A Spoonful of Sugar

On Friday night, I had a date with Popcorn. I first met Popcorn six years ago when she was dating my roommate HandsomeRob. Back then, she was a 19 year old hair dresser that I didn't consider to be very smart. But we maintained our friendship over the years. Initially I texted her to see if she would go to the football game with me and the parentals on Saturday but Popcorn was working that night. She said she was free on Friday though, so I took it.

I was thinking about what to do on my date with Popcorn and I decided that I really wanted to go see this musical. So I told Popcorn to dress up. We ended up having a really fun time. Popcorn is fairly easy to talk to and looked great in her dress. I went home from the date feeling pretty hopeful about things (which hasn't happened in a long time).

On Saturday, I ended up being set up on a blind date with this girl Scooby by GetErDone. I don't really like to take dates with the parentals, especially blind dates but they had invited me to the football game and seemed intent that I take a date. Scooby ended up being really cool. She handled the conversation with my parents well. And didn't mind that I was a bit hyperactive at the football game either. But, Scooby is a couple years older than me. Honestly, I have a hard time with that. And while Scooby was definitely more attractive in person than in her pictures, I didn't feel that attracted to her during the date. Right now, I am kind of on the fence about taking her out again. Suggestions?

On Sunday, I had dinner with a family in my ward. They have this really cute daughter Foxtrot that is engaged. Her best friend Fanta was also there along with her boyfriend. Both girls are super cute. After dinner, we were outside playing a game. It was my turn to move and as I jumped, I uncontrollably farted. Everybody heard it and laughed. I was super embarrassed. I pretended to not care but am pretty sure I will forever be that guy that farted during the game. Still, being there made me feel like there are cute girls out there that aren't total snobs. I just don't know how to meet them.

Skydiving and the fair with Pulse

I talked Pulse into going skydiving with me on my birthday. I knew that the only way I would dare do it is if it was on my birthday and if I had someone there with me to hold me accountable. I was so scared. Surprisingly, Pulse wasn't really all that scared. We both ended up having a lot of fun. So I decided to ask her if she would go to the state fair with me the following weekend. In case you don't know, I love the state fair. It's a combination of the food, the smells, the people, the rides, the carnies, and the animals. And I knew that I would have fun with Pulse.

The fair started out well enough. We got some fried cheese on a stick and saw a bunch of the animals. Then, we went to the sheep. While Pulse and I were looking at the size of the scrotum of a prize sheep (the size of a cantaloupe!), in walked this guy that Pulse has kind of been dating lately. Although my feelings towards Pulse are definitely mixed right now, I was not too happy to see/meet this guy. In fact, it put me in a pretty bad mood. Pulse and I have had many talks about the difference in guys. She uses a scale between "dude" and "emo." I use a similar scale between "douche bag" and "wiener." This guy is basically pretty far over on the "wiener" scale. Although Pulse says that I am a dude, I consider myself to be somewhere in the middle (although closer to the "douche bag" side than the "wiener" side, but not by much). However, when this wiener started talking to us, I reverted to "douche bag" mode. I couldn't help it. I felt threatened and I didn't want him there. It's hard to explain how I reverted to "douche bag" mode but I definitely felt it. It actually carried over for another 45 minutes after we left the wiener. I was kinda mad at Pulse that we had run into him and that she had introduced us and acted like it was no big deal. To Pulse's credit, she worked hard to get me out of "douche bag" mode. She suggested we ride some of the rides. I was less than enthusiastic and just wanted to leave the fair and head home. Pulse talked me into it though, and as soon as we were on one of the rides, I came out of "douche bag" mode and started having fun again. The rides were fantastic. I love fair rides. Expensive and dangerous with creeps running them, fair rides are a true white trash paradise. We screamed and laughed and basically just loved riding the rides. Although I was super frustrated with Pulse and am feeling as if I will probably just walk away rather than try and date her, I was glad that we had the night together at the fair.

It's Fair Season

On Thursday, I had lunch with my grandma and littlebrother. Littlebrother had to take off early and as my grandma and I were leaving the restaurant, someone yelled my name. I turned to see Jewel walking towards us. I gave my grandma a hug and sent her on her way and walked over to chat with Jewel. It was pretty short, I made a couple of jokes, tried to make myself appear aloof and then said I had to get back to work. I could see in Jewel's eyes that she was hoping for more. And I was right. Two minutes later, I got a phone call from Jewel asking me if I would like to meet her for lunch on Friday. I politely declined, citing lunch plans with my parents. I could definitely hear bits of regret in Jewel's voice but she admitted nothing.

On Friday night, GetErDone called me up and said he wanted to set me up with this girl Figure for Saturday. I tentatively agreed and then a few minutes later, Figure called me using GetErDone's phone. She asked if I had something to ask her. It was a little weird but I liked her being forward about it. So I asked her out for Saturday. When I picked her up, the first thing Figure told me was about her strange diet. Figure is training to be in a figure competition (sort of like a female bodybuilding competition sans the huge muscles). As is typical, I had tons of questions to ask her about it. Why did she do it? What did it entail? What could she win? Did she have a six pack? (yes she did)

The problem is, it got our date started on completely the wrong foot. I don't know if Figure normally would have asked lots of questions but I think my questions sent her into pageant mode. Pageant mode is when a girl only answers the questions that you ask rather than attempts to have a conversation with you. So as the questions about figure competitions began to run dry, so did our conversation. I wanted to ask about other things but I felt pigeonholed into that one topic. Figure tried to ask me some questions but those conversations never got off the ground. In the end, I learned more about figure competitions than I thought I would ever learn. But very little about Figure as a person. And Figure learned very little about me as a person either (other than my ability to interview pageant girls).

At one point, I was struggling so much that I started trying to figure out what guys Figure was attracted to. She started telling me that she was super picky and she wasn't sure that any of the guys there were her type. I felt like the person asking the questions of Miss South Carolina why the majority of US children cannot find the United States on a map that got more than they bargained for. "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some... people out there in our nation don't have maps." And I also learned that fairs are only as fun as the person you are there with.

A Sweet Mullet

I haven't been on any dates over the past few weeks. I would be lying if I told you that I have really enjoyed all the extra free time. I broke out my old Nintendo and played several games all the way through. I also broke out my old Super Nintendo and finished a game that I started three years ago. I watched every episode of 30 Rock available on Netflix. I have even lost some weight by eating better (since there is no one to go to dinner with me, I have been eating at home). I am just not used to having that much free time. Although going on two or more dates per week seemed unsustainable, not going on any dates also seems unsustainable.

On Friday night, Jewel called me from a different number. I answered and she asked if she could borrow my truck. I was shocked at the nerve of such a request. Thankfully, my truck is out of town. Otherwise I might have said yes and made myself look like a doormat. We talked for like 30 minutes about nothing. I missed her but I didn't tell her. I felt so taken advantage of.

Last week, I became interested in this girl Broadway. Broadway works at the clinic where I am going for physical therapy. She started there a month or two ago and we became fast friends. But I knew she had a boyfriend. And I knew that Broadway just barely graduated from high school. So last week, Broadway informed me that she had dumped her boyfriend. We flirted more than usual and I seriously considered asking her on a date. I felt as if Broadway wanted me to ask her on a date. The thing is, age is just a number, right? Over the past seven or eight years, people have said to me "Tripp, you can't go out with that girl, she is too young!" Every one of those girls is now married and most of them have kids. So what is stopping me from asking Broadway out? Although the age difference really doesn't bother me in the least, I worry that it might bother her. And her parents, since she still lives at home. But I don't feel like it should bother either of them. I am young at heart and very responsible. Plus, what parents wouldn't want their daughter to date an attorney with a sweet mullet?

What's been happening lately

So Jewel finally called me early one morning and said she didn't feel strongly enough about me to keep seeing me. I was bummed but the anxiety finally stopped. She said "I am probably gonna regret this." And I said "if you do, give me a call." And that was it. I went on a second date with Cabinet. It was fun but I can tell that Cabinet has huge walls built up. It's almost impossible to schedule a date with her. When I suggested a third date, she told me she had a night available in like two weeks. How am I ever going to build a relationship with someone if I only see them once every two weeks?

I went on a couple of dates with littleKJo. She is dating another guy though. And KJo knows of this blog, so I have to be careful what I write about littleKJo, since KJo is sure to tell her all about it.

I have been talking with Pulse a lot lately. On the 24th, I decided to text her and see how everything was going. She suggested we meet for dinner. We met up around 9 and ended up talking/hanging out until 2 in the morning. It was a lot of fun. I just didn't want to leave. I found myself so emotionally attracted to the stability that Pulse represents. Not that Pulse isn't lots of fun, she just isn't crazy like Jewel. Since then, Pulse and I have talked quite a bit. I told her all about Jewel and she told me all about the guys that are currently in her life. Basically, the timing is not right for dating Pulse.

Last Tuesday, I got a text from Jewel asking how my whiplash was (I was involved in about 6 major automobile accidents and about 8 minor automobile accidents over the previous weekend). I didn't respond. The next day, I received another text from her saying "I would like to spend time with you and get to know you better, is that something you would be interested in?" I was not too happy about receiving this text. The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that Jewel had just gotten bored and liked having someone that liked her. So I followed my knee jerk reaction. I went to my computer and I wrote her an email. It was probably a little bit harsh. I told her how she had mistreated me. I told her I deserved better treatment.

Two days later, I got a text from Jewel saying "Just FYI, that was me admitting I made a mistake." I was seriously confused. I responded "and that was me telling you I still like you." A few hours later, I got another text from Jewel saying that she had just received my email and to have a great summer. I was so confused. Then I received an email from Jewel. She did not like what I had written in my email and felt attacked. She said that she obviously wasn't good enough for me and that she was sorry and that she hoped I had a good life. I responded with another email telling her that I still really liked her and that the email had been a little too harsh. I told her that I was willing to swallow my pride and admit that I had made some mistakes. Was she willing to swallow her pride and admit that she had made some mistakes too? On Saturday morning, I received a text from Jewel saying thanks for the second email and that she had some serious thinking to do. To be honest, it bummed me out quite a bit. What thinking did she have to do? Hadn't she already spent plenty of time thinking?

Today, Jewel called me. We talked for about 30 minutes. As usual, Jewel spoke semi-cryptically. She said that she had admitted she made a mistake and wanted to go out with me one more time to see if we clicked. But then she had received the emails from me. The harsh words that I said made her realize that it was selfish of her to go out with me again and torture me so. I told her that this was not irreparable. And that was it. I said bye and she was gone again. At this point, I seriously doubt that I will ever see Jewel again. I suppose it is for the best.

Last week littlebrother brought a girl over to my house named ZZ. I thought ZZ was pretty cute and littlebrother was all about me asking her out (after he made out with her in my house - which is just awkward). I am toying with the idea of asking her out.

Every day we get a little bit stronger

On Saturday, GetErDone texted me and suggested I take this girl Oprah (not the real Oprah!) on a date and meet him at this country concert. I guess GetErDone had been set up on a blind date with Oprah a few weeks earlier and being the good friend that he is, he passed his leftover on to me. Prior to calling Oprah, I checked out some of her stuff from her TV show. She seemed fun and funny and she was pretty cute in a lot of the stuff. When someone is on TV regularly (as in everyday), there is plenty to discover about them online. So I called her and set up the date.

I picked her up and thought she was very pretty. However, she wore this purple lipstick that would have embarrassed Ronald McDonald on a date. Even though we got along fairly well (I didn't feel like there was any chemistry though), how in the world could I get over a first impression like that? I am attracted to clean, natural looking faces. Even people that are freezing to death don't have lips that color purple. Nevertheless, I had fun. I just don't think I will take her out again.

On Sunday, KJo and her little sister littleKJo invited me over for dinner. It ended up being a lot of fun. I flirted with littleKJo and even though she has kinda been dating this guy, I decided to ask her on a date. I asked her to attend a baseball game with me on Wednesday night. We had a blast. I approached the date more like I normally approach dates: not really caring and just trying to have fun. We talked about the boy she was kinda dating and I told her a little about Jewel. She thinks that Jewel has treated me horribly. I kinda agree.

Jewel had told me she would call me on Tuesday. On Tuesday, I received a text from her saying she had just been to the dentist and asking if she could call me on Wednesday morning. Umm, ok. On Wednesday morning, I woke up feeling super anxious (as any thoughts related to Jewel seem to do to me now). Jewel texted me asking what I was doing for lunch on Thursday. No mention was made of the phone call that had apparently now been canceled. I texted her back and said that I already had lunch plans for Thursday.

I really am not even sure why I should see Jewel again, I don't see any positive potential. Sample conversation likely to occur if/when we see each other next:

Me: Hey Jewel.

Jewel: Oh my gosh, I hate my intern so much, he is so stupid, but I am moving to California soon, I am sooo excited, like, it is gonna be great, I won't have to live here anymore.

Me: Uhh, gee thanks, that makes me feel great.

Jewel: California is just so much better than here. I can go to the beach and swim in the ocean. The ocean is like my favorite thing ever. And swim in my mom's pool. And ride my bike every day. I am so excited.

Me: Wow, ok, why did we meet again (while stabbing my fork into my eye)?

Jewel: Because we are friends. You need to just chill out. Stop worrying so much. My roommate would love to go on a date with you. Oh my gosh, California.... California... California...

You get the gist. So I told her that I had plans. Then she asked what I was doing on Monday. Here's the thing, when we were dating, she would ask what I was doing this weekend, and I would tell her some of the stuff I had planned and then she would say "oh, this is what I am doing." I used to think maybe she was trying to invite me to do something but now, I have no idea. Her asking what I am doing on Monday in no way guarantees that a) she will not suddenly have something better come up that requires moving activities with me to another day or b) she will just not feel like doing anything. Yeah, I am pretty much fed up with Jewel. I still love her but since yesterday, I have decided that I would only take her back on several conditions (assuming she doesn't move to California, since there are no jobs there).

1. No more talking about how great California is. To be honest, I would move to California to be with Jewel. But right now, we don't live in California and she needs to get over it.

2. We need to do stuff together at least 3 times per week. No exceptions.

3. We have to start kissing again immediately.

4. If she goes to California for the weekend, she has to invite me to come along.

5. We are steady dating, no dates with other people.

6. I need regular words of affirmation from her. Maybe her love language is shown via quality time spent but mine requires words of affirmation.

Since zero of the above 6 things are likely to change, the odds of Jewel and I dating are pretty much zero. It's sad but perhaps I can move on and find someone else.

It's the reason why I'm here

I ended up having a lot of fun on my date with Cabinet. Cabinet is one of those really cool girls that every guy gets along with instantly. But from talking to mutual friends, she is the kind of girl that is really good at keeping guys at arms length. In other words, there may be walls she has built that I can't possibly tear down unless she lets them down. So we will see.

I picked up Cabinet and decided that I wanted to eat some place decent. So I took her to the Melting Pot. She had never been. Cabinet is so good at carrying conversation. I think I was a bit surprised at how able she was to hold a conversation through the entire dinner. I guess I don't actually anticipate that a girl will be able to do that. After dinner, since it was too late to do an activity but too early to take her home, I took Cabinet over to my house. Milo and Steve-O were there and they were definitely impressed with Cabinet. We just talked about politics and it was super chill. Of course, one of my main concerns about dating is that I let things become too chill way too soon. I guess I have more baggage now than I did a few months ago with the Jewel debacle. Now I am going to enter every potential relationship with a fear that things will be too relaxed early on and that I will be unable to jump start them when I decide I want to move to the next level.

Cabinet and I have texted a few times since the date. I would be very interested in going out with her again. I can't really say if she has any interest.