Friday, July 16, 2010

Bullied by the world around me.

This weekend I have a date with SG and a date with House. I know what you are saying, "Tripp, are you crazy? Why are you going out with SG?" Well, I just thought it would make for an interesting story. I kinda feel a bit low on interesting stories right now. House came over the other night and we watched band of brothers. We talked and it was just great. I think the world of her but I am just not finding myself falling in love with her. According to my dad and one of my coworkers, that should be no excuse. I should just marry her anyway. Marriage is less about love and more about mutual respect and partnership. In 7 years, the whole looks thing won't matter anyway. Phooooey.

I don't want to live that life. I refuse to live that life. In the words of Taylor Swift (yeah, I listen to Taylor Swift, what's it to you?)

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
and it's 2 am and I'm cursing your name
you're so in love that you act insane
and that's the way I loved you
breaking down and coming undone
it's a roller coaster kinda rush
and I never knew I could feel that much
and that's the way I loved you.

Maybe I am just writing this because I might be starting to cave a little. I might have been thinking "sure, I can marry someone that I am not in love with. It would make my life much easier. We could talk and have lots of fun and when it came to lovemaking, I could just go with it, I guess." It just adds to the problem of me feeling bullied by the world around me.


  1. even though its from a womans perspective, you should check out "marry him!" by lori gottleib. i am a little more than 1/2 way through it and she is talking about this very thing-that the things that get you all hot and bothered now and are so very important will not be important in a few years and you very well might look back and wish you had married house because you could have been happy. i know i passed up a few really great guys that i did not feel the "za za zing" for and there is at least one that i KNOW i could have been happy with and i probably would have grown to love him. in the long run, you need different things, i can TESTIFY to that. :)
    ps-did you get the little pun combo there? a mormon thing and a lawyer thing. ha ha. :/

  2. I agree with singlemormonchick (its a very interesting book too). And I think the media makes us feel like there has to be this big fireworks thing full of constant attraction/lust in order to know we are supposed to "be" with someone. I totally disagree. I think its important to be emotionally, mentally and spiritually connected to someone, then the physical attraction is an outgrowth of that connection. If you are curious, there is a book called Passionate Marriage that talks about having "wall socket sex" which requires the person to know themselves and be vulnerable to the other person and that only when those things happen is the best sex ever possible. Warning: the book mentioned above is extremely explicit. It was required reading for my degree in MFT.

  3. So you would get married just for the sake of getting married? Maybe I am naive but I thought that you get married because you can't live without someone and you want them to be a part of your life forever. That you want to build a life and family with them.

    Is that dumb? I mean I want to get married someday but I hope that it is to someone that I not only respect but that I find attractive too. I guess I don't know a lot about the Mormon faith and if marriage is a sort of requirement but if it is that seems sad. You don't want to get pushed into a life long commitment because you "have to". You should be excited and happy to spend the rest of your life with that person because they make your life better in ways you didn't know were possible.

    Just my silly little naive two cents.

    PS on a different note, Tripp I got my first speeding ticket today. I was going wayyy over the speed limit too...I think this is partially your fault.

  4. Don't give up on House, but don't sell out either. I say just keep developing the friendship as you would with any other person. If it develops into something more, then that's fantastic. If it doesn't, then at the very least you've made a great friend. The good thing is you aren't super-attracted to her right now (I'm guessing), so this means you probably won't screw up and start kissing her without liking her. If you ever do start liking her that will make the kiss all the more meaningful. If you don't, then you didn't do anything wrong because you kept your hands to yourself!

  5. Wow! I am actually impressed with what little brother had to say. I didn't know you had it in ya little bro!
    I think you are expecting love at first sight and fireworks and passion on the first or second date. I think that is so rare. Passion is important, but you can't have a successful marriage if that is all you have. You have to be compatible on so many other levels and I think that is when the true passion comes. Of course you can't marry House just because you click. Love is very important. You are at an interesting point in the relationship. I would definitely say that it is similar to where I was. I thought the world of Austin. We had fun together, he was intelligent, and he treated me great. But I wasn't all that attracted to him or in love with him. I was nearing that point when you end it with someone because I wasn't feeling it. That is when I went to the famous devotional talk at the Y. I took the speakers advice (I wish I could find this awesome talk!) and tried to go around the block once more before ending it. I tried to look at Austin and our relationship with a different perspective and a more open mind. Not because I was desperate to get married or because I felt bad for Austin, but because I think so many of us have unreal expectations and we are too hard on the people we date. I had to get rid of that superficial list in my mind of the perfect guy. I tried to stop thinking about the things that maybe I didn't like, but focus more on the things that I did like. I by no means tried to make myself fall in love, but it happened. It was gradual and not love at first sight. But I think that is why it is so strong still today. I wasn't immediately in love with just his appearance which doesn't last, but I was in love with his strengths and his flaws. Again You shouldn't marry House because she is perfect for you. Of course you need to be in love. But I think you will find that if you go around the block and look with a different more realistic perspective you'll realize that she could really be the one for you.

  6. First of all, amen, Little Bro. Well said.

    Secondly, if you "think the world" of someone and love being with them, I think you're off to a pretty good start and should just see where it takes you without forcing anything.

    I guess basically, I totally agree with your brother and this comment was totally superfluous.

  7. *Knew ... not new - sorry for the typo.

  8. Oh no!!! Don't listen to your commenters!!!!! Don't!!!!

    Never ever give in or give up!! Don't be bullied!!! And it's YOUR life and YOUR heart and YOUR future!!! It doesn't matter what ANYONE says - it only matters how YOU feel and what YOU believe. My parents have been married for a million and one years - and they are STILL IN LOVE!!!

    It wouldn't have worked for them if they weren't IN LOVE - and THEY say that!!!

    My brother and his wife new right away that they wanted to get married - and they're HAPPY and have a family now.

    It's easy for someone to say "forget about love - it's foolish" - but THEY don't have to live with the decision of marrying someone they are not crazy madly in love with!!!

    Sure - marriage is about partnership, respect and sustainability - absolutely 100% - but if that's ALL it's about - why did God give us the ability to fall madly deeply crazily in love? Just to torment us? I highly doubt it.

    Maybe part of your test is being patient. Being alone isn't the end of the world. And I'd take being alone for years and years and years and years to meet the right one. Maybe you need to focus more on being happy alone - and being patient.

    And btw - the man I'm seeing is 40. Never married. And being the same religion as you - he was under the same pressure. He believes it was worth it to wait because if he hadn't - he wouldn't have met me. I'm not perfect by any means - but he and I are perfect for each other and now that we've found each other - we're working toward the M word. :)

    Don't give up - don't give in - just be patient. :)