Fast Food Dating

On Friday night, I went and saw a movie with Gamer and Chief. It wasn't really that interesting. Gamer is just as awkward as ever and Chief has always been very awkward. But it's nice to have friends that want to do stuff with you (although to be honest, I am not sure why they want me to do stuff with them - do they need a chaperone because he is married to someone other than her?). On Saturday I had a date with Simpson. I am so lukewarm about Simpson that it's like swimming in a warm pool when it is hot and humid outside of the pool. I just kind of get no sensation either way. But Simpson is very nice and the conversation was pretty good. After dinner, we made smoothies at my house (in case you are noticing a trend, I finally gave in and purchased a super high powered blender; it's one of those blenders that you can blend anything in and so I have been on a smoothie and milkshake kick) and watched a movie. I made out with Simpson. It's scuzzy and I know it. It's kinda like eating fast food. You know that after you eat it, you are gonna kind of feel sick to your stomach. And you know that eating it for long periods of time is only going to make you fat and unhealthy. But, you are hungry and it's right there and it's cheap and they can get it to you fast. And so you just give in and eat it once in awhile. I know that I don't really like Simpson, because the next day I thought to myself "How am I going to get myself out of this one?"

On Monday night, I talked on the phone with a new girl named Wonder. I haven't yet met Wonder but we are going on a date on Saturday. We have been emailing on the dating website for a little while and she seems pretty cool. Definitely much more conservative than me but it should be fun to go out with her. Last night, TAB came over to make smoothies. We went to the grocery store to purchase appropriate smoothie supplies. TAB was absolutely annoying at the store. Ever since I told her that I thought she was controlling, she kinda tries to pretend like she is not controlling by saying things like "it's your smoothie, what do you want to do?" But then she picks and chooses pretty much everything. The smoothie did not turn out as well as the one with Simpson, even though Simpson and I spent $10 on supplies while TAB and I spent $30 on supplies. We didn't kiss or anything and I have no intention of going out with TAB again. TAB is sort of like an annoying expensive restaurant in Las Vegas with expensive sub-standard food. It's too hard to get and the food you do get is not near worth the expense to obtain it.

Today, I walked into my office to find an envelope from the business where House works. My heart jumped. I was worried I was going to get a scathing letter about how irresponsible I am. Or some other bad news from House. My secretary opens all of my mail (I have no idea if she reads it or not, but the mail is always placed on my desk opened) so I was also a little nervous about what she might have seen. The envelope included a book called "Look me in the eye" and a letter from House. It was kind but basically said that in the future, I should try and be a better communicator. I have struggled so much with wanting to write House an email or call her and try and work things out. In fact, I almost cried while thinking about her this morning. I had/have feelings for her. I just never felt like it was enough. Like that I never felt strong enough about her to justify ruining her life by having me be a large part of it.

Dissatisfied

Last night House came over and we watched Band of Brothers. It was fun. We had a great talk about a bunch of different subjects (skydiving, weeding, video games, dogs painted to look like tigers, WWII). The conversation is always great with House. We just click. Ten seconds ago, I sent a text to Gamer telling her that I just don't feel right about dating her. Before you judge me too harshly, let me tell you that I seriously considered just not having any more communication with her. She hasnt texted me since Saturday and I haven't texted her. I already feel bad but there is nothing that can be done about it now. Right this minute, I don't like myself very much at all.

The Getaway

Gamer peppered me throughout the weekend with texts. I really didn't want to hang out with her so I made it seem like I was super busy with work and just too tired to hang out. Instead, I went to a Mormon Aristocracy party with Sugarloaf, TheCaptain and littlebrother. I have been to this exact same party approximately 47 times in my life. It may be at a different setting and there may be a slightly different group of people there but essentially it is always the same party. I guess it is better than nothing but I always find myself leaving these parties saying to myself "I am never going to another one of those parties again." It's not that there aren't cute girls there. Aussie was there (although I doubt she recognized me). It's just that most of the people don't seem to go to these things to meet people. They go to hang out with people they already know. Halfway through the party, someone cranked up the volume on some obnoxious music just to ensure that anyone attempting to have a conversation would be discouraged. For the upcoming generation, dancing and physical interaction always seem to have a higher priority and come before real social interaction.

On Sunday, while avoiding texts from Gamer, I called up House and suggested we go on a walk. I drove over to her place and we just walked for awhile. It was great. The conversation with House is always lively and interesting. Throughout the night, my mind kept running into the dead end of "why can't I date this girl?"

On Monday, I even sat down with one of the partners at my law firm to discuss it. His advice was actually quite astonishing to me. He said that if he were single, physical attraction would not even be close to the top priority when looking for a wife. He said that no matter what, all of that will mean basically nothing in five years. To be honest, I still have a hard time wrapping my head around that. If I were marrying for personality, House would be great. And House isn't an ugly girl. As I have thought about it over the past few days, I have concluded that I have an ego. On my mission, an elder that was fairly popular sent out engagement photos. My friends and I were shocked when we saw the announcement. This guy was marrying a girl that seemed obviously less attractive than him and was slightly overweight. To be honest, we all threw in a few jabs about them. Maybe I do have a bit more of an ego than I would like to admit.

When I dated Mindy many many years ago, it felt so great to go out in public with her. I was a superstar. Is it wrong for me to want that again? Should I just take my dad's advice "Tripp, you are never going to find a better girl for you than House."

Last night, I went to dinner with Gamer. I kinda felt obligated to. Gamer seemed even more clingy. I walked her back to her car and I know that a) she really wanted me to kiss her and b) she really wanted me to invite her back to my place (we met near where I work). I just wasn't having it. I felt bad about it too. I have always been terrified about dumping a girl (even when we aren't really dating). But I gotta do something about Gamer. She wants things to progress and I am really not feeling it.

Clingy

Work has been particularly busy this week and so dating has taken a hit. On Wednesday, I sent a text to Simpson suggesting we go to a soccer game together. She responded that she already had plans for that evening. I know it's weird but it really bugged me. Maybe it's cause she didn't say something like "Let's reschedule." I think it is has been about 4 weeks since I last saw Simpson so I guess that whole thing is just kinda dying out. The same thing happened with her a year ago. It wasn't that I didn't like her, she just kinda became less and less available and I got tired of dealing with it.

That night, FarFarAway called and wanted to go to dinner. It's hard to explain why I don't feel a ton of interest in FarFarAway. She is definitely cuter than most of the girls I date. And she has told me on more than one occasion that her and I ought to be married. On Wednesday, she came over and I was weeding around my house. She knew tons about the plants around the house and told me that if we got married, she would take care of all the weeding around the house. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I actually really enjoy weeding. After dinner, FarFarAway took off. She was heading out of town the next day. I will admit that I wouldn't mind making out with FarFarAway. She looked awful pretty in her summer dress. But it's pretty obvious to me that I am not driven to date her.

Last night, I hung out with Milo for a bit at his new business. His little sister LittleMilo was there. I met her once a year or two ago but didn't get a good look at her. She is gorgeous. Bosnian girls have a tendency to be much prettier than American girls. Of course, it's one of my best friend's little sisters and she is muslim (but not practicing) so it is probably out of reach.

Gamer got back into town last night. I think she was bothered with me that I didn't want to meet up and hang out at 11 last night when her flight landed. I gotta be honest, lately Gamer has become very clingy. Here's the situation (and I am able to explain it well because I have been on the other side of it). You like someone and they show some interest. But they are very casual. Things progress a little but that person stays casual. In fact, they might even start pulling away. So how do you naturally respond when you think you are losing something? You fight for it. And the other person gets really turned off by this.

I am not ready to start spending every night with Gamer and talking all the time on the phone. I don't want her to know the intimate details of my life and I don't want to know the intimate details of hers. But as I kinda pull away a little, she sees it as requiring her to pull me back. Which just doesn't really work. Gamer texted me today and really wanted to hang out tonight. I probably have to work tomorrow and I wanted to get my work done early enough to maybe go watch the USA play England in the World Cup Soccer with Milo (and maybe LittleMilo will be there, ha ha ha) so I told Gamer I couldn't be out late tonight. I said something to the effect of "Ok, if we go see a movie, you have to promise to go home right after so I can go to bed. Deal?" Immediately after I sent the text, I got a bad feeling (an omen). A few minutes later, Gamer texted back with "Are you being serious?" I think I pissed her off. Now I don't even really want to hang out with her at all. See girls, clingy just doesn't work.

We had joy we had fun, we had seasons in the sun

On Friday, I left work early and headed down to stay in a houseboat on the lake. I traveled with Robin, BeefCake and MrsBeefCake. Although they aren't married yet, BeefCake and MrsBeefCake are practically married and it just makes things easier. We met Sugarloaf there with Barrel and a bunch of girls. SpicyTuna was there. I haven't talked about SpicyTuna before. I have met her many times and have always perceived her as a snob. It's cause she is always hanging around tools and snobby girls. I wonder if she even realizes that she is such a tool magnet.

Being out on the lake was mostly great. Exhausting. By the last day, I was so ready to get out of there. Can I just say that I really like BeefCake but MrsBeefCake drives me crazy. She is bratty and self-righteous and snotty. I couldn't have been more annoyed with her on the trip and the drive home was no exception.

So I got a chance to have a couple of deep conversations with SpicyTuna. She is actually really cool. Super athletic and spunky, she is the type of girl that everyone knows. I am sure many of the tools pursue her too. Thing is, she doesn't strike me as the type that would want a tool for a husband. She wants to get married and have kids. She wants to fall in love. I really enjoyed my conversations with SpicyTuna. I even kinda would like to take her on a date. It's hard cause SpicyTuna has been out with Cowboy a number of times and she dated Barrel for awhile.

On Sunday, after I got home, Gamer came over. I had fun hanging out with her. I think I am going to keep hanging out with her. I made plans to go out with Simpson this Thursday.

Story of my life: talking about nothing

On Friday night, MrsChief, Chief, Gamer and I went to see MacGruber. It wasn't a particularly great movie. Oh yeah, and Gamer brought one of her friends. After the movie, we were standing in the hallway talking. Talking about nothing. I had some soda during the movie and I really had to go. But, it appeared that all the bathrooms for the theater were past the ticket counter (we were in the main lobby). So, the conversation was going nowhere, I really had to go and it felt awkward. The situation was just weird and I wasn't thinking straight. So I kinda just walked away. And didn't come back. It was pouring rain so I decided to just go straight to my car and drive home rather than try and find a bathroom.

When I got home, Gamer texted me and said something about how weird it was that I had left. I guess it was kinda weird. But it's not like we had any other plans after the movie. And it's not like I was on a date with Gamer. How can I tell that Gamer really likes me? She still wanted to come over to my house and hang out. We hung out for a little while and then she took off cause I needed to get up the next morning and get some work done.

On Sunday evening, I went over to Gamer's to play some Super Mario Bros. on her Wii. You may not know this about me but I love Super Mario Bros. Since the day my older brother received a Nintendo for his birthday, I have been fascinated with the game. I have a lot of fun with Gamer but I am just not falling for her.

Other Notes: I called Simpson over the weekend and left a message but she never called me back. I think Simpson might be pulling another disappearing act. Crack told me today that he is setting me up with his personal trainer. FarFarAway called me on Saturday to hang out and again last night.

White trash roots

On Friday, Cowboy called me up and wanted to know if I would double with him. I already had a date planned with Simpson. We met up and went to the dance studio to learn the tango. Simpson was not as impressed as I thought she might be. After all, normally isn't it the girl that is begging the guy to go take dance lessons. She thought it was kind of dumb to learn to do old dances like that. I thought it was quite fun and the tango is a fun dance to learn.

After dinner, we headed out to the drag races. I will always have a special place in my heart for white trash people. Perhaps it was the many years I worked at Wal Mart. So going to watch drag races just gives me a warm feeling inside. Of course, as we watched the cars race, all I really wanted to do was get my own car out there to race. According to online specifications, my car should be able to do a 1/4 mile in 13.9 seconds, which was faster than more than half of the cars there. I saw one car nearly break the 1/4 mile in under 10 seconds. I should have been a racecar driver. Sugarloaf, Barrel and Arches were there too. Simpson had fun but she was tired. I dropped her off, gave her a goodnight kiss and headed home.

On Saturday, KJo and I met for lunch and some furniture shopping. We found a place selling these giraffes that were about 5 feet tall for $6500. Ha ha, I was tempted but not that tempted. By late afternoon, I was tired so I delayed my date with Gamer for a bit while I took a nap. I met up with Gamer and after a quick dinner, we went and saw the movie The Good, the bad, the weird. She had initially suggested we see Robin Hood but I wasn't sure I could handle two hours of hollywood crap. The Good, the bad, the weird is this chinese action movie. The action scenes moved a little too fast on occasion and sometimes the subtitles in white were impossible to read but the movie was fun. I know Gamer enjoyed it.

We drove back to her car. As we were saying our goodbyes, this homeless dude walked up for a chat in the hopes of scoring some cash. I don't particularly like to give money to homeless people. I get asked for money nearly every day and professional beggars have a particular ability at irking me. So when the homeless dude said he just needed money for a ride to where he was staying, I thought "why not just give him a ride?" Gamer gave me this look like I was dumb as dirt. So she got into her car and the homeless dude and I got into my car. We drove for about three blocks (and the smell was quite intense) before I discovered that the homeless dude had zero interest in getting a ride out to this place (which sort of invalidated his original request for money). So now, I had a homeless dude inside my car begging me for money while drunk as a skunk (and as smelly as one too). Not wanting to give him money, I took him through the drivethru at McDonalds. He didn't stop asking for money the entire time (until I dropped him off back where I had picked him up). I chided him a little about needing to figure out what he was doing with his life (can you imagine a guy saying "and when that guy took me to McDonalds late one Saturday night and told me to figure out my life, that's when I saw the light and decided to stop using drugs and drinking and straighten out my life!") At least it got him out of the car.

On Sunday, I invited Gamer over to watch a movie (I called Simpson first but she was visiting her grandma and couldn't come). I just needed some company. Gamer came over and we watched a movie and cuddled. Now, before you get all judgmental on me, let me clarify a few things. One, I do like Gamer. She is fun to be around. She is interesting. And she is attractive. But I dont really see her as a potential girlfriend/spouse. I just don't feel like I am a bad person for spending time with her.

Will it ever be enough?

On Wednesday night, I headed over to Gamer's place. We had planned to go bowling but it ended up being too late. So we played mario on her wii for a little while. Then I sang a couple of songs for her with her guitar that I wrote years ago. We made out and I left. I felt awful on the drive home from her house. Why? Because I knew that I was going to hurt her. At this point, there is absolutely no way for me to not cause her pain. I know she isn't right for me. Dating her will never be enough for me.

I know that the right answer of what I should do is tell her right away. I should call her up and just explain that I think she is really cool but it just doesn't feel right. That would hurt her less than dragging it out, right? But I am not sure if I am going to do that. A part of me, a very large part, wants to just drag it out. Slowly start hanging out with her less and less and hope she meets some other guy and can reject me in favor of him. This is exactly what happened with Pulse and probably what I am most comfortable with. But it isn't right and I know it.

I like Gamer. She is cool to hang out with. She is very spunky. She is very unique. She collects action figures, loves video games, plays guitar and is fun to be around. It just isn't enough.

If you want a revolution, the only solution evolve

On Friday, UpsideDown messaged me to let me know that she couldn't go out with me. It wasn't a huge surprise for me. I texted Gamer and asked if she wanted to go to littlelittlebrother's soccer game. She said it sounded like fun and would meet me at my house. The game was heartbreaking. Littlelittlebrother played really well but his team lost in double overtime. Rather than wait around while my entire family asked Gamer questions, we took off and got tickets to the new Ironman 2 movie. The movie wasn't all that great but it wasn't awful. Neither of us particularly loved it. Then we went back to my house and talked on the couch for a bit. I could tell that Gamer wanted me to kiss her. To be honest, I wasn't really sure if I wanted to kiss her though. So I hugged her and sent her on her way.

On Saturday, I had a date planned with Simpson. As I was pulling out of my driveway to go pick her up, I decided to pick 4 pink tulips from my front yard to give to her. I don't know much about flowers. For some reason, they just grow around my house. I guess they must be bulbs planted. Anyway, I think it definitely earned me some brownie points with Simpson when I showed up at her house holding a bouquet of freshly handpicked flowers. We went to dinner at my favorite Indian restaurant and then watched a movie back at my house. After the movie, it felt pretty natural to just move in and make out with Simpson. After all, a year ago I made out with Simpson several times. It was a pretty good make out. There are definitely a lot of qualities about Simpson that I like.

On Sunday, after a mothers day dinner with my family, I headed over to Gamer's to watch a movie. We cuddled during the movie but things definitely don't feel as natural with Gamer as they do with Simpson. Nevertheless, I ended up making out with Gamer. It was a much more awkward make out. For one, I think Gamer's couch kinda smells like urine (from her yappy dog, no doubt; or because it is a really old couch). Also, I think Simpson is way more experienced at the whole thing than Gamer (for better or for worse). Overall, a successful weekend.

Are you cooler than me?

I was supposed to go on a date with Simpson on Friday night but she canceled. She said her mom was in town and it sounded legit enough that I just let it slide. We made plans to do something tonight but then last night she texted me and asked if we could move it to tomorrow night. Maybe the reason I stopped dating Simpson a year ago was because it was just so hard to actually see her.

On Sunday, I went to church at the 90210 ward. There were literally 500 people there. To anyone who says there is not a mormon aristocracy, I present the 90210 ward as exhibit A. Sacrament meeting is a freaking fashion show. In most singles wards, the parking lot resembles a badly maintained used car lot. There will be cars with the spare tire on, cars with cracked windshields, and cars without paint jobs. Typical for the poor college students that attend. Not the 90210 ward. Harley Davidson motorcycles, lexus, audi, mercedes, ferrari (singular) and other brands fill the lot. Both the guys and the girls look like fashion models. Girls walk around with $1000 purses and $1000 high heels. Some of the guys have expensive business suits. I hadnt showered cause I was running late. And I had a moustache. I felt super out of place. As I sat there looking at all the beautiful people, I felt more and more like there was no way I was ever going to meet someone. I left in a very bad mood.

I took a nap to reset and then went over to Gamer's place to play video games. We played Super Mario Bros on the wii for like 4 hours. It was fun. Gamer is absolutely not as cute as some of the other girls I have dated. She is completely inactive in the church. She uses the F word quite frequently. She is socially awkward.

A few years ago, I did an internship. I was roommates with Kenny. Kenny was a nice enough kid. One time we had a conversation and he basically told me that he knew he was cooler than me. It bothered me at the time. I mean, he probably was cooler than me. But I disliked the fact that he had to tell me he thought he was cooler than me. With some of the girls I date, I think it is the same. They may not come right out and say it but they think they are cooler than me. Maybe all the really attractive girls think that. I mean, they have spent their whole lives being told how much better they are than everyone else (the mormon princess syndrome) by their dad, their mom, their siblings, their church teachers, their friends at school and their boyfriends that they actually start believing it.

When I take one of these girls out on a date, they have know that they are better than me. Sure, they may give me a chance. But did I ever really have a chance? I don't think I did. With Gamer, I know that she doesnt think she is better than me.

Awkward dates with girls from Estonia

On Friday, I had my date with Katarina. I was worried cause before the play, there was a 2 hour planned. It ended up being pretty fun (the dinner). All these swanky people and an open bar. Of course, I don't drink, but I did have a coke from the bar. I was fun and funny. With it and witty. After the dinner, we walked over to the play. It was not one of my favorite plays. I was kinda tired and kept yawning. Katarina was about as awkward as you could expect for someone from a completely different culture on a date. I think she is a good person but I am never going to be interested in her. I kinda feel bad about it.

On Saturday, I had a date with this girl Simpson. I went out on a few dates with Simpson over a year ago. I actually met Simpson at the same party as Ariel. Ariel had a boyfriend and Simpson went out on a few dates with TheCaptain. Somehow, Simpson and I ended up going on a few dates. But it wasn't meant to be. I liked Ariel at the time and one night, Simpson and I were making out. She mentioned something about how Ariel had broken up with her boyfriend that day. Somehow I decided that I wanted to date Ariel more than I wanted to date Simpson. I can't really remember any other reason for me to stop dating Simpson.

Last week, Simpson just randomly said something to me on the facebook and we set up the date. I was a little late cause I was at a soccer game for littlelittlebrother. My friend Punk invited me to go see a jazz band she manages at a local club. Simpson and I had a lot of fun just talking and listening to the band. We went back to Simpson's place and watched The Lovely Bones. It wasn't very good. We cuddled a bit. To be honest, I couldn't remember why I stopped dating Simpson last year. She was fun.

On Sunday, I received a text from Spinster. She said she wasn't interested in me. It kinda pissed me off. I guess I can't be too upset because I certainly didn't feel any interest in Katarina. Anyway, so there won't be any more dates with Spinster. Tonight I was chatting with Gamer on the facebook. Even though she is awkward and kinda nerdy, I find myself wanting to spend more time with her.

Typical atypical weekend

On Friday night, Chief and Gamer and an old friend/roommate of mine (WoolyBully) went to the movies. I am still trying to figure out what Chief is doing hanging out regularly with Gamer. I am absolutely attracted to her. She is such a smart alec. Very awkward but I found that if I try and make things awkward for her, it works. After the movie, we went to dinner. Gamer and I were joking about how we could get married to just cover the stigma of being single. She said maybe we could have our own houses. I scoffed at that and said maybe our own rooms but we had to copulate and she said "Sounds good to me." I gave her a high five. Does that mean we sealed the deal and are going to copulate?

On Saturday, Sugarloaf and I went to this church dance. It was dinner followed by ballroom dance instructions. Picture all the awkwardness of a stake dance when you were in high school and then just add 10 years. I totally thought the whole night was gonna be a bust. They had all the guys line up on one side and then said "go find a girl on the other side to dance with." It was like a feeding frenzy. All the cute girls were snatched up in an instant. Then I saw a fairly attractive girl Linguist sitting on the side. Sample conversation:

Me: Hey, you wanna dance?
Linguist: Uhh, well, you see, I can't because I am watching my friend's purse.
Me: Yeah, I understand, it's a pretty rough crowd out here. I would hate for it to get stolen.
Linguist: Well, I just told her I would watch it.
Me: Well, what if I hold it while we dance?
Linguist: No, that wouldn't work.
Me: What if I cover it with my suit jacket and we dance right next to it and watch it?
Linguist: Well, ok.

So we started to dance. And we really clicked. She was very interested in what it was like to be a lawyer. I remember thinking to myself "hey, this is going alright." The song ended and we just kept talking. They taught a new dance and we just kept talking. And then out of nowhere, this total douche walks up to us talking and is like "Hey, it's time to change partners, sorry" and grabs Linguist to go dance. I seriously thought about punching him in the face. See, the problem was that now I had missed the dance instructions (which meant I couldn't just ask someone else to dance) and so I had to go back over to the side where the guys were. I was pretty pissed. Linguist got asked to dance for the next song as well.

As I was walking back over to other side, Sugarloaf came up to me with this awkward girl Katarina. He kinda dropped her off on me and walked away. I wasn't really sure what was going on so I kinda started a conversation with Katarina. Then I tried to walk away and Katarina told me she had tickets to a play and wanted to know if I would go with her. It turns out she had already asked Sugarloaf and he had given some BS answer about a birthday activity that he had that night. I quickly scanned my mind for any legitimate excuse. Nothing came and I agreed to go to a play with Katarina. I was already pissed at the douche bag and this kinda made the night seem even worse. Sugarloaf admitted that he owed me big time later that evening.

After teaching us to ballroom dance, they turned off the lights and blasted hip hop music. I loosened up and had some fun. All the cute girls had left. I danced the way I think people who love to dance do it : I couldn't care less what anyone there thought of me. It was fun. I met one girl who seemed very interested in me but I didn't bother to get her phone number. I wasn't that interested.

What's all this talk about love?

Friday night I went with Chief to play video games with this girl Gamer and her friend. Chief and I picked up pizza on the way over. Gamer is a very different girl. She plays lots of video games. For some reason, I am very attracted to her though. Maybe it's just because she seems so relaxed compared to other girls. Like she isn't trying to be anything other than herself. Gamer has a yappy little dog that seriously drove me bonkers though. We played Super Mario Brothers on her Wii until like 1:30 in the morning. It was a lot of fun.

On Saturday, I had a date with BFD. I was supposed to go to a wedding reception before the date but I hurt my back really bad and had to lay down for a bit. I woke up 10 minutes late to my date and impossibly late to the wedding reception. I think I showed up at BFD's place 30 minutes late. We met up with BFD's roommate Script and this guy she is kinda dating. After dinner, we decided to rent a movie. The guy Script was on a date with chose this movie Black Dynamite. I kissed BFD a couple of times and then headed home.

On Sunday, BFD texted me asking me to come over and hang out. I was bored since all of my roommates have basically abandoned me so I headed over. We watched slumdog millionaire. I think BFD honestly likes me but it feels so contrived. Like that maybe BFD just likes the idea of me. Script was saying how she wanted a guy that had such and such qualities and I realized that she was kinda naming off all the qualities that I had. Not trying to build up my ego or anything. I just wondered if maybe BFD was feeling pressure from her friends to settle down with a guy and if maybe the qualities her friends wanted had influenced the qualities that BFD wanted. Do you think maybe I am purposefully not falling for BFD because she represents all the girls that I have wanted to date in the past who wanted guys other than me?