Monday, April 26, 2010

Awkward dates with girls from Estonia

On Friday, I had my date with Katarina. I was worried cause before the play, there was a 2 hour planned. It ended up being pretty fun (the dinner). All these swanky people and an open bar. Of course, I don't drink, but I did have a coke from the bar. I was fun and funny. With it and witty. After the dinner, we walked over to the play. It was not one of my favorite plays. I was kinda tired and kept yawning. Katarina was about as awkward as you could expect for someone from a completely different culture on a date. I think she is a good person but I am never going to be interested in her. I kinda feel bad about it.

On Saturday, I had a date with this girl Simpson. I went out on a few dates with Simpson over a year ago. I actually met Simpson at the same party as Ariel. Ariel had a boyfriend and Simpson went out on a few dates with TheCaptain. Somehow, Simpson and I ended up going on a few dates. But it wasn't meant to be. I liked Ariel at the time and one night, Simpson and I were making out. She mentioned something about how Ariel had broken up with her boyfriend that day. Somehow I decided that I wanted to date Ariel more than I wanted to date Simpson. I can't really remember any other reason for me to stop dating Simpson.

Last week, Simpson just randomly said something to me on the facebook and we set up the date. I was a little late cause I was at a soccer game for littlelittlebrother. My friend Punk invited me to go see a jazz band she manages at a local club. Simpson and I had a lot of fun just talking and listening to the band. We went back to Simpson's place and watched The Lovely Bones. It wasn't very good. We cuddled a bit. To be honest, I couldn't remember why I stopped dating Simpson last year. She was fun.

On Sunday, I received a text from Spinster. She said she wasn't interested in me. It kinda pissed me off. I guess I can't be too upset because I certainly didn't feel any interest in Katarina. Anyway, so there won't be any more dates with Spinster. Tonight I was chatting with Gamer on the facebook. Even though she is awkward and kinda nerdy, I find myself wanting to spend more time with her.

Thursday, April 22, 2010


I have been reading this book about omens called The Alchemist. It has gotten me to thinking about some of the omens in my own life. Or what I perceive as omens. A couple of days I got a really bad feeling about Spinster. Nothing had really happened. But I was suddenly nervous to call her or text her. I called and left a message and she never responded. Yesterday, I sent a text and she responded back that she had gotten the voicemail but was at her sister's and then it was late. She said she was sorry. That was it. I have probably started 10 times to write a text back to her but nothing has come. I guess it's cause I am delaying the inevitable. I already know in my heart that Spinster is done with me. I talked to littlebrother about this once and he was of the opinion that this is bullcrap. That I am getting nervous because of something in my own head. He believes there is no such thing as omens.

As I look back at my dating life, I can't think of a single bad omen that I have felt that didn't turn out to be true. You could argue that they are self fulfilling prophecies but I disagree. I got a bad feeling about a girl and a day or two later, she would call me and tell me she just wasn't interested. How is that a self fulfilling prophecy?

I have had a strange omen about Pulse lately. Today she got on facebook and told me that she has been talking to her ex and might start seeing him again. She felt compelled to tell me. I kinda already knew. I expected it to be a little more harsh than that (because Pulse said she still wants to date me) but the omen was correct. You can disagree with me about whether omens are real or not but I think you need to have read the book before you formulate your arguments. Should I put more weight on omens? In other words, should I start following my gut more?

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The 10 Facts

I just reread my last 10 facts and thought it was funny so I am gonna try and do it again. I hope I make you proud DCFresh.

1. My first date ever was dinner and a movie. The movie was at the dollar theater and dinner was at a cheap burger place near the dollar theater. Maybe everything has gone wrong because I started out on the wrong foot.

2. Don't tell a girl on a date that you swallowed a live goldfish once. It won't help your cause.

3. There is a point on every bad date when you know that there is nothing else that you can do to make it a good date. If this point happens early in the date, you may save some money.

4. On one date, the bad point happened during dinner when I asked my date if she ever wore a bikini. It was over before I even finished the question.

5. I forgot the name of a girl while on a date once. The look she gave me was priceless. I use that moment to measure how bad every bad date is going.

6. If I added up all the money I spent on dating, I could probably buy a new car. Crap, that is a depressing thought.

7. If you are anorexic and we are on a date, it would probably impress me more if you didn't order any food. I have to pay for it whether you eat it or not.

8. When I am on a date with a girl and she secretly holds hands with one of my friends during the date, I am not going to hug her at the end of the date. Don't ask for it. Don't expect it.

9. Dating is kinda like life. You remember all the really good moments and really bad moments but everything in between is sort of fuzzy. I have about 10 dates I want to remember, 10 dates I wish I didn't remember and hundreds of dates I don't remember.

10. My friends and I used to have a code for dating: If you can't make it good, make it memorable. It was about this time that I asked a date about her grooming habits and was informed that I needed to learn when to shuttup. It was memorable.

Monday, April 19, 2010

Typical atypical weekend

On Friday night, Chief and Gamer and an old friend/roommate of mine (WoolyBully) went to the movies. I am still trying to figure out what Chief is doing hanging out regularly with Gamer. I am absolutely attracted to her. She is such a smart alec. Very awkward but I found that if I try and make things awkward for her, it works. After the movie, we went to dinner. Gamer and I were joking about how we could get married to just cover the stigma of being single. She said maybe we could have our own houses. I scoffed at that and said maybe our own rooms but we had to copulate and she said "Sounds good to me." I gave her a high five. Does that mean we sealed the deal and are going to copulate?

On Saturday, Sugarloaf and I went to this church dance. It was dinner followed by ballroom dance instructions. Picture all the awkwardness of a stake dance when you were in high school and then just add 10 years. I totally thought the whole night was gonna be a bust. They had all the guys line up on one side and then said "go find a girl on the other side to dance with." It was like a feeding frenzy. All the cute girls were snatched up in an instant. Then I saw a fairly attractive girl Linguist sitting on the side. Sample conversation:

Me: Hey, you wanna dance?
Linguist: Uhh, well, you see, I can't because I am watching my friend's purse.
Me: Yeah, I understand, it's a pretty rough crowd out here. I would hate for it to get stolen.
Linguist: Well, I just told her I would watch it.
Me: Well, what if I hold it while we dance?
Linguist: No, that wouldn't work.
Me: What if I cover it with my suit jacket and we dance right next to it and watch it?
Linguist: Well, ok.

So we started to dance. And we really clicked. She was very interested in what it was like to be a lawyer. I remember thinking to myself "hey, this is going alright." The song ended and we just kept talking. They taught a new dance and we just kept talking. And then out of nowhere, this total douche walks up to us talking and is like "Hey, it's time to change partners, sorry" and grabs Linguist to go dance. I seriously thought about punching him in the face. See, the problem was that now I had missed the dance instructions (which meant I couldn't just ask someone else to dance) and so I had to go back over to the side where the guys were. I was pretty pissed. Linguist got asked to dance for the next song as well.

As I was walking back over to other side, Sugarloaf came up to me with this awkward girl Katarina. He kinda dropped her off on me and walked away. I wasn't really sure what was going on so I kinda started a conversation with Katarina. Then I tried to walk away and Katarina told me she had tickets to a play and wanted to know if I would go with her. It turns out she had already asked Sugarloaf and he had given some BS answer about a birthday activity that he had that night. I quickly scanned my mind for any legitimate excuse. Nothing came and I agreed to go to a play with Katarina. I was already pissed at the douche bag and this kinda made the night seem even worse. Sugarloaf admitted that he owed me big time later that evening.

After teaching us to ballroom dance, they turned off the lights and blasted hip hop music. I loosened up and had some fun. All the cute girls had left. I danced the way I think people who love to dance do it : I couldn't care less what anyone there thought of me. It was fun. I met one girl who seemed very interested in me but I didn't bother to get her phone number. I wasn't that interested.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Ummm like, so like Ohmygosh!

The other night, BFD and I went on a date. She came over to my house and we hopped into my car and headed to a local sporting event. I can not believe how much BFD annoyed me on this date. It was like every 10 seconds, an alarm went off in her head to say something really ignorant and pointless. I wish I had written these things down because I have forgotten most of them. If you would have been there, you would have rolled your eyes so many times. A couple of times, I looked around to see if maybe anyone else had heard what she said and was laughing at us. A couple of times I wanted to look at her and say "wait a minute, are you serious? Did you really just say that?" She is going on a cruise this week but she couldnt name any of the places they were going. She was like "umm, I think it's like the nederlands." During the date she asked what else our plans were cause she wanted to go to the gym that night to get her body "bikini ready" for her cruise but thought maybe we could go hottubbing afterwards. I was thinking to myself that there was no way I wanted to spend even more time with this girl after the sporting event. She pointed out that the bra she was wearing made her breasts appear two cup sizes larger than they really were. She wasn't going to bring that bra on the cruise cause she didn't want people to see her in her swimsuit and then get confused when she wore normal clothes and was totally busting out.

We started talking about weight a little (I am sure she brought it up so don't judge me). She told me how she isn't ever going to be overweight cause it isn't in her genes. I asked a little about her parents. Turns out her dad is in decent shape and her mom is obese. She pointed out a very large woman and said that her mom had that body type. Umm, what part of "genes" do you not understand? Every time that BFD says something stupid, she kinda does this obnoxious laugh too. Like she thinks she is just so funny. The date couldn't end fast enough.

Notes: I haven't really talked to Spinster much this week. I kinda felt a little awkward at the end of our last date and when littlebrother texted me on Monday to say he was at the same party as her, I sorta got my hopes down a little. I am thinking maybe I will call her on Sunday. I sent Pulse a couple texts this week but I didn't really feel like planning anything.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Week in review

I had a really busy week last week and wasn't able to write at all. On Wednesday, I had a date planned with BFD. I ended up working late (til 10:30) and had to cancel on her. BFD seemed ok with it. On Thursday, I went out with Pulse. It was really fun. We ate at IHOP, went to the bookstore and then watched Taken at my house. She hadn't seen it and was totally freaking out throughout the whole movie. Pulse is just really cool. Everytime I talk to Steve-O, he totally thinks that I need to date Pulse.

On Friday night, I had a date with Fiesta. I met Fiesta last summer at a cabin trip and we became facebook friends. We chat from time to time and I just felt like asking her out. We had dinner and went to a movie. Nothing too exciting. Fiesta is pretty cool but I already know that I don't have any interest in dating her. She is pretty and fun but she lives far away, is not LDS and there are just too many moments where the conversation sort of dies between us and I have to struggle to revive it.

On Saturday, I had a date with Spinster. She met me at my house and we drove out to my friend Crack's place for dinner and games. Crack and I have been friends for many many years. As we were driving out there, I decided to ask Spinster a few questions. I was just fishing a little about what she had done with her life thus far and Spinster dropped a bomb on me. She was married. Ok, it isn't that big of a bombshell. When she was 20, she was married for about a year. The whole thing just intimidates me though. Why? Well, for one, it makes me wonder if she is really not interested in a relationship (because maybe she has trust issues). It also makes me wonder if everything I do is somehow compared to some guy from many years ago (even though he failed, he initially succeeded). I felt a bit of a disconnect with Spinster.

We drove back to my house and although it was early, it was probably too late to start a movie (and maybe attempt to cuddle or initiate some kind of physical contact) but early enough that we had to do something. Spinster and I played a few round of MarioKart on my Super Nintendo. It was way fun. She wasn't horrible at it. Then she took off. There was a short hug. Knowing that Spinster was married kinda makes me way more nervous to try anything with her. I am not ready to kiss her anyway.

I was a little bummed (cause it was Saturday night, it was like 10:00 and I was sitting at home playing video games). Steve-O came home and said he was going to this western bar to meet some girl. He invited me along. We got all dressed up in our cowboy gear (well, my cowboy gear, I let Steve-O borrow a belt buckle and a cowboy shirt and a cowboy hat) and headed out in my truck. The place looked empty from the outside but was bustling on the inside. Tons of cowboys, a mechanical bull and cowgirls. I have always had a special place in my heart for cowgirls. Lilo was kinda a cowgirl and the way she spoke drove me crazy (in both the positive and negative aspects).

A good friend of me and Steve-O named Feldman met us there. Feldman has no fear. A few years ago, Feldman was engaged to be married. He showed up at the temple with all his friends and family on the day of the wedding. They waited. And waited some more. He called his fiance and finally got a hold of her. She was not coming. Nor was her family. Nor did they ever intend to come. The receptionhouse had not been booked. Announcements had not been sent. After going through a day like that, Feldman is the kind of guy who has no fear. No matter what happens, it won't ever be as bad as that day. While Steve-O was cuddling with some chick in the corner, Feldman and I country-danced it up with a couple of girls. It was a lot of fun. I just felt so rejuvenated by it. The girls probably weren't Mormon and one of them told Feldman she had a boyfriend but it was a good night for me. I think Mormon girls play this game with dating that non-Mormon girls do not play. It's like all Mormon girls are naturally suspicious of everything I do. Sometimes I get really tired of it. At the end of most dates with Mormon girls, I feel like a bit of a limp noodle. But after dancing with those girls, I felt like such a stud. I had my truck. I had my belt buckle. I had my Wrangler jeans. I had my cowboy hat. I had my cowboy shirt. I felt pretty good.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Singing waiters

Friday night was my second date with Spinster. I was a little nervous and thought it might affect the way I acted around her. As soon as I picked her up though, my nervousness went out the window. I just feel so calm around her. And funny. We went and saw this incredibly corny play and loved it. We joked with each other throughout and made fun of some the more awful parts of the play. Then we grabbed dinner. Because it was late, we were the only ones in the restaurant. Our waiter either a) had a thing for Spinster or b) was just really friendly. He told us all about olives from some show he watched on TV. I decided there were two ways to handle a situation like that. One is to get all jealous and close off. We all know how well that works. The other is to just go with it. So I asked Spinster if she thought we could get our waiter to sing for us. I offered him a little money but he declined. It was one of those italian places where you can write on the tablecloth with crayons. I took a $20 bill out of my wallet and wrote a note on the table saying it was his if he sang for the lady. He really didn't want to sing but called over another waiter with almost no singing ability. This guy was anxious to make a quick $20 and he proceeded to sing and dance to "Hey now, you're a rockstar" by Smash Mouth. It was pretty awesome.

I think it helped lighten the mood. As we were driving back to Spinster's place, she was talking about how she wanted a new car. I decided it would be fun to take a drive (with her driving) in my car. I was a little worried about her getting a ticket so I only pushed her to get up to 100 mph (if it were daytime, I surely would have encouraged her to approach 120 mph). Spinster loved it. I think the date had been going well before but definitely improved. I dropped her off, got a quick hug and headed home. Spinster sent me a text 25 minutes later saying "Thanks again! That was fun!" And it was fun.

I called her last night but she didn't answer. She texted me back saying she was watching a movie with her sister but suggested we talk on the phone tonight. She also texted GetErDone and said that she was interested in dating me. I know it isn't much but it made me feel good. I am thinking of asking her out on a third date for this Saturday.