A First Date with No Conversation

On Wednesday, I received a text from House asking me to go to a reception with her.  I was very surprised to hear from her.  So I adjusted my schedule and headed to this hoity toity event with her that night.  It was kinda weird seeing her (since it had been about 15 months since I last saw her).  But we both had a ton of fun.  We laughed and joked.  I admitted something to myself that night though.  I have a ton of fun with House and I am sure we would be extremely happy if we got married.  But, I am not in love with her.  And I am not sure if I ever could be.  Love isn't something you can force.  And it isn't something I would want to force even if I could.

On Saturday, I had a date with Fob.  A year or two ago, I signed up for a free online dating site.  And then forgot about it.  So Fob found me on the site and we started messaging.  I could tell that she was using a translator (because Fob has only been in the country from Brazil for like 2 months) but I thought maybe she had a decent understanding of the English language.  I was wrong.

My first sign that things might not go well was when we talked on the phone for the first time.  It was obvious there was a huge communications gap between us.  In fact, to give me her address, she had to have her uncle come on the phone and talk to me.  Also, the fact that she is 18 should have concerned me.  Nevertheless, I showed up to pick her up on Saturday night.  Her uncle was there and he seemed like a nice enough guy.  Fob was cute but I was less attracted to her in person than in her pictures.  Then, in a strange twist, her aunt and uncle decided to come to dinner with us.  And they decided we should go to Sizzler.

Now, I haven't stepped foot into a Sizzler for quite a few years, but it isn't exactly a super nice restaurant.  For one, you have to wait in line to order.  I get to the front and Fob and I have not really communicated well what it is that she wants.  Since she basically speaks no English, I have to kind of try and order for her.  Her aunt helped a little but she was kind of a spaz.  Fun fact: did you know that you can get cashback at Sizzler to use towards your tip of the waitress?  I did not.  But now I do.

Dinner was rough.  If I asked Fob a question, she pretty much couldn't understand what I was saying.  So I was forced to talk to her aunt and uncle, which was kind of rude.  They have been to Sizzler before (Plan: order steaks and the salad bar (you thus get a major discount on the salad bar) and then change your mind to get the dinner to go (since you have filled up on the salad bar) once you are at the table).  After dinner, Fob and I decided to see a movie (she claimed she could understand movies well, but I seriously doubt it).  I considered taking her right home but felt like it would be more awkward to take her home directly after dinner than to do some kind of non-talking activity.  After the movie, I took her home. It was awkward.  No, it was worse than awkward, it was actually a little bit painful.

On Monday, I had a second date with FireCracker.  I decided to take her to my favorite Thai place.  The food was excellent and the conversation was super easy with FireCracker.  When I was younger, my dad would occasionally take one of the kids on a "date night."  We always really looked forward to this, because we got to do whatever we wanted (telling that story makes me feel like I grew up in a polygamist household, but no, I did not).  I distinctly remember my dad and I going to the airport and watching airplanes take off and land.  So I decided to take FireCracker on the same activity.  We drove around quite a bit before we ended up on a deserted road in the back of the airport between the runways.  It was perfect (assuming it was legal, which I can't be sure of).  We sat on the back of my car and just talked while planes took off and landed.  (Note: this activity would not have gone well with Fob).  FireCracker and I have a lot in common.  We are able to just sit and talk for long periods.  It helps that she razzes me every once in awhile.  It kept things interesting.  At some time during the date, I even thought about kissing her.  But ultimately decided against it.  Nevertheless, I had a lot of fun on my date with FireCracker.

I decided to finally message Mya (since Smash was never going to give me her number).  I was so nervous.  Surprisingly, Mya emailed me back last night.  It was funny and nice and exactly what I needed to boost my confidence a little.  She gave me her number. For whatever reason, I am so drawn to Mya.  So hopefully there is a first date in the future for that.

First date with Fob rating: 3
Possibility of a second date with Fob: Very Low

Second date with FireCracker rating: 8
Possibility of a third date with FireCracker: Very High

Multiple dates and a new crush

On Thursday, I had a blind date with FireCracker. I was actually set up with FireCracker by Dee. When we talked on the phone, I could tell that FireCracker and I would at the very least get along very well. Her personality reminded me of BFF. Since I had never seen a picture of FireCracker, I was definitely a bit nervous. So when I knocked on the door, my first thought was "great, she has a cute roommate that answered the door." As it turned out, that cute roommate ended up being FireCracker. Due to our phone conversations, I brought a list of awkward conversation topics. After ordering (per my suggestion, she ordered the octopus!), we got right into the awkward conversations. I loved it. The conversation was easy and never forced.

After dinner, we went back to my house to watch my skydiving video. FireCracker was mostly impressed with my house (although she did mock me for having an entire room full of African safari stuff).

My biggest concern with FireCracker was that even though I thought she was cute, I wasn't sure if she was cute enough. Like that I would enjoy spending time with her but I wasn't enamored by her looks. Personality wise, we just clicked.

On Friday, I had a third date with Basketball. We went to the baseball game. It was fun but I spent a good portion of the night wondering if Basketball and I are at all on the same page. We had some very interesting conversations and I know that she had fun (as did I) but the romance is not kicking in at all.

On Saturday, Milo and I met up with Smash and some of her friends to go to the casino. We took the bus there. One of Smash's friends immediately caught my eye; her name was Mya. Early on, Mya mentioned that she had a child. But Smash told me that Mya was sorta divorced (but not really, for insurance purposes). A little later in the evening, as Mya and I were sitting next to each other playing Blackjack and talking, I thought that she seemed really cool. Within an hour of that, I had developed a huge crush on her. It's hard to explain why. After all, Mya is not really what I traditionally want in my life. She has some tattoos. She isn't Mormon. She has a husband...

But on Sunday, she was all I thought about. And even though she hadn't given me the slightest indication that she would ever be interested in dating me (in fact, she told Smash that Smash and I should get married), I felt what I hadn't really felt in a long time: Hope. I have talked before about the X factor that I want to feel for a girl. And how I struggle finding that. And looking at Mya, I realized that part of me must be rebelling against what everyone tells me would be good for me. In college, I just sort of fell into my major. And then I just sorta fell into law school. In fact, I just sorta fell into my current job. So, there is a part of me that really feels like I haven't been making enough decisions about my own life. And so even though Mya is probably totally wrong for me (although all I have been thinking is about how right for me she seems), I want this decision to be my decision and no one else's. Hence my frustration with dating. In general, I keep going out with the same type of LDS girls that meet the minimum requirements but that aren't my first pick. So for now, I have a hope that I could spend more time with Mya. Without worrying about marriage and children and family and religion, I just want to spend more time with her.

First date with FireCracker rating: 7

Possibility of a second date with FireCracker: High

Third date with Basketball rating: 5

Possibility of a fourth date with Basketball: Medium to Low

A Second Date or The Mormon Aristocracy Strikes Again

On Friday, I had a second date with Basketball. I was excited because I had tickets to The Hunger Games on opening night. My friend Soup joined us as a double date. As usual, the conversation with Basketball was very easy. I don't have any trouble finding things to talk about with her. Being on a double date meant it was harder to have a deep conversation. But while we were waiting for the movie to start, we got a chance to talk. I found myself wondering if I could relate to Basketball: she is so into sports and while I like sports, there are so many other things I like too. It was during this time that I also seriously questioned if there could be anything romantic between us. Normally by a second date, you are at least partially thinking romance, right? There just wasn't any sexual tension with Basketball. It makes me wonder if I am walking down the same path that I walked with House. Should I continue going out with Basketball, even though I might never see her as more than a friend?

Last week, I texted Joust to try and set up a second date. She didn't respond. I texted her again and received a response saying "I would like to be friends with you, but I don't see this going anywhere." Even though I absolutely appreciate a girl telling me that, it pissed me off. So Joust is gone.

On Saturday night, TheCaptain and Cowboy and Sugarloaf and I went to a party at a park that was kinda being hosted by DrJ. There were a couple of cute girls there but try as I might, I couldn't get them to even try and have a decent conversation with me. As I was talking to one girl, I could just tell that she was so not interested in talking to me. One girl found out that I was a lawyer and had lots of questions; her dad is a judge and she is considering law school. But the conversation died quickly when her friend jumped in to say it was time to leave. I watched as they continued to talk to other people for 15 more minutes. I am not sure if I was just not cool enough for these girls or dressed well enough or good enough looking or what it was. I get so frustrated at those types of events. But it's pretty much the only avenue for me to meet new girls.

Second date with Basketball rating: 6

Possibility of a third date with Basketball: Medium

Two First Dates (plus ratings!)

I didn't go on any dates for the last month. Not necessarily by choice. I just didn't have any girls I felt like taking out. And I had plenty of other things to distract me (including NASCAR races). Last week, I decided to ask out this girl Basketball. I met Basketball a few months ago in my ward. We have been emailing back and forth for a little while. I was a little hesitant to take Basketball out because she is in my ward and because she knows Princess.

My first impression of Basketball was that she is the kind of girl that doesn't get asked out a ton. So I was worried that the date might be a bit awkward. It wasn't at all. Basketball and I had a great conversation. I was surprised to find out that she is a registered democrat. We had plenty to talk about during dinner. After dinner, we went to my house to just hang out (since I had only really planned dinner). Basketball seemed really relaxed and fun to hang out with. It was one of the most comfortable dates I have been on in a long time.

On Saturday, I had a date planned with Joust. A mutual friend gave me Joust's phone number. We texted a little but I quickly got frustrated with Joust's texting style. Joust is an elementary school teacher and it sorta bothered me that she would text stuff like "u? lol, idk." But after discussing this with some friends, I decided that I couldn't prejudge her for something as dumb as grammar in texts. Joust had a St. Patrick's Day party to attend that night so we just met for dinner. In a lot of ways, I think the idea of just taking a girl to dinner (without an activity) is a much better first date. It gives you a chance to get to know someone a little without having to spend gobs of time with them.

I called Joust on the phone to get directions and she was super awkward on the phone. It definitely put me off. Luckily, Joust was better at going on dates than she was at talking on the phone and texting. About 10 minutes into the date, I was very worried that Joust wasn't going to ask me a single question. Finally, Joust broke down and asked some questions about my job. At that point, it felt like we were able to have a real conversation. Nothing flowed as well with Joust as it did with Basketball but I did have fun with Joust. By the end of the date, I felt that Joust was starting to show some interest. Plus, she texted me a few times after the date, which is always a good sign.

First date with Basketball: 7 Chance of second date: High

First date with Joust: 6 Chance of second date: High

Quidditch and Skyrim

On Thursday I had a blind date with Keys. Her brother is in my ward and wanted to set us up. We doubled with him and his wife. I don't double date with married couples that often, and this was probably an isolated incident, but the married couple seemed to only talk about themselves the whole night. Since Keys and I knew both of them very well and knew their kids, it was definitely a great place to start the conversation. However, halfway through dinner, I realized that Keys hadn't asked me a single question during dinner. We weren't getting to know each other, we were getting to know the married couple. My interest in Keys was mild at best. She is cute but I am not sure we had anything in common. And anyone that knows me knows that I really struggle going out with girls that are older than me.

On Friday, I had set up an epic event. Lolita and I were going out on a double date with my new friends Quidditch and Skyrim. For the record, I had never met Quidditch or Skyrim. I was worried; would they be cool? Would I be cool? Would Lolita be cool? Things started out awkward enough. We said our hellos but I felt like none of us really knew how to act (plus we were in a fabric store while waiting for our table for dinner - fabric stores = automatic awkwardness for me (my mom dragged me into fabric stores with her for hours when I was younger - eventually I told her I would rather sit in the hot car without the radio on than walk around in the fabric store)).

Things got considerably less awkward once we sat down for dinner. We talked about how they had met, we talked a little about how Lolita and I had met and we talked a little about stuff that interested all of us. After dinner, we decided to play games at my house. Lolita stopped off at the store to pick up Oreos for us. While playing the game, I teased Skyrim a little. Well, ok, I teased her a lot. I seriously expected her to look up at me at one point and say "Tripp, this is why you are not married!" Skyrim was super tired and I guess I am more annoying to people that are super tired. Overall though, I thought we all had fun.

Samsonite's Exit

I hung out with Samsonite on Sunday. I thought things were going pretty well. So last night, I texted her to ask when we could see each other again. Much to my surprise, I received a long text from Samsonite explaining why she didn't think we should see each other anymore. I was bugged. In my response, I tried to explain why I thought she was being foolish and what I was willing to do to try and make this work. Her response makes my blood boil.

"Listen, I don't want this to end ugly with bad feelings. I care about you as a friend, Tripp. I just don't want to date or do what we are doing anymore so, therefore, don't think it's probably a great idea if we hang out."

I don't want to respond. I don't want to be Samsonite's friend. Anytime someone is not willing to put in the work required to make a relationship work, I already pretty much know what kind of friend they are going to be. Crappy. I guess it's kind of interesting that I expect more out of my friends than I do out of the girls I date.

Somebody that I used to know

I have been out with Samsonite a few times over the last couple of weeks. I have developed a couple of concerns about Samsonite. First, I am not sure what kind of mother she would make. I actually haven't seen her interact with any kids. She has only 1 brother and he is close to her age (so no nieces and nephews). I know that Samsonite wants kids but I also know that she really enjoys having a career and would have a hard time sacrificing her career to raise a family. Second, i am not sure what kind of wife Samsonite would make. She never seems to cook and I am not sure about her homemaking skills. Also, Samsonite is sometimes a bit antisocial. She tends to hang back in groups.

Samsonite's sense of humor is much fouler than mine. She definitely prefers her comedy to be vulgar. It feels strange to me, since I have always been on the other side (where I am the one pushing the limits of those around me).

Last night, Samsonite and I were watching tv and the State of the Union address was on every channel. So I stopped to check it out for a bit. I find politics fascinating. And while I don't agree with President Obama on a lot of things, I definitely am interested in his opinions. Samsonite was immediately upset. She has some very strong views about Obama's policies and was quite vocal during his speech about how much she disagreed with what he said. It doesn't really matter to me whether the girl I am dating is politically conservative or liberal or even independent. I just was a bit surprised to find how unwilling Samsonite was to even consider some of Obama's opinions. It made me wonder if maybe Samsonite was a little bit closed-minded.

Flora never wrote me a second email. She texted me two days ago saying she guessed she wasn't very good at writing emails back. Then she went back to radio silence. That prospect seems to be dying.

Lolita and I have hung out a few times lately. In some ways, I think Lolita would like to hook up with me again. It's just things she has said. But then, she will tell me some story about a guy that she hooked up with and I wonder if I am reading her all wrong. For the time being, I am absolutely content with hanging out with Lolita without hooking up.