Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Fatal flaws of mormon dating

I agree with everyone's comments that I need to just move on. I have felt strongly about a girl/girls in the past and I hope that someday I can feel that way again. There isn't a lot of point in dating a girl that I am not falling head over heels for (other than making my mom and dad very happy).

When I was in college (back in my younger days...), if a weekend came up where I didn't have a date, I could just go to some party with a group of friends and walk away with a date for the following weekend. Those days are gone. I still have single friends and they still go to those parties. I even attend with them occasionally. But, I almost never leave having met a single girl with any real prospect. There are several reasons.

1. The mormon aristocracy. I talked about these people in a previous post. The mormon aristocracy dominates these parties. It's the same elitists at basically every party. Or at least a very large group of them. They all know each other. The guys in the mormon aristocracy are usually tools. Some may be nice guys but I would guess most of them are stringing along four or five girls. Likewise, the girls in the mormon aristrocracy are stringing along four or five guys. What you end up with is this giant web of self loving elitists. To break a girl away from that web, you have to convince her you are better than the four or five guys she is stringing along and the one guy that is stringing her along.

2. Molds. A girl already has plenty of friends that are guys. She has been used by plenty of tools. If she is 18, 19 or 20, she may not be looking for a serious relationship. If she is 21 or older, she has developed a mold. This mold is what she expects her boyfriend/husband to fit into. Who knows what is in this mold? They don't broadcast it. I am not even sure if a single guy at the parties fits into the mold. They want rich and tall and dark and handsome and foreign and loving and independent and caring and studly and able to do double back flips off of diving boards and have the ability to woo every girl in the room but somehow choose them. TheFlake is a perfect example of a girl with a mold.

3. Defenses. When I do meet a girl at one of these parties, she already has her guard up. Every guy there is a tool until proven otherwise and I have zero opportunity to prove otherwise. Lets say that I start a conversation with a girl. In my experience, I have two minutes. During those two minutes, I have to prove that a) I am interesting, b) that I am funny, c) that I am competent, d) that I am not a tool, e) that I am interested, and f) that I am attractive enough to warrant a date. It is basically impossible. "Oh Tripp," you say, "why can't you just ask them for their phone number and prove it on a date?" Good question. It's because these girls don't give out their number to guys they aren't interested in. If you ask too soon, then you are a creeper. If you somehow manage to get enough points to justify them giving you their number (I imagine that for guys that are much better looking than me, this is easier), you have to KNOW when you have reached this threshold and act on it before your two minutes are up. Once the two minutes are up, and two minutes is only an estimate, you have lost your chance. You are either interrupted by a guy that knows her and is more than willing to cock block you or the girl walks away from the conversation.

So, here is my frustration. I can't meet girls. I go on plenty of dates but many (if not most) are with girls I am not interested in. A lot are set ups. I almost never am interested in the girls that people are offering to set me up with. Sure I can give them a chance but statistically, I am not going to meet someone I am interested in on a blind date.

I have tried other methods of meeting girls. I have been to mormon dances. It's a wasteland. There are two kinds of girls that go to dances. 1. Girls who like to dance and are emotionally unavailable. 2. Girls who are looking for a man. Girls who are looking for a man like that are not the girls that I want to go out with. The girls who like to dance have no interest in a relationship. Most are too young for me to date anyway. I have tried meeting girls at church. The singles wards are full of girls right? Wrong. The singles wards are full of young girls who aren't even thinking about marriage and non-attractive girls. The whole mormon dating system is fatally flawed.


  1. Here are some things to think about.
    1. the mormon aristocracy is a figment of your own imagination. They feel the same about you and me. Rob and a couple other guys says he feels intimidated when A patent attorney, the CPTN (Jr Attorney+ former USU BFD), and a CEO show up at their party and don't really talk to them and try to steal there girls. It is all perspective... you see them as the haves, and you as the have not... when it is quite the opposite.

    2. Molds do exist - you yourself have one. Mos tof your issues relate to the girl not fitting in your own mold. Find a girl that meets 80 percent of what you want and work through the rest.
    You can break molds by being loving and patient. Some values will outshine and break the mold.

    3. DISCLAIMER: NOT MEANT TO PERSONALLY INSULT TRIPP. JUST ADVICE and input from another point of view. THE CPTN HAS nothing but love for TRIPP

  2. i agree with the majority of your assessment. the dating scene within the church is intrinsically flawed and completely outdated. so how do we fix it?

  3. just some random thoughts....yes it is hard to find people to date or have a relationship with. you seem to be at your wits end. my parents were a blind that is not a hopeless option. they say it happens when you least expect it. stop trying to hold on to girls that you obviously aren't that interested in. it is ok to date girls and wonder how they might be in a relationship with you...girls do the same thing. we think far into the future about guys even if we haven't been on a date with him. i understand that you want to find 'the one', but when you go on dates with girls go to have a good time and just get to know the person...if you hit it off with someone then great...try to pursue something deeper than just that date. it's early in the morning so i don't know if any of this made any sense....good luck with everything you're going through...the dating scene is always frustrating...

  4. If what you say is true then I wouldn't waste one more second going to those stupid parties! But I am guessing that some is an exaggeration. I agree with the above comment- especially the part about you having a mold. That is so true. He gave you good advice. You just need to listen to it.
    It isn't fair to say that you won't be interested in someone on a blind date. You have no idea. You should have a bit more faith in me because I led you to Brooke and man hands. I might have a bit more match maker powers in me if you would give it a chance. But again it goes back to your mold. The girls I offered don't fit perfectly into it so you won't even consider them. Just don't be a hypocrite.

  5. My sister got married from a blind date, and she is hot.