On Wednesday night, I headed over to Gamer's place. We had planned to go bowling but it ended up being too late. So we played mario on her wii for a little while. Then I sang a couple of songs for her with her guitar that I wrote years ago. We made out and I left. I felt awful on the drive home from her house. Why? Because I knew that I was going to hurt her. At this point, there is absolutely no way for me to not cause her pain. I know she isn't right for me. Dating her will never be enough for me.
I know that the right answer of what I should do is tell her right away. I should call her up and just explain that I think she is really cool but it just doesn't feel right. That would hurt her less than dragging it out, right? But I am not sure if I am going to do that. A part of me, a very large part, wants to just drag it out. Slowly start hanging out with her less and less and hope she meets some other guy and can reject me in favor of him. This is exactly what happened with Pulse and probably what I am most comfortable with. But it isn't right and I know it.
I like Gamer. She is cool to hang out with. She is very spunky. She is very unique. She collects action figures, loves video games, plays guitar and is fun to be around. It just isn't enough.
Beneficial Use Of Casters
5 years ago
either you have real issues or you are completely atypical for a mormon guy living in utah(right?). your posts do seem to reflect a certain discontent with every girl you date, but that could be just seeing it in written form in this genre. i mean, you are writing about dating in mormonville, so...
ReplyDeleteyou are telling us about your dates-stuff that most of us(not me, i write to, of course)just think in our heads. stuff like, "no way, never again." or "lets see where this goes." or "she might be ms right for now." i think there is a general feeling of "what the hell would it take to impress you, tripp?"
i lean more towards the idea that you are being selective. you see many sham marriages of people who get married too young and too fast and even if they stick it out, its misery. you want a quality relationship and you are willing to wait it out.
good luck in utah where it seems like the dating rituals are revered more than temple ordinances. from my non utah view, it seems ridiculous.
just my rambling 2 cents.
Dear singlemormonchick:
ReplyDeleteI am not sure I understand your comment. Are you saying that I am atypical (or have "real issues") because most mormon men do not show the type of discontent with women that I have? Or are you saying that I am atypical (or have "real issues") because nobody can figure out "what the hell it would take to impress" me? Are you also saying that I am ridiculous? I don't want to be ridiculous. I mostly just try to be very honest. Anonymity provides that safety net; although many of my family members do read this blog.
I told Sugarloaf last night about the situation with Gamer and he said "well, obviously you don't feel too bad about it, cause you keep doing it." Kinda true. Anyway, clarification would be appreciated (so I can know whether to get defensive or not).
Love Tripp
ReplyDeletei was playing both sides. i could make a case for either, so i was kind of rambling on about both of them and i was hoping you might enlighten us. what do you think? do you think you have issues or do you think you are just being selective?
ReplyDeletei suppose you could get defensive, but i really havent made up my mind. just when i think you are just a jerk, playing the field and not wanting to settle down and be responsible, you will write something that makes me think that you are just frustrated in the crazy mormon dating world and like me, you just want a quality relationship, not one that you will be sorry you ever got into.
rambling again. sorry. tired.
Poor Gamer. That hurts. You better tell her. She will still think you are a jerk and just wanted a make out though. I don't think she was nearly as nerdy or dorky as you portrayed her. I thought she was cute.
ReplyDeleteand if what Kensey says is true, what's to say that Gamer isn't doing to you the same thing you are to her? hmm? Do you KNOW she wants more? When I was dating and a guy kissed me too soon or too casually, I knew he didn't respect me, so I didn't respect him. Made it pretty easy to remain detached emotionally. Maybe Gamer is a little more savvy and a little less lovesick than you think.
ReplyDeleteDear singlemormonchick:
ReplyDeleteHow am I supposed to know if I have issues or am just being selective? I am sure it is a combination of the two. But really, when you boil it all down, I just want to enter into a quality relationship that I won't be sorry I entered. I want to fall madly in love with someone and have them fall madly in love with me. I really don't think I am as big of a jerk as you think this blog portrays me.
Love Tripp
Dear Jeanna:
ReplyDeleteHow come you deleted your comment? I am sorry you have been through a similar situation as gamer. Dating is never easy. I have been hurt bad by some girls. I have hurt some girls bad too. Believe me, I never intended to hurt them. Sometimes you just end up in a situation where someone is gonna get hurt. Thanks for reading.
Love Tripp
Dear Kensey:
ReplyDeleteGamer is cute. I just am not falling for her. I am not gonna say that she will never be enough for me. Just that I don't feel it. Ugh, I hate when girls told me they just don't feel it.
Love Tripp
Dear Holly:
ReplyDeleteYou present such an interesting viewpoint to this blog. In some ways, I wish that what you were saying were true. Gamer just isn't that savvy and spending 15 minutes with her would show you that. I imagine that the world is not too friendly to girls with engineering degrees that like video games and weird movies. I know you think I am being a jerk. But, remember that this blog is a chance for me to be brutally honest. I am not that way in person. Is going out on dates with me any worse than not going out on dates at all?
Love Tripp
From what I can tell, it looks like you're mind knows it can't work between the two of you and you don't have the spark for her either (IE your heart's not into her). But there is a third possibility: your body disagrees with both. Biologically, making out is foreplay to sex, and as I understand it, the body locks into only one sexual partner at a time. If that's the case, it's possible that your body has decided that Gamer is your sexual partner, and that chemically, you belong together. Since your mind and heart both know otherwise, your body is doing all it can to keep you with her, keeping you in a sort of limbo of confused emotions.
ReplyDeleteObviously, your body can't be in charge here. You've got to break it off physically, if not completely. Don't make out with her, don't hug her, and don't kiss her. If that seems like too much to ask, then don't see her at all anymore. You've got to break the sexual bond, and every physical expression strengthens that bond.
I know it's tough to break it off, but you can do it!
Chas
Dear Chas Hathaway:
ReplyDeleteThanks for the advice. I don't really understand the whole concept of my body locking "into only one sexual partner at a time." It just sounds so foreign to me. But it is definitely something to think about.
Love Tripp