Tuesday, December 29, 2009

The 10 Facts

In honor of my new follower DCFresh (I have absolutely NO idea who she is but I love her 10 Facts posts), I am going to do the 10 Facts.

So, here are the facts that need to be shared with you this week. I probably won't add pictures, cause I haven't really figured out how to do that yet. I hope you don't mind DCFresh.

#1 I currently believe that I have been in love exactly twice. I have probably told too many girls that I loved them when in reality I do not. It's hard though. I think you find out that you love someone a bit when you tell them and I think you always tell someone that you love them before you actually do.

#2 I don't like most Christmas music. I went to two Christmas choir concerts this year and didn't like a single song sung. "All I want for Christmas" "Last Christmas" "Simply having a wonderful christmas time" and "So this is Christmas" are basically the only exceptions and not one of those songs was performed!

#3 I don't floss. I know I should, I have tried to get into the habit. But I have a hard time seeing the benefits. And it hurts. My gums bleed.

#4 I have been on more blind dates than Ray Charles. When I passed his mark, there was no fanfare. I would have liked a little fanfare.

#5 The name Tripp Hazard comes from a combination of a character in a Jennifer Love Hewitt movie and a song by Richard Marx.

#6 I have absolutely zero attraction for Mariah Carey. I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole. In fact, I wouldn't touch her with a 39 and a half foot pole. Take that grinch.

#7 I have a secret crush on Miranda Lambert the country singer. Yeah, she looks haggard. Yeah, she writes songs about killing ex boyfriends and burning their houses down. I get it, we probably aren't made for each other.

#8 You can't always get what you want, but if you try sometimes you just might find you get what you need. That's a fact.

#9 Stainless steel refrigerators are not magnetic. Fake stainless steel ones are. Bummer.

#10 "Wanna come over and watch a movie?" after 10 at night is code for "Wanna come over and make out?"

Monday, December 28, 2009

This blog turns 50 or the grinch that stole Christmas

Last week, I went on a date with LadyGuadalupe. I met LadyGuadalupe several years ago through my friend Mogul. Apparently I forgot her the first time I met her, cause the second time I met her, I didn't remember meeting her previously. Mogul gave me a lot of crap for it. Mogul has been down on his luck a little and so he was less likely to harass me this time around. LadyGuadalupe is an extremely nice fun and pretty girl. We have hung out several times and I think she is pretty cool. This was our first date. She lives in another state, has spent the past year or so studying in Paris and Hawaii, and so I never see her.

We had dinner and talked with Mogul and his wife. It was a fairly fun date. I have just been so down on myself lately that I am not really sure I know how to have fun. The complications of dating LadyGuadalupe are many. Besides her being the cousin of Mogul, she lives far away, she wants to do an internship in New York City as soon as she graduates, and she is much quieter than me. I worry sometimes that the quieter girls find me extremely annoying. So even though I had a fun time with her and thought highly of her, it is doubtful that I will take her on another date.

So I added Swift as a friend on Facebook and she accepted. Then, when I looked today, we were no longer friends on Facebook. Did she seriously accept my friendship request and then remove me from her friends? It just seems so odd. So much for the suggestion that we hang out. TheWriter and I have been texting a bunch. Perhaps one of the reasons I am so depressed is cause I enjoy talking to TheWriter so much and yet I know nothing is ever going to happen. I almost wonder if maybe I am sort of lying to myself to keep her as a friend.

Last week I went and hung out with Premed. I met Premed through BFF. We had a really good conversation (although I might have made her cry a bit). Premed was recently divorced and is still having a bit of a rough go. I think maybe she can sense that I am having a bit of a rough time with life right now too.

Monday, December 21, 2009

A blind date

On Friday night, Sugarloaf (one of my really good friends) and I headed to this pool party. As is typical at most mormon parties, roughly 2 guys showed up for every girl. I know that girls complain sometime about not meeting guys, but I think it is totally their fault. After all, basically every party or group event that I attend is at least 2 guys for every girl. To talk to a girl, you have to interrupt the two guys that are already talking to her. The system is so diluted with guys that even some of the mormon aristocracy wander around aimlessly without girls. Sugarloaf and I tried talking to a few girls but with no luck. I played foosball for a few minutes with a girl I didn't find at all attractive and then we left.

Saturday, littlebrother and his friend GetErDone were hanging out at my house. GetErDone and littlebrother had dates for the night planned. GetErDone decided he wanted to set me up and he began calling girl after girl in search of a date for me. I think he must have called four or five girls before he got in touch with BananaRepublic (hereinafter "Banana"). Banana manages a store and is 29 and quite spunky. We ate dinner at CPK. It was quite fun. After dinner, we went to my house to play Nerts. Banana and I dominated the other teams.

Things I like about Banana: Very spunky, cute, intelligent (has a degree), gets excited about life, asks questions

Things I don't like about banana: Basically nothing. There were no red flags on the first date. Still, I just wasn't that excited about the date afterward. When my brother asked me if I was going to take her out again, I said "maybe." As my Realtor will attest, when I say maybe about something, it means no.

On Sunday, I went to church and saw SouthernBelle. I didn't really talk to her but she smiled at me. I think I am pretty much done with that pipe dream. I saw her again at ward prayer that night. We talked for a second and she gave me a look like maybe she expected me to talk to her more. I guess when she canceled our date and said to our mutual friend that I was too old, it sorta made me decide to back off. I am still very interested in going out with her again but I doubt I will ask her out again. There was one cute girl at ward prayer named Surfer. I talked with her for a few minutes but was only borderline interested in asking her out. Lorelei and I went to a dessert party on Sunday night. None of the mormon aristocracy showed up. I probably should have been in my element but I actually felt more uncomfortable at this party. There were two girls at the whole party that I was mildly attracted to. I didn't talk to either.

Side notes: I still haven't talked to Swift. I kinda really want to take her out right now. TheWriter and I are nowhere near a relationship but I do think it would hurt her feelings. I feel like even inviting Swift over to hang out with me and my friends would be a violation of some sort of trust. At church on Sunday, this kid who wants to go to law school and be a patent attorney told me he had two girls he wanted to set me up with that I met at ward prayer that he knows. I just can't remember his name.

Friday, December 18, 2009

Friend of a friend of a friend

Last night, TheWriter came over with six of her friends. They had been looking at Christmas lights and stopped by for hot chocolate and conversation. It was really fun having them over. TheWriter is a really cool girl. Way chill and way fun. Quite honestly though, TheWriter is just not for me. I am not attracted to her like that. So of course, she brings along a friend that I am very attracted to.

Swift is her friend. She teaches at an elementary school. She is much more quiet and calm than TheWriter. She is very pretty. She seems very intelligent but fun. There ought to be a way for me to just ask Swift out without having to worry about TheWriter. After all, I have only been out with TheWriter once, and last night was the second time we hung out. We aren't in a relationship. We haven't held hands, we haven't kissed, we haven't cuddled. There is an unspoken set of rules that say you can't date the friend of someone you have dated. By my interpretation, those rules apply to Swift because I took TheWriter out on one date. Is there a way to accomplish me taking Swift out without breaking the unspoken rules? If not, perhaps it is time that I stop following "the rules." They haven't exactly done much for me anyway. Why should I be prevented from dating friends, sisters, roommates, or cousins?

Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Mormon Aristocracy

I just googled "mormon dating blog" to see when my blog came up. Yep, there it was, number 134 out of about 860,000. It made me feel pretty special to know I was in the top .02% of mormon dating blogs.

Last night I went to a Sub for Santa party. Everyone donates money and then we go shopping and buy gifts for some needy families. TheFlake was there. Well, she showed up late as we were wrapping presents. I didn't actually see her help at all. I think TheFlake is part of what I will refer to as the mormon aristocracy. Granted, it's no Paris Hilton or English royalty group. Nevertheless, these single beautiful mormon people seem to run the social scene around here.

It isn't so clear cut as to who is in or out of the mormon aristocracy. I am pretty sure that I have a number of acquaintances who belong to this privileged social class. I see them at the same parties. I talk with them for a bit. They usually aren't very interested in talking to me. It's almost like they can immediately sense that I am not mormon royalty and therefore not worth the time. If TheFlake is part of mormon royalty, that would explain why she is so standoffish.

There really weren't any other prospects last night. A couple cute girls were there. I tried to join into their conversation which sounded something like this "Right now I have two sets of season tickets to SportingTeam. One set is on the 6th row in center court. Well, actually they are my grandpa's but he loves me so much. Since I was little he was wrapped around my little finger." Yuck. I felt like I was in an episode of the Hills or something.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Non-date dating

I go on a fair amount of non-date dates. In a non-date date, it's almost like a date except without the romantic interest. In other words, a non-date date is hanging out with a friend that is a girl where everything else sort of moves like a date. Such non-date dates include hanging out with BFF, hanging out with Lorelei, and last night's hangout with KJo. KJo and I met in law school and became fast friends, although I can tell at times that she must restrain herself from criticizing my haphazard life. It's only natural, KJo is a grounded girl that is very conservative while I am not. I tend to be too spontaneous and headstrong. But that doesn't stop us from being friends. I should mention that none of the girls I go on non-date dates with would consider them dates. The dates typically include the three P's of dating as instructed by mormon church leaders: Paired off, Planned for, and Paid for. However, they never include the less mentioned fourth P: Put out.

It's just me hanging out with a good friend doing something fun. A lot of the time, it just makes sense for me to pay, since I am the one who initiated whatever hairbrained scheme activity that we are participating in. I hope my non-date dating friends aren't upset if I write about some of my adventures with them.

Last night, KJo and I went to TJ-Maxx. TJ-Maxx is like the lower middle class version of the DI (which is like a low class version of a department store). They sell underwear, perfume, rugs, dishes, chocolate, lamps, etc. It's basically all stuff that didn't sell at some other store and is now greatly discounted. One time, I found a zebra skin dog pillow, a cheetah skin dog pillow and a giraffe skin dog pillow there. I purchased all three, even though I own no dogs.

While walking out of TJ-Maxx, KJo and I saw a flier on the ground for an open house at Dream Dinners. Neither of us knew exactly what Dream Dinners even did, so we ventured in to have a look see. The place was hilarious. Basically, you show up, they have all the groceries purchased, you cut stuff up to prepare these meals, freeze them, and then cook them at home. You can also pay an additional $25 to have them do all that work for you. I ended up spending $250. The idea is that these meals are healthy, tasty and easy to cook. I could almost see KJo's eyes rolling as I signed up for this service. KJo is an excellent cook and just finds my inabilities rather humorous. So, in the future, look for me to be cooking some fabulous meals for friends, family members, roommates and perhaps even dates.

Honestly though, I think cooking dinner for a date is a bad idea. It's like being the nice guy. Girls would swear up and down that they want a nice guy but the truth of the matter is, girls have NO IDEA what they want! Why? It's probably the same reason I am really attracted to slutty girls. Evolution dictates that slutty girls are the most likely candidate for a guy to mate with. Evolution also dictates that douche bag guys are the most likely candidate for a girl to mate with.

Monday, December 14, 2009

A long December

Last week I went to my younger brother C's high school choir concert. While there, I saw Bella. I have never met Bella, at least not formally. I have seen her a number of times over the past 6 years since she first started dating my younger T. Actually, T died while they were dating.

Of course it's weird that I want to take Bella out. I understand that. It's been over six years since T died but sometimes wounds like that never fully heal. Still, I am drawn to her. She is very pretty, she seems easy to talk to (from what my brothers say), and I just think I would like to get to know her better. I am considering asking her out. Not just considering it, I am darn near ready to follow through on it. Both of my younger brother's gave me the green light. They see nothing wrong with it. My mom just said she is kind of young. But she is older than plenty of the girls I go out with. I have more of a complex than normal that me contacting her will come across as desperate or as creepy thanks to comments on this blog.

Problem is, I don't have her phone number. So I would have to message her on facebook. Perhaps there is no legitimate way to do it using facebook. Should I instead just let this glimmer of hope die?

On Friday, I went to a Christmas concert with BFF. BFF is probably my best friend that is a girl. Even though it wasn't a date, at least writing about it implies that I am out doing things social. On Saturday, I met with FormerLesbian for breakfast. I think she is cool but there is absolutely no spark there. It breaks my heart to tell her this. I feel like the kid in Ol Yeller who has to go shoot his dog cause it has rabies. Call me cruel but I think when it comes to relationships, I would rather just let it suffer and die naturally than put it down when it is obvious that the relationship isn't going to make it.

Monday, December 7, 2009

In defiance

I thought about this blog the entire weekend. I struggled with continuing the blog while I drank Pepsi and went bowling. In between rounds of Call of Duty, while hanging up Christmas lights on my house, and while decorating my Christmas tree, I thought about why I date and also why I blog about it.

I have known for some time that I occasionally come across as desperate while on a date. It's not something I am comfortable admitting. It's because I want to get married and because I am tired of playing games. When I meet a girl that I like, I think I must wear my heart on my sleeve. Likewise, when I am not sure about a girl, I think I act lukewarm about her rather than just being upfront. I don't want to hurt any girl's feelings and I don't want to get my feelings hurt. These are things I need to improve on. After all, stringing a girl along does no more for her feelings than being honest upfront. It just makes it easier for me.

I don't mean to prey on the young girls in the ward. I think I attend a particularly young ward and so when I ask any girl out from the ward, odds are she is 19 and a freshman in college and living at home with her parents. I can change wards but can I really expect it to be any different elsewhere? Some people have suggested reducing my dating pool to only girls that are 25 and older. I struggle with this because a) I basically never meet any single girls over 25 that I am attracted to, b) I hardly ever meet any single girls over 25 period, and c) why should a relatively small group of people dictate who I date? If a girl doesn't want to go out with me, she has every right to say no. If a girl does want to go out with me, she will say yes.

In the end, I decided that Jill and Jessica and Fighter attacking me is not enough justification for shutting down the blog. Perhaps it is time that I grow some skin. I am sorry you didn't feel any chemistry with me Fighter. I obviously liked you and how you can find that offensive is beyond me.

On Saturday, I had a first date with TheWriter. We had pizza with my parents and brother and his date. Then we went to this Christmas concert. Finally, we watched a movie at my house. I met TheWriter online (incidentally, I canceled my online account - online dating is not for me) and this was our first time meeting each other. I had fun with TheWriter but didn't really feel any chemistry with her. Of course, I was still fuming from Friday. I might take her out again but right now, I am not feeling all that positive about dating.

Friday, December 4, 2009

The end

I am sorry that I came across as desperate, as a douchebag, as a disgusting sleazebag, as an idiot stalker, etc. I thought it would be funny and interesting to hear about my dating life from my perspective but I was wrong. Maybe dating just isn't for me to begin with.

I hope ending this blog helps everyone rest a little easier.

Love Tripp Hazard

In response

Dear Jessica:

Thanks for your comment. It was quite possibly the meanest thing any person has ever said or written about me. It made me seriously reconsider my reasons for writing this blog and also my reasons for continuing to go on dates. Perhaps you are just as bitter about dating as I am and you are only taking it out on me to make yourself feel better. What have I done that spreads negative Karma? You basically are saying that it is shallow for me to want a spouse that I find attractive. It is absurd to think I will marry a girl that I do not find attractive! Not once have I stated that I want a model or that a girl has to have a certain level of attractiveness. I simply want a girl that I am attracted to. If that makes me a disgusting sleazebag, then perhaps you should reconsider your definition of disgusting sleazebag so as to not include everyone in our society.

Also, I don't claim to be anything. When I said I was handsome and charming, it was said facetiously.

Love Tripp Hazard

Dear Jill:

I am a real person. I am not a douche bag. I am not a woman. All of the dates I went on were real dates. I may not be perfect but I am trying. Perhaps I am a fugly loser and no amount of money is worth being with me. It is unfortunate that I am twenty-something and single and struggling with dating. After reading your blog, it appears you are 28 and single and struggling with dating as well. It's hard when life doesn't work out the way we planned. But I am trying. I have heard many a girl complain that mormon guys just don't ask girls out on dates. As awful as I may seem in your imagination, at least I am making an effort. I am sorry that I am one of those "idiots that are so pervasive in Mormon culture." But whether I am an idiot or not, at least I am trying. I wanted this blog to be an honest insight into my dating life and I think I succeeded. I may have said some things that you find rude or insensitive. I apologize for that. However, those were my honest feelings and opinions. The blog isn't attempting to parody single mormon dating from a guy's perspective; it IS single mormon dating from a guy's perspective. I appreciate your comments, even though they are offensive. I hope that all the fugly losers out there with money stop asking mormon girls out on dates, since the girls seem to find it so distasteful.

Love Tripp Hazard

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Is it for me?

So one of my friends Foot was doing her visiting teaching. Good mormon girl type activity. Now, I am not sure how it came up but she starts telling the girl she is visiting teaching about my date with SouthernBelle. Sometime along the way, the girl she is visiting teaching stops her and says "I went on that date! I am SouthernBelle." Yeah, pretty embarrassing. She didn't see the blog but I am sure that my level of dorkiness in her book went way up. I mean, what guy blogs about his dates? I had serious thoughts of ending A Date with Tripp Hazard because of this incident. Foot also informed me that SouthernBelle thinks I am kinda old. Now that really hurt my feelings. Anyone who has met me knows that I have a young spirit. I neither look nor act my age. I called SouthernBelle on it and she said that she hates gossip and that it wasn't what she said. Who knows?

On Sunday at ward prayer, I hardly said a word to SouthernBelle. The whole activity was literally crawling with 19 year old girls. I talked to two different girls for most of the time. Both were 19. Then I met MathCheerCoach. MathCheerCoach is a math teacher at a local high school. She also is the cheer coach. We talked a little but she didn't seem that interested in talking with me. Plus, she doesn't want to stay here. She wants to move someplace warm. That's great, except my house, my career, my family and my life are here. So it's two strikes against her already.

SouthernBelle and I agreed to go out this Saturday but she texted me last night and had to cancel. I am sort of up a river without a paddle right now. My first thought was to call TheWriter. She and I met online but haven't met yet. Thing is, I have seen lots of pictures of her (there are almost 1000 on facebook) and I am only attracted to her in about 10% of those. I know, what a weird number. TheWriter is goofy and fun and outgoing, but if I am not attracted to her, I certainly won't start dating her. My next thought was Aussie. I messaged her on facebook but she said her parents were in town and she had to spend time with them. I am still considering other girls, including MathCheerCoach, Virginia, and TheFlake. Virginia is a girl I have never met that added me as a friend on facebook. We have several mutual friends. Looking at her pictures, I am very attracted to her. TheFlake is a girl I have had a crush on in the past. She works at a dry cleaning place and is quite flaky. But gorgeous and spunky and fun and cute and just so attractive.

Last night I went and hung out with FormerLesbian. I found it a bit disturbing. First, I met her mother. Overweight but nice. Second, I found out FormerLesbian has lost 80 pounds. She used to weigh 225. Now, that's great that she lost all of that weight but I still see that as a negative. Finally, FormerLesbian acts like she is in love with me already. I may be handsome and charming, but I am not THAT handsome or THAT charming. So it makes me awfully suspicious when a girl starts having feelings for me that early on that are that strong. Plus, when I feel lukewarm and they come on strong, it's definitely a turnoff.