Gamer peppered me throughout the weekend with texts. I really didn't want to hang out with her so I made it seem like I was super busy with work and just too tired to hang out. Instead, I went to a Mormon Aristocracy party with Sugarloaf, TheCaptain and littlebrother. I have been to this exact same party approximately 47 times in my life. It may be at a different setting and there may be a slightly different group of people there but essentially it is always the same party. I guess it is better than nothing but I always find myself leaving these parties saying to myself "I am never going to another one of those parties again." It's not that there aren't cute girls there. Aussie was there (although I doubt she recognized me). It's just that most of the people don't seem to go to these things to meet people. They go to hang out with people they already know. Halfway through the party, someone cranked up the volume on some obnoxious music just to ensure that anyone attempting to have a conversation would be discouraged. For the upcoming generation, dancing and physical interaction always seem to have a higher priority and come before real social interaction.
On Sunday, while avoiding texts from Gamer, I called up House and suggested we go on a walk. I drove over to her place and we just walked for awhile. It was great. The conversation with House is always lively and interesting. Throughout the night, my mind kept running into the dead end of "why can't I date this girl?"
On Monday, I even sat down with one of the partners at my law firm to discuss it. His advice was actually quite astonishing to me. He said that if he were single, physical attraction would not even be close to the top priority when looking for a wife. He said that no matter what, all of that will mean basically nothing in five years. To be honest, I still have a hard time wrapping my head around that. If I were marrying for personality, House would be great. And House isn't an ugly girl. As I have thought about it over the past few days, I have concluded that I have an ego. On my mission, an elder that was fairly popular sent out engagement photos. My friends and I were shocked when we saw the announcement. This guy was marrying a girl that seemed obviously less attractive than him and was slightly overweight. To be honest, we all threw in a few jabs about them. Maybe I do have a bit more of an ego than I would like to admit.
When I dated Mindy many many years ago, it felt so great to go out in public with her. I was a superstar. Is it wrong for me to want that again? Should I just take my dad's advice "Tripp, you are never going to find a better girl for you than House."
Last night, I went to dinner with Gamer. I kinda felt obligated to. Gamer seemed even more clingy. I walked her back to her car and I know that a) she really wanted me to kiss her and b) she really wanted me to invite her back to my place (we met near where I work). I just wasn't having it. I felt bad about it too. I have always been terrified about dumping a girl (even when we aren't really dating). But I gotta do something about Gamer. She wants things to progress and I am really not feeling it.
Beneficial Use Of Casters
5 years ago
sigh.
ReplyDeleteI ditto singlemormonchick's comment
ReplyDeletesigh.
A few things... Get rid of Gamer. Nicely. You seem certain that you aren't interested and I feel bad for her poor little heart. Second, your partner is a genius. Looks will not be nearly as important in five years. Hardly anybody looks as good as they did five years ago. Especially after having a few kids. When you see what pregnancy and childbirth do to your wife you may start running. So, looks won't matter anymore because the kids will slowly destroy her body and face. SOmetimes this is done through pure exhaustion alone. You will have nothing left to look at but stretch marks and bags under the eyes so you will be glad that you at least have a great personality to talk to when the kids are FINALLY asleep. Finally, you have a major ego. I am glad you finally realized it.
ReplyDeleteDidn't I tell you that you needed to nip this Gamer situation in the bud?
ReplyDeleteAnd PS, I really hope Kens is a woman being her own worst critic, not a man talking about his wife. Wow.
Dear Kens:
ReplyDeleteYou don't paint a very pretty picture of married life. If I am not in love with a girl, I can guarantee you that I will run when I see what pregnancy and childbirth does to my wife. And then what? 18 years of child support and returning to the single life as a divorced father? Sorry if that just doesn't sound appealing to me. And I didn't say I have a major ego. Just a bigger ego than I had before admitted to. Why is it so bad for me to want the same happiness that you have in your marriage? Thats all I want.
Love Tripp
Dear Holly:
ReplyDeleteYou did tell me and I didn't take your advice. In my defense, I was a lot more unsure about it a few weeks ago than I am now. But yes, I am willing to endure your "I told you so"s. And Kens is a woman.
Love Tripp
i would agree that in some way you need to physically be attracted to your spouse, but looks definitely are not everything...honestly at least you can see that you have an ego...you've admitted that you do. that's the biggest step in fixing something..if you so choose to.
ReplyDeleteDear Little:
ReplyDeleteSo what do you suggest? I have never said that looks are everything, just that they are something. I can't just subtract looks from the equation. Should I just marry a girl that I am not in love with? How do I fix having an ego?
Love Tripp
OK Mr. Tripp.
ReplyDeleteGamer's got to go. However you want to do it is fine with me, but you have to have that tough conversation.
Also, yes you do deserve to feel like the girl on your arm is super hot. You will always be thinking of the mediocrity of the lady you're with if you're looking at the grass being greener elsewhere...it's worth the wait to find your hotness.
And---Looks are a HUGE part of a relationship. You need to love the way your partner looks, and the way they look at YOU. Don't let anyone tell you 'looks don't matter' because that's just a ridiculous lie.
Cheers,
Andrea
Tripp,
ReplyDeleteNot to bug you, but OH MY GOODNESS. I just read the comment from Kens and I am 100% in disagreement. True, I look better than I did 5 years ago, and somehow I just keep loving myself more and more...and it's also true that some girls do decline after having kids. But some LOVE what it does to their bodies, their confidence level, and their character. That self-love is going to strengthen their relationship with their partner, not necessarily degrade it. Also, did you know that you can be good looking AND be capable of having a great personality? And having good conversation? I mean, I think you should just throw that Kens comment out the window. I am in total support of your ego, and I don't think you should lose it at all!
I am pro ego, all the way Tripp.
Andrea
Dear Andrea:
ReplyDeleteYour comments are very much appreciated. It's nice to have a girl tell me that I am not a shallow jerk with an ego the size of new jersey (because I just dont feel like that is who I am). I would like to think that when I say I have an ego, it means that I believe that I deserve better. Any suggestions for my dating life that you have would be greatly appreciated.
Love Tripp
I worry that I might have the same problem as you bro... I just can't wrap my mind around: 1) the concept of a girl becoming less hot, and 2) the idea that looks won't matter in 5 years or so. That's why she at least needs to have a cute face so you can still stand to look at her after all the damage is done. No offense to the ladies; we're well aware that our bodies age. I think that once we get 5 years of good use out of you we won't care as much if your butt isn't quite as tight, etc... The trick is finding one of the rare girls who actually get cuter as you get to know her better, and then you marry the crap out of her before someone else does. These girls are tough to find and tougher to marry because you know there are always going to be cuter girls out there... I think polygamy might solve this problem.
ReplyDeleteMaybe my comments were a slight exaggeration in some cases, but they are also definitely true in other cases. A lot of people let themselves go when they get married. They gain weight, stop coloring their hair or styling it like they used to, and stop putting makeup on everyday. This goes for men as well(not the makeup, but the weight issue). If you feel like this is completely untrue then you obviously aren't married with kids or you don't socialize with anyone married with kids. Plenty of people look great years down the road, but my point is that not everyone does. Tripp should not pick some beautiful trophy wife right now to impress his friends. He has no idea what she will look like 5, 10, 20 years later. Personality should be number one. Of course you can find both. But I feel like I know Tripp fairly well and I feel that he is putting looks as his first priority and more important things like personality, and spirituality lower on the list. Little brother seems to have the same problem. Good luck finding that person. My kids might be the closest you will get to having kids of your own. Tripp- I am scared to comment anymore. some of your readers and you are quite teste!
ReplyDeleteP.S.
ReplyDeleteI love being married and I feel like I have a good marriage, but I can't say that we don't have struggles. Everyone does. I am so thankful that my man loves me for me and doesn't have such high expectations because marriage is hard enough. He loves me when I wake up in the morning with crazy hair, when I am sick and feel like crap, and when I am dolled up and beautiful. Even if someone does look better after five years (which is the case for me!) there are still moments when you don't look your best and you need your person to still love you no matter what. Of course looks are important, but they aren't everything. You will spend a long time together (eternity) so hopefully you can find someone who you can talk to and who stimulates you in ways other then just appearance. There are lots of important things to look for, but you don't quite realize which is most important.
Dear littlebrother:
ReplyDeleteIt sucks that we have the same problem. It must be in our genes. The polygamy thing could go either way. It depends on whether we get all the wives (which doesnt make sense when we already dont get all the girlfriends) or we get none of the wives (which happens to most of the men in a polygamous society).
Love Tripp
Tripp, I've seen a picture of you and you need to be a little more realistic about physical appearance.
ReplyDeleteDear Anonymous:
ReplyDeleteSo I guess you have also seen pictures of all the girls? If you haven't, it seems illogical for you to make judgment calls about how realistic I am being.
Love Tripp