Unwanted Drama

So last night, Samsonite and I agreed to get together. Her really good friend Gonzo was in town so I thought it might be me playing third wheel for most of the night. I was wrong. It was Samsonite that played third wheel to Gonzo and I. From the moment we met in the restaurant, Gonzo stole the show. She started asking me question after question and nitpicking at my answers. She talked and talked and talked and talked. There were times where I felt like I had no part in the conversation. Attempting to keep up with the intensity of Gonzo, I shifted gears. I almost made an inappropriate joke but stopped myself. However, I let it slip out that I had almost said something inappropriate. Both Samsonite and Gonzo were like "no, come on, it's just us, there is nothing you could say that would be inappropriate." So, I told them what it was. Talk about vicious. They attacked like a couple of starving wolves attacking a deer carcass. At that point, I gave up. I was stunned at how awful things were going.

As we were leaving, I thought I was free and clear. But no, I had no escape plan. Gonzo wanted to see my house. So they followed me home and I gave them the grand tour.

Sample conversation number 1:

Gonzo: Your tree needs to be in the middle of the window.

Me: I kinda like it where it is.

G: Well, you are wrong. Isn't he wrong Samsonite?

Samsonite: You are wrong Tripp, your tree needs to be in the middle of the window.

M: Well, thanks for your concern, but there are reasons why I placed it where I did and I want it to stay there.

G: You are wrong. Your tree needs to be in the middle of the window.

Sample conversation number 2:

G: Oh my gosh! You have tickets to the football game! Oh my gosh, can I buy one off of you?

M: No, they aren't for sale.

G: Come on! I will give you $20 for this ticket right now.

M: Umm, actually I paid $85 per ticket and I really want to go to that game.

G: Come on! I will give you $20 for this ticket right now.

I was annoyed. Gonzo started peppering me with questions again. I attempted to answer and she shot back with "All I heard was blah blah blah, I'm really insecure, blah blah blah." At that point, I should have just kicked her out of my house. Samsonite did nothing to defend me. So I tried defending myself, explaining what I meant. I was on my best behavior because I have had fun with Samsonite and I thought there could be some major potential there.

So Gonzo starts into this diatribe of how Mormon guys are all gatherers when they should all be hunters. I gave a couple of valid points that were shot down by both Gonzo and Samsonite (Samsonite remained relatively quiet through most of the conversation). At that point, I wanted them both out of my house, I made a mental note to myself that Samsonite would not be getting another phone call from me. Nevertheless, they were still in my house and I had no way to get them to leave. So the awkwardness continued. Gonzo was mean, Samsonite was mostly silent (except for an occasional laugh at something Gonzo said, just to sort of prove that she was on the same page as Gonzo on just about every topic). Finally, at 12:45, they left my house. Gonzo offered up a half-hearted apology on the way out the door. Samsonite stuck up for me a total of 1 time the entire night but it somehow felt enough to redeem her from throwing me under the bus the other 10 times.

Today I got a text from Samsonite asking if I wanted to go get pizza with them. Umm, no. A minute later, I got a text from Gonzo offering another apology. It seemed sincere so I accepted the apology and apologized to her if I had said something mean last night. Gonzo replied with "I don't need an apology. I wasn't offended, one has to be insecure to be offended." Oh how my blood boiled. I considered sending a profanity laced response that would surely put Gonzo in her place. But I realized that no matter what I wrote back to Gonzo, it would fail. No matter how accurately I described her insecurities or lack of manners and mean spirit, it would only make me look more insecure in both her eyes and Samsonite's eyes. So I told her that the apology was unaccepted. Gonzo gave some snide remark back about how she was only doing it to be a good friend to Samsonite. Can't imagine a lot of scenarios where I will be taking Samsonite out again.