In defiance

I thought about this blog the entire weekend. I struggled with continuing the blog while I drank Pepsi and went bowling. In between rounds of Call of Duty, while hanging up Christmas lights on my house, and while decorating my Christmas tree, I thought about why I date and also why I blog about it.

I have known for some time that I occasionally come across as desperate while on a date. It's not something I am comfortable admitting. It's because I want to get married and because I am tired of playing games. When I meet a girl that I like, I think I must wear my heart on my sleeve. Likewise, when I am not sure about a girl, I think I act lukewarm about her rather than just being upfront. I don't want to hurt any girl's feelings and I don't want to get my feelings hurt. These are things I need to improve on. After all, stringing a girl along does no more for her feelings than being honest upfront. It just makes it easier for me.

I don't mean to prey on the young girls in the ward. I think I attend a particularly young ward and so when I ask any girl out from the ward, odds are she is 19 and a freshman in college and living at home with her parents. I can change wards but can I really expect it to be any different elsewhere? Some people have suggested reducing my dating pool to only girls that are 25 and older. I struggle with this because a) I basically never meet any single girls over 25 that I am attracted to, b) I hardly ever meet any single girls over 25 period, and c) why should a relatively small group of people dictate who I date? If a girl doesn't want to go out with me, she has every right to say no. If a girl does want to go out with me, she will say yes.

In the end, I decided that Jill and Jessica and Fighter attacking me is not enough justification for shutting down the blog. Perhaps it is time that I grow some skin. I am sorry you didn't feel any chemistry with me Fighter. I obviously liked you and how you can find that offensive is beyond me.

On Saturday, I had a first date with TheWriter. We had pizza with my parents and brother and his date. Then we went to this Christmas concert. Finally, we watched a movie at my house. I met TheWriter online (incidentally, I canceled my online account - online dating is not for me) and this was our first time meeting each other. I had fun with TheWriter but didn't really feel any chemistry with her. Of course, I was still fuming from Friday. I might take her out again but right now, I am not feeling all that positive about dating.