Things that work, things that don't work

So Mya and I have been dating for over 5 months now.  It's crazy cause sometimes it doesn't feel that long at all.  It's also crazy because I know so many couples that were already engaged or married after 5 1/2 months.  I stopped writing in this blog for a little while, mostly because I was worried about damaging the relationship.  And while there is always still the possibility, I am hoping that things have settled down enough for me to write about some of my fears and some of the things that have worked/haven't worked for us.

First, I am not a 24/7 relationship kind of person.  I like to have plenty of me-time.  Mya has been accommodating about this but I sometimes wonder if she thinks we ought to be spending more time together.  I mean, we usually spend at least three nights a week together, but never more than four.  My roommate got a new girlfriend a month ago and they haven't spent a day apart yet.  He says that's how marriage is going to be and that when someone is important to you, you want to spend as much time as possible with them.  I see it as a codependent relationship.  I am still trying to figure out if my feelings are closer to the norm or the fringe.  When I am married, I definitely want to have a life outside of my spouse.

Second, religion has been hard.  Mya is very understanding but I really struggled at one point with our different views about religion.  Mya was raised Mormon but she doesn't go to church and doesn't believe it.  Littlebrother and I had a conversation one night where he told me that it was silly if I honestly believed that I could do everything right but not end up in the celestial kingdom because I chose to marry the wrong person.  While I certainly don't turn to littlebrother for spiritual advice, there was some validity to his argument. I have decided that even if Mya never decides to be active in the church, I could still love her and have a happy home.  It's something I still worry about, for sure, but it is not a dealbreaker.

Third, family.  Mya's family can be kinda weird at times.  I feel as if my family has been very quick to accept Mya.  Even though my parents would certainly prefer a Mormon temple wedding, they aren't advocating against my relationship with Mya.  I think they really like her.  Mya's family seems to tolerate me at best.  At her sister's baby shower (my first baby shower ever, it was co-ed...) I felt like the odd man out.  They talk to me a little bit but mostly, they aren't super welcoming.  Mya thinks they are weird too.

Fourth, littleMya.  LittleMya and I have a lot of fun together.  But sometimes she drives me crazy.  She is 4 years old so that's to be expected.  I have plenty of experience with children but not to the extent that I have had with littleMya.  I have seen littleMya at her absolute worst.  On my birthday, she threw a tantrum at breakfast in the restaurant.  She screamed and refused to come out from under the table.  I know it's just her trying to figure out the world and how she fits into it but being around her has changed my feelings about children a little.  I still want children, just not quite as badly.  Kids think the world revolves around them and they are so demanding.  I am surprised that as many people are having kids.  On Saturday, at a corn maze, Mya and I talked about this.  She thought most of the kids were probably accidents.  The parents there seemed completely unable to control their kids.  And halfway through the corn maze, littleMya decided that she was tired of walking (we all were) and that she had to be carried.  It's frustrating sometimes because I want to be like "you can either walk or lay down in the dirt and die in this corn maze!" but I can't.  Because she isn't my kid.  And because that's not really how I feel.  I just want to teach her that most of life is spent walking and not being carried.

Overall though, things seem to be going well.  Mya and I seem to be pretty understanding of each other.  There have been times where I have thought "Hey, I could maybe marry this girl."  And there have been times where I thought the opposite.  It's not perfect but it's life.  And our relationship has been pretty satisfying thus far.

A short update

I have been spending more and more time with Mya and LittleMya.  Things have been great.  That isn't to suggest that the relationship hasn't had ups and downs though.  We have each gone through phases where we thought the other person didn't like us as much as we liked them.  I especially felt this way when Mya was struggling to get through her classes near the end of the semester.  And while my family has really tried to get to know Mya, her family has not made near as much of an effort.  They have said hi to me but they don't really ask me questions or invite me to family activities.  I think that they just aren't that close as a family.  But also, I wonder if they don't see Mya and I as being that serious.  At least, that is what Mya's mom hinted at when Mya asked her about it.

I helped watch LittleMya a bunch while Mya was studying for school.  I previously approached everything with her in a sprint rather than marathon style. So spending larger chunks of time just the two of us was harder than I thought it might be.  After 45 minutes of playing Barbie, I have completely run out of ideas of new things to have Barbie say or do.  After an hour and a half of playing Barbie, Barbie under my control turns into a pretty wacky character.

Three months into a solid relationship is very scary.  Even though things just feel right, there is a part of me that misses the dating scene.  It's not to say I don't enjoy every minute with Mya and think about her when she is gone.  It's just that I spent so much time being single, and a change away from that feels like a bit of a departure from who I am.  Confusing? Sure.  Problematic? Doubtful.  I guess there is just a part of me that is resisting change.  Being single allows a person to live very selfishly.  And I still mostly live that way.

Happenings Lately

Mya and I were talking one night and somehow, the subject of this blog came up.  It was a bit awkward, since I really didn't want to tell Mya much about it.  Nevertheless, Smash had told Mya about this blog before I even met Mya (thanks Smash, jerk!).  Anyway, Mya wasn't too bugged about the blog but she wasn't exactly super enthused about it either.  It's understandable that she would be a little uncomfortable about me broadcasting all of the details about our dates.  But when she realized it was anonymous, I think that made her feel a little better.  Anyway, due to that conversation, I have been more hesitant to blog about every minor detail about our relationship.

Over the past few weeks, Mya has had the opportunity to meet most of my family members.  We were both pretty nervous about her meeting them the first time.  It was at littlesister's house for a birthday party.  We decided that LittleMya would probably have a lot of fun so we brought her along.  Everything seemed to go well.  My family liked Mya, although the comment they made the most about her was that she was very quiet.  I didn't get any weird emails from my mom the day after about how weird it was for me to bring a girl to a family party (like I got a year ago with Wonder).  I didn't get any emails from my dad about how to choose a wife (other than the typical emails that I regularly get from him on the subject - nothing specific about Mya).  I didn't get any comments from littlesister about how I am an idiot for dating Mya.  So I felt pretty good.  And Mya did really well.  Everyone liked her and she didn't seem awkward around my family.

Since then, Mya and I have settled into dating.  About half our dates include LittleMya.  Sometimes I get a bit frustrated because I worry about biting off more than I can chew (e.g., becoming a bit of an instant dad).  Sometimes I get really scared when LittleMya hurts herself and wants nothing to do with me.  For the most part though, things are really good.  When I show up to pick up Mya, LittleMya comes running up yelling my name and she gives me a big hug.  Over the weekend, we went to a drag racing event and LittleMya chose to sit on my lap the entire time rather than on her mom's lap.  Sometimes I wish that Mya and I could spend more time together without LittleMya but I totally understand that they are a package deal.  

Overall, things are going well.  I still like Mya a lot.  I enjoy kissing her and I enjoy talking to her and I enjoy just hanging out with her.  We are going to spend the upcoming holiday together at my parents' house and I am going to LittleMya's birthday party on Friday.  

An Acknowledged Relationship

On Friday night, Mya and I took her little brother out to dinner.  Her sister was supposed to come as well but canceled at the last minute.  After dinner, Mya and I went to a bar with Platinum.  The moment we got there, I started feeling super tired.  I had just about had enough of Platinum for the evening.  Even though she was in the happiest mood that I had ever seen her in, my patience was just wearing thin.  Mya immediately noticed it and became very worried that I was upset at her.  I guess I kinda was, just a little, for being such good friends with Platinum and getting me involved in situations with trashy people that I wasn't always excited about being involved in.  

See, the night before while we were at the baseball game, Platinum wasn't feeling well.  So she drove to the emergency room (but not the one that is close to her apartment, that would make too much sense, she had to drive to one clear across town).  Then, we had to take LittlePlatinum up there after the game.  And now, only 1 day later, Platinum was going out to a bar?  After sitting down for a little bit and having a big glass of water, I calmed down and stopped worrying about it so much.  Still, there were a couple of times while we were sitting there that I thought to myself "What have I gotten myself into?"  

On Saturday, I met up with Mya and LittleMya and Platinum and LittlePlatinum at Platinum's ex-husband's apartment complex pool.  It was fun, albeit a bit trashy.  And LittlePlatinum was super clingy while we were there.  Mya and I both think that LittlePlatinum has been getting much brattier lately and we are both concerned.  Mya thinks we shouldn't plan any activities with LittlePlatinum for awhile.  It kinda feels like with LittlePlatinum's family situation, no matter what we do, she is going to just get more screwed up.  

On Sunday, I went over to Mya's for a movie.  We had a real great discussion while sitting on her front lawn looking at the moon.  We talked about going exclusive (since some people had referred to me as her boyfriend and to her as my girlfriend) and basically decided that we were boyfriend and girlfriend.  It was nice and just felt very natural.  So for the moment, Mya and I are in an acknowledged relationship!

Drive

Sunday was Mya's little brother's mission farewell.  So we met up and headed to church.  It was fun.  He gave a great talk and I got to meet some of Mya's family (and play with LittleMya).  I think most of them liked me (although only one of her siblings was there - but she hasn't said anything bad about me yet, which Mya says is a very good sign).  Playing with the kids (some cousins) at the house after wore me out though!  I am used to being the fun uncle that can show up, rile the kids up, and then leave when I get tired.

On Monday, for Memorial day, I gave Mya a list of potential activities that her and LittleMya and I could do.  LittleMya chose a rodeo.  It ended up being a lot of fun.  LittleMya and I had a lot of fun together; she kept wanting to sit on my lap or sit between Mya and I.  I am not sure exactly how much to involve LittleMya in our dating.  I want her to get to know me and we definitely have fun playing together.  But when she gets tired, she becomes very shy with me and doesn't want me to give her any attention.  Mya says it's just her being a 3 year old.

On Thursday, Milo, MrsMilo, LittleMrsMilo, Mya, LittleMya, LittlePlatinum and I went to a baseball game.  It was fun (although the kids mostly just wanted to run around on the grass, they didn't care that a baseball game was going on).  The kids basically see me as a jungle gym and they are constantly climbing on me.  They had a balloon and I ended up blowing it up at least 10 times so that they could each have a turn holding it and letting it go to watch it zip around as the air was released.  LittlePlatinum was particularly bratty that night.  I really think she doesn't get enough attention at home.  But at times, it made me wonder if I have what it takes to be a good father.  It definitely made me worry a little about being thrust into fatherhood and whether I could handle it day in and day out.  Still, I had a lot of fun with Mya.  We have lots to talk about and we already have a bunch of inside jokes.

Dates 4, 5 and 6

On Tuesday, I found out that the baseball game was not going to be during the regular time.  So Mya and I decided to take the girls to Chuck E. Cheese.  I haven't been there in approximately 25 years so I wasn't sure what to expect.  I could tell that LittleMya was a bit unsure about what I was doing going with them.  But her good friend LittlePlatinum was there, so I didn't think it made a big difference.  The girls had lots of fun watching the robots sing and dance and they loved the games.  I tried to teach LittleMya how to play skeeball but she smacked her hand while trying to throw the ball (and cut her finger).  She gave me this look like "You did this to me! Stay away from my mommie!"  It was a bit disconcerting, even coming from a 3 year old.

As we were leaving, Platinum called and was upset because LittlePlatinum's dad had come to pick her up and we weren't there (I didn't know we were even supposed to be back at a certain time).  So that made things very awkward.  He looked pretty mad and although it wasn't my fault, I felt pretty certain he was assigning a high percentage of the blame to me.  After we dropped LittlePlatinum off, Mya, LittleMya and I drove over to my house for just a bit so that Mya could see it.  She seemed very impressed.  I definitely wondered what was going through her mind though.  Was she imaging it being her house?

I dropped Mya off at her car.  After putting LittleMya in the backseat, Mya and I had a nice kiss (with LittleMya banging on the window impatiently...).  Even though I felt really good about the date, I also felt exhausted.  I spent most of the night worried that LittleMya didn't like me and was never going to like me (unlike LittleMya, LittlePlatinum basically attached herself to me from day one and always wants to hold my hand - probably because she thinks she will get ice cream out of me).  LittleMya has definitely been more standoffish.  She loves to give me five as long as I say "Ouch" really loud after she does it.  But other than that, she seems mostly content to ignore me.  And I definitely worry about trying too hard to win over LittleMya.

On Wednesday, I went over to Mya's house to watch a movie.  I think LittleMya could sense that I was over because she woke up several times (which Mya says she never does) and Mya had to keep getting up.  It wasn't a big deal but it definitely made me wonder if I was the evil guy dating the mother that the daughter was trying to scare off (see The Parent Trap).

On Saturday, it was Platinum's birthday.  Smash and Mya invited me to go dancing with them.  We were having fun dancing when Platinum got very dramatic (probably because she was drunk) and needed to leave.  So Mya and I took her home and then went back to my house.  We ended up hanging out at my house talking until 4 in the morning.  We just had so much to talk about.  It was a great night.  Even after Mya left, I found myself wishing she was still there.

Fourth date with Mya rating: 7
Fifth date with Mya rating: 7
Sixth date with Mya rating: 10

You and me and all other people

On Saturday, I had my third date with Mya.  On Friday night, I was hanging out with Milo, RunsWithScissors and my friend Chimichanga and they started making me very nervous about the date.  Milo was "dropping some knowledge" on me, as he is prone to do, about how I don't have enough mystery with Mya.  I spent most of Saturday thinking about whether I need to change the way I act at all around Mya to try and get her to be more interested in me (I think this could be defined as "playing games").  I wouldn't know how to pull something like that off even if I wanted to.  Ultimately, I decided to just be myself.  If I sent texts to Mya that were too cute or too sweet, it was just me being me and if it was too much and she gets scared off, then I guess we don't have as much chemistry as I thought we did.  Thankfully, thus far Mya seems to really accept me for who I am.  I am sure part of it is because Mya is a single mother.  She is more real than most of the girls I date.  She has to be.  Five years ago, I am not sure we would have been compatible at all. But now, it just seems to work.

I decided to take Mya to my favorite Indian restaurant and then to a small venue concert.  The dinner was excellent; we made jokes with each other and never ran out of things to talk about.  Oh, and Mya looked spectacular.  After dinner, we drove over to the concert.  As we were getting out of the car, Mya realized that she had forgotten her ID.  Unfazed, we drove out to Platinum's house to pick it up.  I got to meet LittleMya there.  LittlePlatinum was immediately super excited to see me and I think it helped my case with LittleMya.  I played with the girls for a few minutes (they would slap my hands like they were giving me five and then I would exclaim "ouch!" which they loved).  Not that I was acting any different around them than I would any kids, but I think Mya was impressed.  We made it to the concert and had a lovely time.  We held hands through most of the concert and I must say, I was having the time of my life.  The music was good.  I had the prettiest girl in the world sitting next to me.  I had a full belly of Indian food.

After the concert, we drove back to Platinum's.  Smash and Platinum and a few other people were there (the girls were asleep).  Mya acted like she wanted to stay awhile.  So we sat on the couch and talked. It was great.  It was the first casual time we spent together.  Just sitting on the couch talking and joking and holding hands.  Finally, I decided it was pretty late (we had lost track of time) so I helped Mya load LittleMya into her car.  Then Mya came over and gave me such a great hug.  I pulled away and kissed her!  It was only a closed mouth kiss for maybe 5 or 6 seconds but it was absolutely amazing.  It left me feeling giddy in the way only a first kiss with lots of spark can do.

Third date with Mya rating: 10
Possibility of a fourth date with Mya: Very High (Scheduled for Tuesday evening, we are taking LittleMya and LittlePlatinum to a baseball game)

Somewhere With You

On Wednesday, I had my second date with Mya.  Again, for whatever reason, I was super nervous beforehand.  I worried about running out of things to talk about.  I worried about saying something dumb.  Because it was a Wednesday night, I couldn't pick Mya up until after young mens.  So I got to her place at 8:30.  A date starting that late made dinner unwise.  So I didn't really have a solid plan.  I was going to take her to get ice cream and then maybe sit in the park and talk.

As we started out driving, it occurred to me that the house I lived in from when I was born to when I was 5 was nearby.  I called my dad and found the address and we began our search.   I was surprised how familiar some of the neighborhood was and how unfamiliar the house was.  I didn't recognize it hardly at all.  It was dark out and not in the nicest of neighborhoods so Mya and I decided it was best to not knock on the door and ask to see the house.

We went to Dairy Queen and got some ice cream and then found a park.  I had a couple of blankets, so we climbed up in the playground and sat and talked.  I think we ended up sitting there talking for over 2 hours.  I didn't get the impression that Mya was bored (ugh, I hope she wasn't bored!).  We talked about her marriage and what went wrong.  We talked about what Mya wanted in the future.  I just felt like we had a lot of the same goals.  And of course, our humor just matches up.  We seem to get each other's jokes, which I really like.      As I thought about it, sitting in the park next to Mya with an ice cream cone talking, I was having the time of my life.  I was almost giddy.  On the drive home, we held hands.  I initiated it and worried instantly that maybe I had moved too soon.  But Mya held my hand back.  We got to her house and shared a great hug.  As we pulled away, the thought of kissing her was all that was on my mind.  But as we pulled away, her head was turned looking at her house.  Maybe it was a sign she wasn't ready to kiss me.  Maybe she thought someone was watching from the house.  Either way, no kiss.

On Thursday, Mya and I texted throughout the day.  We ask each other random questions.  Her random question was about me being LDS.  She wanted to know how involved I was and how much being LDS influenced my life.  After I told her, she told me that she likes a lot of things about the LDS church but there are a couple of things she doesn't think she can believe.  I wanted to ask her what those things were but I decided it was better to wait and let her tell me whenever she is ready.  I will admit, a part of me was hoping that Mya would want to join the church and that we could live happily ever after.  I guess mostly I was thinking of logistics.  Could I have a serious relationship with a girl that wasn't Mormon?  What sort of problems might it create in my life?  Even though I don't have all the answers, I told Mya that it didn't bother me that she wasn't Mormon.  Why?  Because Mya is solid.  She has more morals and values and personality than most Mormon girls I meet.  She is an excellent mom and I know she would be an excellent wife.  She is hard working and sensible and practical but has big dreams and high hopes.  In other words, she is amazing.

Second date with Mya rating: 9
Possibility of a third date with Mya: Very High (Scheduled for Saturday)

Hands Down or FireCracker was a dud!

I thought this week that I wanted to go on a third date with FireCracker.  In fact, I was sure of it.  So we texted and I thought for sure we would go out and it would be fun.  And instead, FireCracker texted me to say she didn't think we should go out again.  Ever.  Her reasoning: I seemed really agitated with her on our first two dates and she didn't think it would be a good idea to go out again.  Translation: none given.  I am sure I was a little too intense for FireCracker.  But in my defense, she was equally intense.  My guess is that what she really wants is a guy that she can kinda walk over and control.  I can see her ad on a dating website now: single red haired female seeks low-intensity male or shag rug.  Send pictures of rug.

Anyway, so I moved on.  Besides, I had a date coming up with Mya.  When we first started texting, Mya was so incredibly cool.  She has a wit that lines up with my wit.  A couple of times, I laughed out loud at her response to my texts.  And, in general, Mya seemed very interested in going on a date with me.  We settled on Saturday.  During the day Saturday, I helped our mutual friend Smash move.  And Mya was there.  And she looked amazing.  And I looked like garbage.  Hadn't showered.  We only said hi for just a second (because I didn't want Mya to think I was lazy, I worked extra hard helping with the move).

Prior to the date, I was super nervous.  In fact, all week I was as nervous as I have ever been about a first date.  Would I be able to make Mya laugh at all?  Would she reject me during the first date or wait to do so via text after?  Would our difference in values cause tension?  Luckily, during the week, Mya informed me that her little brother was going on a mission soon.  How is this relevant?  It meant being Mormon wasn't a super weird thing to her.  In fact, she might have grown up in a Mormon household.  Don't jump to conclusions, I am not saying I am trying to change Mya.  Just that from the beginning, Mya has represented a kind of hope that has been absent from my life for quite some time.  Mya represented a real possibility that I could find someone I felt super comfortable with and have my happy-ever-after ending.  Or something like that.  So the fact that Mya's little brother was going on a mission brightened my prospects considerably.

I knocked on the door.  I was nervous.  And Mya answered and she looked amazing.  So pretty.  She invited me in for a second and I met her little brother.  He was super cool.  And I think I made a good impression (always important).  I decided to take Mya to my favorite Thai food place because I knew she was a vegetarian.  On the drive there, the conversation just flowed.  During dinner, the conversation just flowed.  We got dessert at this little french pastry shop and the conversation just flowed.  Mya ordered a Lemon Mousse and after I tasted it, I proclaimed, "I have had glasses of lemonade that were less lemony than this!" Her response? "I have had lemons that were less lemony than this!  It was probably the funniest thing a girl has ever said to me on a date (as in funny-ha ha, not funny-weird, I have had plenty of funny-weird things said).

Rather than make it a marathon date, after dessert we headed back to her house.  We were driving and it somehow came up that Mya really liked fast cars.  I think she was commenting on my car ("why didn't I buy that corvette convertible?" kept running through my head) and I asked if she would like to drive.  She didn't even hesitate.  Within two minutes, she was at the wheel.  And you could tell she was having tons of fun driving.  She sped and the conversation just flowed.  In hindsight, this worked particularly well because it allowed Mya to dictate when the date ended.  Well, sorta.  After over an hour of cruising around, I suggested that we get her home.  Who knows?  She might have kept driving all night.  And maybe I should have let her.

At the doorstop, I wanted to kiss her badly.  She just seemed so accessible and interested.  I gave her a hug instead and we both made it clear that we should do something like this again soon.  I waited around to make sure the garage code worked (gentlemanly) and then gave her a hug.  On the drive home, I was so excited.  I had just been on one of those great dates.

On Sunday, I was hanging out with Platinum's daughter LittlePlatinum (7 years old) and we were talking about Mya.  LittlePlatinum said to me "you aren't good enough for Mya," which I found quite funny (and possibly a bit true).  When pressed to why she said that, she replied "because you are too tall for her."  LittlePlatinum also made a keen observation about Mya's daughter, saying "You can't be her daddy, cause she already has a daddy."  It broke my heart just a little.  For the record, I am not trying to be anyone's daddy.  I am just trying to be the best me that I can be.  I think I won LittlePlatinum over but I won't know what things she said to Mya today about me (since Mya was picking her up from school).  I made a couple of suggestions like "Tripp Hazard is really cool," and "Tripp played barbies with me and let me play on his phone," but I think she will end up saying "Tripp wants to makeout with you," or "Tripp wants to marry you."

First date with Mya rating: 9
Possibility of a second date with Mya: Very High (Wednesday of this week).

A First Date with No Conversation

On Wednesday, I received a text from House asking me to go to a reception with her.  I was very surprised to hear from her.  So I adjusted my schedule and headed to this hoity toity event with her that night.  It was kinda weird seeing her (since it had been about 15 months since I last saw her).  But we both had a ton of fun.  We laughed and joked.  I admitted something to myself that night though.  I have a ton of fun with House and I am sure we would be extremely happy if we got married.  But, I am not in love with her.  And I am not sure if I ever could be.  Love isn't something you can force.  And it isn't something I would want to force even if I could.

On Saturday, I had a date with Fob.  A year or two ago, I signed up for a free online dating site.  And then forgot about it.  So Fob found me on the site and we started messaging.  I could tell that she was using a translator (because Fob has only been in the country from Brazil for like 2 months) but I thought maybe she had a decent understanding of the English language.  I was wrong.

My first sign that things might not go well was when we talked on the phone for the first time.  It was obvious there was a huge communications gap between us.  In fact, to give me her address, she had to have her uncle come on the phone and talk to me.  Also, the fact that she is 18 should have concerned me.  Nevertheless, I showed up to pick her up on Saturday night.  Her uncle was there and he seemed like a nice enough guy.  Fob was cute but I was less attracted to her in person than in her pictures.  Then, in a strange twist, her aunt and uncle decided to come to dinner with us.  And they decided we should go to Sizzler.

Now, I haven't stepped foot into a Sizzler for quite a few years, but it isn't exactly a super nice restaurant.  For one, you have to wait in line to order.  I get to the front and Fob and I have not really communicated well what it is that she wants.  Since she basically speaks no English, I have to kind of try and order for her.  Her aunt helped a little but she was kind of a spaz.  Fun fact: did you know that you can get cashback at Sizzler to use towards your tip of the waitress?  I did not.  But now I do.

Dinner was rough.  If I asked Fob a question, she pretty much couldn't understand what I was saying.  So I was forced to talk to her aunt and uncle, which was kind of rude.  They have been to Sizzler before (Plan: order steaks and the salad bar (you thus get a major discount on the salad bar) and then change your mind to get the dinner to go (since you have filled up on the salad bar) once you are at the table).  After dinner, Fob and I decided to see a movie (she claimed she could understand movies well, but I seriously doubt it).  I considered taking her right home but felt like it would be more awkward to take her home directly after dinner than to do some kind of non-talking activity.  After the movie, I took her home. It was awkward.  No, it was worse than awkward, it was actually a little bit painful.

On Monday, I had a second date with FireCracker.  I decided to take her to my favorite Thai place.  The food was excellent and the conversation was super easy with FireCracker.  When I was younger, my dad would occasionally take one of the kids on a "date night."  We always really looked forward to this, because we got to do whatever we wanted (telling that story makes me feel like I grew up in a polygamist household, but no, I did not).  I distinctly remember my dad and I going to the airport and watching airplanes take off and land.  So I decided to take FireCracker on the same activity.  We drove around quite a bit before we ended up on a deserted road in the back of the airport between the runways.  It was perfect (assuming it was legal, which I can't be sure of).  We sat on the back of my car and just talked while planes took off and landed.  (Note: this activity would not have gone well with Fob).  FireCracker and I have a lot in common.  We are able to just sit and talk for long periods.  It helps that she razzes me every once in awhile.  It kept things interesting.  At some time during the date, I even thought about kissing her.  But ultimately decided against it.  Nevertheless, I had a lot of fun on my date with FireCracker.

I decided to finally message Mya (since Smash was never going to give me her number).  I was so nervous.  Surprisingly, Mya emailed me back last night.  It was funny and nice and exactly what I needed to boost my confidence a little.  She gave me her number. For whatever reason, I am so drawn to Mya.  So hopefully there is a first date in the future for that.

First date with Fob rating: 3
Possibility of a second date with Fob: Very Low

Second date with FireCracker rating: 8
Possibility of a third date with FireCracker: Very High

Multiple dates and a new crush

On Thursday, I had a blind date with FireCracker. I was actually set up with FireCracker by Dee. When we talked on the phone, I could tell that FireCracker and I would at the very least get along very well. Her personality reminded me of BFF. Since I had never seen a picture of FireCracker, I was definitely a bit nervous. So when I knocked on the door, my first thought was "great, she has a cute roommate that answered the door." As it turned out, that cute roommate ended up being FireCracker. Due to our phone conversations, I brought a list of awkward conversation topics. After ordering (per my suggestion, she ordered the octopus!), we got right into the awkward conversations. I loved it. The conversation was easy and never forced.

After dinner, we went back to my house to watch my skydiving video. FireCracker was mostly impressed with my house (although she did mock me for having an entire room full of African safari stuff).

My biggest concern with FireCracker was that even though I thought she was cute, I wasn't sure if she was cute enough. Like that I would enjoy spending time with her but I wasn't enamored by her looks. Personality wise, we just clicked.

On Friday, I had a third date with Basketball. We went to the baseball game. It was fun but I spent a good portion of the night wondering if Basketball and I are at all on the same page. We had some very interesting conversations and I know that she had fun (as did I) but the romance is not kicking in at all.

On Saturday, Milo and I met up with Smash and some of her friends to go to the casino. We took the bus there. One of Smash's friends immediately caught my eye; her name was Mya. Early on, Mya mentioned that she had a child. But Smash told me that Mya was sorta divorced (but not really, for insurance purposes). A little later in the evening, as Mya and I were sitting next to each other playing Blackjack and talking, I thought that she seemed really cool. Within an hour of that, I had developed a huge crush on her. It's hard to explain why. After all, Mya is not really what I traditionally want in my life. She has some tattoos. She isn't Mormon. She has a husband...

But on Sunday, she was all I thought about. And even though she hadn't given me the slightest indication that she would ever be interested in dating me (in fact, she told Smash that Smash and I should get married), I felt what I hadn't really felt in a long time: Hope. I have talked before about the X factor that I want to feel for a girl. And how I struggle finding that. And looking at Mya, I realized that part of me must be rebelling against what everyone tells me would be good for me. In college, I just sort of fell into my major. And then I just sorta fell into law school. In fact, I just sorta fell into my current job. So, there is a part of me that really feels like I haven't been making enough decisions about my own life. And so even though Mya is probably totally wrong for me (although all I have been thinking is about how right for me she seems), I want this decision to be my decision and no one else's. Hence my frustration with dating. In general, I keep going out with the same type of LDS girls that meet the minimum requirements but that aren't my first pick. So for now, I have a hope that I could spend more time with Mya. Without worrying about marriage and children and family and religion, I just want to spend more time with her.

First date with FireCracker rating: 7

Possibility of a second date with FireCracker: High

Third date with Basketball rating: 5

Possibility of a fourth date with Basketball: Medium to Low

A Second Date or The Mormon Aristocracy Strikes Again

On Friday, I had a second date with Basketball. I was excited because I had tickets to The Hunger Games on opening night. My friend Soup joined us as a double date. As usual, the conversation with Basketball was very easy. I don't have any trouble finding things to talk about with her. Being on a double date meant it was harder to have a deep conversation. But while we were waiting for the movie to start, we got a chance to talk. I found myself wondering if I could relate to Basketball: she is so into sports and while I like sports, there are so many other things I like too. It was during this time that I also seriously questioned if there could be anything romantic between us. Normally by a second date, you are at least partially thinking romance, right? There just wasn't any sexual tension with Basketball. It makes me wonder if I am walking down the same path that I walked with House. Should I continue going out with Basketball, even though I might never see her as more than a friend?

Last week, I texted Joust to try and set up a second date. She didn't respond. I texted her again and received a response saying "I would like to be friends with you, but I don't see this going anywhere." Even though I absolutely appreciate a girl telling me that, it pissed me off. So Joust is gone.

On Saturday night, TheCaptain and Cowboy and Sugarloaf and I went to a party at a park that was kinda being hosted by DrJ. There were a couple of cute girls there but try as I might, I couldn't get them to even try and have a decent conversation with me. As I was talking to one girl, I could just tell that she was so not interested in talking to me. One girl found out that I was a lawyer and had lots of questions; her dad is a judge and she is considering law school. But the conversation died quickly when her friend jumped in to say it was time to leave. I watched as they continued to talk to other people for 15 more minutes. I am not sure if I was just not cool enough for these girls or dressed well enough or good enough looking or what it was. I get so frustrated at those types of events. But it's pretty much the only avenue for me to meet new girls.

Second date with Basketball rating: 6

Possibility of a third date with Basketball: Medium

Two First Dates (plus ratings!)

I didn't go on any dates for the last month. Not necessarily by choice. I just didn't have any girls I felt like taking out. And I had plenty of other things to distract me (including NASCAR races). Last week, I decided to ask out this girl Basketball. I met Basketball a few months ago in my ward. We have been emailing back and forth for a little while. I was a little hesitant to take Basketball out because she is in my ward and because she knows Princess.

My first impression of Basketball was that she is the kind of girl that doesn't get asked out a ton. So I was worried that the date might be a bit awkward. It wasn't at all. Basketball and I had a great conversation. I was surprised to find out that she is a registered democrat. We had plenty to talk about during dinner. After dinner, we went to my house to just hang out (since I had only really planned dinner). Basketball seemed really relaxed and fun to hang out with. It was one of the most comfortable dates I have been on in a long time.

On Saturday, I had a date planned with Joust. A mutual friend gave me Joust's phone number. We texted a little but I quickly got frustrated with Joust's texting style. Joust is an elementary school teacher and it sorta bothered me that she would text stuff like "u? lol, idk." But after discussing this with some friends, I decided that I couldn't prejudge her for something as dumb as grammar in texts. Joust had a St. Patrick's Day party to attend that night so we just met for dinner. In a lot of ways, I think the idea of just taking a girl to dinner (without an activity) is a much better first date. It gives you a chance to get to know someone a little without having to spend gobs of time with them.

I called Joust on the phone to get directions and she was super awkward on the phone. It definitely put me off. Luckily, Joust was better at going on dates than she was at talking on the phone and texting. About 10 minutes into the date, I was very worried that Joust wasn't going to ask me a single question. Finally, Joust broke down and asked some questions about my job. At that point, it felt like we were able to have a real conversation. Nothing flowed as well with Joust as it did with Basketball but I did have fun with Joust. By the end of the date, I felt that Joust was starting to show some interest. Plus, she texted me a few times after the date, which is always a good sign.

First date with Basketball: 7 Chance of second date: High

First date with Joust: 6 Chance of second date: High

Quidditch and Skyrim

On Thursday I had a blind date with Keys. Her brother is in my ward and wanted to set us up. We doubled with him and his wife. I don't double date with married couples that often, and this was probably an isolated incident, but the married couple seemed to only talk about themselves the whole night. Since Keys and I knew both of them very well and knew their kids, it was definitely a great place to start the conversation. However, halfway through dinner, I realized that Keys hadn't asked me a single question during dinner. We weren't getting to know each other, we were getting to know the married couple. My interest in Keys was mild at best. She is cute but I am not sure we had anything in common. And anyone that knows me knows that I really struggle going out with girls that are older than me.

On Friday, I had set up an epic event. Lolita and I were going out on a double date with my new friends Quidditch and Skyrim. For the record, I had never met Quidditch or Skyrim. I was worried; would they be cool? Would I be cool? Would Lolita be cool? Things started out awkward enough. We said our hellos but I felt like none of us really knew how to act (plus we were in a fabric store while waiting for our table for dinner - fabric stores = automatic awkwardness for me (my mom dragged me into fabric stores with her for hours when I was younger - eventually I told her I would rather sit in the hot car without the radio on than walk around in the fabric store)).

Things got considerably less awkward once we sat down for dinner. We talked about how they had met, we talked a little about how Lolita and I had met and we talked a little about stuff that interested all of us. After dinner, we decided to play games at my house. Lolita stopped off at the store to pick up Oreos for us. While playing the game, I teased Skyrim a little. Well, ok, I teased her a lot. I seriously expected her to look up at me at one point and say "Tripp, this is why you are not married!" Skyrim was super tired and I guess I am more annoying to people that are super tired. Overall though, I thought we all had fun.

Samsonite's Exit

I hung out with Samsonite on Sunday. I thought things were going pretty well. So last night, I texted her to ask when we could see each other again. Much to my surprise, I received a long text from Samsonite explaining why she didn't think we should see each other anymore. I was bugged. In my response, I tried to explain why I thought she was being foolish and what I was willing to do to try and make this work. Her response makes my blood boil.

"Listen, I don't want this to end ugly with bad feelings. I care about you as a friend, Tripp. I just don't want to date or do what we are doing anymore so, therefore, don't think it's probably a great idea if we hang out."

I don't want to respond. I don't want to be Samsonite's friend. Anytime someone is not willing to put in the work required to make a relationship work, I already pretty much know what kind of friend they are going to be. Crappy. I guess it's kind of interesting that I expect more out of my friends than I do out of the girls I date.

Somebody that I used to know

I have been out with Samsonite a few times over the last couple of weeks. I have developed a couple of concerns about Samsonite. First, I am not sure what kind of mother she would make. I actually haven't seen her interact with any kids. She has only 1 brother and he is close to her age (so no nieces and nephews). I know that Samsonite wants kids but I also know that she really enjoys having a career and would have a hard time sacrificing her career to raise a family. Second, i am not sure what kind of wife Samsonite would make. She never seems to cook and I am not sure about her homemaking skills. Also, Samsonite is sometimes a bit antisocial. She tends to hang back in groups.

Samsonite's sense of humor is much fouler than mine. She definitely prefers her comedy to be vulgar. It feels strange to me, since I have always been on the other side (where I am the one pushing the limits of those around me).

Last night, Samsonite and I were watching tv and the State of the Union address was on every channel. So I stopped to check it out for a bit. I find politics fascinating. And while I don't agree with President Obama on a lot of things, I definitely am interested in his opinions. Samsonite was immediately upset. She has some very strong views about Obama's policies and was quite vocal during his speech about how much she disagreed with what he said. It doesn't really matter to me whether the girl I am dating is politically conservative or liberal or even independent. I just was a bit surprised to find how unwilling Samsonite was to even consider some of Obama's opinions. It made me wonder if maybe Samsonite was a little bit closed-minded.

Flora never wrote me a second email. She texted me two days ago saying she guessed she wasn't very good at writing emails back. Then she went back to radio silence. That prospect seems to be dying.

Lolita and I have hung out a few times lately. In some ways, I think Lolita would like to hook up with me again. It's just things she has said. But then, she will tell me some story about a guy that she hooked up with and I wonder if I am reading her all wrong. For the time being, I am absolutely content with hanging out with Lolita without hooking up.

Cabins

Lolita and I hung out last week. I always have fun with Lolita. And there is a part of me that wouldn't mind dating her again. Besides being very pretty, Lolita is just so chill about life. She has this relaxed attitude that reminds me of a surfer bum or some kind of hippie. But as littlebrother and Lolita got to talking about some of her wilder experiences, I got uncomfortable. Lolita doesn't really believe in Mormonism and I think that is a major stopping point. Not that Lolita is jumping up and down to date me, just that if she were, I am not sure how we would handle the whole religion issue.

On Friday night, I decided to go up to the cabin with littlebrother, GetErDone, Samsonite and a large group of people. It was kinda last minute but when I suggested it to Samsonite, she seemed down. It ended up being a lot of fun. GetErDone brought a bunch of cute girls and I think everybody had fun playing games and just hanging out. Samsonite was pretty quiet most of the night. I don't think she was uncomfortable around all the people, I think Samsonite is just more awkward in social settings like that. I sort of naturally became the entertainer, which I really enjoy. One of the girls GetErDone brought is named Spark. Spark was much more comfortable at the cabin than Samsonite and there was a part of me that wanted to flirt with her. Spark also seemed to show some interest in me. It could have just been me imagining things.

On Monday, after waiting for a week from Flora and not hearing anything, I sent her a text. She responded with a promise to email me back within 24 hours. 24 hours later, Flora called to say she hadn't been able to write the email yet and asked for another 24 hours. It was really fun to talk to Flora on the phone. She seemed much more interested in me than during our previous conversations. I think the email helped. I am very much toying with the idea of traveling out of state to take Flora out on a date. Flora emailed me today and it was fun and interesting. I thought about immediately writing her back but decided to wait a day or two, just to make it more anticipated.

Tosh texted me today and wanted to hang out tonight and watch the basketball game. Our teams are playing each other... Since we are both huge fans, it should be interesting.

2012 - More of the same?

On Thursday, Sugarloaf texted me Flora's number. I guess his roommate wasn't that interested in her so he called her up and asked if he could give her number to me. So I gave Flora a call while I was waiting for Lolita to come over and hang out (Lolita and I are trying to play through Donkey Kong Country on my Super Nintendo). I was hoping Flora was still in town and we could arrange a date. Flora answered and we talked for a couple of minutes. It was a bit awkward. She had already left the state and spent all day driving. And she had arrived at her destination (a friend's parents' house) and was about to get into the shower. So we agreed to talk on the phone the next day.

One of the first questions Flora asked me when we talked the next day was "So, did I say something brilliant that made you want my number or have you just run out of girls in your home state to date?" Kind of funny but also awkward and very direct. I tried explaining it to Flora but I think it just came across as fuzz. Either way, the phone conversation was fun. Yesterday I sent Flora an email that I thought was funny and personal. She hasn't yet responded.

Hanging out with Lolita was a blast. As we were playing Donkey Kong Country, Lolita got a craving for Trix so we hopped in my car and hit up the grocery store. Cold cereal at midnight is such an amazing treat.

For New Years Eve, I went to a club with littlebrother and GetErDone. I have extremely low expectations for New Years Eve, since it is my least favorite holiday. I think my problem with it is that most people are drinking and hooking up. New Years Eve as a holiday does not really make sense for Mormons. GetErDone and littlebrother met a couple of cougars at the club. I kinda tried to mingle but I just felt so out of place there. In the end, it wasn't a bad New Years Eve. It's just that unless I spend the evening with someone and fall in love with them, New Years Eve is really just another night. The only difference is the additional expectations heaped on me to have more fun than any other night.

On Sunday, Samsonite texted me to apologize for being AWOL. A part of me wanted to not respond to her texts and give her some of her own medicine. But another part of me really wants to spend more time with her. That part of me won out. I accepted her apology and told her it was ok. I am not sure if her and I will end up spending any more time together. But if we don't, anything else would be like shooting someone in the back as they walk away. And if we do hang out again, I am not sure how giving her the cold shoulder is going to benefit me. Either way, I still definitely have some feelings for Samsonite and want to see her again.

2011 Year In Review (by the numbers)

In 2011, I went out on dates with 19 different girls. I kissed 6 girls. I had 0 real relationships. Statistically, that is a date with a different girl approximately every 19 days (in years past, I have traditionally been on a date with a different girl every 14 days). I kissed 32% of the girls I went out on dates with (in years past, I have traditionally kissed 20% of girls that go on a date with). Of the 19 girls, 2 were met on a dating website, 4 were girls that I was set up with, 8 were girls that I already knew and 5 were girls I met this year on my own.

Of the 5 girls met this year on my own, 2 were met via mutual friends, 2 were met at a party and 1 was met on an airplane. Of the 5 girls met this year on my own, 4 received a second date and 2 were girls I kissed. Success rate: 40%

Of the 2 girls met on the dating website, 2 received a second date and 1 girl was kissed. Success rate: 50%

Of the 4 girls I was set up with, 0 received a second date and 0 girls were kissed. Success rate: 0%

Of the 8 girls that I already knew, 7 were taken on a second date (this year) and 2 were kissed (this year). Success rate: 25%

Of the 19 girls, 2 are girls I am still considering going out with again, 4 are girls that told me they were not interested in going out with me and 13 are girls that indicated they would go out with me again if I asked.