What's been happening lately

So Jewel finally called me early one morning and said she didn't feel strongly enough about me to keep seeing me. I was bummed but the anxiety finally stopped. She said "I am probably gonna regret this." And I said "if you do, give me a call." And that was it. I went on a second date with Cabinet. It was fun but I can tell that Cabinet has huge walls built up. It's almost impossible to schedule a date with her. When I suggested a third date, she told me she had a night available in like two weeks. How am I ever going to build a relationship with someone if I only see them once every two weeks?

I went on a couple of dates with littleKJo. She is dating another guy though. And KJo knows of this blog, so I have to be careful what I write about littleKJo, since KJo is sure to tell her all about it.

I have been talking with Pulse a lot lately. On the 24th, I decided to text her and see how everything was going. She suggested we meet for dinner. We met up around 9 and ended up talking/hanging out until 2 in the morning. It was a lot of fun. I just didn't want to leave. I found myself so emotionally attracted to the stability that Pulse represents. Not that Pulse isn't lots of fun, she just isn't crazy like Jewel. Since then, Pulse and I have talked quite a bit. I told her all about Jewel and she told me all about the guys that are currently in her life. Basically, the timing is not right for dating Pulse.

Last Tuesday, I got a text from Jewel asking how my whiplash was (I was involved in about 6 major automobile accidents and about 8 minor automobile accidents over the previous weekend). I didn't respond. The next day, I received another text from her saying "I would like to spend time with you and get to know you better, is that something you would be interested in?" I was not too happy about receiving this text. The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that Jewel had just gotten bored and liked having someone that liked her. So I followed my knee jerk reaction. I went to my computer and I wrote her an email. It was probably a little bit harsh. I told her how she had mistreated me. I told her I deserved better treatment.

Two days later, I got a text from Jewel saying "Just FYI, that was me admitting I made a mistake." I was seriously confused. I responded "and that was me telling you I still like you." A few hours later, I got another text from Jewel saying that she had just received my email and to have a great summer. I was so confused. Then I received an email from Jewel. She did not like what I had written in my email and felt attacked. She said that she obviously wasn't good enough for me and that she was sorry and that she hoped I had a good life. I responded with another email telling her that I still really liked her and that the email had been a little too harsh. I told her that I was willing to swallow my pride and admit that I had made some mistakes. Was she willing to swallow her pride and admit that she had made some mistakes too? On Saturday morning, I received a text from Jewel saying thanks for the second email and that she had some serious thinking to do. To be honest, it bummed me out quite a bit. What thinking did she have to do? Hadn't she already spent plenty of time thinking?

Today, Jewel called me. We talked for about 30 minutes. As usual, Jewel spoke semi-cryptically. She said that she had admitted she made a mistake and wanted to go out with me one more time to see if we clicked. But then she had received the emails from me. The harsh words that I said made her realize that it was selfish of her to go out with me again and torture me so. I told her that this was not irreparable. And that was it. I said bye and she was gone again. At this point, I seriously doubt that I will ever see Jewel again. I suppose it is for the best.

Last week littlebrother brought a girl over to my house named ZZ. I thought ZZ was pretty cute and littlebrother was all about me asking her out (after he made out with her in my house - which is just awkward). I am toying with the idea of asking her out.

It's the reason why I'm here

I ended up having a lot of fun on my date with Cabinet. Cabinet is one of those really cool girls that every guy gets along with instantly. But from talking to mutual friends, she is the kind of girl that is really good at keeping guys at arms length. In other words, there may be walls she has built that I can't possibly tear down unless she lets them down. So we will see.

I picked up Cabinet and decided that I wanted to eat some place decent. So I took her to the Melting Pot. She had never been. Cabinet is so good at carrying conversation. I think I was a bit surprised at how able she was to hold a conversation through the entire dinner. I guess I don't actually anticipate that a girl will be able to do that. After dinner, since it was too late to do an activity but too early to take her home, I took Cabinet over to my house. Milo and Steve-O were there and they were definitely impressed with Cabinet. We just talked about politics and it was super chill. Of course, one of my main concerns about dating is that I let things become too chill way too soon. I guess I have more baggage now than I did a few months ago with the Jewel debacle. Now I am going to enter every potential relationship with a fear that things will be too relaxed early on and that I will be unable to jump start them when I decide I want to move to the next level.

Cabinet and I have texted a few times since the date. I would be very interested in going out with her again. I can't really say if she has any interest.

I can't move the mountains for you

I literally got off the phone with Jewel 2 minutes ago. Our conversation was nice, a bit awkward. Jewel told me how great her weekend in California was. And that it had almost pushed her over the edge to quit her job and move back there. She said she is going to spend the next couple of weeks thinking before she makes her final decision.

I was definitely disappointed. I have tried so hard to pretend over the last two weeks that I was over Jewel and that I was ready to move on. I actually encouraged Jewel to follow her heart and do what she needed to do. Partially because I think that really is what she should do and partially because saying anything else would solve nothing. I sent her roommate and best friend here a quick message on Facebook about it. I know I probably shouldn't have but what exactly do I have to lose?

I told Jewel again on the phone that I liked her and that I still wanted to date her. Then, I asked her if she wanted to spend any time with me or if it would cloud her judgment. Jewel said she would give me a call in a week to answer that question. Of course there are going to be moments where I think that I should have said something else or done things differently. But in the end, I told Jewel how I felt. And if she leaves then I guess that is what is supposed to happen.

On Friday, I had a date with Bolivia. I met Bolivia through an ex-girlfriend of Milo's a week ago. We met up with Sugarloaf and Tweak and their dates and headed to a rodeo. Bolivia is in her mid 30s and looks very good. But, there just wasn't a huge connection. I doubt I will take her out again.

Tonight I have a first date with Cabinet. About two weeks ago, I saw her online on Facebook. So I struck up a conversation with her and asked her out. I guess I kinda felt impressed to ask her out. She seems like a pretty cool girl and there have been times where I saw her and thought she was very good looking. I can't say that having this phone conversation with Jewel prior to my date with Cabinet has put me in the best mood for going on dates but I can't cancel on Cabinet 2 hours before the date just because of that. Wish me luck.

An apple you just barely can't reach

I have been out with Jewel a number of times since my last post, but I haven't felt as interested in writing about our dates. I always have fun with Jewel. She makes me laugh and every activity seems like a lot of fun. But, I started becoming more unsure about Jewel a week or so ago. Jewel is definitely a cute girl. But I found myself feeling less than committed to her. I thought maybe it was because I am not attracted enough to her. Last week, Jewel gave me the cold shoulder for most of the week. I actually started getting nervous, thinking that maybe she had decided to be done with me. When I did set up a date with her, I suggested Saturday but Jewel shrugged it off and said that Saturday wouldn't work. I could tell that she had another date set up for Saturday. We met on Wednesday instead and got Indian food.

I think Jewel pulling back a little (whether intentional or not) kinda pushed me into opening up my feelings for her a little more. I found myself wanting to spend more time with her. After dinner, we drove around in my car. Jewel wanted to drive and so we had a lot of fun listening to country music while crusing the streets. (side note: are we always going to listen to only country music? I like country music but I think it's fair that she commit to listening to what I want to listen when we are in my car) We ended up planning a date for Friday night and talking about Jewel's date on Saturday. Luckily, she wasn't too excited about it.

On Friday, Jewel and I hit up a baseball game. I love going to baseball games and surprisingly, Jewel really enjoys it as well. Of course, the local team isn't as good as her hometown team but I still had a blast. We ate dinner at a nice restaurant and then watched a few episodes of Jersey Shore back at my place (side note: Jewel and I both really enjoy Jersey Shore, her because I think she has a bit of a secret crush on Pauly D, me because watching their train wreck lives makes me feel a little better about my own life). We ended up making out and it was by far the best makeout that Jewel and I have shared. After Jewel left, I definitely felt myself starting to like her more.

On Saturday, I met up with my friend DrJ for some frisbee. We were playing with a bunch of people when two girls showed up. One was a girl I used to be interested in named Cabinet and the other was a girl I have never met named Dream. Dream actually added me as a friend on Facebook several months ago, but since I had never met her, I hadn't (and still haven't) accepted her request. I didn't really get a chance to talk to Dream but let me tell you this, she was gorgeous. And a little bundle of energy. Several of my friends have tried to date Dream and she has given them the cold shoulder. Still, you could tell by the way people acted around her that everyone adored her. Dream is the kind of girl that every guy has a crush on. Probably because she looks you in the eye and smiles. She is that girl that you just think for a second maybe you might have a chance with. Dream totally reminds me of girls from my distant past such as Cassie and Mindy. Maybe it's just the way they smile in a mischievous way that gets me. Maybe it's the feeling that you are just barely out of their league that causes guys to go crazy. I have plenty of mean girls that are not as pretty as Dream that I know are out of my league. But my guess is that every guy sees Dream as being just out of reach. Like an apple on a tree that they just barely can't reach, holding on to a branch and leaning out. Dream is of the mold that causes a lot of guys to end up with a broken leg.