The first time I just knew (part 2)

After Chanel got married, I wanted nothing to do with marriage. I continued to date girls, I just wasn't thinking at all about marriage while I dated them. When I was on my mission, at my final interview with my mission president, I expected him to give me "the talk" about how my next goal was marriage. He didn't. In fact, not a word was said about marriage.

I started dating with a frenzy when I got home. I went out with lots of really amazing girls. Some were great Mormon girls, some were kinda Mormon, some weren't Mormon at all. LittleChanel was only 16 when I went on a few dates with her. I knew her dad didn't particularly approve (he was my home ward bishop) of her going out with this long haired older kid. LittleChanel told me years later that she never felt like I really opened up with her. I think her dad sensed the same thing.

I went on several dates with a tattoo artist. She had run away from home when she was 15 to work as a stripper and support her drug habit but had since gone clean. I dated a girl 6 years older than me. While I was dating the older girl, I ran into a buddy from high school named HandsomeRob. He was with his girlfriend named Lilo. I had never met Lilo but I thought she was very pretty that day.

About 2 months later, I received a random call from HandsomeRob. He told me he and Lilo had just broken up and suggested I take her out to help her adjust to moving to a new city. It seemed so random but I was pretty open to the idea. He gave me her number, I called her, and we clicked immediately. She had been dating HandsomeRob for a couple of months and it was probably refreshing to have a conversation with me. Don't get me wrong, HandsomeRob has been one of my best friends for many years. But, he is a slowtalker. A slowtalker is a person that has an extra delay before they say something in a conversation. Slowtalkers are not any less intelligent than normaltalkers (or fasttalkers like myself), they just like to process what they are going to say before they say it. Having had many phone conversations with HandsomeRob and other slowtalkers, I knew how difficult it was to deal with. Our first phone conversation went really well. We agreed to go on a date that Saturday to a homecoming at my university.

On Friday, my band was playing a concert for the high school I attended as part of the homecoming festivities. After the concert, I stuck around to watch a little football and ran into Lilo there. We chatted some more, clicked even more, and agreed to meet up later that night to "watch a movie." I think we watched Joe Versus the Volcano that night. We cuddled and ended up kissing. It was by far the best kiss I had ever had in my life.

I just felt a strong connection to her. We began spending nearly every day together. I was studying for the LSAT; she would come over every evening. At the time, Lilo was 18 and I was 24. But we seemed to have so much fun together. She loved it when I played my guitar for her and sang. I think I sang to her nearly every night. I wrote quite a few songs about her. Things just fell into place and I knew that I was going to marry Lilo. It was like everyone had always told me, things would just feel right and work out perfectly. I felt like a fool for having not believed them.

About two months into our relationship, I tested Lilo a little too much. I asked her how she would handle being married to someone poor. Lilo had some interesting personality quirks. One was that she absolutely would not defecate anywhere but her own home. I worried that Lilo might not be capable of dealing with rough times when they came up. The conversation didn't seem too bad at the time but I guess I touched a nerve with her. A day or two later, I asked her if she wanted to spend some of Thanksgiving together. She got scared. She said something like "why would we spend Thanksgiving together? we're not engaged Tripp!" I think I said something back like "well, don't you think this is moving that direction?" The damage was done.

A couple days after that, on the Sunday before Thanksgiving, Lilo came over and broke up with me. (To be continued...)

The first time I just knew (part 1)

In middle school and high school, I had an on again off again crush with a girl we'll call Chanel. Chanel and I never dated (although she was my first official date a few days after my birthday). After high school, I really wanted to spend more time with Chanel even though she lived in another city. Chanel started school at the same time as I did and dropped out about two weeks later when she met her future husband and got engaged. It was a bit shocking. I felt so young at the time; marriage really didn't seem like a possibility for me or any of my peers.

As soon as Chanel got engaged, she cut off ties with me. She kinda withdrew when I would see her. I met her fiance a couple of times and he was quite cold towards me. Nevertheless, I continued to try and be friends with Chanel. My friends and I thought we were so funny when we got her a wedding gift. We were dirt poor so we bought a 12 pack of orange soda (generic brand) at the local grocery store. Then we got thirsty, so we opened the 12 pack, drank a few sodas, laughed about it, taped it back up, and wrapped it. We wrapped it using Christmas wrapping paper (cause we thought it would be funny and there was plenty of unused Christmas wrapping paper at my friend's parents' house). Then, we topped our present with what we considered the "gold star."

We taped it to the outside of the present and wrote in marker to address the present to Chanel. We went to the reception, laughing heartily while carrying a present that moved when tilted due to the empty space previously occupied by some of the orange sodas. I don't know why we thought it would be so funny. I think we were just particularly slow at maturing. We left the gift with Chanel's sister LittleChanel (I dated LittleChanel about 3 or 4 years later) who was quite embarrassed to accept the inappropriate present. Then we went through the line. I remember making a joke to Chanel's husband about how he probably thought we were just immature. He said "whatever floats your boat man." I had no idea what that meant and I thought he said "whatever floats your bowl man" so I responded with something like "yeah, well, unless my bowl is full of cheerios." I know exactly what it is like to have somebody look at you and think you are completely idiotic. Chanel did nothing to defend her stupid immature friends.

We left the reception feeling particularly shunned. I remember being upset about it. I knew she was marrying the guy. I knew Chanel was gone forever. I just didn't think that getting married meant that a person had to drop their friends. I spit on the limo as we left. (To be continued...)

"I could get married tomorrow if I just lowered my standards."

On Friday, I had my much anticipated second date with Charlie. I met up with Sugarloaf and his date at a local Thai restaurant. The food was delicious but the conversation lulled a couple of times with her. I know that I should like Charlie. She is pretty. However, every guy has different tastes and mine is just not that partial to her. She runs marathons. She is touchy feely. She really likes board games. We ended up at Sugarloaf's place playing an Olympic Wii game. Charlie wasn't very good at video games but at least she was willing to try. At the end of the date, I hugged her and said "see you soon."

Honestly, I am really trying to like Charlie. What I mean is that I am giving her more chances than I normally would. I want to like her. It would make life so much easier. Of course there would be difficulties with having an "instant" family but that is not what worries me. What worries me is that I am not gaga for her. I tried to explain this to Littlebrother yesterday at church. Suprisingly, Littlebrother was extremely critical of me. "What the HELL are you talking about?" was his response. I think this was because I used the word "love" instead of "gaga." But, if you have read this blog, you know that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Some of the girls I have really liked were not girls my friends found attractive at all. I can't explain it, sometimes I am attracted to a girl and sometimes I am not. Sometimes I feel a connection with a girl and sometimes I do not.

Once Littlebrother got mad at me, it just really pissed me off. Why should I have to explain to him whether I like a girl or not? I think I was a little mad at Littlebrother because he had a blind date on Saturday night over and I thought the girl was very pretty (but also very self centered and immature). I know that Littlebrother doesn't have any interest in her other than just a hook-up and that just pisses me off more. He has some really great options that I don't have and he chooses to just piss them away.

On Saturday, I met up with Pulse for a late breakfast. I decided that I am not really attracted to Pulse. But I am still drawn to her. Part of the problem with Pulse is that she has really blond hairs on her face. I know girls probably don't think that guys notice this type of thing, but let me tell you, WE DO! And once we have seen a girl with some facial hair, it's hard to get rid of that image. So even if the facial scruff is never seen again, well, you only get one chance to make a first impression. I think I will hang out with Pulse again but I am just vocalizing that I am not interested in her for a relationship. I am sure you are saying that instead of wasting my time with another friend that is a girl, I should be hanging out with potential relationship girls. But there aren't any.

On a side note, have you read the Mormon Bachelor Pad blog? There was a post today about a 27 year old mormon bachelor that was picking a fight with them. I found it hilarious. For as much crap as Calvin and Jake get, they sure seem to have a lot of followers and a lot of people wanting to comment on their posts. I was a bit annoyed with all the girls who commented saying "this guy is 27 and mormon and single so he obviously is a loser." It reminded me of a comment my ex girlfriend from law school once said. "I could get married tomorrow if I just lowered my standards a little." I guess the same could be said for all of us. What a wench she was.

Finding opportunities

Yesterday, littlebrother and I decided to both get a haircut. We hopped in his car and headed over the Great Clips. The girl cutting my hair was very chatty (I absolutely prefer a chatty girl to cut my hair). She asked where I went to school and what I did for a job. An older woman (mid to late 40's) sat nearby while her son received his haircut. She piped in with some questions about my law school and mentioned how she had a single daughter. Littlebrother thought it was hilarious that 30 seconds after getting my haircut, moms started jumping at the chance to introduce me to their daughters. Of course, it really only happened once. And the daughter wasn't super cute in the one picture the mom had. Still, it boosted my confidence. So, if your mom gave some guy your name to lookup on fbook in a Great Clips recently, it might have been me.

Valentines Day and hopeless romantics

On Saturday night, Lorelei and I went to dinner at this Asian place. She was so tired that I think she nearly fell asleep at dinner. Then we watched the office at my place. Not exactly a romantic valentines day date but it was still fun to just hang out. There is a lot of pressure on all of us to have some sort of romantic encounter on or around valentines day and I think it is just bogus. Valentines day used to be cool. It used to be about really good candy (not those crappy chalk hearts) and teenage mutant ninja turtle valentines to all my friends. One year, and I am not kidding, my mom gave us the movie Beetlejuice for valentines day. Now THAT is cool.

It's not that I don't want to do something romantic on valentines day. It's just that the opportunity so rarely presents itself. I have only had romance on three valentines days in my life. When I was 16, I went to walmart with my buddies and bought HSGF a little gold ring with a heart on it. I also got her some flowers. Four years ago, I was dating Brooktynn on valentines day. We tried to go to a restaurant but everything was full. So we got pizza from little caesers and watched the Notebook. Two years ago, I had just begun dating a girl named Emo. I think Valentines day was actually the second night we hung out. It was the night of our first kiss. She had to work but we met up afterwards and "watched" a movie.

Someday, when I am married, I am going to make every valentines day count. For starters, valentines day requires a nice dinner at a nice restaurant. I think this is a given. The place should require you to at least dress up a little. Second, I fully intend to buy my wife flowers on valentines day. I think flowers are a waste of money but they smell nice and look pretty and as long as I can afford it, I am gonna at least buy her flowers on that day. Third, if she wants, I will write and sing a song to my wife every year about how I love her more this year than the year before. Cute eh?

Bean there, done that

The date with Bean last night was fun. Bean is a way cool girl. She even put on lip gloss and I didn't mind too much (but I certainly didn't kiss her!). I took her back to her car after the game and that was it. I think there is a fairly high likelihood of another date with Bean. However, I don't really see Bean as marriage potential for me.

I received a text from Charlie today. I think her and I will go on a second date even though I don't feel tons of romance right now. My family and friends have really been encouraging me to pursue for a little longer to see if there is chemistry. I guess they think that I don't know what chemistry feels like. I disagree. At what point do people decide that falling in love is secondary to marrying someone that they can have a successful relationship with? To be honest, I think that lots of people marry someone that they aren't in love with. This is why they cheat, why they treat each other poorly and why they get divorced. I am more scared of marrying someone I am not in love with than living the rest of my life single. But will that change? At some point, the prospect of sex and companionship must outweigh the loneliness and despair enough for me to "settle" with someone I don't love. How do I avoid that?

My potential downfall

I think I made a mistake today. I messaged Swift and told her about this blog. I gave her the address. I haven't said anything about Swift that is going to get me into trouble with her. I think I have said that she is cute and that she appears very dateable. No, the problem is with TheWriter. I have no idea if Swift will read this blog or if she will tell TheWriter the address or any of the information within this blog. I certainly don't want to hurt TheWriter's feelings. I think she is a really cool girl and I enjoy being friends with her. The real reason I told Swift is cause Swift has basically told me there is no chance she will go on a date with me. I disagree. If one of my buddies liked a girl and she didn't like him back but was interested in me, I would absolutely go out with her. I would be upset at my friend if he thought otherwise. I am not stealing from my friend, I am merely using what they are unable to use. With limited resources available, efficiency becomes extremely important.

Notes: Tonight I am going to a basketball game with Bean. I met Bean on the cruise. She is a super cool girl - very laid back. RunsWithScissors and his date are going with us. Should be lots of fun. I asked Arches out today but she already had plans. I just feel a bit compelled to at least see if Arches and I would have fun together.

Old dating memories

I just recently heard the song "Need you now" by Lady Antebellum. Yeah, I am a little slow. But for the moment, it is my favorite song. I think I have listened to it 20 or 30 times in the last week. I still crave it. The song reminds me a lot of past relationships.

Brooke - The first girl I dated when I got home from my mission. She was a southern girl. I had only been home for 4 days when we went on our first date. In fact, she came to see me at my homecoming and we held hands. I seriously thought she was the one. Just as quick as it started, the relationship died. Brooke was living in another state with my sister and contemplating a nanny job in Germany. She decided that the Germany job was right for her and she didn't want to get too attached. She moved to Germany and married a guy there.

Amy - Amy was the second girl I dated after my mission. She was this spunky confident girl that dated lots. I somehow mustered up the courage to ask her out. I wrote several songs about dating her including "Amy Dirt" and "Empty." I didn't have a job while I was dating her so I had lots of time to sit around and play my guitar. She told me I needed a haircut and I grew my hair out for over a year to prove her wrong. Amy named my first car. When she left for the summer, I knew it was over. I would have followed Amy anywhere but she wouldn't let me.

Stephanie - The kinda-girlfriend of one of my mission companions. He told me to take her out but I think he was joking. Our first date was to a crappy Ben Affleck movie. I held her hand. I wrote several songs about dating her including "Until I'm gone." I knew she was struggling with whether it was ok to date me or not. I had long hair. I listened to rock music. Her parents totally did not approve. I sent her flowers one day. Big yellow ones to show I cared. She called me, said thanks for the flowers, and then broke up with me. When my companion came home 6 months later, they started dating and were married less than a year after I dated her. I had lunch with them a month ago. They have three kids.

Mindy - I dated Mindy a couple of times right before Christmas that year. She was my roommate's cousin. We went to the Nutcracker and I felt like I was the king of the world holding her hand. She was the prettiest girl I had ever dated (still holds true today). Spunky and fun with curly blonde hair, I nearly failed a math class in college staying up talking to her the night before my final. We watched The Shawshank Redemption and held hands the first night we met. I lay in bed for hours after she left. Just before Christmas, Mindy told me she was planning on going on a mission (she was 18, girls have to be 21 to go on a mission) and that it was pointless to have any serious relationships before that. She moved back with her parents. That May, she got married to some guy she met while working at a cheap restaurant. It hurt more than I can possibly convey.

Dating is hard. I know some people might think that I fall way too fast for girls (TheCaptain) but I don't see it that way. Every time I fall for a girl, I worry that I won't fall again. That I will never feel as strong about another girl as I did about the last one. In less than one year home from my mission, I fell in love four times and was burned four times. In the past year, I have not fallen in love once. Some of the happiest times in my entire life were when I was dating Brooke, Amy, Stephanie and Mindy. Maybe they wouldn't have made me happy in the long run but I will never know. It hurt when they burned me but I would gladly risk it again.

Notes: On Saturday night, I called up Pulse to go see Sherlock Holmes with me. I met Pulse on the cruise and we clicked. Pulse is a bit of a weirder girl though. Vegetarian animal lover working at a non-profit. On Saturday, I received a text from Spinster. She said she had started dating someone while I was on my cruise. I am pretty sure I called that one before I left on the cruise. I wrote Swift a message today on facebook.

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain

Charlie is quite the talker. As we were sitting and eating dinner, I mentioned something about divorce and she started talking about how hard it was for her sister to be divorced. It was a strange answer so I dug a little deeper. I think all I asked was something like "so you are divorced right?" You know how you ask a question without realizing that you bit off more than you can chew? Like a few years ago when I was on a blind date that my brother in law set me up with. The conversation was lagging and so I thought I would fish a little. "How many boys have you kissed?" I asked. "I don't want to talk about it" was her reply. "Aww, come on, it's not a big deal" I fished a little more. "Well, OK, umm, a couple hundred..." Ok, not exactly the answer I was expecting. We talked about it for a minute and then, not knowing when to stop, I decided to fish a little more. "How many girls have you kissed?" I asked. "I don't want to talk about it" was her reply. Somehow, I ended up convincing this girl to tell me about several lesbian experiences that she'd had, while we were sitting in the car with my sister and brother in law. My sister's eyes went wide.

Such was the case with my date with Charlie. Her response was "Oh, I have never been married." Well, ok, thats cool. Perhaps we should leave it at that, right? No, I decided to ask for more details. Forty five minutes later, after having heard all the details of exactly how her daughter was conceived, I wondered if maybe I had learned my lesson.

Other than the rather interesting conversation topic, the date with Charlie was fun. She is intelligent and caring. Very physical when she talks with you (always putting her hand on my leg or my arm). In a lot of ways, dating Charlie would be very ideal in my life. For one, she comes from money and seems to be doing very well for herself. I certainly don't need someone with money. But, I thought that her and I could do very well together. Charlie is attractive but I am not that attracted to her. I mean, she is pretty enough that I would kiss her but I really wasn't that interested in kissing her after the first date. Still, the thing is, I have been on a lot of dates. I kinda know what it feels like to be very excited after a first date. I was not this way with Charlie. I was calm and ok. I think I will take her on a second date but there just isn't this huge excitement for me about it.

Single Mom Date or The Problem with Movies on a Date

Tonight I have my first real date with a single mom. It's a blind date. I have no idea what she looks like so I am struggling with a nickname for her. How about Charlie (as in Ray Charles, cause he was blind! ha ha ha... ok I thought it was funny). Steve-O is setting me up with Charlie even though he has never met her. Apparently she is in the same ward as the older sister of one of Steve-O's good friends that met me once. Well, a few years ago I went on a sort-of date with my good friend Rockabilly and she had two kids then (she still has two kids, I believe). Actually, Rockabilly and I have been on quite a few sort-of dates. We have gone to several concerts together, eaten out many a time, and fussed about our love lives. I keep trying to encourage her to read this blog but having two children, a job, and a boyfriend (sort-of) that is just starting his own law firm doesn't leave much time for reading blogs...

Anyway, so I am a bit nervous. What questions can I ask? What questions can I not ask? I mean, is it ok for me to ask why she got divorced? Her kid's name? How long she has been divorced? Where the father is in the whole scheme of things? Also, I don't know what sort of activity to plan with a single mom? I know Charlie really enjoys bowling but I think she might be tons better at it than me and I know she goes bowling a lot so it might not be all that fun for her. To be honest, I would like to just have dinner with her and if it seems like it is going well, maybe go see a movie. There are a bunch of movies in theaters that I haven't seen yet and I never have anyone to go see them with me.

The problem is, there is a lot of pressure on a guy to come up with something creative for dates. Especially first dates. With a girlfriend, it's way easy to settle on a movie. With a first date, I am expected to plan something that is new, interesting, fun, doable by most people, not overly expensive, original, and memorable. Otherwise, she will immediately associate me with the words boring, lame, unoriginal, unfun (probably not a world, but maybe in Newspeak from 1984 it would be), and just not date worthy. Besides all that, I may not even be attracted to her. I know zero about her other than the fact that someone else knocked her up (so she was desirable at one time to at least one person...). I don't know what color her hair is, what her body style is like, if she has straight teeth, etc. I would hate to waste too much creativity on a girl that I am not going to take out again.

Side notes: I called Spinster two nights ago and left a message telling her to call me back. I haven't received anything back. Because of a few incidents from the past, I am really hestitant to try much harder to call her. How often can I try and call a girl? According to GetErDone, she wants to go out with me. But why wouldn't she return my phone call after two days? I mean, it only takes like 1 second to send a text saying "hey, got your call, super busy, call next week?"

how about a little luck?

So last week I went on a cruise. Not just any cruise, mind you, I went on an LDS singles cruise. (Pause for dramatic effect) TheWriter and I went to the opera the night before I left on my cruise. Having never been to the opera, I thought it might be kind of interesting. And it was. But it was also long (over three hours), set in Spain but sung in French, and too warm in the theater. Whenever I said anything to TheWriter, this lady in front of us turned her head as if to growl at us. Meanwhile, the couple next to us (older) were getting frisky and the guy behind us was loudly open mouth chewing his gum. We went back to my house after and decided to watch a movie. Yeah, I ended up making out with TheWriter. I felt so guilty after. I think TheWriter is a really cool girl; I think her and I should be friends. But I just don't feel a romantic interest in her. So why did I make out with her? Because I could. If it sounds stupid, that's cause it is stupid. When you know you can get away with something, I guess it makes it pretty easy to do.

On Saturday, Sugarloaf and I flew out with Arches. Arches is a girl Sugarloaf has known for a few years and who agreed to be roommates with me, Sugarloaf and TheCaptain for our cruise. I immediately had a huge crush on her because she is smart, pretty and nice. After one week sharing a room with her though, my crush is gone. She is way cool but most certainly not the girl for me.

On the cruise, I met lots of girls. The first girl I clicked with was Shart. We hung out on the second night and really clicked. I was honestly worried that perhaps I wasn't going to meet any more girls on the cruise cause I would be with Shart the whole time. Well, I didn't have any reason to worry, after that first hangout, Shart avoided me the rest of the week. We said hi and talked a bit from time to time but any interest that she might have had in me was gone. It was very frustrating. At the beginning of the cruise, I was sure that I would date her when we came back. Now, I am not even comfortable asking her on a date.

By the end of the cruise, I was so ready to come home. I was convinced that there was never going to be someone for me. I have brightened up a little. Ariel was on the cruise and she said some kind words to me. Still, I am as frustrated as I have ever been about my dating life.