Friday, April 15, 2011

Saxophones and cheesecake

On Tuesday, I invited Wonder to a saxophone recital for the wife of a coworker. Most of the date felt pretty awkward. I like Wonder, I really do. I think she is sweet and caring and just a great person. But I just don't feel that connection with her. On Wednesday, Jewel and I went out. I am so tired of traditional dates that I decided to take Jewel shopping instead. We went shopping for clothes for me. Yeah, it sounds like a pretty egotistical thing to do. But it went really well. We had fun interacting, Jewel had some useful opinions, and it gave us time to bond doing something that normal people do (i.e., people that aren't out on a date). We grabbed dinner after and went over our lists for what we want our future mate to be like. It was pretty casual and I got to know Jewel quite a bit better. We ended up kissing that night. It was good (although I like kissing Wonder better and think Wonder is a better kisser). I have been thinking a lot about the LDS general conference talks about how guys need to just settle down and marry someone. I guess they were pretty much speaking to me. After all, I have a few really good LDS girls that would probably marry me if I wanted. I am not delaying marriage for education or financial reasons. I am delaying because I want to find the right one. Should I really just marry someone that I have some common interests with and hope that love appears? What would you do if you were in my position?


  1. Taking girls shopping for yourself is genius. Let them tell you stuff they like, then you pick what you like best out of that. It really streamlines the process.

    I wouldn't do it. Wait for the right one! Let;s face it, in Utah there are LDS girls who would marry you, an LDS guy, after one date. That doesn't mean you should do it. You might not to be trailing these girls along either, though, if you don't feel the spark you're looking for.

    You could probably make a relationship with Wonder and be happy the rest of your life, but it sounds like there's someone out there who could make you even happier.

  2. the waiting for someone better dilemma. soon you will be 40 and wish your married house!
    of course you just dont want to marry just anyone-that would be ridiculous, but come on!

  3. "Should I really just marry someone that I have some common interests with and hope that love appears?"

    Try DATING someone with common interests first! Really date them! Don't just take them out on dates and/or makeout with them. Try stepping up and going for a serious relationship with them. You've had some girls that you've had feelings for in the past. Maybe you do, maybe you don't right now, I don't know. But if you do, try actually starting a relationship with her. Being in a serious relationship does not mean you have to get married. It means you like eachother enough to try it out for a while. Then if things go well, and your feelings get stronger, then you get married.

    You're problem is you're waiting for some lightning bolt or angels or some big and powerful telling you, "this is the one, MARRY HER!" You think that if it doesn't happen, you haven't found the right one yet, and if you keep pursuing this one you'll be "settling." I'm sorry, but that's not the way it works.

    Look, you know when you like someone. Knowing that you like someone is not the same as knowing if "she's the one." But you at least know when you like someone. So if you like her, show interest in her. Ask her out - you're good at that part. If it goes well, ask her out again. You're good at that part too. After the third date, you WON'T know if you've found your soulmate. I know, that's the way people think it's supposed to work in Utah, but it doesn't. But you DO know if you like her enough to spend more time with her. So this time instead of just asking her out on a date, ask her to be your girlfriend. I know that sounds really junior high, but honestly you have a problem showing girls that you want to be committed to them, and just straight up asking isn't a bad way to start. It's only after you date for a little while that you can really know if this person is "the one" or not. And it's not going to be lightning bolts from heaven - it can be for some people, but you can't expect it. You just have to be a man and take a risk.

    Seriously, try DATING, as in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Just try it. Committing to a relationship isn't committing to a wedding date. It doesn't mean you're headed down a road of a loveless marriage. It IS how you show a girl you're serious about her. It IS worth the risk. It's fun. It will help you feel like you're not stuck going around and around and around in circles like you have for the last howeverymany years. Try it!

  4. Please don't marry a girl that you don't love. I will never visit you.