You and me and all other people

On Saturday, I had my third date with Mya.  On Friday night, I was hanging out with Milo, RunsWithScissors and my friend Chimichanga and they started making me very nervous about the date.  Milo was "dropping some knowledge" on me, as he is prone to do, about how I don't have enough mystery with Mya.  I spent most of Saturday thinking about whether I need to change the way I act at all around Mya to try and get her to be more interested in me (I think this could be defined as "playing games").  I wouldn't know how to pull something like that off even if I wanted to.  Ultimately, I decided to just be myself.  If I sent texts to Mya that were too cute or too sweet, it was just me being me and if it was too much and she gets scared off, then I guess we don't have as much chemistry as I thought we did.  Thankfully, thus far Mya seems to really accept me for who I am.  I am sure part of it is because Mya is a single mother.  She is more real than most of the girls I date.  She has to be.  Five years ago, I am not sure we would have been compatible at all. But now, it just seems to work.

I decided to take Mya to my favorite Indian restaurant and then to a small venue concert.  The dinner was excellent; we made jokes with each other and never ran out of things to talk about.  Oh, and Mya looked spectacular.  After dinner, we drove over to the concert.  As we were getting out of the car, Mya realized that she had forgotten her ID.  Unfazed, we drove out to Platinum's house to pick it up.  I got to meet LittleMya there.  LittlePlatinum was immediately super excited to see me and I think it helped my case with LittleMya.  I played with the girls for a few minutes (they would slap my hands like they were giving me five and then I would exclaim "ouch!" which they loved).  Not that I was acting any different around them than I would any kids, but I think Mya was impressed.  We made it to the concert and had a lovely time.  We held hands through most of the concert and I must say, I was having the time of my life.  The music was good.  I had the prettiest girl in the world sitting next to me.  I had a full belly of Indian food.

After the concert, we drove back to Platinum's.  Smash and Platinum and a few other people were there (the girls were asleep).  Mya acted like she wanted to stay awhile.  So we sat on the couch and talked. It was great.  It was the first casual time we spent together.  Just sitting on the couch talking and joking and holding hands.  Finally, I decided it was pretty late (we had lost track of time) so I helped Mya load LittleMya into her car.  Then Mya came over and gave me such a great hug.  I pulled away and kissed her!  It was only a closed mouth kiss for maybe 5 or 6 seconds but it was absolutely amazing.  It left me feeling giddy in the way only a first kiss with lots of spark can do.

Third date with Mya rating: 10
Possibility of a fourth date with Mya: Very High (Scheduled for Tuesday evening, we are taking LittleMya and LittlePlatinum to a baseball game)

Multiple dates and a new crush

On Thursday, I had a blind date with FireCracker. I was actually set up with FireCracker by Dee. When we talked on the phone, I could tell that FireCracker and I would at the very least get along very well. Her personality reminded me of BFF. Since I had never seen a picture of FireCracker, I was definitely a bit nervous. So when I knocked on the door, my first thought was "great, she has a cute roommate that answered the door." As it turned out, that cute roommate ended up being FireCracker. Due to our phone conversations, I brought a list of awkward conversation topics. After ordering (per my suggestion, she ordered the octopus!), we got right into the awkward conversations. I loved it. The conversation was easy and never forced.

After dinner, we went back to my house to watch my skydiving video. FireCracker was mostly impressed with my house (although she did mock me for having an entire room full of African safari stuff).

My biggest concern with FireCracker was that even though I thought she was cute, I wasn't sure if she was cute enough. Like that I would enjoy spending time with her but I wasn't enamored by her looks. Personality wise, we just clicked.

On Friday, I had a third date with Basketball. We went to the baseball game. It was fun but I spent a good portion of the night wondering if Basketball and I are at all on the same page. We had some very interesting conversations and I know that she had fun (as did I) but the romance is not kicking in at all.

On Saturday, Milo and I met up with Smash and some of her friends to go to the casino. We took the bus there. One of Smash's friends immediately caught my eye; her name was Mya. Early on, Mya mentioned that she had a child. But Smash told me that Mya was sorta divorced (but not really, for insurance purposes). A little later in the evening, as Mya and I were sitting next to each other playing Blackjack and talking, I thought that she seemed really cool. Within an hour of that, I had developed a huge crush on her. It's hard to explain why. After all, Mya is not really what I traditionally want in my life. She has some tattoos. She isn't Mormon. She has a husband...

But on Sunday, she was all I thought about. And even though she hadn't given me the slightest indication that she would ever be interested in dating me (in fact, she told Smash that Smash and I should get married), I felt what I hadn't really felt in a long time: Hope. I have talked before about the X factor that I want to feel for a girl. And how I struggle finding that. And looking at Mya, I realized that part of me must be rebelling against what everyone tells me would be good for me. In college, I just sort of fell into my major. And then I just sorta fell into law school. In fact, I just sorta fell into my current job. So, there is a part of me that really feels like I haven't been making enough decisions about my own life. And so even though Mya is probably totally wrong for me (although all I have been thinking is about how right for me she seems), I want this decision to be my decision and no one else's. Hence my frustration with dating. In general, I keep going out with the same type of LDS girls that meet the minimum requirements but that aren't my first pick. So for now, I have a hope that I could spend more time with Mya. Without worrying about marriage and children and family and religion, I just want to spend more time with her.

First date with FireCracker rating: 7

Possibility of a second date with FireCracker: High

Third date with Basketball rating: 5

Possibility of a fourth date with Basketball: Medium to Low

It's the reason why I'm here

I ended up having a lot of fun on my date with Cabinet. Cabinet is one of those really cool girls that every guy gets along with instantly. But from talking to mutual friends, she is the kind of girl that is really good at keeping guys at arms length. In other words, there may be walls she has built that I can't possibly tear down unless she lets them down. So we will see.

I picked up Cabinet and decided that I wanted to eat some place decent. So I took her to the Melting Pot. She had never been. Cabinet is so good at carrying conversation. I think I was a bit surprised at how able she was to hold a conversation through the entire dinner. I guess I don't actually anticipate that a girl will be able to do that. After dinner, since it was too late to do an activity but too early to take her home, I took Cabinet over to my house. Milo and Steve-O were there and they were definitely impressed with Cabinet. We just talked about politics and it was super chill. Of course, one of my main concerns about dating is that I let things become too chill way too soon. I guess I have more baggage now than I did a few months ago with the Jewel debacle. Now I am going to enter every potential relationship with a fear that things will be too relaxed early on and that I will be unable to jump start them when I decide I want to move to the next level.

Cabinet and I have texted a few times since the date. I would be very interested in going out with her again. I can't really say if she has any interest.

I can't move the mountains for you

I literally got off the phone with Jewel 2 minutes ago. Our conversation was nice, a bit awkward. Jewel told me how great her weekend in California was. And that it had almost pushed her over the edge to quit her job and move back there. She said she is going to spend the next couple of weeks thinking before she makes her final decision.

I was definitely disappointed. I have tried so hard to pretend over the last two weeks that I was over Jewel and that I was ready to move on. I actually encouraged Jewel to follow her heart and do what she needed to do. Partially because I think that really is what she should do and partially because saying anything else would solve nothing. I sent her roommate and best friend here a quick message on Facebook about it. I know I probably shouldn't have but what exactly do I have to lose?

I told Jewel again on the phone that I liked her and that I still wanted to date her. Then, I asked her if she wanted to spend any time with me or if it would cloud her judgment. Jewel said she would give me a call in a week to answer that question. Of course there are going to be moments where I think that I should have said something else or done things differently. But in the end, I told Jewel how I felt. And if she leaves then I guess that is what is supposed to happen.

On Friday, I had a date with Bolivia. I met Bolivia through an ex-girlfriend of Milo's a week ago. We met up with Sugarloaf and Tweak and their dates and headed to a rodeo. Bolivia is in her mid 30s and looks very good. But, there just wasn't a huge connection. I doubt I will take her out again.

Tonight I have a first date with Cabinet. About two weeks ago, I saw her online on Facebook. So I struck up a conversation with her and asked her out. I guess I kinda felt impressed to ask her out. She seems like a pretty cool girl and there have been times where I saw her and thought she was very good looking. I can't say that having this phone conversation with Jewel prior to my date with Cabinet has put me in the best mood for going on dates but I can't cancel on Cabinet 2 hours before the date just because of that. Wish me luck.

A beautiful drink for beautiful people - TAB

On Friday night, Lebron and I went on our third date. Well, sorta. She texted me to say that her little brother was playing in a basketball game that evening and she really needed to go watch him play. So Steve-O and Milo and I bought some steaks and grilled them up. The plan was for Lebron and I to meet up later that night and go see a movie but it ended up being much later. Lebron came over and we watched a few episodes of The Office. We cuddled and she fell asleep. Since we both had early mornings, Lebron took off fairly early.

On Saturday, I flew out to meet up with TheCaptain and go to the football game. We met up with TheCaptain's girlfriend MrsTheCaptain on Sunday night. MrsTheCaptain is much cuter in person than she was in any of the pictures I had seen of her. Not sure if TheCaptain reads my blog anymore but way to go man. They are totally going to get married soon. I enjoyed hanging out with MrsTheCaptain, although at times she seemed a little bit aloof. And she definitely reminded me of Belle from a year and a half ago in both looks and the way she acted.

On Monday, I woke up at 4:45 to catch an early flight home. I rushed through security only to find that my flight had been canceled. Thus, I spent most of the day laying on the floor of the airport waiting for the new flight. Disastrous.

On Wednesday, I had my first date with TAB. The moment I picked her up, I knew it was going to be a good date. One, TAB is a touchy person. I hate being touched by people that I don't want touching me. But an attractive girl that I am interested in touching me? Yes please. We immediately hugged and TAB had to show me her room (I guess she had just cleaned it). We had dinner at my favorite Bosnian place and TAB handled herself quite well. She made jokes and asked interesting questions and laughed at all the right times. It was definitely a fun first date. Without much else to do, I took TAB back to my house to eat some dessert. Milo and Steve-O were there and they decided to give TAB a bit of a hard time. TAB seemed to handle it pretty well, laughing and acting like one of the guys. I am sure when their language became fouler, it bugged TAB a little but she handled it like a champ. When we got back to her house, TAB invited me in for a minute. I met her roommates and she showed me her gingerbread house that she had made. We sat on the couch and she whispered some secrets to me about her roommates. It was really fun. I left feeling that I really wanted to see TAB again soon.

Tonight I am going out with House. Tomorrow I am going out during the day with Lebron and then with Dee and Dum in the evening. Should be a busy weekend.

Adventures in Dating Wonderland

Last weekend, on Friday House and I went to a basketball game with BFF and the guy that BFF is currently dating. House is just so comfortable around everyone. It's amazing how I have never noticed how uncomfortable most of the girls that I date are. Or maybe it's just that House is particularly good with people. After the game, we stopped at Wendy's so I could get something to eat. Then we watched Christmas Vacation. Hands down the best Christmas movie ever made. We cuddled and kissed and it was a great evening. I have definitely started liking House more recently. Is it enough? Well, I just don't know yet.

On Saturday, RunsWithScissors and I went on a sort of double date with Dee and Dum. I drank a large coke before the date (Caffeine makes me act a little like I am on cocaine I think) and on the date, I was uber hyper. I had the hardest time sitting still. But it was fun. On Monday, Dee and Dum decorated a tree in front of my house and placed a sign saying "From Santa" on it. It was actually pretty good looking. Sort of like the Christmas tree from the Charlie Brown Christmas Special.

On Tuesday, I had a date planned with FarFarAway. I kinda decided recently to maybe try and go out with her a few more times to see if there is anything there. I called her the day of the date and received no response. Around 9 that night, she texted me to say she had called in sick to work and had been sleeping. She really wanted to reschedule but I was/am hesitant.

Simpson has started texting me again. She wants to hang out. I told her if she made me cookies, I would forgive her for just disappearing 5 months ago. Since I always felt lukewarm about Simpson, I will not be too disappointed if she drops back into another coma at any time. I think it is her flakiness that drives me the most crazy.

On Tuesday night I called TAB to ask her to this Christmas party. We played phone tag a bit and in the meantime, MrShit sent me an email wanting to know if I wanted to talk on the phone with her in Hong Kong one last time before she took off on a trip to Cambodia and Thailand. I told her a specific time to call me and a few minutes before, TAB called me. TAB and I absolutely click, at least on the phone. I really enjoyed talking to her. Problem was that MrShit was calling me from a foreign country and didn't have much time to talk before she was leaving the country. So I think TAB was a bit disappointed that I cut our conversation short. She couldn't go to the Christmas thing with me and I was a bit disappointed but MrShit already called once during my phone call and I couldn't very well explain to TAB that I was waiting on a phone call from a girl in Hong Kong. So I told TAB that I had to go do my laundry. Afterwards, I felt like such a dork for giving such a flimsy excuse. Then I talked on the phone with MrShit. It is always fun to talk with her.

On Wednesday, I had a date with Lebron. I was really excited for this date. Lebron is so smart and I just smile when I look at her. I think she is very cute (although she could probably use a breast reduction). I decided to take her some place a little nicer. I called and made reservations and we wandered through some stores while waiting. One of the problems with Lebron is that she seems so innocent and I worry that I am not quite myself around her. One of the stores we were in had all sorts of kooky stuff and I was trying to make jokes about buying some of them and she just kinda shrugged it off as if they were inappropriate. After dinner, we watched some episodes of The Office at my house. At one point, there was a sexual reference in the show and I made a comment about it and Lebron kinda laughed at me but wouldn't really respond to my comment. We didn't cuddle but there were a couple of times where I felt like we were really clicking. Because TAB couldn't go out with me on Friday, I asked Lebron if she would like to go do something with me. She said yes. At the end of the night, as I went in for the hug, I noticed a subtle way that Lebron approached the hug that suggested she might be open to me kissing her. I didn't but I felt like maybe I had the option.

TAB texted me before my date with Lebron and said she was making Thai food and that I should come over and try it. I told her that I already had plans but that I would really like to do something with her next week. I am not sure if she was disappointed or not. But it was a good sign.

On Thursday night, House was going to come watch my soccer game and then we were going to grab a bite to eat and sit in her hottub. She texted me midday to say that she had to cancel because of unexpected chaos from a friend visiting from Australia. I totally understood. It was probably good anyway, since I lost my temper at the soccer game. This Bosnian guy on the other team picked up the ball after it went out of bounds when he shouldn't and I yelled at him and he started really yelling back. I totally would have fought him right then and there. Milo came and intervened. We ended up losing the game and I left in a rush because I was so mad (on a side note, a guy kicked the ball pretty hard into my junk TWICE during the game - the second one laid me down on the floor).

Updates

Last week, I met Dee and Dum for dinner. They are such a strange couple. If I text one too much, the other one will get mad at me. At this point, I am pretty sure that Dee likes me more than Dum does. Dee randomly texted me on Sunday night and asked if I was attracted to Dum. I waffled a bit and then said yes and she said she figured that was the case and it was to settle an argument. It kinda felt like unnecessary drama to me.

On Sunday, I invited House over for dinner. I made pork chops (since I have my pig skittles in the freezer), rice a roni and brownies. I don't know if House liked any of the food but at least she pretended to. Then I played my guitar for her. I think House was impressed but she is so nice that she probably would have said it sounded great even if it sounded awful. We watched Groundhog Day with Milo and RunsWithScissors. Then we watched House's new commercial. Yeah, that's right, House filmed a commercial last week. Both Milo and RunsWithScissors couldn't stop complimenting House for how hot she looked in the commercial. After House left, Milo and RunsWithScissors and Steve-O all told me that I need to marry House. I can just add them to the list.

Tonight I am meeting Lebron for dinner. Lebron is a girl I met online. This is our first date. It should just be a short dinner to minimize the awkwardness. I wonder if I should get my haircut before I go...

Style Points

I haven't made any huge life decisions about cars or dogs yet. I have been thinking about cars a lot lately today and odds are I am going to keep the same car that I have. When I bought it, I thought that girls were going to go crazy over it (or at the very least, give me style points for it) but I was wrong. It's really just a way to get from point A to point B.

As for the dog, Milo kept reminding me of how large the feces would be for a large dog. He thinks I should get a much smaller dog. Then again, he doesn't think I should get a dog at all. I work a lot and I mostly worry about a dog having social issues because no one is around the house. Even with the four of us living there, the house is unoccupied more than 50% of the time. I certainly don't want to become like my grandparents (they each base their entire schedule around their dumb dogs - it's an excuse to leave early for everything "Gotta go take care of the dog." I wanna just scream "It's only a stupid dog, it's not as important as this event." But I don't.).

Last week at church, I met two new girls Tweedledee (Dee) and Tweedledum (Dum). They are these two besties forever crazy girls. We went bowling on Friday night. I made a bet with Dee that the loser of bowling had to run naked around the outside of my house later that night. She lost. We decided to blow up pumpkins at my house using dry ice bombs. So I ran by the store and bought some dry ice. It was a disaster. 1 in the morning in my residential neighborhood and we are outside trying to blow up pumpkins. Only on the third attempt did we have any success (a loud boom much like the shot from a gun - the pumpkin still didn't blow up). We ran back inside and I started realizing how dumb the whole thing was. If the cops showed up, I would be the one to take the blame because a) I own the home, b) I won't lie to the cops and c) I instigated the whole thing. KJo and my new friend Rogen were there too. They saw my vulnerability and started pretending like the cops were outside snooping around. I was so nervous. Of course it was all just a joke (thankfully) but I had nightmares that night about it.

The next day, Milo and Dee and Dum and I went to the soccer game. It was kind of a date but it was obvious early on that Milo did not approve of Dee or Dum. A direct quote from Milo "These girls aren't cute enough for you." He acted sick and I ended up with the two girls watching a movie. They both seem interested in me, but in a weird kind of way. It's just asking for trouble to hang out with these two girls. For instance, on Monday I texted Dum a few times and then she told Dee that I had been texting her (and not Dum) all day and so Dum was pissed at me. Instant drama, just add water. I had a bit of interest in Dum up until that point. Now I have zero interest in dating either of them.

The online dating thing has produced a few prospects. There was one girl that I had even set up a date with. She had one picture that was very cute. Then she posted about 5 more pictures and she wasn't as cute in any of them. Now I kind of feel a bit committed. I have to keep reminding myself that dating is not charity. Nobody is entitled to a chance. Still, I feel really bad canceling on her now. Overall, online dating has been less effective.

I still talk to MrShit regularly. She is coming back to the USA in January. I still talk to House all the time too. We went on a date last week. There just isn't much to report there.

Girls that are into flashy cars and big dogs

I haven't written much lately. But then, I haven't dated much lately. Last week, House and I went to see The Social Network. It was fascinating. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. As I walked House back up to her doorstep after, she said "Kiss me goodnight Tripp." So I did. And guess what? Still nothing. I have been debating telling her that it just isn't working and cutting things off. I enjoy spending time with her so much though. Some of my friends and coworkers are convinced that she is right for me and that I should just ignore my feelings. But for how long? I am a normal warm blooded male. I just dont see House in that way.

The online dating thing hasnt produced any substance yet. Milo looked through the profiles of the girls I was chatting with and he didn't think any of them were attractive. The problem is that I am just not meeting any girls that have the potential to date. The girls at the singles ward are all too young for me to date (well, in reality, I am too old for them to date). There aren't lots of places for a single LDS guy to meet single LDS girls. Especially out of college. So I have been considering a dog.

Yeah, that's right. I am thinking about getting a dog. Something that will attract girls. I mean, I tried buying a flashy car and it didn't really work. Milo has been suggesting I trade my car in for a Lotus or a Nissan GTR. He thinks that the problem is that my car (an Infiniti) and me both look just like everyone else. I already know what you are thinking: "But Tripp, won't a flashy car or a big dog only attract girls that are into flashy cars or big dogs?" The answer is yes. Those girls are better than no girls, right? So which should it be, a flashy new car (that just happens to be capable of going 193 mph) or a big dog (I am leaning towards a Great Dane)?

A month off from blogging

Well, I took a month off. In the past month, I have gone on zero dates (other than dates with House). I spent a week of vacation with my family. I talked to MrShit on the phone in Hong Kong. And guess what? Life just kept going.

I decided to take a break from blogging after my mom read my blog about my trip to New Orleans and she was less than pleased with my behavior. I guess making out with a drunk girl is not something you should tell your parents about. Ever. Or at least if you are a single mormon male.

Milo has moved into my house. I am excited about it cause I think I need to get back into dating. Milo thinks we should join an online dating site (separately). I have been trying to evaluate my dating habits and I have come to a shocking conclusion. Maybe you will disagree but I wonder if all my dates just find me horribly boring. If you have met me, you probably don't think I am particularly boring. But, when I am on a date with a girl, especially a girl that I am interested in, I think I may be reverting to my old boring ways (i.e., the boring person that I was in high school). For instance, telling a girl that I am a patent attorney makes me think that I come across as responsible and hard working. But in reality, I think I come across as stuffy and boring. Milo's solution to this problem: change the game. He thinks that if I go on dates with a more playful attitude, it will help the girls see that I am a fun guy. So, his suggestion is for me to downplay all of my accomplishments. Instead of saying I am an attorney, he thinks I should say I am a garbage truck driver or something to that effect. Then, if the girl likes me, she will be pleasently surprised to find out that I don't actually collect garbage for a living. I am a bit worried that she might find out and think I am a liar but it seems like it's worth a try. After all, I am never going to lie to build myself up, only down. So any lies that I am caught in are like a pleasant surprise. That way, maybe I can come across as interesting and fun to girls. Think this is a bad idea?

We live and die by the same principles or A night in New Orleans

So last Thursday was my long planned bachelor party trip to New Orleans. As the token Mormon, the trip promised to have some awkward moments. We hopped on the plane and I found my seat next to MrShit, a pretty blonde. (I apologize for the nickname, but during the flight, she told me that it was her nickname and explained why and it was just too hard to avoid). Milo was across the aisle from me and Thunder was up in first class. Thunder and I have been friends since undergraduate. He has a bit of a temper.

So, I really had lots of time to talk to MrShit. And talk we did. MrShit was just fun and bubbly and interesting. I was kinda sad to have the plane land. I felt really awkward asking her for her phone number cause we had merely sat next to each other for our flight. We live in different states and lead very different lives. So I said bye to her and set off for the weekend.

Drama ensued. At one point in a taxi, I seriously thought we were all going to be arrested. If I thought it was uncomfortable spending the night in our suite with the AC turned all the way up, imagine how uncomfortable a jail cell might be with the humidity and the temperature. This was Friday night. After a number of harsh words were exchanged between all of us (there were six guys), my friends went into a pizza parlor. I stood out on the street to people watch. Suddenly I heard my name spoken excitedly. It was MrShit! She was really excited to see me and I was super excited to see her. After all, my friends were darn near ready to kill each other and any distraction from that was welcome. Her friends and my friends immediately merged into a large group, saving us all from killing each other.

When MrShit found out I didn't drink, I think it weirded her out a little. It hadn't come up on the airplane. But we still quickly found ourselves really connecting. I gave her a shoulder rub. Milo was trying to hook it up with her friend Shontelle (not her real name but funny nonetheless). As the night progressed, MrShit and I became more and more friendly with each other. We danced. We kissed. We held hands. To be honest, I really liked hanging out with MrShit. I just felt an emotional connection with her. Eventually, MrShit and I and Milo and Shontelle ended up back at our suites. Milo had signalled to me that he intended to copulate with Shontelle. I made out with MrShit a bit in another room. Then she fell asleep and the heat got to me. I really liked spending time with MrShit but it was nearing 6:30 in the morning and I hadn't slept. I was exhausted. Figuring that Milo had been alotted plenty of time, I left MrShit sleeping and headed to the room I shared with him to figure out the situation. Apparently Milo and Shontelle were in the middle of their act when I entered the room. Milo tried to get rid of me and in the process, said something that offended Shontelle. She got up to leave and he begged her to come back saying "Shontelle, come back here." Well, Shontelle was not her real name and she was most displeased at being called by a different name. We woke up MrShit and they left on their merry way while Milo lamented to me about how awful he felt. I felt a little bit bad too but sleep was so necessary.

The rest of the trip occurred with very little incident. Upon returning home, all I could think about was MrShit. I found her on facebook and wrote her a message. She wrote back. She said how much fun she had with me and how great it was to meet me. It made me feel really good. I actually read through that message about 6 different times yesterday. I haven't felt this kind of emotional connection to someone in a long time. Of course, it just happened to be about the worst timing in the world. MrShit is moving to Hong Kong in less than two weeks for a study abroad. And she lives in a different state than me. And she drinks a fair amount. But spending time with her was so great. As I explained to Milo, it wasn't like all the pressure filled dates with Mormon girls. MrShit was excited to be with me then. She wasn't thinking 3 months or 3 years or 30 years or 300 years into the future. She was thinking about the now. I think that a lot of the girls I go on dates with are emotionally closed off. Sure they are friendly and have fun but they are guarded. They have walls put up and I hate them. MrShit had no such walls.

Now that it is over, and I will probably never see MrShit again, I can't stop thinking about her. I want to see her again. I want to talk to her more. I have a feeling she is going to push me away. Say something to the effect of "I am moving to Hong Kong and I don't want to get too attached to something here in the states right before I leave." I guess in the end, you live and die by the same principles. My connection with MrShit was born because of her short-sightedness and will probably die because of the same short-sightedness. But for a few brief hours, I was on top of the world.

When worlds collide

On Friday night, I took Pot to a baseball game on a double date with Milo. Pot is just so chill. I think that is probably one of her best qualities. As we were walking together, I honestly thought about holding Pot's hand. But I am not sure if I am ready for that. So I didn't. After the ball game, we went and saw the movie Salt. Absolute rubbish. The people involved in this movie shouldn't be allowed to make movies anymore. It was just crap. I think Milo and Pot enjoyed most of it. Seriously though, 10 minutes into the movie, I called the ending. I even told Pot so that she could verify how predictable it was. When I dropped Pot off, she kinda seemed to linger. I wonder if maybe she was expecting me to kiss her. Milo was in the car with his date so I certainly wasn't going to kiss her in front of them.

On Saturday, House and I went to the demolition derby. It was great fun. I wonder if House felt a little overwhelmed at times cause at the derby, I am probably more hyper than normal. She seemed to take it all in. I know she had a lot of fun.

At both the baseball game and the demolition derby, there were lots of scantily clad tattooed girls (sorry Punk, but you know I love you). This is the reason that I think maybe I wrote previously about mistresses. On an intellectual level, I can have these great conversations with House and Pot and have lots of fun. But on a sexual level, the scantily clad girls with tattoos have always held some appeal for me. They just appear so much more sexual than the conservative girls. I just wonder if maybe some guys are trying to "have their cake and eat it too" by taking on a mistress. I guess the reason I don't go out with more girls like that (the wilder girls) is cause I don't think I would have much to offer them. I suppose there are some wilder girls that don't drink but most of them probably do. And they probably have sex. I just kinda feel torn between two different worlds with neither one really fitting me.

Clingy

Work has been particularly busy this week and so dating has taken a hit. On Wednesday, I sent a text to Simpson suggesting we go to a soccer game together. She responded that she already had plans for that evening. I know it's weird but it really bugged me. Maybe it's cause she didn't say something like "Let's reschedule." I think it is has been about 4 weeks since I last saw Simpson so I guess that whole thing is just kinda dying out. The same thing happened with her a year ago. It wasn't that I didn't like her, she just kinda became less and less available and I got tired of dealing with it.

That night, FarFarAway called and wanted to go to dinner. It's hard to explain why I don't feel a ton of interest in FarFarAway. She is definitely cuter than most of the girls I date. And she has told me on more than one occasion that her and I ought to be married. On Wednesday, she came over and I was weeding around my house. She knew tons about the plants around the house and told me that if we got married, she would take care of all the weeding around the house. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I actually really enjoy weeding. After dinner, FarFarAway took off. She was heading out of town the next day. I will admit that I wouldn't mind making out with FarFarAway. She looked awful pretty in her summer dress. But it's pretty obvious to me that I am not driven to date her.

Last night, I hung out with Milo for a bit at his new business. His little sister LittleMilo was there. I met her once a year or two ago but didn't get a good look at her. She is gorgeous. Bosnian girls have a tendency to be much prettier than American girls. Of course, it's one of my best friend's little sisters and she is muslim (but not practicing) so it is probably out of reach.

Gamer got back into town last night. I think she was bothered with me that I didn't want to meet up and hang out at 11 last night when her flight landed. I gotta be honest, lately Gamer has become very clingy. Here's the situation (and I am able to explain it well because I have been on the other side of it). You like someone and they show some interest. But they are very casual. Things progress a little but that person stays casual. In fact, they might even start pulling away. So how do you naturally respond when you think you are losing something? You fight for it. And the other person gets really turned off by this.

I am not ready to start spending every night with Gamer and talking all the time on the phone. I don't want her to know the intimate details of my life and I don't want to know the intimate details of hers. But as I kinda pull away a little, she sees it as requiring her to pull me back. Which just doesn't really work. Gamer texted me today and really wanted to hang out tonight. I probably have to work tomorrow and I wanted to get my work done early enough to maybe go watch the USA play England in the World Cup Soccer with Milo (and maybe LittleMilo will be there, ha ha ha) so I told Gamer I couldn't be out late tonight. I said something to the effect of "Ok, if we go see a movie, you have to promise to go home right after so I can go to bed. Deal?" Immediately after I sent the text, I got a bad feeling (an omen). A few minutes later, Gamer texted back with "Are you being serious?" I think I pissed her off. Now I don't even really want to hang out with her at all. See girls, clingy just doesn't work.

I know you're out there somewhere

BFD had a friend that needed a date on Friday so I brought along Milo. Having her friend and my friend there only seemed to amplify the awkward that is BFD. Milo was explaining some things about his ethnic origin and I could just see BFD's eyes glaze over. I don't know if it was too intellectually challenging for her or if she really just didn't care about some central European country and the politics there. I was annoyed that she wouldn't give my friend more respect.

After dinner, we went and saw that new Gerard Butler/Jennifer Aniston movie "The Bounty Hunter." Do not go see this movie. Ok, the movie wasn't bad. It just wasn't at all good. I think BFD liked it. The concept of the movie is just dumb. And somehow they expect us to believe that these people ever were in love or ever could be in love again.

I didn't hold hands with BFD or kiss her. In fact, she put on lip gloss while I was still finishing my dinner AND on the drive back to her house. It's not just that BFD doesn't have some of the things that I think are really important, she hardly has any of the things that I think are important.

On Saturday, I went on a date with Pulse. We were cuddling at her apartment near the end of the date. I came to the full blown realization then that I really have almost no feelings for Pulse. I care for her as a friend but the romantic interest simply is not there. I felt so dishonest for taking her on dates and stuff when I just wasn't interested.

So now I find myself at a crossroads. Should I keep going out with either Pulse or BFD to see if feelings develop? Or should I stop asking either of them out and wait for the next wave of girls that may or may not come?

Fan Clubs

Milo has been talking a bunch lately about how a lot of girls have a fan club. Basically, any girl that I want to date is going to have a bunch of guys that are part of her fan club. Guys that either know her or have seen her (via the many social networking sites now available) and would like to date her are part of the fan club. It is like finding something you want to buy on ebay. It almost feels inevitable that some douchebag out there is gonna wait until 2 minutes before the auction to outbid you. Sometimes when I am bidding on something really obscure (like an original copy of the Nintendo game Bubble Bobble), I am so surprised to find someone out there willing to pay more than me for it. To defeat them, I usually have to place a fairly high initial bid. However, placing a high initial bid on a girl (i.e., taking her to a nicer restaurant on a first date) doesn't work. It just scares the girl off. Unless I am bidding on a Russian bride; but I really don't want to marry some girl just looking to come to America. Maybe I should offer the same amount of money that a Russian mail order bride costs to a girl here. Sample ad:

Twenty something attorney seeks good looking, fun LDS girl. Requirements include love, cooking on occasion (willing to hire a cook if necessary), laundry on occasion (cleaning service is provided; however maid doesnot do laundry or dishes), reasonable sexual appetite, and great sense of humor. Must be affectionate, healthy and attractive. No control freaks. Willing to pay $10,000 (negotiable) plus relocation fees. Must be ready to commit for eternity. A diamond engagement ring valued at over $10,000 will also be provided upon completion of pre-marriage screening. Only serious applicants need apply.

Updates

Hung out with BFF on Saturday. She thinks this blog has a negative undertone. My buddy Milosevic (hereinafter "Milo") came along. He thinks this blog is hilarious but that I need to stop writing in it. He is worried a girl will find it (wait, hasn't that already happened several times?) and take it the wrong way. Milo is convinced that my new dating strategy is to avoid the Four P's of dating (Planned, Paired off, Payed for, Put out) suggested by Mormon church leaders (of which Milo is not a member) and instead only hang out with girls. Are girls really that uncomfortable on dates? Do girls feel they have to make up their mind by the end of the night whether they want to have a relationship with me? Who knows.

Ariel (yeah, that Ariel) and I texted the other day. She is going on the same cruise as me next week. Belle is engaged. I saw her at church a week ago with a ring on. Good for her. I hung out with FarFarAway last night. I think she really likes me. I think she is cool but I do not want to date her, nor do I want to make out with her. My friends don't understand (probably cause they are mostly douchebags) but I am not into making out with a girl I am not into. Does this make me the anti-douche?

It's all how you spin it

On Friday night, I worked late. I got home ready to call it a night, maybe play some video games. Then littlebrother said that he and a few friends wanted to go clubbing and I should join them. I agreed and we headed downtown. On the way, we tried to decide where to go. I suggested one bar but then on the radio came that song "Meet me at the hotel." Someone said that it was clearly a sign that we should go to the Hotel, a club downtown. Littlebrother changed the station and miraculously, the same song was playing on that radio station. We drove past the Hotel, it looked empty and lame. It was as if fate was toying with us. Telling us to go to the Hotel and then changing its mind. So we drove over to place I suggested.

I don't have a lot of bar experience but I had more than the three guys with me combined. A few mormon boys standing inside a bar not drinking is certainly a strange thing. We didn't really know what to do with ourselves. The bar isn't really a dance club, it's more of a socializing type bar. So, basically everyone is drinking except for us. I am sure we stood out like a sore thumb. And none of us wanted to approach a girl and start taking, partially I am sure because it would certainly become noticeable that we weren't drinking and then the question of what we were doing at a bar on a Friday night if we weren't drinking would come up. So we walked around awkwardly. We sat at a table and Wyatt joined us. Wyatt is a 40 year old construction worker, divorced, and out on the prowl. For some reason, he decided to sit at our table and discuss his drink called the Raspberry F#$# me up. It provided some entertainment but the night was wearing on us all. We didn't belong.

Wyatt and I were trying to talk to a couple of girls at a table when I got a phone call from a Bosnian friend of mine Milo. Turns out, he was at The bar with another Bosnian and he needed to talk to me immediately. He explained to me that he had just broken up with his girlfriend and he was all sorts of upset. Drunk as a skunk. We talked for a bit and then he said his friend had some people coming to meet them at the bar. What happened next was kind of surreal.

These girls came up and started talking to Milo and his friend. They were the girls that Mio's friend knew. I felt awkward and pushed out so I was talking to another friend. But, I was very attracted to one of the girls, the one in the purple dress. So, I did the best I could. She was talking to Milo's friend, I walked up and joined the conversation. Looking back, it's painful how awkward it was. I was a bit hyper and I am a fast talker anyway, so I ended up asking the girl in the purple dress a number of questions, most of which she didn't answer. I could tell that Milo's friend was looking at me like I was an idiot and I was crashing and burning fast. The girl in the purple dress, Jasmine, was very pretty and very sassy. When it seemed as if I had crashed and burned enough that it was even painful for her and Milo's friend, I started to retreat. Miraculously, Jasmine followed me. She started asking me a bunch of questions about how she should prepare for her civil trial coming up next month. We ended up sitting and talking for well over an hour. In my mind, things were going great. We had an intelligent conversation, I made her laugh. I felt a connection.

For her part, Jasmine played the part of being interested. I found out later that her and I were merely having a conversation. That she had no idea I was interested in her because as both her and Milo's friend put it, "I don't think he has any game." When I found that out, it was upsetting. Not because I think I have game, but because I felt so transparent. It also just made me feel like an outsider. Nevertheless, our conversation continued. Then Milo told me that he and his friend and Jasmine's friend were going to Milo's friend's place for drinks and we should come. I was feeling pretty good so of course I said yes.

We drove Jasmine's BMW over to Milp's friend's place. I learned quite a bit about Jasmine at this point. First, I learned that Jasmine had been previously married, for 5 months 5 years ago. To an architect. He had been her high school boyfriend. Second, I learned that Jasmine had met Milo's friend, also an architect, when Milo's friend and Jasmine's husband had been in architecture school together. Still, I pressed on. Jasmine and I sat on the couch next to each other and I think I rubbed her back.

I found out later that it was at this moment that Jasmine suspected I had some interest in her beyond normal conversation. This part actually boosts my confidence because she said it was refreshing the way I approached it more as an individual conversation rather than a generic set of prepackaged compliments typically given out by guys to girls at a bar. So, even though I have no game, it somehow worked for me.

So, while Milo, his friend and Jasmine's friend got drunk, Jasmine and I talked on the couch and I thought we bonded. We cuddled a little. Milo left and her friend and Milo's friend went into the other room to make out or have sex or something. Jasmine and I sat on the couch. She fell asleep in my lap. It was rather tender. I was starting to really like her. Besides finding her very attractive, I saw something in her personality. I loved making her laugh and I enjoyed the way she laughed. It wasn't easy to make her laugh though. It took quite a bit of work. And she harassed me throughout the whole thing. I really enjoy being with someone who can give me crap. Of course, a couple times, it was borderline mean. But most of the time, I thought it was fun. Around 5:30, Jasmine woke up (because I moved because I was so tired and I couldn't sleep). She then decided to show a little interest in me, which was great. She crawled behind me to give me a back rub. I just felt really close to her at that point. It was kind of intimate. So I turned around and kissed her on the lips. It was a good kiss. Long and drawn out. I then kissed her on the forehead. I was trying to show her that I liked her, not that I was just some stupid boy looking for action. She laughed and said "aww, tender." Two possible interpretations. 1) She gets slightly uncomfortable in situations like that and uses humor to get through it. 2) She was making fun of me for being sweet early on like that. I may never know which it was.

We got up and left so she could drive me to her car. The gate was locked. So, in her dress, I helped Jasmine climb on top of the gate. She got stuck and I had to jump over to the other side and catch her. It made me feel like such a man. It felt really good. I got her number and went up, getting there at about quarter after 6 in the morning.

I called Jasmine last night and we talked for 4 hours on the phone. Yeah, long time. She is in South Carolina for work until Wednesday. Some of the conversation went really well, other parts were very disheartening. First off, I doubt that Jasmine is LDS. This intrigues me because I am getting quite tired of dating the same LDS girls over and over with the same results. However, it certainly makes things more complicated if our relationship continues. Second, there were times where I felt like I really wasn't what Jasmine needed. I think it is because I am so used to the normal LDS girl and her expectations of what a man should do/be. Because Jasmine has completely different expectations, it's harder to really measure myself against it.

I asked her out on a date. For this Saturday. I am kind of nervous. I like her. I have been burned so many times by so many girls; I wonder why I keep playing with fire.