Smooth Criminals or The good the bad and the ugly

On wednesday night, I decided to give one of the girls I met online a call. Her name is TheWriter. She looked pretty cute from the pictures posted and seemed really cool. We had been messaging back and forth for like two weeks so I guess it was time. The phone call was great. We really clicked. I could tell that she was the same person in real life that she appeared from all her writings. It was a short phone conversation but it went well. So TheWriter added me as a friend on facebook later that night and I decided to check out her photos. One of those "don't mind if I do" moments. The thing about an online dating site is that you get to choose what photos you put on there. So it's really easy to place yourself in the best light. I was a little disappointed. I mean, TheWriter looked the same as she did in her pictures on the dating site but some of her pictures kinda made it looks like she was a bit heavier. Hard to tell. It was disappointing to me. If you had been at my house that evening, you could see how my mood changed. I just had such high hopes for this girl. Of course, maybe she isn't that bad. It was hard to tell from the photos. My plan is still to take her on a date because I don't have much to lose.

Last night I talked on the phone with a second girl from the online dating website named Nomad. It was another very fun conversation. I think we talked for like 2 hours. Of course, I am a talker anyway, so talking on the phone with me that long isn't hard. Nomad looks to have a very curvy body from her pictures. So, the conversation went well and we are meeting up tonight for our first date after the Governor's Gala. Holy snap, my first date ever with someone I met online. Well, only sorta. About 5 or 6 years ago, I met this girl in a chatroom and we met up at some party and then watched some of a movie later. But that doesn't really count. I can already tell that I click with her on a personality level. The big question is "will I be attracted to her in person" and also "will she be attracted to me in person?" One can never predict. I kinda hope I am. Wish me luck.

Dating is a drag

On Friday, I received a call from this girl HelloNurse that I had shown some interest in a few weeks ago. She was with a boy then and I told her to let me know when she was done with him and maybe we could go out. HelloNurse was calling to see if I would like to go on a date with her on Saturday night. I already had a date for Saturday night with House, so I suggested we go out on Tuesday (today) which she accepted. Then, later that evening, my friend Sugarloaf and the girl he is dating Foot called and suggested I find a date and double with them. So, I called up HelloNurse and she said she would like to go. She drove down to my house which is about 40 minutes from where she lives.

With my friends, we first went to Cheesecake Factory for dinner. Not my favorite but they do make a decent piece of cake. The line there was 40 minutes, which is not at all unusual. I will never understand the obsession people have with that place. If you like the cheesecake so much, just go in and buy a slice of cheesecake. The food is very average yet overpriced and the service isn't exactly fantastic. While waiting, we went looking for pumpkins at the grocery store. HelloNurse and I each picked out a nice sized pumpkin for carving. HelloNurse and I also had the chance to play a prank on my friend's date. Dinner went well and I started feeling pretty comfortable around HelloNurse. Some of my friends don't think she is cute, but I do. She is definitely within my dating realm.

We went back to my house and carved the pumpkins. It was a lot of fun. Realistically, just about anything is fun with the right people and just about anything is not fun with the wrong people. So, for that night, carving pumpkins was fun. Then, we rented Drag Me to Hell and watched it. Kind of a funny horror movie, which I wasn't expecting. Overall, I wasn't a huge fan. But, I did get plenty of cuddle time with HelloNurse. I don't cuddle with girls I am not interested in. That's a rule. I think lots of girls do cuddle with guys they aren't interested in, which definitely confuses me. Nevertheless, I felt really good about the date with HelloNurse. We agreed to go out again on Tuesday (tonight).

On Saturday, I had my date with House. We went to the football game with my parents. They lost, badly, but it was still fun. I really enjoy talking with House on a variety of topics. She is very intelligent, has an excellent job, and is well traveled. Plus, my parents love her. I think they might actually be willing to give me a larger piece of the inheritance if I were to marry House. We went to dinner after and the conversation was great. There is never a dull or quiet moment with because she is so spunky. Still, I am just not interested in her that way. It would sure make my life simpler if I were.

Last night, I texted HelloNurse to confirm our date for tonight. She called me right after and said "Before you drive up to see me and spend money on me, I feel like I should let you know where I stand, cause I don't know where you stand. Basically, I see you and I as just friends, and I would love to hang out with you as just friends tomorrow if you still want." I didn't know how to respond so I was just like "umm, ok, lets hang out tomorrow" and got off the phone with her. I took a minute to regroup and then wrote her a text saying "Hey i thought about it more and decided that i dont need any more friends in my life. I had a lot of fun with you on friday and i know you have (expletive removed) going on in your life and you are moving to (location) but if you arent willing to give me a chance then i probably shouldnt waste time driving up there. thanks for having the guts to tell me. Let me know if you change your mind." One of my friends said that I should keep asking her out, so she knows I am available. I am very resistant to that idea right now. I don't want to spend time and money taking girls out on dates when there is zero chance of anything happening. I know that lots of people had already made up their mind about a person but kept going out with them anyway and ended up falling in love (my sister is a great example of this) but that is the exception and not the rule. HelloNurse responded with "Yeah i definitely understand that. Im sorry. I will let you know if anything changes :) ill see ya around" which is basically what I expected. I am sure it is the other guy that is in the picture that she was with a few weeks ago. I got along with the guy but I know he is no catch.

Side note: I think I am just about ready to take a girl out from the online dating site. I have been messaging a few girls but I guess paying $15 a month to just message girls is kind of a waste.

Going blind

Last night I had my third blind date in less than a week. This was a set up from an ex girlfriend of littlebrother. I have been talking on the phone with Moonshine for the last week and she seemed pretty cool so I decided to go for it. She is 30, never married, and currently finishing up her generals towards nursing school. About an hour or two before the date, the friend setting us up emailed me a picture of Moonshine. Confession time, just based on looks, Moonshine is not my type. She had a look very similar to K1 from last week. Hard to describe. A tall skinny blonde look. Probably the look most people decide to set me up with. I entered the date feeling a bit disheartened. I know, I should explore every option and not discount a person prior to the first date.

We went to dinner at this Indian restaurant I really like. As usual, the food there was incredible. One thing I really liked about Moonshine is that she was able to be playfully sarcastic. Conversation is very important and a little sarcasm makes it all the better. Overall though, the conversation was not as great as I had hoped. For one, Moonshine toed the line a little too much between being opinionated and attacking my views. Overall though, the conversation was just fine.

While I was finishing up my Lamb Curry, Moonshine finished her dinner and pulled out her Tube-o-glossy-junk. Now, I have been on a lot of dates and I know that a lot of girls put stuff on their lips. I look away, try not to breath too much (cause the smell bothers me) and just hope they don't decide to go to an extreme. Moonshine went to a bit of an extreme. After applying half the tube to her lips and smacking them a couple times, she was finished. And pretty much done in my book. Before you start to attack me, hear this. I am not simply ruling Moonshine out as a potential mate because she put stuff on her lips. I wasn't particularly attracted to her, the conversation wasn't what I had hoped, and Moonshine had some strange opinions on different topics. But, the nail in the coffin was the lip garbage.

Of course, I am probably being extreme. But picture for yourself eating dinner and having the person you are eating with do the most disgusting thing you can think of right in front of you while you are mid bite. Maybe they are defecating, maybe they are burping, maybe they are farting, all of those things have a smell that you don't like. Sure, you say, but those things smell bad. Well, I don't like the smell of lip gloss any more than I like those smells.

Ok, I understand this is irrational. I know that someday when I am married, I will have to put up with a little lip stuff applied while I am eating just like most girls expect that whilst laying in bed with their husband at night, he is going to occasionally pass gas. But, I just felt like this was a little extreme and I am tired of it. Do girls honestly believe this is attractive? Am I the only guy out there who finds this repulsive?

On a more positive note, I have been messaging a girl TheWriter on the online dating thing for about a week now. She is attractive, intelligent, and a bit quirky. I am taking it really slow, because the whole online dating thing still scares me but I see some real possibilities. I have been messaging three other girls fairly regularly online. I am thinking I will take one out within a week or so. I also called House earlier today and asked her to the football game on Saturday. Should be fun. House lived next door to me growing up (til we were 5). She is cute, but I am just not attracted to her right now. I know, that sounds funny. I think that I could be attracted to her, but right now I am not. At least not in the romantic sense. House is very intelligent, great at conversation, and fun to be around. We went on a few dates right around the time I started going out with Belle.


How can I possibly let a girl know that lip gloss on the date grosses me out?

Two for two blind dates

On friday evening, at about 6:30, I got a call from an old friend Francis who I went to engineering school with. He had just got engaged and wanted to set me up with his fiance's friend K1. I had no plans for Friday evening so I agreed to be set up. Francis' fiance was pretty cute so I was hopeful about K1. She was actually not too bad. Kinda cute. We went to a couple of haunted houses. K1 kept grabbing my arm and pushing up behind me to avoid getting spooked in the haunted houses. I don't know if girls realize this but that is exactly what you are supposed to do when on a date with a guy in a haunted house.

After the haunted houses, we went to the Belgian Waffle house. Talk about ghetto. I had never been to this place before. We were greeted by a character scarier than any we encountered in the haunted houses. Tall, skinny, oddly shaped, balding, but with a mullet. This guy was creepy. But he was only the beginning. Pretty much everyone at the place was inadvertently dressed for halloween. Our waitress said some of the funniest things. An older lady wearing way too much makeup. It was so great. And the food wasnt too bad either. K1 didn't look quite as pretty in the strange light of the Belgian Waffle house. I kinda already knew that I just wasn't interested in her. Still, the night was a lot of fun.

On Saturday, I had a blind date with K2. K2 is my boss' cousin from Ohio. 20 years old, goes to BYU, very shy. My boss and his wife doubled with us. I was so excited to go to this halloween event at a local theme park. On the drive over, I convinved K2 to sing us a song. She was actually a very good singer. I was surprised that someone as shy as her would sing to us in the car. I love that theme park. It's what fun is. Of course, so does everyone else on a saturday. The ride lines were longer than I have ever seen them. We managed to ride only four rides one time each plus go through one haunted house. We also ate dinner there and had a chance to play skee ball.

One of my favorite things about theme parks is playing skee ball. For some reason, I can win at it. Or maybe it's just that I have a bit of OCD and am able to just play over and over until eventually I can win. I won a large prize for K2. A large penguin I named Benji. I also won a small prize for my boss' daughter. Cause I am a winner. That's what winners do, they win prizes at skee ball.

The haunted house at the theme park was pretty lame. Not scary at all. I definitely had a lot of fun on the date with K2. K2 was definitely not my type though. I just need a more outgoing girl.

Side notes: I sent a message to the Australian girl Aussie on facebook but never heard back. I have been messaging a couple of girls on the dating website. One that lives in provo, TheWriter, seems particularly promising. I also called this girl Moonshine the other night and she seemed really promising. Littlebrother's exgirlfriend met her up in Idaho and sent me her number. I think I might call her tonight and try and take her out this week.

Internet Dating by the numbers

I thought you might find these numbers from my foray into online dating a bit interesting.
76 - the number of girls I have bookmarked (meaning the ones I am really interested in)
8 - the number of girls that have bookmarked me
2 - the number of girls I have bookmarked which also bookmarked me
3 - the number of girls who have given me their number without my asking for it
190 - the number of girls who have viewed my profile
40 - the number of messages I have sent to girls
40 - the number of messages I have received from girls
0 - the number of dates I have set up thus far
18.90 - amount I have currently spent

A Dessert Party

Last night my buddy Sugarloaf called me and invited me to a desert party up north. I had nothing else going on so I said sure. We drove out to some really nice neighborhood. We only knew one guy who had been invited to the party. If you have ever seen the movie Swingers, it kinda reminds me of my life. We show up to some party at some house hosted by some person we don't know and probably won't even meet while we are there. We talk to a few people, down some cake and a bottle of water and hit the road. Last night was just as frustrating. We were about ready to go but I didn't want the night to be a total loss. My picking up girls lines mirror my soccer playing abilities. I am not horrible but nobody would ever describe me as good.

But then once in awhile, the stars align, the atmosphere around one of the moons of Saturn is at the right temperature, and a butterfly bats its wings off the coast of South America. Like last week at my soccer game. I had scored one goal all season and didn't feel any different going into the game. But somehow, I managed to score two goals and sort of just play like a champion. Relatively speaking.

Last night was kind of one of those times. I didn't just start walking up to girls, throwing out great lines. But, this girl was next to me and I sort of made my move. She was Australian. Now, I loves me some accents and Australian is near the top of my list. If you haven't heard me say it, the Australian accent is an automatic plus two. A girl with that accent automatically goes up two points on my 1-10 scale. On my new four tiered scale, an Australian accent would automatically bump a girl up from the second tier to the third tier or from the third tier to the fourth tier. Well, Aussie was a solid third tier girl. Perhaps even a fourth tier girl (which is the highest). Super pretty, in shape, and just fun. We talked for a little while and I just really enjoyed it. She is divorced. I didn't get her number. It was hard cause one of my buddies Tweak came along and sort of sideswiped the conversation. And then, she ended up in a different conversation with two dudes I didn't know and I ended up in a conversation with her friend Boutique. It was still fun. Even if nothing comes of it, last night recharged my batteries. As it turns out, all I need to keep pushing through each day is hope. And lately, hope has been in short supply for me. But when I meet a couple of cute girls that seem decent, it gives me hope. Which made last night just as great as scoring the two goals in the soccer game. Even though we only tied the game and even though all my teammates are bound to be let down when I don't score goals in our next game, I was hopeful that somewhere inside of me was the ability to play soccer. Last night, I was hopeful that somewhere inside of me was the ability to attract a girl.

Bad Leroy Brown or The Case of the Online Dating Blues

Still no dates. Two girls have given me their phone numbers online and I have been messaging a few others. However, most of them are living in a different state than me. For instance, one lives in Washington and one lives in NYC. Two other girls I have talked to live in Idaho and one lives in Logan.

And the ones I have been messaging aren't the ones I am super excited to date. It seems like the only ones who have paid for the service are the ones who are starting to feel a bit desperate (me?). Should I try another site?

I talked with Haircut last night and I think I might have some interest in taking her out on a date. I have met her at a couple of parties and we have talked. Another hair stylist, I think I have a type.

I guess somehow I had held out that if I ever did the online dating thing, I would be king of it. After all, my resume on those things is pretty good looking. Do these girls look at my profile and think "Attorney, yes! I could use some good vacation time. Likes movies and music? Great. Looks like he has fun all the time? A definite plus. Solid mormon? check. Served a mission? check. Likes kids? check. Plays guitar? Nice. Writes music on the guitar? Double nice. Works out? Good. Looks? Ugh, nope, forget him." I mean, the problem is that the way I see it, my looks would have to be terrible to counter all those pluses. I am not a funny looking guy. I don't have a strangely misshapen head or an off center nose. My body is fairly proportional. I have all my teeth (and then some with my wisdom teeth) and all my hair.