On Friday night, I went and saw a movie with Gamer and Chief. It wasn't really that interesting. Gamer is just as awkward as ever and Chief has always been very awkward. But it's nice to have friends that want to do stuff with you (although to be honest, I am not sure why they want me to do stuff with them - do they need a chaperone because he is married to someone other than her?). On Saturday I had a date with Simpson. I am so lukewarm about Simpson that it's like swimming in a warm pool when it is hot and humid outside of the pool. I just kind of get no sensation either way. But Simpson is very nice and the conversation was pretty good. After dinner, we made smoothies at my house (in case you are noticing a trend, I finally gave in and purchased a super high powered blender; it's one of those blenders that you can blend anything in and so I have been on a smoothie and milkshake kick) and watched a movie. I made out with Simpson. It's scuzzy and I know it. It's kinda like eating fast food. You know that after you eat it, you are gonna kind of feel sick to your stomach. And you know that eating it for long periods of time is only going to make you fat and unhealthy. But, you are hungry and it's right there and it's cheap and they can get it to you fast. And so you just give in and eat it once in awhile. I know that I don't really like Simpson, because the next day I thought to myself "How am I going to get myself out of this one?"
On Monday night, I talked on the phone with a new girl named Wonder. I haven't yet met Wonder but we are going on a date on Saturday. We have been emailing on the dating website for a little while and she seems pretty cool. Definitely much more conservative than me but it should be fun to go out with her. Last night, TAB came over to make smoothies. We went to the grocery store to purchase appropriate smoothie supplies. TAB was absolutely annoying at the store. Ever since I told her that I thought she was controlling, she kinda tries to pretend like she is not controlling by saying things like "it's your smoothie, what do you want to do?" But then she picks and chooses pretty much everything. The smoothie did not turn out as well as the one with Simpson, even though Simpson and I spent $10 on supplies while TAB and I spent $30 on supplies. We didn't kiss or anything and I have no intention of going out with TAB again. TAB is sort of like an annoying expensive restaurant in Las Vegas with expensive sub-standard food. It's too hard to get and the food you do get is not near worth the expense to obtain it.
Today, I walked into my office to find an envelope from the business where House works. My heart jumped. I was worried I was going to get a scathing letter about how irresponsible I am. Or some other bad news from House. My secretary opens all of my mail (I have no idea if she reads it or not, but the mail is always placed on my desk opened) so I was also a little nervous about what she might have seen. The envelope included a book called "Look me in the eye" and a letter from House. It was kind but basically said that in the future, I should try and be a better communicator. I have struggled so much with wanting to write House an email or call her and try and work things out. In fact, I almost cried while thinking about her this morning. I had/have feelings for her. I just never felt like it was enough. Like that I never felt strong enough about her to justify ruining her life by having me be a large part of it.
Beneficial Use Of Casters
5 years ago
Go get House. Go get her! You can do it. It's not that hard. Flowers. "I'm sorry." "I want to date you." Date her. Win.
ReplyDeletehow about a lovely, handwritten letter laying it all out on the line?
ReplyDeleteI still don't understand why it's so bad to just date her. I mean, you are still dating other people, she's free to date other people, what the problem?
ReplyDeleteAre you sure they're not strong enough? You write about her an awful lot. Possibly they're strong enough, but you're having a hard time owning up to them?
ReplyDeleteI hope you haven't written her a letter or an email. The problem you two had was that you did everything through email or text and that is why she said you need to be a better communicator. She clearly still cares about you and you feel the same way. WHy do you keep worrying about if it is enough?!! It is enough if you want it to be enough. If you commit to her completely then it wouldn't ruin her life. You just don't want to do that- like your previous post said- you want to keep house hunting. You can look for that perfect house forever and it may never come. There will always be something that you want to change or that you want to be a little better. But as our expert realtor told us eventually you just have to pick a house that you really like. Maybe it isn't the perfect one, but you have to just accept it and be happy with it. You have to make that decision. Otherwise you will be looking for a house forever. This worked for us in our house hunting, but also when we were considering marriage. The few minor things that weren't as likeable have been able to be adjusted or they have grown on us. I think if you were smart you would see that House is in love with you and you with her. That is obvious by how you felt when she wrote you that letter. You still have a chance with her so you should take it. Get some gorgeous flowers and hand deliver them and talk. DOn't write a letter!
ReplyDeleteSo this is your Brother from another Mother. And Im going to have to agree with Newton here. You have to commit lay it on the line get her some flowers and go talk to her. Here is the thing about dateing you will get burned often and will fall on your face a lot. And because of this we start to hold ourselves back we protect ourselves and then we end up in this endless cycle of not being able to take the risks and put ourselves back out there. Take the risk, swing for the fence and let the failures and misses fall by the wayside but never give up.
ReplyDeleteHaving been a secretary that opens the mail, no we do not read it. Unless its mail we need to address as part of our job, we don't care what mail you get.
ReplyDeleteJust to put your mind at ease
Committing to a course of action takes a lot of faith. Try to muster it. I read in one of those dumb dating books the most insightful thing I've ever heard (or seen, I guess):
ReplyDeletePeople who have a hard time committing to yes, also have a hard time committing to no.
I think you should have some quality face time with House and just hash it all out. If she cares about you as much as it seems she does, she will hear you out and level with you as you level with her. Go to the Melting Pot or some place where you're at a quiet table alone for a long time and just see what happens.
I also agree with your brother from another mother. You can't let the times you've been burned influence how vulnerable you make yourself with House. This is a unique situation, just like the others, and it deserves your full effort if you really want a resolution.