Tuesday, May 31, 2011

A mini-breakdown and a mini-DTR

Last week I stressed out about Jewel. Big time. It's kinda hard to explain but I got really depressed and worried that Jewel wasn't interested in me. And I let it resonate in my head, getting stronger with each round. When I received a text, my first thought was "great, Jewel is texting to let me know she is dating somebody else." It was very self destructive. By the time Saturday rolled around, I was haggard from the stress. And guess what? Nothing had happened! I hadn't received any texts from Jewel suggesting she wasn't interested in me. She is definitely scatterbrained and may take a few days to respond to a text but it was never malicious.

I talked with a number of different friends about it and came to the realization that the problem was me. I have a pattern when I start liking a girl. I started thinking back to a number of other girls that I have liked in the past and I seemed to have the same mindset. I started liking them, freaked myself out, and somehow things fell apart. Either I did something really heavy (like writing them a letter expressing my undying love) or I took myself out of competition, I never really handled it well. So I have become determined to handle things differently with Jewel.

On Saturday, we had made plans to go on a bike ride. However, the weather turned foul. We ended up eating dinner at my favorite restaurant. I don't know if Jewel was impressed with the place but she definitely liked her food. Then we went to the apple store cause Jewel thought I should buy a macbook air or something. It was fun looking at the stuff with her. We also stopped by an art gallery to compare some of our tastes in art. Just talking to Jewel made me feel much better. I conquered some of my fears and just asked her about things. I got some really interesting answers.

One of my first questions was if she was still interested in me. She looked at me like I was kind of dumb and said "why would I keep going out with you if I wasn't still interested in you?" I couldn't just blurt out "cause that's what I do and I suspected you would do the same." Basically, Jewel told me to just relax. If she decided she didn't like me anymore, she would just tell me and I would know. Don't get me wrong, Jewel is not without her idiosyncrasies. She told me that she liked kissing me but that she didn't want it to cloud her judgment. So, she had decided to not kiss me for awhile. Kinda bothersome but if it makes her feel more comfortable with things, I can understand, I guess.

Jewel and I met today for lunch. As usual, we talked way too much about her intern that she can't stand. But, I learned a little more about her. For one, I learned that Jewel has trouble sleeping and never feels rested. Except when she sleeps at her mother's house. I am not sure how I feel about that. But I definitely like her.

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