Thursday, June 30, 2011

It must have been love, but it's over now

It must have been good, but we lost it somehow. Jewel and I haven't talked in 11 days. After a bit of a freakout, I called her 12 days ago and laid some feelings on the line. I told her that she was mistreating me and that I wasn't at all a priority in her life. She admitted that I wasn't a priority. Sort of. As we talked it became clear what had happened. Jewel really enjoyed hanging out with me and even liked me quite a bit. I started liking her back. And it freaked her out. Don't get me wrong, I am sure plenty of this is my fault. I am not used to liking girls. The last girl I really liked was 2 years ago, and people change a lot in 2 years. So I think I came on too heavy.

So Jewel and I met for lunch and to figure out how to proceed the following day. The lunch was pretty short. We had some casual small talk and then talked about options. In a perfect world, I would be able to just tone it down and continue dating Jewel while she figures out what she wants. There is a good chance that we could continue to date over the next few months and she could fall madly in love with me. We decided on a 1 week break with no talking. For both of us to think about what we really wanted. I guess when the break started, I didn't really think about how we would initiate communication after the week. I kinda figured that since she knows I like her, she would be the one to initiate it. Littlebrother advised me to not call or text her on Monday and I heeded his advice. On Tuesday, I realized I had no idea what I could possibly say to Jewel. Telling her that I have strong feelings for her wouldn't work - I already tried that. Telling her that I am ok with casually dating her is basically going back to where I was a few weeks ago. Whether you like me or not, you should agree that Jewel was not treating me as well as I deserve to be treated.

Now it is Thursday and we still haven't talked. She hasn't called or texted. I told littlebrother last night that she probably doesn't even remember who I am. I am trying to sort of play it off like I am not super bothered by this whole thing. Yesterday, I logged onto facebook chat and saw Jewel online there (she is almost never online) and my heart skipped a beat, literally. I didn't say anything to her. Last night, I prayed long and hard about getting help to handle this situation appropriately. I asked if I should email her or call her or text her or visit her in person or never talk to her again. I am not sure I have received an answer. Maybe God just doesn't care much about my dumb little dating dilemmas.

They say that when you meet the right person, it will just be easy. At first, that's exactly how it felt with Jewel. The conversation never lagged. I looked forward to spending time with her. Basically she made every activity fun and I felt like I did the same for her. Someone once told me that with how much I date, and with how long I have waited to get married, I am sure to find exactly what I want. He married the first girl he dated after his mission. Maybe none of us ever really have it figured out.


  1. I mean this in the nicest way possible, but you've got some issues. Were you in an established, committed relationship? Had you guys talked about dating exlusively? I realize you don't blog about every single thing that happens, but with what you have blogged about it seems like you've given her a lot of hot and cold.

    "I told her that she was mistreating me and that I wasn't at all a priority in her life."

    I'm sorry, but unless you were already starting to talk about marriage, saying that was a really bad idea. It's a guy's role to take initiative in the relationship if he's interested and wants it to move forward. She doesn't owe you any kind of priority status unless you've made HER a priority. And even then, not really until you're both talking about marriage (not that you're definitley getting married, but you both see the relationship moving that direction).

  2. Hey Tripp,

    Sorry to hear about this. It sucks, doesn't it? I'll give you props to finding a girl you like after two years though. Take it as a good sign. It means that you have healed enough, or that you are not so jaded and broken, that you CAN in fact find someone who will like and appreciate you.

    That being said, I do think you should call Jewel up. Make some initiative! Even if it leads to nothing at least you will have the closure you need to move on.

    And PS, just because you find "the one" does not mean that life is easy. Both sides need to be on board, but even in the best of relationships it is a lot of work.

  3. Dear DC:

    Where have you been? Your blog has gone 7 months without an update. Thanks for your comment. I guess I do have some issues. The problem is, I had a number of people that were telling me to tell her exactly how I felt. And I was really struggling with the lack of progression in the relationship (in fact, we were regressing, we had been going out twice a week and were down to 1, we had been kissing and now we weren't). It was just so frustrating and I felt like I had to let her know about it.

    As is typical, I am my own worst enemy. I simply didn't/don't know how to act in these situations and so I sabotage the whole thing. I guess I probably subconsciously did that with Jewel. We weren't in a committed relationship; but that was what I wanted. I don't know how I came across as hot and cold. Worse yet, I don't have a clue how to make it right or open up communication lines.

    Love Tripp

  4. Dear Rachel:

    Thanks for the comment. I need plenty of positive reinforcement in my life. I like the idea that maybe I am "not so jaded and broken" and that I "CAN in fact find someone who will like" and appreciate me. Of course, I don't know if that is true or not. I can't analyze this situation because I don't know if a) everything got screwed up because of the way I became self conscious or b) I became self conscious because Jewel was pulling away. I find myself constantly wondering if she even cares at all about me. I wonder if a day goes by, or multiple days even, when she doesn't have even a single thought about me. If it's a), then I need to make some big changes in my life. If it's b), maybe I am not so screwed up and I reacted in an appropriate way.

    Love Tripp

  5. Stop listening to little bro and get some balls and call her. He told me on Monday that advice and I told him then that it was stupid and he shouldn't listen to you. She is probably waiting for the man to be the man and call her. It is so stupid to just avoid the whole situation out of fear.
    God isn't going to answer your prayers with fireworks. I figured that one out when I was praying whether or not to marry Austin. I had to make up my mind what I was going to do and then ask if that was a good decision. THat is how it works. If you are sincerely asking after that then you will get a feeling one way or another, but God is not going to make the decision for you.
    I think you need to call her so you can move on with your life or move on with the relationship.
    You should be honest definitely, but sometimes honesty needs to be a bit sugar coated or censored at first...
    P.S. Little bro is in on the fireworks, so its up to you to get them and we can help pay.

  6. If you like this girl so much, then why is your pride the most important thing here? Stop moping about and feeling sorry for yourself and call her!

    And, no offense to littlebrother (whom I dearly love), but why are you taking his advice on dating?! It's not like he's a success story himself. Again, littlebrother, I love you, I just know that you are way off base when it comes to "playing it cool", or whatever. It's lame. And not the way to win a girl's affection. You're bugged b/c you think she's not giving you enough attention, so why would this method work on her?

    You should call Jewel up, apologize for being so crazy and ask if you guys can sort of start over. At this point, it would be appropriate to tell her that you would both be free to date other people, just don't completely shut the door on this one yet. And then, when you are out with her do only fun things. Don't discuss feelings or anything like that, just have fun. You, of all people, are really good at that. Make having fun your single goal, at least for the short term.

    And whoever told you that it would come easy when you find "the one" must just be very fortunate. Blake and I both agree that our relationship definitely required work. It should require work in the beginning, because it will definitely require work after marriage, and it's kind of nice to know how to go about doing that to some degree.

    Oh, and I don't think it's that God doesn't care, on the contrary, I think He cares deeply, it's just that He trusts you to figure out what you're doing.

  7. Tripp,
    Stop listening to what other people think YOU should do. Only you know what to do. It doesn't matter what other people think. I hope you took the initiative to call her. After my husband and I had announced our intentions to marry, after what seemed like a short period of time, a guy in his ward gave him a hard time about getting married so soon after meeting me..."isn't it kind of fast?" It bothered hubby. I said to him," who is getting married and who is still single?..and you care about what he says?" Given that perspective, he wasn't bothered any longer. If it is right, it will fall into place. If it isn't it won't. If you are not sure yourself and need others opinion, then you aren't ready yet. Stop over analyzing your relationships.....oh, and the guy from his ward has yet to marry...after 22 years.