My potential downfall

I think I made a mistake today. I messaged Swift and told her about this blog. I gave her the address. I haven't said anything about Swift that is going to get me into trouble with her. I think I have said that she is cute and that she appears very dateable. No, the problem is with TheWriter. I have no idea if Swift will read this blog or if she will tell TheWriter the address or any of the information within this blog. I certainly don't want to hurt TheWriter's feelings. I think she is a really cool girl and I enjoy being friends with her. The real reason I told Swift is cause Swift has basically told me there is no chance she will go on a date with me. I disagree. If one of my buddies liked a girl and she didn't like him back but was interested in me, I would absolutely go out with her. I would be upset at my friend if he thought otherwise. I am not stealing from my friend, I am merely using what they are unable to use. With limited resources available, efficiency becomes extremely important.

Notes: Tonight I am going to a basketball game with Bean. I met Bean on the cruise. She is a super cool girl - very laid back. RunsWithScissors and his date are going with us. Should be lots of fun. I asked Arches out today but she already had plans. I just feel a bit compelled to at least see if Arches and I would have fun together.

Old dating memories

I just recently heard the song "Need you now" by Lady Antebellum. Yeah, I am a little slow. But for the moment, it is my favorite song. I think I have listened to it 20 or 30 times in the last week. I still crave it. The song reminds me a lot of past relationships.

Brooke - The first girl I dated when I got home from my mission. She was a southern girl. I had only been home for 4 days when we went on our first date. In fact, she came to see me at my homecoming and we held hands. I seriously thought she was the one. Just as quick as it started, the relationship died. Brooke was living in another state with my sister and contemplating a nanny job in Germany. She decided that the Germany job was right for her and she didn't want to get too attached. She moved to Germany and married a guy there.

Amy - Amy was the second girl I dated after my mission. She was this spunky confident girl that dated lots. I somehow mustered up the courage to ask her out. I wrote several songs about dating her including "Amy Dirt" and "Empty." I didn't have a job while I was dating her so I had lots of time to sit around and play my guitar. She told me I needed a haircut and I grew my hair out for over a year to prove her wrong. Amy named my first car. When she left for the summer, I knew it was over. I would have followed Amy anywhere but she wouldn't let me.

Stephanie - The kinda-girlfriend of one of my mission companions. He told me to take her out but I think he was joking. Our first date was to a crappy Ben Affleck movie. I held her hand. I wrote several songs about dating her including "Until I'm gone." I knew she was struggling with whether it was ok to date me or not. I had long hair. I listened to rock music. Her parents totally did not approve. I sent her flowers one day. Big yellow ones to show I cared. She called me, said thanks for the flowers, and then broke up with me. When my companion came home 6 months later, they started dating and were married less than a year after I dated her. I had lunch with them a month ago. They have three kids.

Mindy - I dated Mindy a couple of times right before Christmas that year. She was my roommate's cousin. We went to the Nutcracker and I felt like I was the king of the world holding her hand. She was the prettiest girl I had ever dated (still holds true today). Spunky and fun with curly blonde hair, I nearly failed a math class in college staying up talking to her the night before my final. We watched The Shawshank Redemption and held hands the first night we met. I lay in bed for hours after she left. Just before Christmas, Mindy told me she was planning on going on a mission (she was 18, girls have to be 21 to go on a mission) and that it was pointless to have any serious relationships before that. She moved back with her parents. That May, she got married to some guy she met while working at a cheap restaurant. It hurt more than I can possibly convey.

Dating is hard. I know some people might think that I fall way too fast for girls (TheCaptain) but I don't see it that way. Every time I fall for a girl, I worry that I won't fall again. That I will never feel as strong about another girl as I did about the last one. In less than one year home from my mission, I fell in love four times and was burned four times. In the past year, I have not fallen in love once. Some of the happiest times in my entire life were when I was dating Brooke, Amy, Stephanie and Mindy. Maybe they wouldn't have made me happy in the long run but I will never know. It hurt when they burned me but I would gladly risk it again.

Notes: On Saturday night, I called up Pulse to go see Sherlock Holmes with me. I met Pulse on the cruise and we clicked. Pulse is a bit of a weirder girl though. Vegetarian animal lover working at a non-profit. On Saturday, I received a text from Spinster. She said she had started dating someone while I was on my cruise. I am pretty sure I called that one before I left on the cruise. I wrote Swift a message today on facebook.

Pseudo-douche bags

I had a first date with a girl on Wednesday. Let's call her Spinster. GetErDone set me up with Spinster so it was a blind date. It was actually one of the better first dates that I have been on in awhile. I am trying to follow the advice of my friends and not get too excited yet. Still, the date went well. We met up and went to dinner at the Melting Pot. The conversation seemed to flow easily. I told her about how I don't eat pickles because I had a pickle dream when I was 16 and woke up with the taste of pickles in my mouth and she said it was probably the funniest thing she has ever heard. I definitely want to take her out again, but we will have to see if she is even still available when I get back from my cruise (girls I am interested in seem to get boyfriends while I am on vacation).

Last night, Sugarloaf and I were talking while at the gym. He had plans to hang out later that night with a couple of girls and Barrel. Barrel is a chill guy; I like him a lot. However, Barrel basically makes it impossible for guys like Sugarloaf and I to compete. Unless a girl really likes us, she will inevitably go for Barrel. He is better looking, in better shape, more charming, and just generally better with girls than us. He is what I will refer to as a pseudo-douche bag. A pseudo-douche bag is a guy that I know treats women like objects (although the women ALWAYS go willingly) but is an overall decent guy. Typically a douche bag is some guy I don't really know and is therefore competition. Sorta like the greeks labeled everyone not greek as barbarians. I label a lot of the guys I don't know as douche bags.

Even though I think the world of Barrel, his existence is like swimming against Michael Phelps. His presence alone ensures that I can't win. Unless he has been smoking pot recently or traipsing around with that really dumb Miss America candidate... Nobody knows who the number 2 swimmer on the US Olympic Swim Team is. Nobody cares. If you aren't Michael Phelps, you might as well not even bother showing up.

Notes: Received a text from FormerLesbian today. Not sure how to respond. Going out with TheWriter tonight. Should be fun. She explained to me the other day why Swift deleted me as a friend on facebook. Makes sense. Actually, TheWriter said to me on the phone that if I wanted to go after Swift, she had no problem with it. I didn't know how to respond.

This blog turns 50 or the grinch that stole Christmas

Last week, I went on a date with LadyGuadalupe. I met LadyGuadalupe several years ago through my friend Mogul. Apparently I forgot her the first time I met her, cause the second time I met her, I didn't remember meeting her previously. Mogul gave me a lot of crap for it. Mogul has been down on his luck a little and so he was less likely to harass me this time around. LadyGuadalupe is an extremely nice fun and pretty girl. We have hung out several times and I think she is pretty cool. This was our first date. She lives in another state, has spent the past year or so studying in Paris and Hawaii, and so I never see her.

We had dinner and talked with Mogul and his wife. It was a fairly fun date. I have just been so down on myself lately that I am not really sure I know how to have fun. The complications of dating LadyGuadalupe are many. Besides her being the cousin of Mogul, she lives far away, she wants to do an internship in New York City as soon as she graduates, and she is much quieter than me. I worry sometimes that the quieter girls find me extremely annoying. So even though I had a fun time with her and thought highly of her, it is doubtful that I will take her on another date.

So I added Swift as a friend on Facebook and she accepted. Then, when I looked today, we were no longer friends on Facebook. Did she seriously accept my friendship request and then remove me from her friends? It just seems so odd. So much for the suggestion that we hang out. TheWriter and I have been texting a bunch. Perhaps one of the reasons I am so depressed is cause I enjoy talking to TheWriter so much and yet I know nothing is ever going to happen. I almost wonder if maybe I am sort of lying to myself to keep her as a friend.

Last week I went and hung out with Premed. I met Premed through BFF. We had a really good conversation (although I might have made her cry a bit). Premed was recently divorced and is still having a bit of a rough go. I think maybe she can sense that I am having a bit of a rough time with life right now too.

A blind date

On Friday night, Sugarloaf (one of my really good friends) and I headed to this pool party. As is typical at most mormon parties, roughly 2 guys showed up for every girl. I know that girls complain sometime about not meeting guys, but I think it is totally their fault. After all, basically every party or group event that I attend is at least 2 guys for every girl. To talk to a girl, you have to interrupt the two guys that are already talking to her. The system is so diluted with guys that even some of the mormon aristocracy wander around aimlessly without girls. Sugarloaf and I tried talking to a few girls but with no luck. I played foosball for a few minutes with a girl I didn't find at all attractive and then we left.

Saturday, littlebrother and his friend GetErDone were hanging out at my house. GetErDone and littlebrother had dates for the night planned. GetErDone decided he wanted to set me up and he began calling girl after girl in search of a date for me. I think he must have called four or five girls before he got in touch with BananaRepublic (hereinafter "Banana"). Banana manages a store and is 29 and quite spunky. We ate dinner at CPK. It was quite fun. After dinner, we went to my house to play Nerts. Banana and I dominated the other teams.

Things I like about Banana: Very spunky, cute, intelligent (has a degree), gets excited about life, asks questions

Things I don't like about banana: Basically nothing. There were no red flags on the first date. Still, I just wasn't that excited about the date afterward. When my brother asked me if I was going to take her out again, I said "maybe." As my Realtor will attest, when I say maybe about something, it means no.

On Sunday, I went to church and saw SouthernBelle. I didn't really talk to her but she smiled at me. I think I am pretty much done with that pipe dream. I saw her again at ward prayer that night. We talked for a second and she gave me a look like maybe she expected me to talk to her more. I guess when she canceled our date and said to our mutual friend that I was too old, it sorta made me decide to back off. I am still very interested in going out with her again but I doubt I will ask her out again. There was one cute girl at ward prayer named Surfer. I talked with her for a few minutes but was only borderline interested in asking her out. Lorelei and I went to a dessert party on Sunday night. None of the mormon aristocracy showed up. I probably should have been in my element but I actually felt more uncomfortable at this party. There were two girls at the whole party that I was mildly attracted to. I didn't talk to either.

Side notes: I still haven't talked to Swift. I kinda really want to take her out right now. TheWriter and I are nowhere near a relationship but I do think it would hurt her feelings. I feel like even inviting Swift over to hang out with me and my friends would be a violation of some sort of trust. At church on Sunday, this kid who wants to go to law school and be a patent attorney told me he had two girls he wanted to set me up with that I met at ward prayer that he knows. I just can't remember his name.

Friend of a friend of a friend

Last night, TheWriter came over with six of her friends. They had been looking at Christmas lights and stopped by for hot chocolate and conversation. It was really fun having them over. TheWriter is a really cool girl. Way chill and way fun. Quite honestly though, TheWriter is just not for me. I am not attracted to her like that. So of course, she brings along a friend that I am very attracted to.

Swift is her friend. She teaches at an elementary school. She is much more quiet and calm than TheWriter. She is very pretty. She seems very intelligent but fun. There ought to be a way for me to just ask Swift out without having to worry about TheWriter. After all, I have only been out with TheWriter once, and last night was the second time we hung out. We aren't in a relationship. We haven't held hands, we haven't kissed, we haven't cuddled. There is an unspoken set of rules that say you can't date the friend of someone you have dated. By my interpretation, those rules apply to Swift because I took TheWriter out on one date. Is there a way to accomplish me taking Swift out without breaking the unspoken rules? If not, perhaps it is time that I stop following "the rules." They haven't exactly done much for me anyway. Why should I be prevented from dating friends, sisters, roommates, or cousins?