Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Thursday, December 22, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Friday, November 11, 2011
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
Monday, October 24, 2011
Monday, October 3, 2011
Tuesday, September 20, 2011
Monday, September 12, 2011
Monday, August 22, 2011
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
Monday, August 8, 2011
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Friday, July 8, 2011
Wednesday, July 6, 2011
Thursday, June 30, 2011
Monday, June 13, 2011
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 23, 2011
For the first 6 weeks of dating Princess, I was unsure about her. She was pretty but I wasn't sure if I was attracted to her. Princess was a bit uppity and at the time, I held myself out to be a very regular guy. After all, I was driving a truck for a living. After each of our dates, as I drove home, I considered not calling or seeing her again. I felt as if Princess liked me more than I liked her. And then in an instant, everything changed. Princess informed me that her ex-boyfriend was coming back from an internship and she was going on a date with him that weekend. She said that because we had never discussed our "relationship" she was free to go out with him and maybe even kiss him. The following morning, I left on an interstate job. Over the next few days, I worked 80 hours. Most of the time was spent by myself in the truck on the open road. Nothing to think about except Princess. And losing her. Such was the beginning of the end. Our relationship didn't end that weekend. Instead, it was on life support for 6 weeks. I guess I can understand when a family keeps a loved one on life support long after the doctors have told them it's over. I fought desperately to get back what I had lost but in the end, it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. What happened with Princess that summer 6 years ago still haunts me.
So when I started liking Jewel, I felt her pulling away. I saw the future. I can't relax around her. It's as if I feel smothered by her sudden lack of interest. But did she change? Probably not. Over the past few days, I realized that Jewel can break my heart.
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
I think Jewel pulling back a little (whether intentional or not) kinda pushed me into opening up my feelings for her a little more. I found myself wanting to spend more time with her. After dinner, we drove around in my car. Jewel wanted to drive and so we had a lot of fun listening to country music while crusing the streets. (side note: are we always going to listen to only country music? I like country music but I think it's fair that she commit to listening to what I want to listen when we are in my car) We ended up planning a date for Friday night and talking about Jewel's date on Saturday. Luckily, she wasn't too excited about it.
On Friday, Jewel and I hit up a baseball game. I love going to baseball games and surprisingly, Jewel really enjoys it as well. Of course, the local team isn't as good as her hometown team but I still had a blast. We ate dinner at a nice restaurant and then watched a few episodes of Jersey Shore back at my place (side note: Jewel and I both really enjoy Jersey Shore, her because I think she has a bit of a secret crush on Pauly D, me because watching their train wreck lives makes me feel a little better about my own life). We ended up making out and it was by far the best makeout that Jewel and I have shared. After Jewel left, I definitely felt myself starting to like her more.
On Saturday, I met up with my friend DrJ for some frisbee. We were playing with a bunch of people when two girls showed up. One was a girl I used to be interested in named Cabinet and the other was a girl I have never met named Dream. Dream actually added me as a friend on Facebook several months ago, but since I had never met her, I hadn't (and still haven't) accepted her request. I didn't really get a chance to talk to Dream but let me tell you this, she was gorgeous. And a little bundle of energy. Several of my friends have tried to date Dream and she has given them the cold shoulder. Still, you could tell by the way people acted around her that everyone adored her. Dream is the kind of girl that every guy has a crush on. Probably because she looks you in the eye and smiles. She is that girl that you just think for a second maybe you might have a chance with. Dream totally reminds me of girls from my distant past such as Cassie and Mindy. Maybe it's just the way they smile in a mischievous way that gets me. Maybe it's the feeling that you are just barely out of their league that causes guys to go crazy. I have plenty of mean girls that are not as pretty as Dream that I know are out of my league. But my guess is that every guy sees Dream as being just out of reach. Like an apple on a tree that they just barely can't reach, holding on to a branch and leaning out. Dream is of the mold that causes a lot of guys to end up with a broken leg.
Friday, April 29, 2011
But, inevitably there is a crash. Usually my eyes go first. They start looking very tired. More tired than normal. Even if it's 10 at night, my eyes start looking like it's 4 in the morning and I haven't slept yet. My mind fogs up. Sometimes I crash and fall asleep easily. But most times, I end up at home sitting on the couch watching late night tv until three in the morning. Or sitting on my bed doing absolutely nothing for hours straight. I usually get a major headache. And I pay for it over the next few days. My body is so dehydrated; the inside of my mouth constantly feels sticky and occasionally gets completely dry.
I guess I crave that feeling of being on top of the world. I think all guys are attracted to wilder girls. It's probably due to evolution. Or maybe it's just a sign that I am not with the right girl yet. Either way, I can't help but notice tons of attractive girls all around.
Friday, April 15, 2011
Monday, April 11, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
I haven't written much about Wonder (or any of my recent dating experiences) because of some threats I received. Hopefully that is all behind me because I long to write. But Wonder and I met online. I think we have been out between 8 and 10 times. On our first date, Wonder and I talked frankly and I found out she was a germaphobe and she found out that I use public restrooms. She was disgusted, especially at the fact that I don't put those little paper liners down on the seat.
There are some things that I really like about Wonder. She is very kind. She always smells really good. She is a hard worker and knows the value of money. She has a great relationship with her family, especially her nieces and nephews.
There are also some things that I worry about with Wonder. She is a molly mormon. She has a bit of fat potential (FP). In social situations where Wonder is a bit uncomfortable, she tends to stand back and be quiet and just watch the other people interact.
**Before you are too critical of me for saying that a girl has FP, let me just say that everyone has the potential for different things. For a girl, having FP may simply mean that her mom is overweight. Or that she has big bones. I have AP (alcoholic potential) because my grandpa was an alcoholic. Does it mean I am going to be an alcoholic? No. It just means that if left unchecked, I could be.
The biggest question with Wonder is whether our personalities really mesh or not. Lets face it, I am loud and obnoxious and sometimes vulgar. I am hyper. So when a girl tends to just sit back and take all of that in, it appears that our personalities do not match. Such was the case with Sunday. My mom (bless her heart but she drives me crazy sometimes) felt the need to write me an email after the dinner about how she felt that Wonder and I weren't right for each other and that she still thinks I need to get back with House. It didn't ruin my day but it certainly ruined my hour. Who wants to hear from someone they really care about that they think you are making a mistake? Especially when it is something as personal as dating. My mom saw neither all of the interactions between House and I nor all the interactions between Wonder and I. How can she possibly know why I make the decisions that I make?
In all fairness, Wonder and I are not a match made in heaven. There have been a couple of occasions where I said something that Wonder took as perhaps me trying to be offensive towards her family. I didn't mean it that way but it showed we weren't quite on the same page. And while I think it is great that she is such a devout Mormon, it is a bit of a conflict with my own life. It's not that I don't try and live all the church's teachings. It's just that I trip up from time to time. And someone who has never tripped up is bound to have a harder time understanding it.
The email from my mom got me thinking a lot about Wonder. And about the other girls that I date. I guess I am just spinning my wheels. I made a conscious effort and removed the stale daters that were clogging my dating pool. I try and say a prayer before every date that I go on. But, I definitely worry about what sort of match I really want. Of course it is going to take a special person to put up with the energy that I bring to the table. But also, what sort of energy do I want? The more I think about it, the more I crave having someone that is very outgoing. Not just someone that makes a great audience. It's not to say that Wonder is out (and there is no way I would let my mom have that much power over my dating life). But maybe, like U2 I "still haven't found what I'm looking for." Sometimes I am just so tired of looking though.
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
In any case, I am going to stop running. Someone once told me that dating was all a numbers game (or was it me that told someone else that? I can never be too sure). According to my records, at the age of 27 I had been on a first date with 204 women. That is when I stopped keeping records. But I have easily been out with another 100 girls since then. It all started when my bishop told my older brother as he turned 16 that he should try and go out with 20 different girls before he married one. Who knows how different my life might have been if I had never heard those words. So I kept track. It became a bit of a ritual, I got home from a date and I wrote her name on the list. I dated when I had no interest in dating. I dated when I had no money. Sure I dated girls that I was really interested in. But if there wasn't one or she wasn't available, I dated anyway. Some of my friends were very critical of this list (and of my dating habits) but I wasn't really doing it for them. I had this romantic idea in my head that my wife would be the last name on the list and we would frame it and place it in our house to display what I had gone through to find her. Instead, I ended up burning the list in a little ceremony.
People were critical of the list just as they were critical (and still are) of my dating habits. But I can't take everyone's advice all the time. I guess in hindsight, I should have never taken anyone's advice. If I had those dates back, I would probably have enough money to pay off my car and my student loans. I don't think taking that many girls out on dates was selfish.
I do think that I need a change though. I am going to stop going out on dates with girls I don't like. It means I probably will spend a lot more time playing video games or watching tv and a lot less time going to shows, plays, operas, ballets, concerts, baseball games, basketball games, football games, formal dinners, informal dinners, restaurants, etc. Maybe I will start writing music again (although the only thing that ever inspired me to write music was girls). I hope I can continue to blog about some of my more interesting dating experiences.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
On Tuesday, one of the girls I had been going on dates with found my blog and texted me to let me know her disapproval. To say that it stressed me out would be gross understating. Part of the reason that I am such a nice person in real life is that I don't want to hurt people's feelings. So, I began taking advantage of the anonymity that this blog affords me, and I posted some things that were harsher than I should have. I called her and apologized. She told me that I objectified women and that I clearly needed therapy. It seemed rather ironic having her tell me how bad of a person I am for having posted some of the things about her personality that I didn't like.
I immediately pulled the blog offline while I decided what to do. Do I want to keep writing and risk more problems such as this? Do I want to discontinue the blog? Should I sugarcoat everything I write about every girl so as to prevent any feelings from being hurt in the future? I guess what it really comes down to is this question "Am I treating dating as a game or am I truly searching for the right one?" Even though I would like to think it is the latter, I have to admit it is a combination of both. But what right does anybody have to judge me for that? Thus, I am going to continue blogging and let the chips fall where they land.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
On Monday night, I talked on the phone with a new girl named Wonder. I haven't yet met Wonder but we are going on a date on Saturday. We have been emailing on the dating website for a little while and she seems pretty cool. Definitely much more conservative than me but it should be fun to go out with her. Last night, TAB came over to make smoothies. We went to the grocery store to purchase appropriate smoothie supplies. TAB was absolutely annoying at the store. Ever since I told her that I thought she was controlling, she kinda tries to pretend like she is not controlling by saying things like "it's your smoothie, what do you want to do?" But then she picks and chooses pretty much everything. The smoothie did not turn out as well as the one with Simpson, even though Simpson and I spent $10 on supplies while TAB and I spent $30 on supplies. We didn't kiss or anything and I have no intention of going out with TAB again. TAB is sort of like an annoying expensive restaurant in Las Vegas with expensive sub-standard food. It's too hard to get and the food you do get is not near worth the expense to obtain it.
Today, I walked into my office to find an envelope from the business where House works. My heart jumped. I was worried I was going to get a scathing letter about how irresponsible I am. Or some other bad news from House. My secretary opens all of my mail (I have no idea if she reads it or not, but the mail is always placed on my desk opened) so I was also a little nervous about what she might have seen. The envelope included a book called "Look me in the eye" and a letter from House. It was kind but basically said that in the future, I should try and be a better communicator. I have struggled so much with wanting to write House an email or call her and try and work things out. In fact, I almost cried while thinking about her this morning. I had/have feelings for her. I just never felt like it was enough. Like that I never felt strong enough about her to justify ruining her life by having me be a large part of it.
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
I am pretty sure I had a date with TAB but I can't really remember it. I am sure she kinda drove me crazy, whatever it was. I am still texting her, which shows maybe there is more interest there than I am willing to admit.
On Friday night, I went out with Dee and Dum. I might have also told them about this blog. And I might have also allowed them to read some of it. And I might have also read aloud to them some of the blogs about them. I don't know why, I just did. They didn't seem too mad. I was a little worried that they might be upset with me for their nicknames (sorry Dum) or because I said that they were crazy. Dee and Dum have set up accounts on another dating website to catch married men attempting to cheat. I don't think this sort of thing would even occur to me but they have it set up and they are going to set up meetings and sit in a car and watch some dirty guy show up expecting to have sex with them only to be stood up. They want me to come along. I am pretty sure there is a movie where this sort of thing happened and people ended up getting murdered. I can think of at least one. That trucker movie Joy Ride where the kids pretend to be some girl and they tell the driver a hotel room to meet them at as a joke and the next day someone was murdered in that hotel and then the semi starts following them all over. A bit unrealistic because how hard is it to outrun a semi-truck if you are in a car?
Simpson has been texting me again so I scheduled a date for her for Saturday. I guess it has been about two years of back and forth with Simpson. Hard to get my hopes up that this go around will be any better than any of the other go arounds. I have met a couple other girls on the dating site and am planning on going on dates with them in the next week or two.
Friday, January 21, 2011
Next, we visited houses. Some nights we would go to 10 or 12 different houses. She always drove so that I could eat cookies in the passenger seat. Heather picked out all the potential houses and sent me pictures. I was free to veto any of the pictures if they looked like they wouldn't be something I would want. Heather and I probably looked at over 100 houses. We would show up at a house and Heather would immediately explain to me what the positives and negatives of that particular house were. I am picky but I don't realize it. So I would look at a house and say "well, I think I like this and this," and Heather would say "I can already tell you don't like this house." So we would move on.
I chose a house and put an offer on it. This is sort of like getting into a relationship with a girl. My parents came and viewed the house, along with a few of my close friends, and they said that they weren't really sure it fit me. So Heather and I went out on another trip and looked at even more houses. That last trip was almost a disaster. Heather and I looked at a number of houses that were not at all what I wanted. We stopped at our last house of the evening both feeling a bit frustrated. The house was gorgeous. It was well within my price range although the sellers were asking a little more than what I had hoped to pay. After 15 minutes of walking through the house, I knew it was the one. We got into the car, and without me even saying anything, Heather knew it was the one too. We did the paperwork, canceled the contract on the first house and made an offer on the second house.
Part of the problem with dating is that I never get to really see what all the options are. When I go to parties, I am only looking at the flashy expensive luxury houses. They are out of my price range and more house than I want. When I go to a singles ward, I feel as if I am looking at the fixer uppers. The ones where you get a lot equity fast but may need a little work before you can move in. If I go to a bar, I am really just looking at apartments (temporary) or condos (not really what I want). While I was still in college, I had the opportunity to view all the new models. It was like the Home Show where they show you all the newest latest and greatest house technologies. The problem with those houses is that everyone wants to buy them, so it is a seller's market, which drives prices up. Now that I am out of college, I hardly see any houses that are for sale. I follow the same path to work and home every day. I pass maybe three houses that are for sale and not one of them interest me. What I need is a marriage realtor. One that can accurately assess what options are appropriate for me and what options are outside of my league (up or down). And one that only charges once I actually settle down. How much can one expect to pay for a service like that? Do you know anyone that offers a service like that?
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
I hung out with TAB twice last week. She drove me crazy both times. I don't think I can do much with her anymore. Besides being a bit controlling, she can also be mean. She isn't very sensitive to other's feelings and none of my roommates like her. I guess it's back to the drawing board.
Monday, January 10, 2011
On Thursday, I went to the wedding reception of House's brother. House had invited me and I was glad I went. I had fun just sitting and talking with House. On Friday, I had another date with TAB. After dinner, TAB said that she was tired and had to get up early the next morning so I took her to her house. I haven't quite got TAB figured out. She has the attention span of a 5 year old. She might like me a lot one minute and not like me at all the next minute.
On Sunday, House and I went to dinner with my family at my grandma's house. It was a lot of fun. House is just super chill with people. Compared to some of the other girls I have dated, of course my family is going to like House. Still, House handled it like a charm. We had fun playing with my cousins on the wii. Still, I couldn't help but think about what an older gentleman in my family ward had told me earlier that day. "But what if I don't know if she is the right one?" I asked. "Then she isn't and you should leave her and move on," was his reply.
TAB texted me on Sunday night to say she didn't think she could date me because, she said she is "really hestitant about things with you. I don't want to string you along. I don't know what to do..." Then 10 minutes later she said "I'm in a strange place and need to take it slow... but I want to see you. I'm annoying, huh?" Today she texted me and said "Let's try to get together and we'll play it by ear?" I didn't respond. The whole thing is just weird.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
That night, TAB and I cuddled and I felt myself kind of leaning towards liking her. The thing is, House is better than TAB in pretty much every category. Ugh, that sounds awful. TAB is a really cool girl but she is definitely a bit spacey at times. I think part of the problem is that I am driven to like girls that are a bit crazy. House came over one night and we exchanged Christmas gifts. It was short lived cause I was sick. I really do feel bad that I am not falling in love with House. In fact, I am kinda pissed off at myself.
Over New Years, Dee and Dum and RunsWithScissors and I headed to Las Vegas. We met up with Dee's friend Unwritten for dinner. I immediately kinda liked Unwritten. She is really tall and very pretty. Plus, she is super chill. Not a bad girl at all. But just more relaxed in social situations. As we were eating dinner, I came up with an idea for challenges that each of us was to try and complete before the evening was over. It was a fun idea and everyone helped come up with ideas. My challenge was to propose to Unwritten 11 times in front of large groups of people. So I bought a cheap ring in a gift shop and got to it. You would not believe the kind of reaction you get when you propose to a girl in front of a huge crowd on New Years Eve. People started cheering. They gave me high fives. They wanted to see the ring. On the fourth (and final time), people came running at us and started running in circles around us. Unwritten was a good sport but four times was enough for both of us. Unwritten is still getting over an exboyfriend and is pretty much undateable right now.
On New Years Day, we met up with Unwritten and her brother for dinner. Our waitress Dispatch was very pretty. She reminded me of WTEG a lot. Not fat but not skinny. More curvy. And she just seemed really fun. It was a bit depressing cause she flirted with Unwritten's brother a bunch. What was I gonna do anyway? Ask for her number? I doubt it.
House sent me a message on New Years Day in distress. She was trying to figure out why we weren't spending much time together. I think House has been a really good sport through all of this. I really don't feel like I have been stringing House along although I know a lot of people would argue otherwise. I wrote her an email today explaining how much I liked her but how I wasn't falling in love with her and I wasn't sure if it was because we weren't right for each other or because I have defense mechanisms set up. To be honest, I am really scared to see how she might reply. Of course it is selfish to want to keep House around without my being ready to commit to her. I don't like myself for even considering it. But should I really drop the girl that is probably the best fitted to me because I am unsure about myself? If I were sure that House wasn't the one, I would have dropped her a long time ago.