Monday, June 13, 2011

2 steps forward, 1,823 steps back

While on vacation, I wrote Jewel an email. Nothing too heavy. When I got back and she still hadn't responded, I was a little bummed. But she texted me and suggested we go on a bike ride on Saturday. We met at the park and then biked to a little hamburger joint where Jewel insisted on paying. I was definitely more quiet on this date than usual. Jewel brought it up a few times, trying to figure out what was going on in my head. I couldn't tell her that I was trying to seriously evaluate whether she cared enough about me to make any effort I put in worthwhile. While on the bike ride, we passed a car dealership and Jewel and I decided to test drive a couple of cars. Well, SUVs. Jewel really wants a new car and I think test driving new cars is a lot of fun. The date was fun but I kept counting myself out through the rest of the evening.

On Sunday, I had asked Jewel to go to family dinner for littlesister's birthday at my parents' house (the estate). While I was in church, my anxiety spiked. I seriously wondered why I was even bothering. The way I saw it, Jewel didn't care the least about me. She would probably feel super awkward around my family. I came fairly close to calling up Jewel and saying I didn't think she should come.

Nevertheless, I decided to give it my all and perhaps take myself out of the game with Jewel if the evening didn't go well. I picked up littlebrother and then Jewel and drove to the estate. Jewel was super talkative on the drive up and i could tell that her and littlebrother got along fairly well. We ate dinner, played with the dogs, jumped on the trampoline and played ping pong. It was fun and super chill. I think Jewel had fun too. I can never tell with her. In a lot of ways, she was much more excited to see and play with our dogs than anything else.

On the drive home, Jewel decided to blast some LDS primary songs on my radio. Jewel pretty much has ADHD when it comes to music and kept changing songs after listening to about 1/3 of a song. I was trying to talk to her and listen to the music and didn't notice that I was going 20 mph over the speed limit until the cop pulled me over. Jewel and littlebrother approached it humorously but I was super embarrassed about it. Luckily, the cop chose to only write me a ticket for not having signed my registration and let me off with a warning for the speeding. I am sure it helped that littlebrother said a few funny comments to the officer that made him laugh. If you ask littlebrother, he was 100% responsible for me not getting the ticket, but that is just how littlebrother is. Jewel laughed pretty hard about it and I had to smile. I dropped her off at her apartment and there was almost no linger. I was frustrated. Jewel seems to be so spunky and feisty about everything except me. When she told me that she feels like she talks a lot more than I do, I really wanted to tell her that she had bruised my self esteem a bit and that if she worked on building it back up, I would get a lot more comfortable with her. As it is, I am always a bit on edge around her.

As I drove off, I explained to littlebrother my dilemma. As I was whining about my situation, my phone rang. It was Jewel! It was only maybe 5 minutes after I had dropped her off. She said that she had a lot of fun with me that day and that we should definitely get together soon. It definitely brightened my mood. I am just realizing that I need more little affirmations like that.

Probably one of the biggest problems is that since I have started dating Jewel, I haven't had any interest in dating any other girls. I am tempted to start asking a number of different girls out to distract me from Jewel a little. Good idea or bad?

13 comments:

  1. Seriously?! Chill.

    You're sending her mixed signals, no wonder she's sending them right back. You told her you like her and then you're being all quiet and playing head games, so I'm sure she's confused, wondering if you've changed your mind. So, she's not going to be over the top in expressing her feelings for you when you're hiding yours from her.

    And meeting someone's family can be overwhelming. Meeting dogs isn't. It's a lot easier to know where you stand with a dog than with a person you just met. Plus, those dogs are kind of crazy when it comes to getting attention.

    I think dating a bunch of other girls right now would be a huge mistake. Not saying I know where this one is going, I'm just saying, let it ride.

    In my humble opinion, of course.

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  2. First of all, you're welcome for the warning. Let's go to the Blue Lemon. You talk about her bruising your self-esteem, which is understandable. But I look at girls influencing our self-esteem levels the same way that I view random events influencing the stock market and our overall economy. In the short term, you can definitely see how these events influence daily trading, but ultimately the health of the economy is determined by so much more. As long as you have a sound foundation of self-esteem, then adverse stimuli will only affect you in the short term. You can't base the health of the market on one day of trading, nor can you base your self-worth or her opinion of you on one comment or lack of linger after a fun activity.

    It's definitely a good idea to keep asking out different girls. Just don't do it maliciously. Don't go out of your way to tell Jewel that you are doing so. But it will be good to take your mind off of things with Jewel because in the end, it will be your mind overthinking things that will probably be your downfall. Asking out other girls (that you actually like) will also be good for your self esteem, assuming they say yes. You have your own life and plenty of other girls that have wanted and will want to be a part of it.

    Note: The author of this comment recognizes that said comment may or may not be more applicable to his own dating life than to the dating life of the blogger. Consider it not criticism, but ways that we both can achieve greatness in dating.

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  3. Dear Cheryl:

    I hadn't thought that maybe she would think that I am playing head games with her or sending her mixed messages. I guess that could be the case. I don't really know. Our dogs are awfully friendly as well. Much friendlier than the rest of my family. So you don't think I should go on any dates with other girls? Why not? Littlebrother seems to think I should.

    Love Tripp

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  4. Dear littlebrother:

    I worry sometimes that I don't have a "sound foundation of self-esteem." As you well know, growing up introverted and shy resulted in some shaky foundations for self-esteem (especially when I pulled the fire alarm). But I do agree that it is my mind overthinking things that will be my downfall (unless I avoid it). Thanks for telling a tasteful joke to that cop. I think it helped.

    Love Tripp

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  5. Well, if (and please, keep all of this in context with that being a big IF, since I only know her through your posts) I'm right about her, then she likes you, but was thrown off by your recent actions. Her calling you up right after hanging out is her putting her heart out there to let you know that she is interested, but just enough to provide you with reassurance. She doesn't want to go all out in case you really are pulling back. You think you need affirmation from her, trying giving her the same treatment. If you start dating a bunch of other girls, then that tells her that you've changed your mind and aren't really interested in her after all.

    If you need to get your mind off of her, just do something else. Or change the way your mind is thinking about her and just think about how awesome it is to have a girl in your life that you're actually excited to have there. She already told you she wouldn't be going out with you if she wasn't interested. Trust her and trust whatever is going on between you. Maybe this won't work out--but deal with that if and when it actually happens. Give it a chance to work out first. Don't bring it down before it has a chance.

    I could be way off base. But as I read your post, it took me back to my former dating days and it was super easy for me to explain everything that she was doing and why she responded the way she did to the things you did because I could very much relate. So, if I'm right then I'm spot on. But again, it's all "IF".

    You should bring her out here to visit us and then I could give you my very expert opinion. (c:

    Oh, and if I am right about her, then she changes the radio station so much not because she's ADHD, but because she wants to be certain she's listening to the best song. And she's probably that way in most, if not areas of her life. Which is why you should be flattered that she's dating you.

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  6. Its all in your head. she's interested or she wouldn't 1-buy your burger. 2-test drive cars with you 3-go the the estate 4-suggest hanging out again, the list goes on and on. Let your relationship be what it is...a stable relationship shouldn't need affirmations left and right. you just know how each other feels...you know?

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  7. Stop freaking out! That is going to make her freak out and then ditch you! Take the other girls advice and don't date other girls. Not right now at least. If she wasn't interested in you she wouldn't do all of those things just to be nice. Like she said- she'll tell you when she isn't interested in you.

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  8. Dear Cheryl:

    You can relate to her train of thought? While I definitely like your interpretation of everything, I still have my doubts. Nevertheless, your input is absolutely appreciated. I think your best piece of advice is "change the way your mind is thinking about her and just think about how awesome it is to have a girl in your life that you're actually excited to have there." This is what I need to do. This is also what I struggle to do the most. Thanks for the input.

    Love Tripp

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  9. Dear Tabbi:

    You still read my blog? I think you offer some good advice but are her and I even in a stable relationship? Don't you think that at the beginning of a relationship, perhaps more affirmations are not only desirable but also oftentimes necessary? I guess I find myself not knowing how she feels and I worry that maybe she doesn't know how I feel.

    Love Tripp

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  10. Dear Newtons:

    If only it were that easy. Once my mind gets going on a certain track, it's like trying to derail a train to change it's path. I am working on it. I just don't understand why if she likes me, she wouldn't want to spend more time with me. Not copious amounts. But more than once a week. Can you at least admit that she is sending SOME mixed signals?

    Love Tripp

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  11. I didn't realize that she was only spending one day a week with you. Are you asking her out more then that and she declines? Maybe she is giving you some mixed signals, but again- she must be interested to a certain degree. Girls don't meet the family if they aren't interested. They don't call you right after a date to tell you how much fun they had if they aren't interested. They don't buy you food or test drive cars if they aren't interested. If they aren't interested they cancel the date and avoid your calls.

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  12. (bro-in-law here)
    This post reminds me that dating sucks. Sorry.

    Also, don't tell her about the blog. That's my advice. And props to littlebrother for comparing dating to the stock market. Nerd.

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  13. bad idea. dont do it.
    yes, i am the boss of you.

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