Wednesday, July 28, 2010

So tell me what you want, what you really really want.

It seems like everyone is telling me that if I figure out what I want, then maybe it will be easier to nail it down. When I was on my mission, I made a list of the things I wanted in my future wife on my blue planner. It was very detailed and included "sexy shoulders" and "likes the music that I sing on the guitar." Many years later, the whole thing has become much more vague. So this is my attempt to write what it is that I want in a wife. I am not saying that it is what I need. Just stuff that I want.

1. Sexy shoulders (why not?)
2. Tall enough that we can slow dance and not have it be awkward.
3. Shorter than me by enough that she doesn't appear taller than me wearing certain types of shoes.
4. A healthy weight. (Not obese and not anorexic. Somewhere in between. I want a girl with some curves but not one with lots of fp (fat potential). It isn't so much about the weight as a number as it is about how they carry themselves.)
5. A decent amount of self confidence. (I don't want to put up with a girl that thinks she is really ugly all the time. I also don't want a girl that thinks she is so gorgeous. I would say almost dead in the middle but leaning a bit towards a higher amount of self confidence.)
6. Low makeup maintenance. (There are plenty of girls who wear so much makeup that it is disgusting. I would say the closer to the minimum that you can get, the better. Not necessarily a granola. Just not "whoa, check out my makeup, are you looking at me? can you tell I am wearing makeup? I hope the sun doesn't come out and melt off all my makeup. My makeup is affected by gravity. My face is not even the same color as the rest of my body.")
7. Good sense of humor. (She will probably have to be a little on the "I can take a dirty joke" side since that is where my sense of humor falls. Not disgusting joke telling. Just able to handle a few off color jokes.)
8. Mormon. (But she has to be a fairly relaxed Mormon. You know, there are super uptight Mormons that believe you should never ever talk about sex. They take themselves way too seriously for me. But I also don't want a "Mormon by baptism only" type girl. I don't want to have to drag her butt to church every week or chastize her for going out drinking with her friends.
9. Proportional in body measurements. (Some girls are pear shaped. I don't really want that. Just a normal looking body.)
10. Exerciser. (I want a girl that will continue to try to look good long after she doesn't need to impress me anymore. Staying in shape is absolutely important. She doesn't have to be a gym rat, just the type that agrees that regular exercise is absolutely important to her well being.)
11. Get along with my family. (This is easy, as my family is fairly easy to get along with. But some of my friends have married girls that hate their familes and they basically have to choose between their family and their spouse. What a horrible decision.)
12. Well rounded. (I want a girl that wants to go on vacations and see stuff and experience culture. But also wants to stay at home and watch a movie with me. One that will play charades in front of 50 people she doesn't know. Just a girl that is comfortable doing lots of different activities and able to enjoy them all.)
13. Willing to get dirty. (Life isn't always fancy banquets and expensive restaurants. I want a girl that will climb under the car and get oil all over her if that is what needs to be done. She doesn't have to be a mechanic. Just unafraid of hard work and the possibility of getting dirty.)
14. Intelligent. (She doesn't have to be a genius. I don't care if she is bad at math and writing. I just want a girl that can have a normal conversation with people. I would like for her to want to always learn new things. If she can't correctly use 'your' and 'you're' or 'their' and 'they're' and 'there' then I hope she is able to learn cause those things drive me crazy.)
15. A problem solver. (Being married to me means you are going to find yourself involved in interesting problems. I can't predict them. I just know that they are going to happen. I want a girl that can help to solve them rather than just give up.)
16. Values education. (She doesn't have to have a doctoral degree. But a mother is the single most determining factor in how our children are going to end up. And I want them educated. I expect her to encourage reading and to teach by example (by reading herself). I want her to constantly seek to improve herself. If she likes cooking, take a cooking class. If she likes tap dancing, join a tap dancing group.)
17. Independent. (Some of the most successful couples are ones that each have some of their own hobbies. I want a girl that has her own hobbies. Maybe she really likes dogs. Maybe she wants to go on a vacation once a year with a girlfriend to Alaska to deep sea fish. I think if you are capable of spending time apart, the relationship will be much healthier. I want a girl that wants to be with me but is more than able to fill the 16 waking hours of a day with her own activities.)
18. Sexual. (She doesn't have to be crazy on this one. But she had darn well better like sex. I seriously believe that there are plenty of Mormon girls out there that don't have any idea whether they like sex or not. If a girl is that sheltered, she isn't for me. I am not saying she should have prior sexual experience. I just think that a girl should have a healthy sexual appetite even prior to marriage.)
19. Likes to listen to me play my songs on the guitar. (It means a lot to me.)
20. Madly madly deeply in love with me.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

When worlds collide

On Friday night, I took Pot to a baseball game on a double date with Milo. Pot is just so chill. I think that is probably one of her best qualities. As we were walking together, I honestly thought about holding Pot's hand. But I am not sure if I am ready for that. So I didn't. After the ball game, we went and saw the movie Salt. Absolute rubbish. The people involved in this movie shouldn't be allowed to make movies anymore. It was just crap. I think Milo and Pot enjoyed most of it. Seriously though, 10 minutes into the movie, I called the ending. I even told Pot so that she could verify how predictable it was. When I dropped Pot off, she kinda seemed to linger. I wonder if maybe she was expecting me to kiss her. Milo was in the car with his date so I certainly wasn't going to kiss her in front of them.

On Saturday, House and I went to the demolition derby. It was great fun. I wonder if House felt a little overwhelmed at times cause at the derby, I am probably more hyper than normal. She seemed to take it all in. I know she had a lot of fun.

At both the baseball game and the demolition derby, there were lots of scantily clad tattooed girls (sorry Punk, but you know I love you). This is the reason that I think maybe I wrote previously about mistresses. On an intellectual level, I can have these great conversations with House and Pot and have lots of fun. But on a sexual level, the scantily clad girls with tattoos have always held some appeal for me. They just appear so much more sexual than the conservative girls. I just wonder if maybe some guys are trying to "have their cake and eat it too" by taking on a mistress. I guess the reason I don't go out with more girls like that (the wilder girls) is cause I don't think I would have much to offer them. I suppose there are some wilder girls that don't drink but most of them probably do. And they probably have sex. I just kinda feel torn between two different worlds with neither one really fitting me.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Men and mistresses

My date on Friday night with SG was about what you might expect. A little awkwardness, conversations about some really strange topics, and watching a couple of really crappy horror movies. SG and I don't really click at all. Thank heavens for that. She is quite the strange girl. It was a fun night, don't get me wrong, but I am not at all interested in her.

On Saturday, House and I went to a concert. It was an outdoor concert and so we just chilled on a blanket on the grass while people around us drank wine. We stopped at 7-11 after the concert and got donuts and chocolate milk. Do you ever think about why men have mistresses? I watched The Other Boleyn Girl on Sunday by myself and the king had a wife that he loved but he kept finding a mistress. I know some of it was because he was searching for a male heir. But, I also wonder if maybe a wife can never really fulfill both roles. Maybe you can't have both an intellectually satisfying connection with the same person that you have a sexual connection. Of course you initially are sexually attracted to the girl you marry. But maybe everything becomes utilitarian once you have kids. She cares for them more than she cares for you. Once a woman is a mother, her role as wife is diminished. I am not trying to place all the blame on women for men cheating but I wonder if maybe men are taking too much of the blame.

I talked with my friend Hobbes last night about his divorce. He told me how crazy I am for wanting to get married. Basically, getting married was the single worst decision he had made in his life. Is it just society pressuring me to find someone and get married or does it begin internally? I don't have an answer. My parents are absolutely disappointed in me for not being married. It's not the first time they have been disappointed in me. Every one of my friends from high school is married. I think that sort of thing is naturally going to have an influence on me. Three of my closest friends from law school (girls) are getting married in the next month.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Bullied by the world around me.

This weekend I have a date with SG and a date with House. I know what you are saying, "Tripp, are you crazy? Why are you going out with SG?" Well, I just thought it would make for an interesting story. I kinda feel a bit low on interesting stories right now. House came over the other night and we watched band of brothers. We talked and it was just great. I think the world of her but I am just not finding myself falling in love with her. According to my dad and one of my coworkers, that should be no excuse. I should just marry her anyway. Marriage is less about love and more about mutual respect and partnership. In 7 years, the whole looks thing won't matter anyway. Phooooey.

I don't want to live that life. I refuse to live that life. In the words of Taylor Swift (yeah, I listen to Taylor Swift, what's it to you?)

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
and it's 2 am and I'm cursing your name
you're so in love that you act insane
and that's the way I loved you
breaking down and coming undone
it's a roller coaster kinda rush
and I never knew I could feel that much
and that's the way I loved you.

Maybe I am just writing this because I might be starting to cave a little. I might have been thinking "sure, I can marry someone that I am not in love with. It would make my life much easier. We could talk and have lots of fun and when it came to lovemaking, I could just go with it, I guess." It just adds to the problem of me feeling bullied by the world around me.

Monday, July 12, 2010

Conversations with future strippers

House came over for Band of Brothers last Wednesday night. Nothing eventful. I enjoy all of the time I spend with her. On Thursday, Pot and I went to dinner. It was fun. Pot is older than me by a few years and is divorced. We went for Indian food and then dipped ice cream cones. It was a short date cause Pot is super busy right now but it was fun. The conversation went well and Pot seems like a super chill girl. I am excited to take her out again. Probably sometime next week, since she is out of town for most of this week.

On Saturday night, Milo and I met up with a couple of other guys for sushi before heading to a bar. I always feel a little awkward at bars cause I don't drink but it seemed like fun. We ended up at the same bar that I met Jasmine at a year ago. I ended up in a strange conversation with a girl that I will call StripperGirl (or SG for short) about whether stripping is degrading to women. SG wants to be a stripper and plans to make a ton of money and then retire and live the great life when she is my age. I just wasn't so convinced that it was such a great idea. But it made for a great conversation. SG definitely enjoyed talking to me and as the night went on, SG informed me that she was probably going to sleep with me that night. I hated to burst her bubble but it needed to be done. I hate using the excuse of "I am Mormon" cause it implies that I don't really think for myself and that the only reason I wasn't going to sleep with SG was because of religion. So I explained to SG that I wanted to wait for marriage and such. It was an interesting conversation, one that many mormon girls can probably relate to but not one that many guys have experienced. I was trying to explain my values to a drunk girl intent on sleeping with me.

Eventually, SG got offended that I wouldn't sleep with her. She said I was a tease. There really isn't a good response to that. I went to the bar because I wanted to have an interesting discussion with someone but to the average person, I guess going to bar is all about hooking up. Due to some weird circumstances, I ended up giving SG and her friends a ride home. I guess I should take the whole thing as a compliment.

On Sunday, I texted back and forth with McSwanson. I met McSwanson with littlebrother and Sugarloaf at a party celebrating the 4th of July. McSwanson is divorced with a kid but very spunky and friendly. I think she might have given her number out to four or five guys that night (including littlebrother) but she has potential. I might try and take her out this week. But McSwanson seems a little too playful to take seriously. Like that maybe she isn't taking dating seriously at all right now.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

The pot calling the kettle black

The rodeo date with House was great. I absolutely love the rodeo and so does House. I just don't want to kiss her. I know it is confusing because if you read my blog, you probably think I am a bit of a slut and will kiss anything that walks. But still, I don't want to kiss her. I have a hard time explaining why. But why should I have to explain why? Isn't it just enough for me to say that I don't want to kiss a girl and leave it at that? I have kissed plenty of girls in my day. I know what kissing is like. The lack of a desire to kiss a girl basically means the lack of a desire to mate with her, correct? It's so frustrating cause if I could just fall in love with House, my life would be a lot easier. She is coming over tonight to watch the second episode of Band of Brothers with me.

When I was at the arts festival a few weeks ago, I ran into a girl that I met a year ago named Pot. We talked for just a minute but there was definitely some clicking between Pot and I. So we did the texting back and forth thing and we are meeting up for dinner tomorrow. Pot is generally pretty cute BUT she wears lipstick. Which, as you know, grosses me out. So here is the real dilemma. If I take Pot out tomorrow night for dinner and she is wearing lipstick, I will be grossed out and then I probably won't want to take her out again. But there is no way to call or text her before the date and say "oh, by the way, I have OCD about stuff on lips, so can you please let your lips be naked for the night so that we can find out if we are compatible?" My only hope really is that for some odd reason, Pot will decide to not wear lip crap tomorrow (cause it is really nonsensical - we are going to eat dinner - thats like making your bed right before it's bedtime). I will keep my fingers crossed.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Pho, a platinum blonde and Jerry Springer

Last weekend, I went with some friends to an art festival. I love looking at the art and mingling with those artsy fartsy girls. While I was walking, I saw Anastacia. I have mentioned Anastacia before but never by name. She is a Russian girl that used to be in one of my wards. About a year ago, Anastace informed me that she was ready to settle down. Apparently, she had decided to live a fairly wild life until she turned 25 and then she wanted to find a nice (rich) boy and settle down. I was skeptical, to say the least. Especially when she informed me that I would make a great suitor for her. I am smart enough to know that I don't make enough money for a girl like Anastacia. She has dated rappers and worked as a concert promoter in Russia. But she wants a nice American guy cause they don't cheat and can lead a more normal lifestyle. So when I started talking to Anastacia on Saturday, she was all compliments. It was kind of an ego boost to have an attractive girl gushing about how good you look. But like I said before, a girl like Anastacia would bleed me dry and then disappear back to Russia; with a 50/50 chance of taking the kids with her.

On Wednesday, House invited me to go see a local play. Her company sponsors the theater and so we were VIP. It was great fun. As usual, I had tons of fun with House. In fact, I invited her to the rodeo with me tonight. It should be a lot of fun.

Last night, I met up for dinner with my friend Smash. Let me just tell you, if you haven't tried the Vietnamese dish Pho, you are in for an experience. She took me to this trashy little restaurant and ordered this dish for me. It had floating meatballs that had a texture I had never before seen on an animal product. Pho is some kind of soup with vermicelli noodles in it. Now I understand how my grandpa felt whilst fighting in Vietnam (actually, I am not sure if either of my grandpas fought in Vietnam, nor do I know if they partook of Pho, I just thought it was a funny joke). Either way, it was not for me.

I was dropping Smash off at the apartment of her friend Platinum. As Smash opened the door, Platinum was standing there in a towel from a recent shower and Smash immediately shoved me away to prevent me from seeing anything (jerk). So Platinum tells me to stay for a minute while she changes. Here's where it gets interesting. Platinum is a fairly attractive girl with more drama in her life than mine and Flava Flav's lives combined. Perhapst thats an exaggeration but she comes out in this pink shirt that goes down to about her thies and is semi transparent (don't worry, she was wearing underwear, you could see it) and these knee high white stockings. She has her nose pierced and her hair is platinum blond (almost white) which could be natural but is more likely totally fake. Then, Smash's friend shows up and they take off to go clubbing. I was about ready to leave but Platinum looked like she needed to talk to someone (and maybe I was a little interested in what her story was) so I stayed and we talked until about midnight. I won't tell you Platinum's life story but I will tell you the portion that caught me most off guard. Her mom and dad separated after she was born and remarried. They each had more children. So Platinum's half brother from one side of her family is now dating Platinum's half sister from the other side of the family. I kept waiting for Jerry Springer to jump out of the bushes and for some huge transgender to come running at me ready for a fight. Sometimes you need moments like that to remind you of how stable your own life is.