking, really it just meant that she left the tongue there with no intention of moving it in the near future). I decided to take a more aggressive approach. So I bit down on Braza's tongue. I think I might have bitten a bit harder than intended. Let me tell you, Braza jerked away with a huge amount of shock in her eyes. I half expected her to come at me throwing punches. Maybe I had drawn blood. Then, Braza looked at me and sported a bit of a kinky smile and I knew I was done.

On the drive home, I learned from HandsomeRob that "o que" in Portuguese means "what?" I never called Braza again, because I realized we wouldn't be able to talk on the phone since we didn't speak the same language.

Story of my life: talking about nothing

On Friday night, MrsChief, Chief, Gamer and I went to see MacGruber. It wasn't a particularly great movie. Oh yeah, and Gamer brought one of her friends. After the movie, we were standing in the hallway talking. Talking about nothing. I had some soda during the movie and I really had to go. But, it appeared that all the bathrooms for the theater were past the ticket counter (we were in the main lobby). So, the conversation was going nowhere, I really had to go and it felt awkward. The situation was just weird and I wasn't thinking straight. So I kinda just walked away. And didn't come back. It was pouring rain so I decided to just go straight to my car and drive home rather than try and find a bathroom.

When I got home, Gamer texted me and said something about how weird it was that I had left. I guess it was kinda weird. But it's not like we had any other plans after the movie. And it's not like I was on a date with Gamer. How can I tell that Gamer really likes me? She still wanted to come over to my house and hang out. We hung out for a little while and then she took off cause I needed to get up the next morning and get some work done.

On Sunday evening, I went over to Gamer's to play some Super Mario Bros. on her Wii. You may not know this about me but I love Super Mario Bros. Since the day my older brother received a Nintendo for his birthday, I have been fascinated with the game. I have a lot of fun with Gamer but I am just not falling for her.

Other Notes: I called Simpson over the weekend and left a message but she never called me back. I think Simpson might be pulling another disappearing act. Crack told me today that he is setting me up with his personal trainer. FarFarAway called me on Saturday to hang out and again last night.

Is that a hairless cat?

I was supposed to go to dinner with Simpson the other night. But when I texted her, she told me she had forgotten and that she had some car problems that needed taken care of. I know it sounds dumb but I was kinda bugged at Simpson about it. So I haven't contacted her since.

Last night I went to a condo with Sugarloaf, Barrel, TheCaptain, Robin (The Boy Wonder), Giselle, this girl BigMac and this girl LuvMeLongTime. LuvMeLongTime and Giselle are really good friends. I really have no interest in dating any of these girls. It's amazing how hard it is to get girls to come along on things with us. I know Sugarloaf called like 5 girls and none came. TheCaptain brought along all three (all of whom I had met before). Everytime I hear girls complain about how they are never hanging out with guys, I have a hard time believing it. Either there are tons more guys than girls around or huge groups of girls are going around with a small number of guys. Either way, it pisses me off.

While I was in law school, a coworker showed me a picture of his sister-in-law named Sphynx. She was really cute. I suggested he set me up with her and he told me that I had no idea what I was getting into. Sphynx bred/raised hairless cats. She didn't have one or two or three or four. She had 17! Still, she looked cute enough and I thought to myself "How bad can a bunch of cats be?" On our first date, Sphynx seemed fairly normal, albeit a little shy. The date was fairly short and I thought I would ask her out again. As we were driving after dinner, Sphynx told me that a year earlier, she had been stealing oxycontin from the pharmacy where she worked and had been sent to rehab. I know it's a good idea to get things like that out in the open fairly early on, but conversations about recent drug abuse on a second date is not recommended.

Still, the date went well enough. We watched a movie at her house (well, her parent's house where she lived) and things appeared to be going well. We started making out and I kid you not, a hairless cat jumped up on me. Google "hairless cat" if you wanna see what these creepy things look like.

A few days later, Sphynx called me and asked me to go to a baby blessing of her sister's baby (my coworker's kid). I agreed. We sat down in sacrament meeting but Sphynx felt like confessing. So, as the sacrament was being passed, Sphynx told me how many tattoos she had (three). Then she told me how many piercings she had once had (9, including one in an unmentionable location). About a week later, Sphynx called me and invited me to a family dinner at her house. I accepted. I showed up and Sphynx acted particularly weird. She seriously asked me if I was ok like 7 times during dinner. She seemed high. My coworker told me that before I had arrived, she was freaking out and needed help doing her hair. She had just come from work at the pharmacy (yeah, she was able to continue working there) and he thought she had taken something there. She told me she had only taken a Xanax but it seemed like she had taken more.

After dinner, she was really rude to her mom (we were in her parent's house and her mom was watching tv; Sphynx told her mom that she was being rude for not leaving the room to let us watch what we wanted to watch (even though the basketball game on that her mom was watching was plenty interesting to me)). At this point, I decided I had just about enough with Sphynx. She got a text from some guy and she told me about how he wanted to date her but that she didn't want to date him, she wanted to date me! It really freaked me out. I said something about wanting to leave and she kinda grabbed onto me and was like "No, you can't leave yet." Not wanting to be rude, I stayed for over an hour after that. I was really put off by the whole thing though.

A week or two later, I decided that the only solution was for me to "break-up" with Spynx, even though we had never really gotten together. Whenever I meet a girl that is a bit crazy, I usually gauge her craziness on a "how many hairless cats" scale. Sphynx was a 17 hairless cats amount of crazy.

Other notes: Pulse is now officially in a relationship on facebook.

White trash roots

On Friday, Cowboy called me up and wanted to know if I would double with him. I already had a date planned with Simpson. We met up and went to the dance studio to learn the tango. Simpson was not as impressed as I thought she might be. After all, normally isn't it the girl that is begging the guy to go take dance lessons. She thought it was kind of dumb to learn to do old dances like that. I thought it was quite fun and the tango is a fun dance to learn.

After dinner, we headed out to the drag races. I will always have a special place in my heart for white trash people. Perhaps it was the many years I worked at Wal Mart. So going to watch drag races just gives me a warm feeling inside. Of course, as we watched the cars race, all I really wanted to do was get my own car out there to race. According to online specifications, my car should be able to do a 1/4 mile in 13.9 seconds, which was faster than more than half of the cars there. I saw one car nearly break the 1/4 mile in under 10 seconds. I should have been a racecar driver. Sugarloaf, Barrel and Arches were there too. Simpson had fun but she was tired. I dropped her off, gave her a goodnight kiss and headed home.

On Saturday, KJo and I met for lunch and some furniture shopping. We found a place selling these giraffes that were about 5 feet tall for $6500. Ha ha, I was tempted but not that tempted. By late afternoon, I was tired so I delayed my date with Gamer for a bit while I took a nap. I met up with Gamer and after a quick dinner, we went and saw the movie The Good, the bad, the weird. She had initially suggested we see Robin Hood but I wasn't sure I could handle two hours of hollywood crap. The Good, the bad, the weird is this chinese action movie. The action scenes moved a little too fast on occasion and sometimes the subtitles in white were impossible to read but the movie was fun. I know Gamer enjoyed it.

We drove back to her car. As we were saying our goodbyes, this homeless dude walked up for a chat in the hopes of scoring some cash. I don't particularly like to give money to homeless people. I get asked for money nearly every day and professional beggars have a particular ability at irking me. So when the homeless dude said he just needed money for a ride to where he was staying, I thought "why not just give him a ride?" Gamer gave me this look like I was dumb as dirt. So she got into her car and the homeless dude and I got into my car. We drove for about three blocks (and the smell was quite intense) before I discovered that the homeless dude had zero interest in getting a ride out to this place (which sort of invalidated his original request for money). So now, I had a homeless dude inside my car begging me for money while drunk as a skunk (and as smelly as one too). Not wanting to give him money, I took him through the drivethru at McDonalds. He didn't stop asking for money the entire time (until I dropped him off back where I had picked him up). I chided him a little about needing to figure out what he was doing with his life (can you imagine a guy saying "and when that guy took me to McDonalds late one Saturday night and told me to figure out my life, that's when I saw the light and decided to stop using drugs and drinking and straighten out my life!") At least it got him out of the car.

On Sunday, I invited Gamer over to watch a movie (I called Simpson first but she was visiting her grandma and couldn't come). I just needed some company. Gamer came over and we watched a movie and cuddled. Now, before you get all judgmental on me, let me clarify a few things. One, I do like Gamer. She is fun to be around. She is interesting. And she is attractive. But I dont really see her as a potential girlfriend/spouse. I just don't feel like I am a bad person for spending time with her.

Will it ever be enough?

On Wednesday night, I headed over to Gamer's place. We had planned to go bowling but it ended up being too late. So we played mario on her wii for a little while. Then I sang a couple of songs for her with her guitar that I wrote years ago. We made out and I left. I felt awful on the drive home from her house. Why? Because I knew that I was going to hurt her. At this point, there is absolutely no way for me to not cause her pain. I know she isn't right for me. Dating her will never be enough for me.

I know that the right answer of what I should do is tell her right away. I should call her up and just explain that I think she is really cool but it just doesn't feel right. That would hurt her less than dragging it out, right? But I am not sure if I am going to do that. A part of me, a very large part, wants to just drag it out. Slowly start hanging out with her less and less and hope she meets some other guy and can reject me in favor of him. This is exactly what happened with Pulse and probably what I am most comfortable with. But it isn't right and I know it.

I like Gamer. She is cool to hang out with. She is very spunky. She is very unique. She collects action figures, loves video games, plays guitar and is fun to be around. It just isn't enough.

One year of blogging/sabotaging my marriage prospects

I first decided to write a dating blog after several conversations with the infamous Holly Lynn. Her blog "if i were really skinny..." was the inspiration for my blog, even though our blogs have almost nothing in common (hers is about fashion and pop culture and diet coke - mine is about my dating escapades). I was there when Holly Lynn got a boyfriend (well, not physically there, man that would have been awkward - just heard about it from her soon after the fact) and I was there when I found out Holly Lynn got engaged (I wasn't there when she got married, even though I had promised her a quilt with something about her husband's nickname "de la rocca - conservative" embroidered on it, sorry about that Holly Lynn, I am not sure you really would want a quilt like that anyway, if you were just going to throw it away, it doesn't really make sense for me to have it made, does it?). Since then, Holly's blog posts have become fewer and farther apart.

After I began blogging, my good friend Lorelei from law school read my blog and decided to start her own dating blog "Date Lorelei" which was a much better put-together blog than this one. Now that Lorelei has become engaged, she has stopped posting on her blog. Although I certainly wish her well, when a friend that is a girl gets married, the dynamic of the friendship changes. I just don't feel as comfortable chatting with married women. So I feel as if I am losing Lorelei as a friend in much the same way I lost Holly Lynn as a friend and the way I lost Chanel many years ago as a friend. Another one of my good friends from law school got engaged a few weeks ago. It has me reflecting quite a bit on my position in life and dating.

Maybe I subconsciously don't want to get married. When my friends have gotten married, most of them have deserted me. I will admit that I have a lot of bad feelings towards marriage. Besides the fact that many (if not most, depending on who you ask) married couples are unhappy, there is also the huge chance that the marriage will not be successful (no matter what you do, you cannot control the actions of another person and marriage always involves two people (well, at least two)). Could I be sabotaging potential relationships to ensure that I keep my single life? After all, every year that I remain single, I get to live how I want, buy what I want and do what I want. Being married would be a major life change for me. I would have to develop a budget (which I make fun of my friend Crack for nearly every day). I would have to go to bed at a regular time every day. I would have to spend my saturdays helping in-laws that I can't stand move from one crappy apartment to another cause they are too cheap to hire someone. I would have to learn to accept the kooky holiday traditions of my in-laws. Maybe I am not ready for marriage.

If you want a revolution, the only solution evolve

On Friday, UpsideDown messaged me to let me know that she couldn't go out with me. It wasn't a huge surprise for me. I texted Gamer and asked if she wanted to go to littlelittlebrother's soccer game. She said it sounded like fun and would meet me at my house. The game was heartbreaking. Littlelittlebrother played really well but his team lost in double overtime. Rather than wait around while my entire family asked Gamer questions, we took off and got tickets to the new Ironman 2 movie. The movie wasn't all that great but it wasn't awful. Neither of us particularly loved it. Then we went back to my house and talked on the couch for a bit. I could tell that Gamer wanted me to kiss her. To be honest, I wasn't really sure if I wanted to kiss her though. So I hugged her and sent her on her way.

On Saturday, I had a date planned with Simpson. As I was pulling out of my driveway to go pick her up, I decided to pick 4 pink tulips from my front yard to give to her. I don't know much about flowers. For some reason, they just grow around my house. I guess they must be bulbs planted. Anyway, I think it definitely earned me some brownie points with Simpson when I showed up at her house holding a bouquet of freshly handpicked flowers. We went to dinner at my favorite Indian restaurant and then watched a movie back at my house. After the movie, it felt pretty natural to just move in and make out with Simpson. After all, a year ago I made out with Simpson several times. It was a pretty good make out. There are definitely a lot of qualities about Simpson that I like.

On Sunday, after a mothers day dinner with my family, I headed over to Gamer's to watch a movie. We cuddled during the movie but things definitely don't feel as natural with Gamer as they do with Simpson. Nevertheless, I ended up making out with Gamer. It was a much more awkward make out. For one, I think Gamer's couch kinda smells like urine (from her yappy dog, no doubt; or because it is a really old couch). Also, I think Simpson is way more experienced at the whole thing than Gamer (for better or for worse). Overall, a successful weekend.

Punch-Out!!

Simpson and I went out last night. She almost canceled the date at the last minute cause she had to take her mom to her sister's place (her mom is in from out of town and doesn't have a car here). The conversation went really well. One thing about Simpson is that I feel very comfortable around her. She is smart enough to have a decent conversation with but not so smart as to be self aware (which usually leads to awkwardness). At the end of the date, I didn't find myself laying in bed thinking about her. I don't feel inspired to write a song about her. I want to go out with her again. I just don't feel that extra umph. That unexplainable something that you feel with some people and don't feel with others. We made plans to do something on Saturday.

Today I rememberd that I had already made plans for Saturday with UpsideDown. UpsideDown and I used to work together many years ago. She found me on the facebook and I thought it would be fun to hang out. I don't know how serious I am/could be about dating UpsideDown because she has several kids and we never really clicked that well. I am gonna try and move the hang out with UpsideDown to Friday so I can do the date with Simpson on Saturday.

Notes: I told FormerLesbian that I would go running with her today. The poor girl is suffering from depression and I think she really needs some friends. Pulse told me she was hanging out with her exboyfriend. Since then, she has been fairly distant. In fact, she didn't even respond to my last text. On Sunday, I talked for a few seconds to this girl Filer. I have kinda known Filer for over a year. She is good friends with TheFlake. Filer looked really good at church and I found myself wanting to date her. The problem is, Filer taught TheFlake everything she knows about how to flirt with boys but keep them at arms length. It's like trying to beat Mike Tyson in Punch-Out!! before you are able to beat Don Flamenco. You are outmatched and in way over your head.

Are you cooler than me?

I was supposed to go on a date with Simpson on Friday night but she canceled. She said her mom was in town and it sounded legit enough that I just let it slide. We made plans to do something tonight but then last night she texted me and asked if we could move it to tomorrow night. Maybe the reason I stopped dating Simpson a year ago was because it was just so hard to actually see her.

On Sunday, I went to church at the 90210 ward. There were literally 500 people there. To anyone who says there is not a mormon aristocracy, I present the 90210 ward as exhibit A. Sacrament meeting is a freaking fashion show. In most singles wards, the parking lot resembles a badly maintained used car lot. There will be cars with the spare tire on, cars with cracked windshields, and cars without paint jobs. Typical for the poor college students that attend. Not the 90210 ward. Harley Davidson motorcycles, lexus, audi, mercedes, ferrari (singular) and other brands fill the lot. Both the guys and the girls look like fashion models. Girls walk around with $1000 purses and $1000 high heels. Some of the guys have expensive business suits. I hadnt showered cause I was running late. And I had a moustache. I felt super out of place. As I sat there looking at all the beautiful people, I felt more and more like there was no way I was ever going to meet someone. I left in a very bad mood.

I took a nap to reset and then went over to Gamer's place to play video games. We played Super Mario Bros on the wii for like 4 hours. It was fun. Gamer is absolutely not as cute as some of the other girls I have dated. She is completely inactive in the church. She uses the F word quite frequently. She is socially awkward.

A few years ago, I did an internship. I was roommates with Kenny. Kenny was a nice enough kid. One time we had a conversation and he basically told me that he knew he was cooler than me. It bothered me at the time. I mean, he probably was cooler than me. But I disliked the fact that he had to tell me he thought he was cooler than me. With some of the girls I date, I think it is the same. They may not come right out and say it but they think they are cooler than me. Maybe all the really attractive girls think that. I mean, they have spent their whole lives being told how much better they are than everyone else (the mormon princess syndrome) by their dad, their mom, their siblings, their church teachers, their friends at school and their boyfriends that they actually start believing it.

When I take one of these girls out on a date, they have know that they are better than me. Sure, they may give me a chance. But did I ever really have a chance? I don't think I did. With Gamer, I know that she doesnt think she is better than me.

Awkward dates with girls from Estonia

On Friday, I had my date with Katarina. I was worried cause before the play, there was a 2 hour planned. It ended up being pretty fun (the dinner). All these swanky people and an open bar. Of course, I don't drink, but I did have a coke from the bar. I was fun and funny. With it and witty. After the dinner, we walked over to the play. It was not one of my favorite plays. I was kinda tired and kept yawning. Katarina was about as awkward as you could expect for someone from a completely different culture on a date. I think she is a good person but I am never going to be interested in her. I kinda feel bad about it.

On Saturday, I had a date with this girl Simpson. I went out on a few dates with Simpson over a year ago. I actually met Simpson at the same party as Ariel. Ariel had a boyfriend and Simpson went out on a few dates with TheCaptain. Somehow, Simpson and I ended up going on a few dates. But it wasn't meant to be. I liked Ariel at the time and one night, Simpson and I were making out. She mentioned something about how Ariel had broken up with her boyfriend that day. Somehow I decided that I wanted to date Ariel more than I wanted to date Simpson. I can't really remember any other reason for me to stop dating Simpson.

Last week, Simpson just randomly said something to me on the facebook and we set up the date. I was a little late cause I was at a soccer game for littlelittlebrother. My friend Punk invited me to go see a jazz band she manages at a local club. Simpson and I had a lot of fun just talking and listening to the band. We went back to Simpson's place and watched The Lovely Bones. It wasn't very good. We cuddled a bit. To be honest, I couldn't remember why I stopped dating Simpson last year. She was fun.

On Sunday, I received a text from Spinster. She said she wasn't interested in me. It kinda pissed me off. I guess I can't be too upset because I certainly didn't feel any interest in Katarina. Anyway, so there won't be any more dates with Spinster. Tonight I was chatting with Gamer on the facebook. Even though she is awkward and kinda nerdy, I find myself wanting to spend more time with her.

Omens

I have been reading this book about omens called The Alchemist. It has gotten me to thinking about some of the omens in my own life. Or what I perceive as omens. A couple of days I got a really bad feeling about Spinster. Nothing had really happened. But I was suddenly nervous to call her or text her. I called and left a message and she never responded. Yesterday, I sent a text and she responded back that she had gotten the voicemail but was at her sister's and then it was late. She said she was sorry. That was it. I have probably started 10 times to write a text back to her but nothing has come. I guess it's cause I am delaying the inevitable. I already know in my heart that Spinster is done with me. I talked to littlebrother about this once and he was of the opinion that this is bullcrap. That I am getting nervous because of something in my own head. He believes there is no such thing as omens.

As I look back at my dating life, I can't think of a single bad omen that I have felt that didn't turn out to be true. You could argue that they are self fulfilling prophecies but I disagree. I got a bad feeling about a girl and a day or two later, she would call me and tell me she just wasn't interested. How is that a self fulfilling prophecy?

I have had a strange omen about Pulse lately. Today she got on facebook and told me that she has been talking to her ex and might start seeing him again. She felt compelled to tell me. I kinda already knew. I expected it to be a little more harsh than that (because Pulse said she still wants to date me) but the omen was correct. You can disagree with me about whether omens are real or not but I think you need to have read the book before you formulate your arguments. Should I put more weight on omens? In other words, should I start following my gut more?