What's been happening lately

So Jewel finally called me early one morning and said she didn't feel strongly enough about me to keep seeing me. I was bummed but the anxiety finally stopped. She said "I am probably gonna regret this." And I said "if you do, give me a call." And that was it. I went on a second date with Cabinet. It was fun but I can tell that Cabinet has huge walls built up. It's almost impossible to schedule a date with her. When I suggested a third date, she told me she had a night available in like two weeks. How am I ever going to build a relationship with someone if I only see them once every two weeks?

I went on a couple of dates with littleKJo. She is dating another guy though. And KJo knows of this blog, so I have to be careful what I write about littleKJo, since KJo is sure to tell her all about it.

I have been talking with Pulse a lot lately. On the 24th, I decided to text her and see how everything was going. She suggested we meet for dinner. We met up around 9 and ended up talking/hanging out until 2 in the morning. It was a lot of fun. I just didn't want to leave. I found myself so emotionally attracted to the stability that Pulse represents. Not that Pulse isn't lots of fun, she just isn't crazy like Jewel. Since then, Pulse and I have talked quite a bit. I told her all about Jewel and she told me all about the guys that are currently in her life. Basically, the timing is not right for dating Pulse.

Last Tuesday, I got a text from Jewel asking how my whiplash was (I was involved in about 6 major automobile accidents and about 8 minor automobile accidents over the previous weekend). I didn't respond. The next day, I received another text from her saying "I would like to spend time with you and get to know you better, is that something you would be interested in?" I was not too happy about receiving this text. The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that Jewel had just gotten bored and liked having someone that liked her. So I followed my knee jerk reaction. I went to my computer and I wrote her an email. It was probably a little bit harsh. I told her how she had mistreated me. I told her I deserved better treatment.

Two days later, I got a text from Jewel saying "Just FYI, that was me admitting I made a mistake." I was seriously confused. I responded "and that was me telling you I still like you." A few hours later, I got another text from Jewel saying that she had just received my email and to have a great summer. I was so confused. Then I received an email from Jewel. She did not like what I had written in my email and felt attacked. She said that she obviously wasn't good enough for me and that she was sorry and that she hoped I had a good life. I responded with another email telling her that I still really liked her and that the email had been a little too harsh. I told her that I was willing to swallow my pride and admit that I had made some mistakes. Was she willing to swallow her pride and admit that she had made some mistakes too? On Saturday morning, I received a text from Jewel saying thanks for the second email and that she had some serious thinking to do. To be honest, it bummed me out quite a bit. What thinking did she have to do? Hadn't she already spent plenty of time thinking?

Today, Jewel called me. We talked for about 30 minutes. As usual, Jewel spoke semi-cryptically. She said that she had admitted she made a mistake and wanted to go out with me one more time to see if we clicked. But then she had received the emails from me. The harsh words that I said made her realize that it was selfish of her to go out with me again and torture me so. I told her that this was not irreparable. And that was it. I said bye and she was gone again. At this point, I seriously doubt that I will ever see Jewel again. I suppose it is for the best.

Last week littlebrother brought a girl over to my house named ZZ. I thought ZZ was pretty cute and littlebrother was all about me asking her out (after he made out with her in my house - which is just awkward). I am toying with the idea of asking her out.

Every day we get a little bit stronger

On Saturday, GetErDone texted me and suggested I take this girl Oprah (not the real Oprah!) on a date and meet him at this country concert. I guess GetErDone had been set up on a blind date with Oprah a few weeks earlier and being the good friend that he is, he passed his leftover on to me. Prior to calling Oprah, I checked out some of her stuff from her TV show. She seemed fun and funny and she was pretty cute in a lot of the stuff. When someone is on TV regularly (as in everyday), there is plenty to discover about them online. So I called her and set up the date.

I picked her up and thought she was very pretty. However, she wore this purple lipstick that would have embarrassed Ronald McDonald on a date. Even though we got along fairly well (I didn't feel like there was any chemistry though), how in the world could I get over a first impression like that? I am attracted to clean, natural looking faces. Even people that are freezing to death don't have lips that color purple. Nevertheless, I had fun. I just don't think I will take her out again.

On Sunday, KJo and her little sister littleKJo invited me over for dinner. It ended up being a lot of fun. I flirted with littleKJo and even though she has kinda been dating this guy, I decided to ask her on a date. I asked her to attend a baseball game with me on Wednesday night. We had a blast. I approached the date more like I normally approach dates: not really caring and just trying to have fun. We talked about the boy she was kinda dating and I told her a little about Jewel. She thinks that Jewel has treated me horribly. I kinda agree.

Jewel had told me she would call me on Tuesday. On Tuesday, I received a text from her saying she had just been to the dentist and asking if she could call me on Wednesday morning. Umm, ok. On Wednesday morning, I woke up feeling super anxious (as any thoughts related to Jewel seem to do to me now). Jewel texted me asking what I was doing for lunch on Thursday. No mention was made of the phone call that had apparently now been canceled. I texted her back and said that I already had lunch plans for Thursday.

I really am not even sure why I should see Jewel again, I don't see any positive potential. Sample conversation likely to occur if/when we see each other next:

Me: Hey Jewel.

Jewel: Oh my gosh, I hate my intern so much, he is so stupid, but I am moving to California soon, I am sooo excited, like, it is gonna be great, I won't have to live here anymore.

Me: Uhh, gee thanks, that makes me feel great.

Jewel: California is just so much better than here. I can go to the beach and swim in the ocean. The ocean is like my favorite thing ever. And swim in my mom's pool. And ride my bike every day. I am so excited.

Me: Wow, ok, why did we meet again (while stabbing my fork into my eye)?

Jewel: Because we are friends. You need to just chill out. Stop worrying so much. My roommate would love to go on a date with you. Oh my gosh, California.... California... California...

You get the gist. So I told her that I had plans. Then she asked what I was doing on Monday. Here's the thing, when we were dating, she would ask what I was doing this weekend, and I would tell her some of the stuff I had planned and then she would say "oh, this is what I am doing." I used to think maybe she was trying to invite me to do something but now, I have no idea. Her asking what I am doing on Monday in no way guarantees that a) she will not suddenly have something better come up that requires moving activities with me to another day or b) she will just not feel like doing anything. Yeah, I am pretty much fed up with Jewel. I still love her but since yesterday, I have decided that I would only take her back on several conditions (assuming she doesn't move to California, since there are no jobs there).

1. No more talking about how great California is. To be honest, I would move to California to be with Jewel. But right now, we don't live in California and she needs to get over it.

2. We need to do stuff together at least 3 times per week. No exceptions.

3. We have to start kissing again immediately.

4. If she goes to California for the weekend, she has to invite me to come along.

5. We are steady dating, no dates with other people.

6. I need regular words of affirmation from her. Maybe her love language is shown via quality time spent but mine requires words of affirmation.

Since zero of the above 6 things are likely to change, the odds of Jewel and I dating are pretty much zero. It's sad but perhaps I can move on and find someone else.