The Situation

MrShit and I have talked on the phone a few times and messaged a number of times. She flew to Hong Kong early this morning for her study abroad. Meeting and hanging out with MrShit has reminded me that it is possible for me to meet someone and fall in love. It also reminded me that I will know it when it happens. Maybe for some people love is just being there. Just showing up. But it isn't that way for me. I require more than that. I require a legitimate emotional connection. I have had it happen enough times to recognize it's presence or lack thereof. Every time it happens, I question whether it will happen again. It may never happen again but as many readers have suggested, it is nonsensical for me to marry someone that I don't feel that spark with.

I am not saying things would or even could work out with MrShit. Right now she lives thousands upon thousands of miles away. We have different goals in life. Maybe something will come from it over time. Maybe not. But I am saying that I would rather spend my life lonely than compromise and marry someone without that spark. It would end in divorce. And if I think I am broken and lonely now, I can't imagine how it will feel to go through a divorce.

House came over on Wednesday night and we watched more Band of Brothers. We get along well. I don't know if she is frustrated that the relationship doesn't seem to be progressing. I guess I kind of am frustrated with it. I texted Pot about going out this weekend but she is busy. I think I will try one more date with her. I think she is cool but I don't know how high of a priority I am for her and she certainly isn't a super high priority for me.

Other notes: A girl named Conrad called me the other day to ask me to go to a concert with her. I had already made plans so I had to decline but I may end up taking her out.

When worlds collide

On Friday night, I took Pot to a baseball game on a double date with Milo. Pot is just so chill. I think that is probably one of her best qualities. As we were walking together, I honestly thought about holding Pot's hand. But I am not sure if I am ready for that. So I didn't. After the ball game, we went and saw the movie Salt. Absolute rubbish. The people involved in this movie shouldn't be allowed to make movies anymore. It was just crap. I think Milo and Pot enjoyed most of it. Seriously though, 10 minutes into the movie, I called the ending. I even told Pot so that she could verify how predictable it was. When I dropped Pot off, she kinda seemed to linger. I wonder if maybe she was expecting me to kiss her. Milo was in the car with his date so I certainly wasn't going to kiss her in front of them.

On Saturday, House and I went to the demolition derby. It was great fun. I wonder if House felt a little overwhelmed at times cause at the derby, I am probably more hyper than normal. She seemed to take it all in. I know she had a lot of fun.

At both the baseball game and the demolition derby, there were lots of scantily clad tattooed girls (sorry Punk, but you know I love you). This is the reason that I think maybe I wrote previously about mistresses. On an intellectual level, I can have these great conversations with House and Pot and have lots of fun. But on a sexual level, the scantily clad girls with tattoos have always held some appeal for me. They just appear so much more sexual than the conservative girls. I just wonder if maybe some guys are trying to "have their cake and eat it too" by taking on a mistress. I guess the reason I don't go out with more girls like that (the wilder girls) is cause I don't think I would have much to offer them. I suppose there are some wilder girls that don't drink but most of them probably do. And they probably have sex. I just kinda feel torn between two different worlds with neither one really fitting me.

Conversations with future strippers

House came over for Band of Brothers last Wednesday night. Nothing eventful. I enjoy all of the time I spend with her. On Thursday, Pot and I went to dinner. It was fun. Pot is older than me by a few years and is divorced. We went for Indian food and then dipped ice cream cones. It was a short date cause Pot is super busy right now but it was fun. The conversation went well and Pot seems like a super chill girl. I am excited to take her out again. Probably sometime next week, since she is out of town for most of this week.

On Saturday night, Milo and I met up with a couple of other guys for sushi before heading to a bar. I always feel a little awkward at bars cause I don't drink but it seemed like fun. We ended up at the same bar that I met Jasmine at a year ago. I ended up in a strange conversation with a girl that I will call StripperGirl (or SG for short) about whether stripping is degrading to women. SG wants to be a stripper and plans to make a ton of money and then retire and live the great life when she is my age. I just wasn't so convinced that it was such a great idea. But it made for a great conversation. SG definitely enjoyed talking to me and as the night went on, SG informed me that she was probably going to sleep with me that night. I hated to burst her bubble but it needed to be done. I hate using the excuse of "I am Mormon" cause it implies that I don't really think for myself and that the only reason I wasn't going to sleep with SG was because of religion. So I explained to SG that I wanted to wait for marriage and such. It was an interesting conversation, one that many mormon girls can probably relate to but not one that many guys have experienced. I was trying to explain my values to a drunk girl intent on sleeping with me.

Eventually, SG got offended that I wouldn't sleep with her. She said I was a tease. There really isn't a good response to that. I went to the bar because I wanted to have an interesting discussion with someone but to the average person, I guess going to bar is all about hooking up. Due to some weird circumstances, I ended up giving SG and her friends a ride home. I guess I should take the whole thing as a compliment.

On Sunday, I texted back and forth with McSwanson. I met McSwanson with littlebrother and Sugarloaf at a party celebrating the 4th of July. McSwanson is divorced with a kid but very spunky and friendly. I think she might have given her number out to four or five guys that night (including littlebrother) but she has potential. I might try and take her out this week. But McSwanson seems a little too playful to take seriously. Like that maybe she isn't taking dating seriously at all right now.

The pot calling the kettle black

The rodeo date with House was great. I absolutely love the rodeo and so does House. I just don't want to kiss her. I know it is confusing because if you read my blog, you probably think I am a bit of a slut and will kiss anything that walks. But still, I don't want to kiss her. I have a hard time explaining why. But why should I have to explain why? Isn't it just enough for me to say that I don't want to kiss a girl and leave it at that? I have kissed plenty of girls in my day. I know what kissing is like. The lack of a desire to kiss a girl basically means the lack of a desire to mate with her, correct? It's so frustrating cause if I could just fall in love with House, my life would be a lot easier. She is coming over tonight to watch the second episode of Band of Brothers with me.

When I was at the arts festival a few weeks ago, I ran into a girl that I met a year ago named Pot. We talked for just a minute but there was definitely some clicking between Pot and I. So we did the texting back and forth thing and we are meeting up for dinner tomorrow. Pot is generally pretty cute BUT she wears lipstick. Which, as you know, grosses me out. So here is the real dilemma. If I take Pot out tomorrow night for dinner and she is wearing lipstick, I will be grossed out and then I probably won't want to take her out again. But there is no way to call or text her before the date and say "oh, by the way, I have OCD about stuff on lips, so can you please let your lips be naked for the night so that we can find out if we are compatible?" My only hope really is that for some odd reason, Pot will decide to not wear lip crap tomorrow (cause it is really nonsensical - we are going to eat dinner - thats like making your bed right before it's bedtime). I will keep my fingers crossed.