Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Gingerbread Houses and Mission Impossible

Last week, Sugarloaf called me up to invite me to a gingerbread house making party. I had nothing else going on so I agreed to go. TheCaptain and my old friend Fireman were also there. Initially, Sugarloaf called me because there was going to be a shortage of guys there. Instead, Sugarloaf had a date there and Fireman had a date there while TheCaptain and I were flying solo. And most of the people there were either married or engaged. So TheCaptain and I did what we do best: we screwed around. We built the worst gingerbread house in the history of gingerbread houses (no structural integrity, taller than the others using gummy bears and toothpicks, no Christmas theme). When they voted, ours received zero votes (because you couldn't vote for your own, what a dumb rule).

I was getting ready to go when Sugarloaf's roommate asked me a few legal questions. His date was named Flora. I thought Flora was cute but it wasn't until we started talking that I really felt like there could be a connection there. One of the first things I noticed was that Flora was excellent at conversation. Also, as she made a comment that only pertained to me, she looked at me and winked. I could have been seeing things. But I discovered that Flora lives in another state and this was a blind date with Sugarloaf's roommate. In other words, there was a chance. I asked Sugarloaf to get some information on Flora from his roommate so that possibly I could ask her out on a date. Unfortunately, Sugarloaf never got back to me.

On Friday night, we celebrated Cowboy's birthday. As we were leaving the movie theater, I noticed a guy with orange shoes waiting for someone. I thought nothing of it until we were driving out of the parking lot. There was Flora walking with orange shoes guy. They were on a date. This was both good and bad. Good because it meant Sugarloaf's roommate was nowhere near sealing the deal. Bad because guy with orange shoes could potentially be sealing the deal. Seriously, for the rest of my life I am going to have a hard time trusting anyone with orange shoes.

On Christmas day, Samsonite sent me a text asking how my Christmas was going. Initially, I had no intention of responding. But, I am a nice guy so I responded and we texted back and forth a bit. It was all pleasantries and no substance. That sort of texting really bothers me. I generally text with a purpose. After a few rounds of going nowhere, I grew tired of it and didn't text her back (her last text read something like "I did have a good Christmas! I am glad that you did too. :)" Don't even get me started on her misuse of exclamation points. And the smiley face at the end? It serves no purpose.

On Monday, Lolita called and suggested I go visit her older brother with her. Lolita's older brother and I have been friends since high school but we hadn't seen each other for a few years. We went over to his place and ended up having a blast. His wife came home and was like "Are you guys dating?" to which Lolita quickly replied "No, we are just friends." It was that funny kind of awkward that you kinda laugh at and cringe at simultaneously.

On Tuesday night, Samsonite texted me to ask if I had seen the new Mission Impossible movie because it was great. I replied that I had and I enjoyed it. Then... nothing. I guess I don't know what to expect but to get a random text like that with no follow up is so weird to me. Today I managed to find Flora on Facebook and I learned a couple of useful nuggets about her. I added her as a friend on facebook. My plan is to wait for her to accept my add and then send her a message saying that it was fun meeting her and suggesting we do something together some time. Too forward? Not forward enough? Too stalkerish? Not stalkerish enough?

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Christmas Party

So Samsonite bailed on my work Christmas party. About the same time, I received a random phone call from Lolita. Lolita and I used to date several years ago and we have been friends ever since. Lolita had been dating a guy for the past two years and she told me they had broken up. While fretting over who to ask, Lolita kept coming up.

Background on Lolita: Lolita and I became fast friends while on a hiking trip that I attended with her older brother. A few nights into the trip, Lolita and I shared an unexpected kiss. We were both really attracted to each other but due to circumstance, a long term relationship was not possible. Still, I have always felt super comfortable with Lolita. So I called her up and asked her to go with me.

Lolita showed up looking fantastic. We headed off to the fancy restaurant. I knew Lolita could handle meeting all my coworkers and dealing with a long dinner party as my guest. And she did great. She didn't get jealous when I talked to my coworkers. She jumped in and agreed with me when I argued that adultery was considered less of a bad thing in this country than lying. It was good that Lolita was there because after the dinner, I felt super embarrassed that I had maybe spoken too loudly in front of the other attorneys or been obnoxious. I didn't have to worry because Lolita is not the kind of person that would ever judge me for that sort of behavior.

I didn't hear from Samsonite for over a week. I had a decision to make. Text/call her again and risk looking like the kind of guy that gets walked over or just let it die. I always lean a little more towards being the guy that gets walked over. So I sent her a text saying that even though she wasn't responding to my texts, I hoped things were going well for her and that I had fun when I was with her. She responded the next day with some bull excuse about how she had been so busy at work, she barely had time to breathe. At first, it seemed positive. I knew that she had been working 14 hour days and that she was under a lot of pressure. But then, I remembered that I had seen several facebook posts from her over the past week. And, she certainly didn't work on Sunday. So I decided to not text her back.

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Spinning Wheels

On Friday, I had my second date with Tosh. We doubled with a couple in my ward. Tosh was pretty easy to talk to and seemed to have fun on the date. After dinner, we played a board game at my house. I learned on the date that Tosh is a huge sports fan. We actually had a very interesting conversation about our favorite sports teams. However, after the date, I haven't felt any interest in taking her out again. Perhaps it was the comments from the married couple that her and I just didn't seem to click. Or maybe it was just that while Tosh is cute, she isn't really what I want.

On Saturday, I ended up going over to Samsonite's house to watch a movie. We clicked a lot more than we had previously and ended up hanging out together until way late. 2:45 in the morning, to be more precise. We hung out again on Sunday night. I was feeling pretty good about things, so I asked her to my company Christmas party. She accepted and everything seemed good. Then last night, she texted and said her mom had given her a ticket to an event on the same night and she didn't feel like she could turn her mom down on them. I was extremely frustrated. First off, the event is not something cool. Second off, she had already made plans with me. Clearly I am not as high of a priority in her life as I thought I might be. Am I done with Samsonite because of this? Well, no. I still want to spend more time with her. But could something like that break a budding relationship? Absolutely. My interest in Samsonite has waned. And I find myself four days before the party without a date and not feeling like there is anyone I can ask.

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Worst Date Ever (but not what you think) or An unexpected second date

On Thursday, I went on a first date with Tosh. I met Tosh at a party a few weeks ago. One of the things I can immediately tell while talking with Tosh is that she is a very intelligent person. The conversation flowed. After grabbing dinner, we decided to go see The Muppets Movie. I am still a bit on the fence about how attracted to Tosh I am. But we had fun and I am going to go out with her again this weekend.

On Friday, I had a blind date with Beaver (get your mind out of the gutter). My aunt set me up with Beaver. I was a bit hesitant, since I didn't feel like I really clicked with Beaver on the phone. When I picked her up, I thought she was better looking than in her photos. We grabbed some Indian food. There were a couple of moments where the conversation got out of hand, mostly because I was peppering Beaver with too many questions and I think Beaver started feeling like she was being interviewed. Still, dinner went well and we were both having fun. I didn't have anything else planned, so I suggested that we just go back to my house to see my Christmas tree. It wasn't a ploy to hook up, I just thought it was a simple activity that we could go do and then I could take her home.

As we were driving, I mentioned that I used to work at Walmart. Beaver went silent for a few seconds before asking "Did you used to hate country music?" "Umm, that's a really odd question, where did that come from?" I responded. "Just answer the question." "Yeah, I used to hate country music, I like it now, but growing up I didn't like it." So Beaver says to me "We have been out on a date before."

My first response was that no, we have not been out on a date. She must be confusing me with someone else. Then Beaver starts rattling off details about this date. None of them clicked with me. Finally she says that we had doubled with my roommate that was a cop. Gratefully, I explained to her that I had never had a roommate that was a cop and that she was just mistaken. Then she said he was a redhead... I got nervous. My redheaded roommate Bill was working as a prison guard while training to become a cop. But that was before he got married 8 1/2 years ago. Could I have possibly been on a date with Beaver 9 years ago and just forgotten about it? But I still wasn't convinced. So Beaver mentioned that I had put a gun in my mouth on the date (one time, a long time ago, as a joke, I remember putting my roommate's gun in my mouth). Then Beaver told me where she had used to leave and it all clicked for me. I remembered the date (although not all the details). It had been a blind date. While at dinner, I was frustrated with how uptight the girl was so I asked the girl if she ever wore a bikini. She looked at me and said "That is an inappropriate question and I am not going to answer it." And then she basically shut down. I should have taken her home right then. You can't recover from something like that. But no, in the wisdom of my youth, I kept trying. We finished dinner (FAIL), we went to the bowling alley (FAIL), we went back to my house to watch a movie (FAIL), I tried to cuddle with her (FAIL) and as I dropped her off, I shook her hand and said "Well, this was interesting" (FAIL). It wasn't a great date for me but as it turns out, it was Beaver's worst date ever.

So now, 9 years later, we are in my car. Beaver is laughing and I am awkwardly cringing at each detail from our first date. I apologized numerous times. And I did what I should have done 9 years ago: I took Beaver home. This time, I gave her a hug (and jokingly told her that this was interesting). She said that she looked forward to our next date in 9 years.

On Saturday, I hung out with Samsonite. We went to the mall to do some Christmas shopping. It was fun (I get along with Samsonite so much better when Gonzo is not around) but mostly uneventful. It's hard to see much of a future with the emotional damage that Samsonite has. But at least right now I have options.