Tuesday, March 8, 2011

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

On Sunday, I brought Wonder up to my sister's house for dinner. When my sister texted me to ask if I wanted to come to dinner, the first thing I thought was "Oh, I should bring along Wonder." It was a bit of a disaster, but not how you might think.

I haven't written much about Wonder (or any of my recent dating experiences) because of some threats I received. Hopefully that is all behind me because I long to write. But Wonder and I met online. I think we have been out between 8 and 10 times. On our first date, Wonder and I talked frankly and I found out she was a germaphobe and she found out that I use public restrooms. She was disgusted, especially at the fact that I don't put those little paper liners down on the seat.

There are some things that I really like about Wonder. She is very kind. She always smells really good. She is a hard worker and knows the value of money. She has a great relationship with her family, especially her nieces and nephews.

There are also some things that I worry about with Wonder. She is a molly mormon. She has a bit of fat potential (FP). In social situations where Wonder is a bit uncomfortable, she tends to stand back and be quiet and just watch the other people interact.

**Before you are too critical of me for saying that a girl has FP, let me just say that everyone has the potential for different things. For a girl, having FP may simply mean that her mom is overweight. Or that she has big bones. I have AP (alcoholic potential) because my grandpa was an alcoholic. Does it mean I am going to be an alcoholic? No. It just means that if left unchecked, I could be.

The biggest question with Wonder is whether our personalities really mesh or not. Lets face it, I am loud and obnoxious and sometimes vulgar. I am hyper. So when a girl tends to just sit back and take all of that in, it appears that our personalities do not match. Such was the case with Sunday. My mom (bless her heart but she drives me crazy sometimes) felt the need to write me an email after the dinner about how she felt that Wonder and I weren't right for each other and that she still thinks I need to get back with House. It didn't ruin my day but it certainly ruined my hour. Who wants to hear from someone they really care about that they think you are making a mistake? Especially when it is something as personal as dating. My mom saw neither all of the interactions between House and I nor all the interactions between Wonder and I. How can she possibly know why I make the decisions that I make?

In all fairness, Wonder and I are not a match made in heaven. There have been a couple of occasions where I said something that Wonder took as perhaps me trying to be offensive towards her family. I didn't mean it that way but it showed we weren't quite on the same page. And while I think it is great that she is such a devout Mormon, it is a bit of a conflict with my own life. It's not that I don't try and live all the church's teachings. It's just that I trip up from time to time. And someone who has never tripped up is bound to have a harder time understanding it.

The email from my mom got me thinking a lot about Wonder. And about the other girls that I date. I guess I am just spinning my wheels. I made a conscious effort and removed the stale daters that were clogging my dating pool. I try and say a prayer before every date that I go on. But, I definitely worry about what sort of match I really want. Of course it is going to take a special person to put up with the energy that I bring to the table. But also, what sort of energy do I want? The more I think about it, the more I crave having someone that is very outgoing. Not just someone that makes a great audience. It's not to say that Wonder is out (and there is no way I would let my mom have that much power over my dating life). But maybe, like U2 I "still haven't found what I'm looking for." Sometimes I am just so tired of looking though.


  1. Maybe you should stop looking. It doesn't seem to be doing you any good and in fact sounds like its just making you crazier by the day.

  2. You spend a lot of time talking about what you want and finding the perfect girl for you. Do you ever wonder what the girl you'll end up with wants from you? What her image of the perfect you is? And perhaps, someone who is different than you can help you, make you stronger, make you grow, and ultimately the two of you can balance each other out.

  3. Dear Anonymous:

    What do you mean by stop looking? Stop going on dates? Stop trying to meet girls? Some of the process drives me crazy and I definitely struggle with continuing to ask girls out when I am not interested anymore but when I have tried to cut back in the past, I have been very frustrated with myself. I felt as if I were just giving up.

    Love Tripp

  4. Dear Alison:

    I didn't know you still read my blog! How are you? I wonder all the time what a girl wants/expects from me or from a future husband. Nobody is more aware of a person's faults than that person. I think we are almost always our harshest critics. But who wants to write about the things that they don't like about themselves? I am sure that I am going to have to make some sacrifices and concessions(as will she) but I really don't know what concessions my future wife is willing to make. Maybe she will be ok with my immaturity but unwilling to overlook my spending habits. Maybe she will laugh and enjoy my slightly rebellious hairstyles but not be willing to accept my video games.

    In the end, I can only guess what she will and won't have a problem with. I have to generalize. A mormon girl wants a guy that will treat her well (no physical or emotional abuse), a guy that can provide for her basic needs (i.e., a guy with a job and some aspiration to improve the lifestyle that they life), a guy that will be a good father and a guy that believes in the church and will marry her in the temple. Those are the requirements. And I think I meet those requirements fairly well.

    As to the extras. They want a guy that is handsome (I am not going to win any modelling contests but I doubt that on a boat of LDS single guys, I am the ugliest one), a guy that is funny (which is totally subjective, some people find me funny and some don't - I can't really change that), a guy that is interesting (say what you will about me but I have a hard time believing that I am not at the very least an interesting person), a guy that is taller than them (sorry girls that are a lot taller than 6 feet) and a guy that gets along well with her family (since I haven't met them, hard to know if we get along or not). I am sure there are more wants and needs but you get the idea. I am not the first draft pick but I would hope that someone out there is willing to draft me.

    You are correct that someone who is different than me could be the perfect balance. I just don't know.

    Love Tripp

  5. Tripp,
    Geez! I have never met you and all I can judge of you (yes, I judge strangers sometimes) is what I read. You have always come across as the guy who's desperately wanting to get married. And I don't mean that in a good way. I sometimes feel like you're wanting sympathy with your posts. I'm sure you don't mean to come across that way, and maybe I'm the only one who thinks that. I don't feel sorry for you, in fact I feel excited for you. You're young, single, and have an active dating life and what seems like a career your enjoy. Suck it up, man! Who cares if you haven't found what you're looking for? You will someday, and until then it seems like you've got an awesome life to enjoy. I absolutely loved dating, I had some of the best and funnest (it is a word...to me) times of my life. And now that I've got my man, I'm a better partner to him because of everything I learned while dating. This is your life, and I know that traditionally in the Mormon church people put timelines on things, but you get to decide your timeline. Just because you're over the age of 23 and still single doesn't mean you're past your prime. You will find her. And it will be perfect and perfectly on time.

  6. Dear Miss A:

    I hope you don't mind if I use part of your comment on the quotes to the side. I am sorry I have come across as so desperate. I would like to think that in person, I am not quite as desperate but who knows. If I were only desperate for marriage though, I would have been married a long time ago. I have had a few options.

    I am going to make a conscious effort to not appear like I am just seeking sympathy. My dating life was the way it is long before I considered writing this blog. I write because I think I have an interesting topic to write about (and because otherwise none of this would get recorded, since I never write in my journal (and also because I think getting advice from total strangers that are judging me is fascinating and occasionally helpful)). Whiel I don't absolutely love dating, I do enjoy it. Otherwise, I would just stay home or work more. Thanks for the comments though.

    Love Tripp

  7. Never Change.

    As soon as you give up looking for that special, specific girl you'll end up divorcing your wife when the last of your kids move out because your marriage is a love-void.