A long December

Last week I went to my younger brother C's high school choir concert. While there, I saw Bella. I have never met Bella, at least not formally. I have seen her a number of times over the past 6 years since she first started dating my younger T. Actually, T died while they were dating.

Of course it's weird that I want to take Bella out. I understand that. It's been over six years since T died but sometimes wounds like that never fully heal. Still, I am drawn to her. She is very pretty, she seems easy to talk to (from what my brothers say), and I just think I would like to get to know her better. I am considering asking her out. Not just considering it, I am darn near ready to follow through on it. Both of my younger brother's gave me the green light. They see nothing wrong with it. My mom just said she is kind of young. But she is older than plenty of the girls I go out with. I have more of a complex than normal that me contacting her will come across as desperate or as creepy thanks to comments on this blog.

Problem is, I don't have her phone number. So I would have to message her on facebook. Perhaps there is no legitimate way to do it using facebook. Should I instead just let this glimmer of hope die?

On Friday, I went to a Christmas concert with BFF. BFF is probably my best friend that is a girl. Even though it wasn't a date, at least writing about it implies that I am out doing things social. On Saturday, I met with FormerLesbian for breakfast. I think she is cool but there is absolutely no spark there. It breaks my heart to tell her this. I feel like the kid in Ol Yeller who has to go shoot his dog cause it has rabies. Call me cruel but I think when it comes to relationships, I would rather just let it suffer and die naturally than put it down when it is obvious that the relationship isn't going to make it.