We had joy we had fun, we had seasons in the sun

On Friday, I left work early and headed down to stay in a houseboat on the lake. I traveled with Robin, BeefCake and MrsBeefCake. Although they aren't married yet, BeefCake and MrsBeefCake are practically married and it just makes things easier. We met Sugarloaf there with Barrel and a bunch of girls. SpicyTuna was there. I haven't talked about SpicyTuna before. I have met her many times and have always perceived her as a snob. It's cause she is always hanging around tools and snobby girls. I wonder if she even realizes that she is such a tool magnet.

Being out on the lake was mostly great. Exhausting. By the last day, I was so ready to get out of there. Can I just say that I really like BeefCake but MrsBeefCake drives me crazy. She is bratty and self-righteous and snotty. I couldn't have been more annoyed with her on the trip and the drive home was no exception.

So I got a chance to have a couple of deep conversations with SpicyTuna. She is actually really cool. Super athletic and spunky, she is the type of girl that everyone knows. I am sure many of the tools pursue her too. Thing is, she doesn't strike me as the type that would want a tool for a husband. She wants to get married and have kids. She wants to fall in love. I really enjoyed my conversations with SpicyTuna. I even kinda would like to take her on a date. It's hard cause SpicyTuna has been out with Cowboy a number of times and she dated Barrel for awhile.

On Sunday, after I got home, Gamer came over. I had fun hanging out with her. I think I am going to keep hanging out with her. I made plans to go out with Simpson this Thursday.

Is that a hairless cat?

I was supposed to go to dinner with Simpson the other night. But when I texted her, she told me she had forgotten and that she had some car problems that needed taken care of. I know it sounds dumb but I was kinda bugged at Simpson about it. So I haven't contacted her since.

Last night I went to a condo with Sugarloaf, Barrel, TheCaptain, Robin (The Boy Wonder), Giselle, this girl BigMac and this girl LuvMeLongTime. LuvMeLongTime and Giselle are really good friends. I really have no interest in dating any of these girls. It's amazing how hard it is to get girls to come along on things with us. I know Sugarloaf called like 5 girls and none came. TheCaptain brought along all three (all of whom I had met before). Everytime I hear girls complain about how they are never hanging out with guys, I have a hard time believing it. Either there are tons more guys than girls around or huge groups of girls are going around with a small number of guys. Either way, it pisses me off.

While I was in law school, a coworker showed me a picture of his sister-in-law named Sphynx. She was really cute. I suggested he set me up with her and he told me that I had no idea what I was getting into. Sphynx bred/raised hairless cats. She didn't have one or two or three or four. She had 17! Still, she looked cute enough and I thought to myself "How bad can a bunch of cats be?" On our first date, Sphynx seemed fairly normal, albeit a little shy. The date was fairly short and I thought I would ask her out again. As we were driving after dinner, Sphynx told me that a year earlier, she had been stealing oxycontin from the pharmacy where she worked and had been sent to rehab. I know it's a good idea to get things like that out in the open fairly early on, but conversations about recent drug abuse on a second date is not recommended.

Still, the date went well enough. We watched a movie at her house (well, her parent's house where she lived) and things appeared to be going well. We started making out and I kid you not, a hairless cat jumped up on me. Google "hairless cat" if you wanna see what these creepy things look like.

A few days later, Sphynx called me and asked me to go to a baby blessing of her sister's baby (my coworker's kid). I agreed. We sat down in sacrament meeting but Sphynx felt like confessing. So, as the sacrament was being passed, Sphynx told me how many tattoos she had (three). Then she told me how many piercings she had once had (9, including one in an unmentionable location). About a week later, Sphynx called me and invited me to a family dinner at her house. I accepted. I showed up and Sphynx acted particularly weird. She seriously asked me if I was ok like 7 times during dinner. She seemed high. My coworker told me that before I had arrived, she was freaking out and needed help doing her hair. She had just come from work at the pharmacy (yeah, she was able to continue working there) and he thought she had taken something there. She told me she had only taken a Xanax but it seemed like she had taken more.

After dinner, she was really rude to her mom (we were in her parent's house and her mom was watching tv; Sphynx told her mom that she was being rude for not leaving the room to let us watch what we wanted to watch (even though the basketball game on that her mom was watching was plenty interesting to me)). At this point, I decided I had just about enough with Sphynx. She got a text from some guy and she told me about how he wanted to date her but that she didn't want to date him, she wanted to date me! It really freaked me out. I said something about wanting to leave and she kinda grabbed onto me and was like "No, you can't leave yet." Not wanting to be rude, I stayed for over an hour after that. I was really put off by the whole thing though.

A week or two later, I decided that the only solution was for me to "break-up" with Spynx, even though we had never really gotten together. Whenever I meet a girl that is a bit crazy, I usually gauge her craziness on a "how many hairless cats" scale. Sphynx was a 17 hairless cats amount of crazy.

Other notes: Pulse is now officially in a relationship on facebook.

White trash roots

On Friday, Cowboy called me up and wanted to know if I would double with him. I already had a date planned with Simpson. We met up and went to the dance studio to learn the tango. Simpson was not as impressed as I thought she might be. After all, normally isn't it the girl that is begging the guy to go take dance lessons. She thought it was kind of dumb to learn to do old dances like that. I thought it was quite fun and the tango is a fun dance to learn.

After dinner, we headed out to the drag races. I will always have a special place in my heart for white trash people. Perhaps it was the many years I worked at Wal Mart. So going to watch drag races just gives me a warm feeling inside. Of course, as we watched the cars race, all I really wanted to do was get my own car out there to race. According to online specifications, my car should be able to do a 1/4 mile in 13.9 seconds, which was faster than more than half of the cars there. I saw one car nearly break the 1/4 mile in under 10 seconds. I should have been a racecar driver. Sugarloaf, Barrel and Arches were there too. Simpson had fun but she was tired. I dropped her off, gave her a goodnight kiss and headed home.

On Saturday, KJo and I met for lunch and some furniture shopping. We found a place selling these giraffes that were about 5 feet tall for $6500. Ha ha, I was tempted but not that tempted. By late afternoon, I was tired so I delayed my date with Gamer for a bit while I took a nap. I met up with Gamer and after a quick dinner, we went and saw the movie The Good, the bad, the weird. She had initially suggested we see Robin Hood but I wasn't sure I could handle two hours of hollywood crap. The Good, the bad, the weird is this chinese action movie. The action scenes moved a little too fast on occasion and sometimes the subtitles in white were impossible to read but the movie was fun. I know Gamer enjoyed it.

We drove back to her car. As we were saying our goodbyes, this homeless dude walked up for a chat in the hopes of scoring some cash. I don't particularly like to give money to homeless people. I get asked for money nearly every day and professional beggars have a particular ability at irking me. So when the homeless dude said he just needed money for a ride to where he was staying, I thought "why not just give him a ride?" Gamer gave me this look like I was dumb as dirt. So she got into her car and the homeless dude and I got into my car. We drove for about three blocks (and the smell was quite intense) before I discovered that the homeless dude had zero interest in getting a ride out to this place (which sort of invalidated his original request for money). So now, I had a homeless dude inside my car begging me for money while drunk as a skunk (and as smelly as one too). Not wanting to give him money, I took him through the drivethru at McDonalds. He didn't stop asking for money the entire time (until I dropped him off back where I had picked him up). I chided him a little about needing to figure out what he was doing with his life (can you imagine a guy saying "and when that guy took me to McDonalds late one Saturday night and told me to figure out my life, that's when I saw the light and decided to stop using drugs and drinking and straighten out my life!") At least it got him out of the car.

On Sunday, I invited Gamer over to watch a movie (I called Simpson first but she was visiting her grandma and couldn't come). I just needed some company. Gamer came over and we watched a movie and cuddled. Now, before you get all judgmental on me, let me clarify a few things. One, I do like Gamer. She is fun to be around. She is interesting. And she is attractive. But I dont really see her as a potential girlfriend/spouse. I just don't feel like I am a bad person for spending time with her.

Pseudo-douche bags

I had a first date with a girl on Wednesday. Let's call her Spinster. GetErDone set me up with Spinster so it was a blind date. It was actually one of the better first dates that I have been on in awhile. I am trying to follow the advice of my friends and not get too excited yet. Still, the date went well. We met up and went to dinner at the Melting Pot. The conversation seemed to flow easily. I told her about how I don't eat pickles because I had a pickle dream when I was 16 and woke up with the taste of pickles in my mouth and she said it was probably the funniest thing she has ever heard. I definitely want to take her out again, but we will have to see if she is even still available when I get back from my cruise (girls I am interested in seem to get boyfriends while I am on vacation).

Last night, Sugarloaf and I were talking while at the gym. He had plans to hang out later that night with a couple of girls and Barrel. Barrel is a chill guy; I like him a lot. However, Barrel basically makes it impossible for guys like Sugarloaf and I to compete. Unless a girl really likes us, she will inevitably go for Barrel. He is better looking, in better shape, more charming, and just generally better with girls than us. He is what I will refer to as a pseudo-douche bag. A pseudo-douche bag is a guy that I know treats women like objects (although the women ALWAYS go willingly) but is an overall decent guy. Typically a douche bag is some guy I don't really know and is therefore competition. Sorta like the greeks labeled everyone not greek as barbarians. I label a lot of the guys I don't know as douche bags.

Even though I think the world of Barrel, his existence is like swimming against Michael Phelps. His presence alone ensures that I can't win. Unless he has been smoking pot recently or traipsing around with that really dumb Miss America candidate... Nobody knows who the number 2 swimmer on the US Olympic Swim Team is. Nobody cares. If you aren't Michael Phelps, you might as well not even bother showing up.

Notes: Received a text from FormerLesbian today. Not sure how to respond. Going out with TheWriter tonight. Should be fun. She explained to me the other day why Swift deleted me as a friend on facebook. Makes sense. Actually, TheWriter said to me on the phone that if I wanted to go after Swift, she had no problem with it. I didn't know how to respond.

Hey Jealousy

On Friday night, FarFarAway texted me a number of times wanting to hang out. It was at this precise moment that I realized I have zero interest in her. My roommates all think she is very pretty. I think she is very pretty. But she isn't for me. Nevertheless, I met up with FarFarAway, TheCaptain, Tweak, Sugarloaf, an old guy friend Barrel, and a new friend; I am going to nickname her HappyEnding. HappyEnding is one of FarFarAway's good friends. As is typical, there were five guys in that hottub and three girls. Honestly though, it was a lot of fun. It was mostly just us guys talking and having a blast.

On Saturday, GetErDone, LittleBrother, and my cousin RunsWithScissors met up with BFF and some of her friends at a piano bar. BFF brought along one cute friend Bynes. I met Bynes several years ago at a party with BFF. She has definitely gotten prettier.

On Sunday, in Sunday School, I sat in front of a couple of cute girls. They weren't in my ward; they were ward hopping. I talked to them a little but the one I thought was cutest spent most of the time texting on her phone. She had blue eyelashes. Sometimes when a girl has blue eyelashes, it just looks funny. Other times, it makes a girl look so pretty. I couldn't stop staring at her eyes.

That night at Ward Prayer, I met this girl Cooch. I don't think I have ever seen Cooch before but she is my type. I mean, I don't really have a type but a tall slender blonde girl with her complexion comes pretty darn close. I talked to Cooch for just a little bit. She graduated from high school in 09. I talked about her with my roommate Steve-O last night. I was complaining about how I must be screwed up cause I always fall for really young girls. Steve-O was of the opinion that it was just years of evolution shaping what I found attractive. Healthy looking young women are more likely to reproduce healthy offspring, at least from a genetic standpoint. It made me feel a little less frustrated. I am just doing what my DNA tells me to do. Anyway, I became very jealous of whatever guy gets to date her. There are guys out there who date girls like that all the time. Why can't I be one of those guys? Who are they jealous of? While blog surfing, I came upon a blog of a gorgeous blonde girl who dreams of being a writer. I am very jealous of whatever guy gets to go on a date with her. She doesn't seem mean in her posts. I wonder if she is mean?