Girls that are into flashy cars and big dogs

I haven't written much lately. But then, I haven't dated much lately. Last week, House and I went to see The Social Network. It was fascinating. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. As I walked House back up to her doorstep after, she said "Kiss me goodnight Tripp." So I did. And guess what? Still nothing. I have been debating telling her that it just isn't working and cutting things off. I enjoy spending time with her so much though. Some of my friends and coworkers are convinced that she is right for me and that I should just ignore my feelings. But for how long? I am a normal warm blooded male. I just dont see House in that way.

The online dating thing hasnt produced any substance yet. Milo looked through the profiles of the girls I was chatting with and he didn't think any of them were attractive. The problem is that I am just not meeting any girls that have the potential to date. The girls at the singles ward are all too young for me to date (well, in reality, I am too old for them to date). There aren't lots of places for a single LDS guy to meet single LDS girls. Especially out of college. So I have been considering a dog.

Yeah, that's right. I am thinking about getting a dog. Something that will attract girls. I mean, I tried buying a flashy car and it didn't really work. Milo has been suggesting I trade my car in for a Lotus or a Nissan GTR. He thinks that the problem is that my car (an Infiniti) and me both look just like everyone else. I already know what you are thinking: "But Tripp, won't a flashy car or a big dog only attract girls that are into flashy cars or big dogs?" The answer is yes. Those girls are better than no girls, right? So which should it be, a flashy new car (that just happens to be capable of going 193 mph) or a big dog (I am leaning towards a Great Dane)?

Pink Floyd with Punk

Last week, Punk and I went on a date to see this awesome band. I have known Punk for 2 1/2 years. We have hung out quite a few times but, to be fair, we have never been on a date. She was good friends with an ex-girlfriend of mine (that is how we met) and there were times when Punk advised this ex-girlfriend that I was a jerk. So we didn't exactly start at a favorable point for a romantic relationship. In fact, there was a time when Punk and I didn't get along so well. But now, I adore her.

I haven't made a ton of effort to take Punk out on any dates. She has this on-again off-again boyfriend that is basically her best friend and that creates a huge wall. Plus, Punk seems to stand me up a bunch. She always has a pretty legitimate excuse but a lot of the time, I think it's just so she can go hang out with that guy. Although Punk has said that she is attracted to me, she doesn't particularly act that way around me. Sometimes I think Punk just likes to hang out with me because I am too agreeable. I will admit that around Punk, I tend to be more agreeable than around other people. I think it might be because Punk intimidates me. Not a ton, but just enough for me to always kinda be on my best behavior around her. And as I have already mentioned, my best behavior is very impressive to people but it doesn't induce romance.

Punk picked me up for the concert. She had an extra ticket and texted me a day or two before the show. I was really excited to go but I definitely felt like I was her backup-backup plan. Her parents and brothers and sister and brother-in-law were all there and then me, so I am guessing she had plenty of time to plan for the concert and at the last minute, she invited me. It was ok though, I was excited to go. I had made plans to do something with House that night (to go to some wedding reception) but I texted her and told her I was invited to a concert that I really wanted to go to.

For the most part, Punk and I interact solely as friends. We joke all the time about how we are going to get married but we have never kissed or held hands or anything. At the concert, she did rest her head on my shoulder for a minute but it was short lived and more friendly than romantic. Still, the concert was awesome. We had VIP seats in a suite. After the concert, Punk dropped me off at my house. The night was young and I totally wanted to watch a movie or something with Punk but she kinda acted like she had to go (when we pulled into the driveway, she left the car running). I was a little bummed since it was Saturday night at 10 and I was basically in for the night. I just can't really figure out if Punk is only interested in me as a friend or if she would actually enjoy spending more time with me. I have invited her to play video games with me but she hasn't yet come over to do it. Before the date, I texted her and said "Wait, is this a date? Does that mean we are gonna kiss and stuff?" and she responded with "It is a date. But no kissing cause you have cooties."

I broke down last week and joined a dating site. Thus far, it hasn't produced any solid leads. Thing is, the girls that it is going to match me up with are not necessarily the girls that I am super attracted to. It seems to match me up with very conservative girls. Most of them are over 26. I think I am attracted to younge girls because I look so much younger (and act so much younger) than I really am. Punk's little brother LittlePunk said at the concert "Are you really 30?" I took it as a compliment.

Waves of notalgia

I am not sure if it's the fact that I am listening to "The House That Built Me" by Miranda Lambert or that I just finished reading some of the real story behind Mormon Bachelor Pad or the fact that I kissed House for the first time a few days ago or that I recently turned 30 but I am feeling very nostalgic.

The past 9 years have been crazy. I quite literally went out on dates with over 200 different women. I had the worst first date of my life (she said partway through the date "You know what Tripp, sometimes you just need to learn when to shut up!"), I had the best first date of my life (thus far) with a girl named Mindy to the Ballet. I watched girls come and go in my life. Some of the girls I used to date have married friends and I have seen a glimpse into their lives that I don't usually see. Others have disappeared and I may never see what became of them. There are lots of girls that I have been on a date with that I wouldn't recognize if I passed them on the street. I am not sure they would recognize me either. There are a few that I could spot from 100 yards away. Some I would approach and strike up a conversation. Others I am sure I would hide if I saw them. In fact, the last time I saw Princess at the mall, I hid to make sure she didn't see me.

I guess it makes me sad to think about all of the missed chances and blown opportunities. I fell in love at times when I shouldn't. I didn't fall in love at times when I should have. I cried with girls and I made girls cry. As I remember it, I cried more than the girls but it's hard to really know how much a girl is crying over you when you aren't there. I have treated girls better than they deserved to be treated and others much worse than they deserved. I have kissed girls that I didn't like and not kissed girls that I really liked. I have even told girls "I love you" when I didn't mean it and remained silent when I should have said "I love you."

I have been far from perfect in dating. I would like to think that I always had the best of intentions but I know that sometimes I did not. I felt sorry for myself when a girl didn't like me but I never thought twice when I didn't like a girl and she liked me.

And now, I have never felt further away from falling in love. I like House and think the world of her. If I married her, we would be happy. She would make my life better. But she deserves someone that loves her. Someone that really loves her. And I don't. I know what it's like to fall in love cause I have been in love. It wasn't perfect and I screwed it up but I felt it.

I had a dream on Tuesday night about House. I dreamed that we were friends and that she told me that she was getting married. I was confused and realized that I was in love with her. I was disturbed that what I wanted had been in front of me all along. The dream really affected me. So I decided I needed to try with House.

Sometimes I think I am more broken than I like to admit. I have taken a beating from dating. I am not innocent. Just damaged goods. "I thought if I could touch this place or feel it, this brokenness inside me might start healing. Out here it's like I'm someone else, I thought that maybe I could find myself..." Here's to hoping.

A month off from blogging

Well, I took a month off. In the past month, I have gone on zero dates (other than dates with House). I spent a week of vacation with my family. I talked to MrShit on the phone in Hong Kong. And guess what? Life just kept going.

I decided to take a break from blogging after my mom read my blog about my trip to New Orleans and she was less than pleased with my behavior. I guess making out with a drunk girl is not something you should tell your parents about. Ever. Or at least if you are a single mormon male.

Milo has moved into my house. I am excited about it cause I think I need to get back into dating. Milo thinks we should join an online dating site (separately). I have been trying to evaluate my dating habits and I have come to a shocking conclusion. Maybe you will disagree but I wonder if all my dates just find me horribly boring. If you have met me, you probably don't think I am particularly boring. But, when I am on a date with a girl, especially a girl that I am interested in, I think I may be reverting to my old boring ways (i.e., the boring person that I was in high school). For instance, telling a girl that I am a patent attorney makes me think that I come across as responsible and hard working. But in reality, I think I come across as stuffy and boring. Milo's solution to this problem: change the game. He thinks that if I go on dates with a more playful attitude, it will help the girls see that I am a fun guy. So, his suggestion is for me to downplay all of my accomplishments. Instead of saying I am an attorney, he thinks I should say I am a garbage truck driver or something to that effect. Then, if the girl likes me, she will be pleasently surprised to find out that I don't actually collect garbage for a living. I am a bit worried that she might find out and think I am a liar but it seems like it's worth a try. After all, I am never going to lie to build myself up, only down. So any lies that I am caught in are like a pleasant surprise. That way, maybe I can come across as interesting and fun to girls. Think this is a bad idea?

The Situation

MrShit and I have talked on the phone a few times and messaged a number of times. She flew to Hong Kong early this morning for her study abroad. Meeting and hanging out with MrShit has reminded me that it is possible for me to meet someone and fall in love. It also reminded me that I will know it when it happens. Maybe for some people love is just being there. Just showing up. But it isn't that way for me. I require more than that. I require a legitimate emotional connection. I have had it happen enough times to recognize it's presence or lack thereof. Every time it happens, I question whether it will happen again. It may never happen again but as many readers have suggested, it is nonsensical for me to marry someone that I don't feel that spark with.

I am not saying things would or even could work out with MrShit. Right now she lives thousands upon thousands of miles away. We have different goals in life. Maybe something will come from it over time. Maybe not. But I am saying that I would rather spend my life lonely than compromise and marry someone without that spark. It would end in divorce. And if I think I am broken and lonely now, I can't imagine how it will feel to go through a divorce.

House came over on Wednesday night and we watched more Band of Brothers. We get along well. I don't know if she is frustrated that the relationship doesn't seem to be progressing. I guess I kind of am frustrated with it. I texted Pot about going out this weekend but she is busy. I think I will try one more date with her. I think she is cool but I don't know how high of a priority I am for her and she certainly isn't a super high priority for me.

Other notes: A girl named Conrad called me the other day to ask me to go to a concert with her. I had already made plans so I had to decline but I may end up taking her out.

We live and die by the same principles or A night in New Orleans

So last Thursday was my long planned bachelor party trip to New Orleans. As the token Mormon, the trip promised to have some awkward moments. We hopped on the plane and I found my seat next to MrShit, a pretty blonde. (I apologize for the nickname, but during the flight, she told me that it was her nickname and explained why and it was just too hard to avoid). Milo was across the aisle from me and Thunder was up in first class. Thunder and I have been friends since undergraduate. He has a bit of a temper.

So, I really had lots of time to talk to MrShit. And talk we did. MrShit was just fun and bubbly and interesting. I was kinda sad to have the plane land. I felt really awkward asking her for her phone number cause we had merely sat next to each other for our flight. We live in different states and lead very different lives. So I said bye to her and set off for the weekend.

Drama ensued. At one point in a taxi, I seriously thought we were all going to be arrested. If I thought it was uncomfortable spending the night in our suite with the AC turned all the way up, imagine how uncomfortable a jail cell might be with the humidity and the temperature. This was Friday night. After a number of harsh words were exchanged between all of us (there were six guys), my friends went into a pizza parlor. I stood out on the street to people watch. Suddenly I heard my name spoken excitedly. It was MrShit! She was really excited to see me and I was super excited to see her. After all, my friends were darn near ready to kill each other and any distraction from that was welcome. Her friends and my friends immediately merged into a large group, saving us all from killing each other.

When MrShit found out I didn't drink, I think it weirded her out a little. It hadn't come up on the airplane. But we still quickly found ourselves really connecting. I gave her a shoulder rub. Milo was trying to hook it up with her friend Shontelle (not her real name but funny nonetheless). As the night progressed, MrShit and I became more and more friendly with each other. We danced. We kissed. We held hands. To be honest, I really liked hanging out with MrShit. I just felt an emotional connection with her. Eventually, MrShit and I and Milo and Shontelle ended up back at our suites. Milo had signalled to me that he intended to copulate with Shontelle. I made out with MrShit a bit in another room. Then she fell asleep and the heat got to me. I really liked spending time with MrShit but it was nearing 6:30 in the morning and I hadn't slept. I was exhausted. Figuring that Milo had been alotted plenty of time, I left MrShit sleeping and headed to the room I shared with him to figure out the situation. Apparently Milo and Shontelle were in the middle of their act when I entered the room. Milo tried to get rid of me and in the process, said something that offended Shontelle. She got up to leave and he begged her to come back saying "Shontelle, come back here." Well, Shontelle was not her real name and she was most displeased at being called by a different name. We woke up MrShit and they left on their merry way while Milo lamented to me about how awful he felt. I felt a little bit bad too but sleep was so necessary.

The rest of the trip occurred with very little incident. Upon returning home, all I could think about was MrShit. I found her on facebook and wrote her a message. She wrote back. She said how much fun she had with me and how great it was to meet me. It made me feel really good. I actually read through that message about 6 different times yesterday. I haven't felt this kind of emotional connection to someone in a long time. Of course, it just happened to be about the worst timing in the world. MrShit is moving to Hong Kong in less than two weeks for a study abroad. And she lives in a different state than me. And she drinks a fair amount. But spending time with her was so great. As I explained to Milo, it wasn't like all the pressure filled dates with Mormon girls. MrShit was excited to be with me then. She wasn't thinking 3 months or 3 years or 30 years or 300 years into the future. She was thinking about the now. I think that a lot of the girls I go on dates with are emotionally closed off. Sure they are friendly and have fun but they are guarded. They have walls put up and I hate them. MrShit had no such walls.

Now that it is over, and I will probably never see MrShit again, I can't stop thinking about her. I want to see her again. I want to talk to her more. I have a feeling she is going to push me away. Say something to the effect of "I am moving to Hong Kong and I don't want to get too attached to something here in the states right before I leave." I guess in the end, you live and die by the same principles. My connection with MrShit was born because of her short-sightedness and will probably die because of the same short-sightedness. But for a few brief hours, I was on top of the world.

The Bare Minimum

Since the last post had a list of things that I wanted, I thought it might be appropriate to write a list of the things I need. The absolute bare necessities without which I simply will stay single forever.

1. Female. (There is no way I am marrying a male or something in between).
2. Somewhat near my age. (I wont marry a grandma or a child.)
3. Drug free. (I have dated girls that had former drug habits and I guess I am ok with that. But no current drug users. I don't have time for that. My insurance only covers so much rehab.)
4. Willing to let me be Mormon. (I don't absolutely have to marry a Mormon girl - although I would like to. But I cannot marry a girl that pushes me away from the church or fights me constantly about my religion.)
5. Willing to let me raise my children Mormon. (Again, even if she isn't Mormon, I fully expect my children to be. I want them to be active in the church. I think that as parents, we are responsible for our children and I won't let someone change that.)
6. Not overweight. (I would rather be single than marry a huge girl. I think a large change in weight - say more than a 40% increase should be grounds for divorce.)
7. Not ugly. (She doesnt have to be a model but if I am not attracted to her, I am not marrying her. Forget it.)
8. Able to read and write. (There is just no way that I could marry an illiterate girl.)
9. Clean. (I have a maid service but they only come once every two weeks. If the house becomes a pigsty over the course of 13 days, then this girl has a serious problem and I didn't sign up for that big of a problem.)
10. Disease free. (Mostly I am referring to STDs like AIDS and Herpes. I won't sign up for that. If she is a cancer patient... I would have to think about that. I mean, marrying someone knowing they have 6 months to live would just be really difficult.)
11. Normal body. (I simply can't marry a girl with three arms or three eyes.)
12. Straight. (I guess sometimes a lesbian chick is hot but if I don't turn her on, why would I marry her?)
13. Non-abusive. (I don't like getting hit or put down any more than anybody else does.)
14. Capable of working. (If she can't go get a job if need be, I think that would just be too hard.)

Well, that list was quite depressing. I think some of my minimums are actually higher than what was listed but I don't know how to define where they are on the medium so I just listed the bottom threshold. Ugh, let's hope it never comes down to a game of bare minimums.