Monday, May 3, 2010

Are you cooler than me?

I was supposed to go on a date with Simpson on Friday night but she canceled. She said her mom was in town and it sounded legit enough that I just let it slide. We made plans to do something tonight but then last night she texted me and asked if we could move it to tomorrow night. Maybe the reason I stopped dating Simpson a year ago was because it was just so hard to actually see her.

On Sunday, I went to church at the 90210 ward. There were literally 500 people there. To anyone who says there is not a mormon aristocracy, I present the 90210 ward as exhibit A. Sacrament meeting is a freaking fashion show. In most singles wards, the parking lot resembles a badly maintained used car lot. There will be cars with the spare tire on, cars with cracked windshields, and cars without paint jobs. Typical for the poor college students that attend. Not the 90210 ward. Harley Davidson motorcycles, lexus, audi, mercedes, ferrari (singular) and other brands fill the lot. Both the guys and the girls look like fashion models. Girls walk around with $1000 purses and $1000 high heels. Some of the guys have expensive business suits. I hadnt showered cause I was running late. And I had a moustache. I felt super out of place. As I sat there looking at all the beautiful people, I felt more and more like there was no way I was ever going to meet someone. I left in a very bad mood.

I took a nap to reset and then went over to Gamer's place to play video games. We played Super Mario Bros on the wii for like 4 hours. It was fun. Gamer is absolutely not as cute as some of the other girls I have dated. She is completely inactive in the church. She uses the F word quite frequently. She is socially awkward.

A few years ago, I did an internship. I was roommates with Kenny. Kenny was a nice enough kid. One time we had a conversation and he basically told me that he knew he was cooler than me. It bothered me at the time. I mean, he probably was cooler than me. But I disliked the fact that he had to tell me he thought he was cooler than me. With some of the girls I date, I think it is the same. They may not come right out and say it but they think they are cooler than me. Maybe all the really attractive girls think that. I mean, they have spent their whole lives being told how much better they are than everyone else (the mormon princess syndrome) by their dad, their mom, their siblings, their church teachers, their friends at school and their boyfriends that they actually start believing it.

When I take one of these girls out on a date, they have know that they are better than me. Sure, they may give me a chance. But did I ever really have a chance? I don't think I did. With Gamer, I know that she doesnt think she is better than me.

19 comments:

  1. Love this. I sound like Simpson. Guys thing I'm not into them because I'm too busy. Glad someone else is picking up on first Sunday of the term fashion show parties. I skip that week.

    How do you afford all your dates? Are you sponsored? ;p

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  2. i think many girls in your age bracket really misinterpret the "royal daughter of your Heavenly Father". if you can afford those clothes and cars, ok, but can they? really? back in the day LDS receptions consisted of cheap mints on a "sterling silver" tray and a punch bowl with ice water in the cultural hall. now the average LDS reception could give mtv's sweet 16 a run for its money.
    i like how you are shedding light on some of the insecurities men face in this whole dating game.
    you mention socially awkward a lot. can you give your definition? its hard to believe that you run into so many socially awkward girls. especially lds ones-we are such a social(peculiar, but social) people.

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  3. It kind of sounds like you enjoy Gamer's company because YOU think you're cooler than HER.

    Am I touching something here? ;)

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  4. Dear Rachel Adventure:

    So you think it just happens on fast sunday? I kinda get the impression that it happens every week in that ward but I suppose it is kicked into overdrive on fast sunday. Sponsored? That would be such a great idea. I am an attorney so I do fairly well for myself but I could always use some extra cash if you know someone interested in sponsoring me. When are you going to ghana?

    Love Tripp

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  5. Dear singlemormonchick:

    I have no idea how they can afford anything. Some work multiple jobs but I suspect that most have their dad pay for these things, they pay for them out of their trust fund (there are trust fund babies in mormon culture too) or guys just buy them these things. There is a whole different standard for beautiful people in this world and we all know it.

    When I say socially awkward I mean that at times you can tell that they really don't know how to act in a social situation. They might use the F word in public. Or tell you something very personal that you didnt really want to know. Or just act uncomfortable at times. In the case of Gamer, a couple of times she said something like "I don't really have any friends." Also, she is an engineer in her 20's that plays a lot of video games. I think that implies that she is at least a bit socially awkward.

    Love Tripp

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  6. Dear Holly:

    Trying to touch a nerve eh? I enjoy Gamer's company because she is different. Maybe I am cooler than her but maybe I am not. One of the things that bothers me is when people know they are cooler and especially when they tell someone else they are cooler. I won't fall into that trap. Gamer is just different than me.

    Love Tripp

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  7. I think that you are on the right track with Gamer except for the swearing and inactivity. Not saying you should find some nerd, but you do need to realize how you feel with her. It sounds like she is a girl that allows you to be completely yourself. You shouldn't have to try to be someone you are not to get a girl to like you. I don't think the rich girls are for you-they'd go crazy with your bank account! And I don't think the nerd that likes to swear is for you either. You need something almost in the middle, but slightly leaning towards Gamer. Just my opinion of course!

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  8. oh my gosh! that is something else i have heard about-that a lot of lds girls insist that the guy take them shopping on their date. i might be old, but i have to say that just seems ridiculous to me! what happened to the old fashioned wisdom of not accepting expensive gifts when you just start dating someone? its a fine line. its nice to be old fashioned and accept chivalry-the guy pays for dinner and the movie or concert tickets. maybe brings you flowers, but expensive clothes, jewelry, or cars?! come on now.
    i have seen the lds trust fund babies. kind of makes the lessons on self reliance and provident living a little moot, eh?
    i think if you let your issue with lip gloss application go, you will find your girl tripp. ;-)

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  9. Dear Kensey:

    I feel like I need to be something that I am not a lot of the time to get a girl to like me. How can I possibly find someone in the middle?

    Love Tripp

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  10. Dear singlemormonchick:

    Seriously. I can't believe how many times a girl has said that she got something cause a boy bought it for her. I don't think that has anything to do with chivalry. It is just girls taking advantage of guys. Just because the guy offers it does not mean the girl must accept it.

    I have worked very hard on the lip gloss thing. I even did some research on it today (but my stomach turned too much to really get anywhere). Here is where I think a decent middle ground could be reached.

    1. No applying of any makeup while I am still consuming dinner. This includes dessert. If you must do it, get up and go to the bathroom. In fact, this is always preferable. Do not apply any makeup while in my car. No exceptions - do not ask.

    2. If you must wear the stuff, only one application per evening. Thus, you can show up on the date with it and maybe apply after dinner but that is it.

    3. If you are going to apply it, become a minimalist. Lathering it on your lips like mayonaise is disgusting even if you are a supermodel.

    4. Do not ask me to hold your lip gloss. Ever!

    I think is reasonable. I mean, I am making some adjustments right?

    Love Tripp

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  11. I hate lip gloss. It is too sticky and way too shiny. Gross.

    Chapstick = soft lips & no stickiness

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  12. I think that is exactly what you are doing! You can't be yourself so the girl interprets this as awkward, desperate, etc. I think that you should stop going to 90210 ward and trying to get that type of girl to like you. That ward just sounds plain ridiculous! Who are these girls and have I been out of the dating scene that long to miss all of this nonsense? What is it that honestly attracts you to this type of girl? Is is the nice clothes, jewelry, and car? Or is it the gobs of makeup, hair color, skinny body from not eating, and tanning booth? Personally I don't think this high maintenance type of girl is for you because you have made it quite clear how you feel about simple lip gloss! Maybe you should reevaluate your goal. I think that if you do some soul searching you will realize that maybe deep down you want something different. Sure these girls are beautiful and they would impress all of your friends, but that is all there is to them. They are shallow snobs and I think that you realize this judging from previous posts. Are you really just looking for a trophy wife? When you can act yourself around a girl and have more reasonable expectations (not necessarily lower your standards)about what kind of girl you really want and are capable of achieving (not at all meant as an insult) then that is when the girl in the middle will appear. It doesn't matter how many people give you advice-you have to realize this before that perfect girl for you appears. I do really think she is out there. I just think that you think she looks and acts a lot differently then she really does. I hope you aren't offended because this is just my opinion...

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  13. i am not sure if its reasonable. not applying makeup at the dinner table-even lip gloss-is understandable, but...you disgust for the whole thing seems a little out of whack. was there a "lip gloss incident" that started your whole anti lip gloss campaign? maybe there is an older post you can refer me to that will shed more light. i bet you end up falling madly in love with a major lip gloss wearer. that would be hilarious. :) btw-i consider you one of the beautiful people tripp.

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  14. Dear singlemormonchick:

    What does that mean that you consider me "one of the beautiful people?" I wish there were one incident that started my whole obsessive compulsive disorder thing. But there isn't. I hated having my mom kiss me when I was 3 or 4 years old. I dreaded the scout salute when I earned a merit badge and had to kiss my mom. Some people kiss their mom on the lips! I can't even imagine that. I remember being disgusted by the girls in the 7th grade when they were fretting about whether they had lipstick on their teeth or not in the class pictures. I remember kissing my high school girlfriend and getting some weird taste in my mouth that was really disgusting. I just can't imagine me falling in love with a major lip gloss wearer. I am scared to death of a wedding day and having her cake makeup on and some photographer telling me to kiss her for the pictures. I won't do it. I can't do it. And it isn't the kind of thing I want to get over really. I mean, it would be great to not be grossed out by it but if you were scared of spiders, would you really want to go through the process of becoming not scared (by having them crawl all over you) and do you really want to reach a point where waking up to a spider crawling on your face doesn't freak you out? I doubt it. Instead, you just want spiders to go away. I just want lip gloss and other lip products to go away.

    Love Tripp

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  15. The Newton'sMay 10, 2010 at 10:35 PM

    I think that you will be surprised on your wedding day. You will love the girl so much that you will be willing to endure even grosser things then having to kiss her beautiful lips on the best day of your life! You will do it and plenty grosser things for this girl because you will absolutely adore her. Obviously you haven't found the one yet, but when you do I don't think you will feel quite so passionately about the lip gloss thing. Your passion will be redirected towards your wife.

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  16. i was teasing you a little bit with the "beautiful people" comment. i generally dont like that term. i am considered beautiful. it gives me the creeps to even type that. it seems so shallow, so meaningless. did being beautiful save me from anything? maybe from changing a tire or something, but i still face the ickiness everyone else in the world has to deal with. heartbreak, divorce, layoffs, death of a parent, etc.
    sounds like a full fledged disorder! :) if you actually feel that strongly about it and the issues go that far back, i think it is definitely a deal breaker for you. i thought a little therapy might help. like kissing a really hot girl with modest amounts of a non goopy lip gloss on to break you of this, but i think all efforts would be in vain.

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  17. Dear The Newton's:

    I hope that is the case. But this goes against your previous advice to keep dating someone that I am not falling head over heels for. Should I continue to date a girl when I already know I will never do things that gross me out for her? I clearly haven't found the one yet.

    Love Tripp

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  18. Dear singlemormonchick:

    You are considered beautiful? I guess I am not even sure what that means. I know I am attractive to some people and not attractive to others. It is all subjective. I certainly have never gotten out of changing tires because of my looks. So it has gotten you something that it didn't get me. Plus, you were married. It didn't last (probably because you married the wrong guy (no offense to your ex-husband, I just remember you saying he is a total deadbeat dad - sounds like the wrong guy to me)) but it got you married. I know you experienced some time of true happiness (until that nasty episode of cheating). But would you trade looks for more luck? Would you become less beautiful to be better at math? or basketball?

    I seriously get grossed out thinking about making out with a hot girl with modest amounts of a non goopy lip gloss on. Truth is, I become much less attracted to a girl when she has stuff on her lips. Like Taylor Swift. She looks great a lot of the time and then she has these glamour photos when bright red lipstick and she just looks disgusting in them. It IS a major disorder. It just makes more sense in my mind to marry a granola rather than try and fix the problem.

    Love Tripp

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  19. i would trade looks for true happiness in a good relationship. not for math or basketball. i have never cared for sports and i was willing to be somewhat lacking in the math dept since i excelled in english and literature.
    i agree that taylor swifts makeup artist goes a little crazy with her make up sometimes.
    based on what i have learned(relatively little, i know)i cannot imagine you with a granola girl. if lip gloss grosses you out, i cant imagine what hairy arm pits and birkenstocks would do to you.

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