Wednesday, February 24, 2010

The first time I just knew (part 1)

In middle school and high school, I had an on again off again crush with a girl we'll call Chanel. Chanel and I never dated (although she was my first official date a few days after my birthday). After high school, I really wanted to spend more time with Chanel even though she lived in another city. Chanel started school at the same time as I did and dropped out about two weeks later when she met her future husband and got engaged. It was a bit shocking. I felt so young at the time; marriage really didn't seem like a possibility for me or any of my peers.

As soon as Chanel got engaged, she cut off ties with me. She kinda withdrew when I would see her. I met her fiance a couple of times and he was quite cold towards me. Nevertheless, I continued to try and be friends with Chanel. My friends and I thought we were so funny when we got her a wedding gift. We were dirt poor so we bought a 12 pack of orange soda (generic brand) at the local grocery store. Then we got thirsty, so we opened the 12 pack, drank a few sodas, laughed about it, taped it back up, and wrapped it. We wrapped it using Christmas wrapping paper (cause we thought it would be funny and there was plenty of unused Christmas wrapping paper at my friend's parents' house). Then, we topped our present with what we considered the "gold star."

We taped it to the outside of the present and wrote in marker to address the present to Chanel. We went to the reception, laughing heartily while carrying a present that moved when tilted due to the empty space previously occupied by some of the orange sodas. I don't know why we thought it would be so funny. I think we were just particularly slow at maturing. We left the gift with Chanel's sister LittleChanel (I dated LittleChanel about 3 or 4 years later) who was quite embarrassed to accept the inappropriate present. Then we went through the line. I remember making a joke to Chanel's husband about how he probably thought we were just immature. He said "whatever floats your boat man." I had no idea what that meant and I thought he said "whatever floats your bowl man" so I responded with something like "yeah, well, unless my bowl is full of cheerios." I know exactly what it is like to have somebody look at you and think you are completely idiotic. Chanel did nothing to defend her stupid immature friends.

We left the reception feeling particularly shunned. I remember being upset about it. I knew she was marrying the guy. I knew Chanel was gone forever. I just didn't think that getting married meant that a person had to drop their friends. I spit on the limo as we left. (To be continued...)


  1. not quite as bad, but this ranks up there with the guys who took a beautifully wrapped box filled with dozens and dozens of condoms to a baby shower.

  2. Ha ha.

    I loved the snowman comic.... HA HA.