A month off from blogging

Well, I took a month off. In the past month, I have gone on zero dates (other than dates with House). I spent a week of vacation with my family. I talked to MrShit on the phone in Hong Kong. And guess what? Life just kept going.

I decided to take a break from blogging after my mom read my blog about my trip to New Orleans and she was less than pleased with my behavior. I guess making out with a drunk girl is not something you should tell your parents about. Ever. Or at least if you are a single mormon male.

Milo has moved into my house. I am excited about it cause I think I need to get back into dating. Milo thinks we should join an online dating site (separately). I have been trying to evaluate my dating habits and I have come to a shocking conclusion. Maybe you will disagree but I wonder if all my dates just find me horribly boring. If you have met me, you probably don't think I am particularly boring. But, when I am on a date with a girl, especially a girl that I am interested in, I think I may be reverting to my old boring ways (i.e., the boring person that I was in high school). For instance, telling a girl that I am a patent attorney makes me think that I come across as responsible and hard working. But in reality, I think I come across as stuffy and boring. Milo's solution to this problem: change the game. He thinks that if I go on dates with a more playful attitude, it will help the girls see that I am a fun guy. So, his suggestion is for me to downplay all of my accomplishments. Instead of saying I am an attorney, he thinks I should say I am a garbage truck driver or something to that effect. Then, if the girl likes me, she will be pleasently surprised to find out that I don't actually collect garbage for a living. I am a bit worried that she might find out and think I am a liar but it seems like it's worth a try. After all, I am never going to lie to build myself up, only down. So any lies that I am caught in are like a pleasant surprise. That way, maybe I can come across as interesting and fun to girls. Think this is a bad idea?

The Situation

MrShit and I have talked on the phone a few times and messaged a number of times. She flew to Hong Kong early this morning for her study abroad. Meeting and hanging out with MrShit has reminded me that it is possible for me to meet someone and fall in love. It also reminded me that I will know it when it happens. Maybe for some people love is just being there. Just showing up. But it isn't that way for me. I require more than that. I require a legitimate emotional connection. I have had it happen enough times to recognize it's presence or lack thereof. Every time it happens, I question whether it will happen again. It may never happen again but as many readers have suggested, it is nonsensical for me to marry someone that I don't feel that spark with.

I am not saying things would or even could work out with MrShit. Right now she lives thousands upon thousands of miles away. We have different goals in life. Maybe something will come from it over time. Maybe not. But I am saying that I would rather spend my life lonely than compromise and marry someone without that spark. It would end in divorce. And if I think I am broken and lonely now, I can't imagine how it will feel to go through a divorce.

House came over on Wednesday night and we watched more Band of Brothers. We get along well. I don't know if she is frustrated that the relationship doesn't seem to be progressing. I guess I kind of am frustrated with it. I texted Pot about going out this weekend but she is busy. I think I will try one more date with her. I think she is cool but I don't know how high of a priority I am for her and she certainly isn't a super high priority for me.

Other notes: A girl named Conrad called me the other day to ask me to go to a concert with her. I had already made plans so I had to decline but I may end up taking her out.

We live and die by the same principles or A night in New Orleans

So last Thursday was my long planned bachelor party trip to New Orleans. As the token Mormon, the trip promised to have some awkward moments. We hopped on the plane and I found my seat next to MrShit, a pretty blonde. (I apologize for the nickname, but during the flight, she told me that it was her nickname and explained why and it was just too hard to avoid). Milo was across the aisle from me and Thunder was up in first class. Thunder and I have been friends since undergraduate. He has a bit of a temper.

So, I really had lots of time to talk to MrShit. And talk we did. MrShit was just fun and bubbly and interesting. I was kinda sad to have the plane land. I felt really awkward asking her for her phone number cause we had merely sat next to each other for our flight. We live in different states and lead very different lives. So I said bye to her and set off for the weekend.

Drama ensued. At one point in a taxi, I seriously thought we were all going to be arrested. If I thought it was uncomfortable spending the night in our suite with the AC turned all the way up, imagine how uncomfortable a jail cell might be with the humidity and the temperature. This was Friday night. After a number of harsh words were exchanged between all of us (there were six guys), my friends went into a pizza parlor. I stood out on the street to people watch. Suddenly I heard my name spoken excitedly. It was MrShit! She was really excited to see me and I was super excited to see her. After all, my friends were darn near ready to kill each other and any distraction from that was welcome. Her friends and my friends immediately merged into a large group, saving us all from killing each other.

When MrShit found out I didn't drink, I think it weirded her out a little. It hadn't come up on the airplane. But we still quickly found ourselves really connecting. I gave her a shoulder rub. Milo was trying to hook it up with her friend Shontelle (not her real name but funny nonetheless). As the night progressed, MrShit and I became more and more friendly with each other. We danced. We kissed. We held hands. To be honest, I really liked hanging out with MrShit. I just felt an emotional connection with her. Eventually, MrShit and I and Milo and Shontelle ended up back at our suites. Milo had signalled to me that he intended to copulate with Shontelle. I made out with MrShit a bit in another room. Then she fell asleep and the heat got to me. I really liked spending time with MrShit but it was nearing 6:30 in the morning and I hadn't slept. I was exhausted. Figuring that Milo had been alotted plenty of time, I left MrShit sleeping and headed to the room I shared with him to figure out the situation. Apparently Milo and Shontelle were in the middle of their act when I entered the room. Milo tried to get rid of me and in the process, said something that offended Shontelle. She got up to leave and he begged her to come back saying "Shontelle, come back here." Well, Shontelle was not her real name and she was most displeased at being called by a different name. We woke up MrShit and they left on their merry way while Milo lamented to me about how awful he felt. I felt a little bit bad too but sleep was so necessary.

The rest of the trip occurred with very little incident. Upon returning home, all I could think about was MrShit. I found her on facebook and wrote her a message. She wrote back. She said how much fun she had with me and how great it was to meet me. It made me feel really good. I actually read through that message about 6 different times yesterday. I haven't felt this kind of emotional connection to someone in a long time. Of course, it just happened to be about the worst timing in the world. MrShit is moving to Hong Kong in less than two weeks for a study abroad. And she lives in a different state than me. And she drinks a fair amount. But spending time with her was so great. As I explained to Milo, it wasn't like all the pressure filled dates with Mormon girls. MrShit was excited to be with me then. She wasn't thinking 3 months or 3 years or 30 years or 300 years into the future. She was thinking about the now. I think that a lot of the girls I go on dates with are emotionally closed off. Sure they are friendly and have fun but they are guarded. They have walls put up and I hate them. MrShit had no such walls.

Now that it is over, and I will probably never see MrShit again, I can't stop thinking about her. I want to see her again. I want to talk to her more. I have a feeling she is going to push me away. Say something to the effect of "I am moving to Hong Kong and I don't want to get too attached to something here in the states right before I leave." I guess in the end, you live and die by the same principles. My connection with MrShit was born because of her short-sightedness and will probably die because of the same short-sightedness. But for a few brief hours, I was on top of the world.

The Bare Minimum

Since the last post had a list of things that I wanted, I thought it might be appropriate to write a list of the things I need. The absolute bare necessities without which I simply will stay single forever.

1. Female. (There is no way I am marrying a male or something in between).
2. Somewhat near my age. (I wont marry a grandma or a child.)
3. Drug free. (I have dated girls that had former drug habits and I guess I am ok with that. But no current drug users. I don't have time for that. My insurance only covers so much rehab.)
4. Willing to let me be Mormon. (I don't absolutely have to marry a Mormon girl - although I would like to. But I cannot marry a girl that pushes me away from the church or fights me constantly about my religion.)
5. Willing to let me raise my children Mormon. (Again, even if she isn't Mormon, I fully expect my children to be. I want them to be active in the church. I think that as parents, we are responsible for our children and I won't let someone change that.)
6. Not overweight. (I would rather be single than marry a huge girl. I think a large change in weight - say more than a 40% increase should be grounds for divorce.)
7. Not ugly. (She doesnt have to be a model but if I am not attracted to her, I am not marrying her. Forget it.)
8. Able to read and write. (There is just no way that I could marry an illiterate girl.)
9. Clean. (I have a maid service but they only come once every two weeks. If the house becomes a pigsty over the course of 13 days, then this girl has a serious problem and I didn't sign up for that big of a problem.)
10. Disease free. (Mostly I am referring to STDs like AIDS and Herpes. I won't sign up for that. If she is a cancer patient... I would have to think about that. I mean, marrying someone knowing they have 6 months to live would just be really difficult.)
11. Normal body. (I simply can't marry a girl with three arms or three eyes.)
12. Straight. (I guess sometimes a lesbian chick is hot but if I don't turn her on, why would I marry her?)
13. Non-abusive. (I don't like getting hit or put down any more than anybody else does.)
14. Capable of working. (If she can't go get a job if need be, I think that would just be too hard.)

Well, that list was quite depressing. I think some of my minimums are actually higher than what was listed but I don't know how to define where they are on the medium so I just listed the bottom threshold. Ugh, let's hope it never comes down to a game of bare minimums.

So tell me what you want, what you really really want.

It seems like everyone is telling me that if I figure out what I want, then maybe it will be easier to nail it down. When I was on my mission, I made a list of the things I wanted in my future wife on my blue planner. It was very detailed and included "sexy shoulders" and "likes the music that I sing on the guitar." Many years later, the whole thing has become much more vague. So this is my attempt to write what it is that I want in a wife. I am not saying that it is what I need. Just stuff that I want.

1. Sexy shoulders (why not?)
2. Tall enough that we can slow dance and not have it be awkward.
3. Shorter than me by enough that she doesn't appear taller than me wearing certain types of shoes.
4. A healthy weight. (Not obese and not anorexic. Somewhere in between. I want a girl with some curves but not one with lots of fp (fat potential). It isn't so much about the weight as a number as it is about how they carry themselves.)
5. A decent amount of self confidence. (I don't want to put up with a girl that thinks she is really ugly all the time. I also don't want a girl that thinks she is so gorgeous. I would say almost dead in the middle but leaning a bit towards a higher amount of self confidence.)
6. Low makeup maintenance. (There are plenty of girls who wear so much makeup that it is disgusting. I would say the closer to the minimum that you can get, the better. Not necessarily a granola. Just not "whoa, check out my makeup, are you looking at me? can you tell I am wearing makeup? I hope the sun doesn't come out and melt off all my makeup. My makeup is affected by gravity. My face is not even the same color as the rest of my body.")
7. Good sense of humor. (She will probably have to be a little on the "I can take a dirty joke" side since that is where my sense of humor falls. Not disgusting joke telling. Just able to handle a few off color jokes.)
8. Mormon. (But she has to be a fairly relaxed Mormon. You know, there are super uptight Mormons that believe you should never ever talk about sex. They take themselves way too seriously for me. But I also don't want a "Mormon by baptism only" type girl. I don't want to have to drag her butt to church every week or chastize her for going out drinking with her friends.
9. Proportional in body measurements. (Some girls are pear shaped. I don't really want that. Just a normal looking body.)
10. Exerciser. (I want a girl that will continue to try to look good long after she doesn't need to impress me anymore. Staying in shape is absolutely important. She doesn't have to be a gym rat, just the type that agrees that regular exercise is absolutely important to her well being.)
11. Get along with my family. (This is easy, as my family is fairly easy to get along with. But some of my friends have married girls that hate their familes and they basically have to choose between their family and their spouse. What a horrible decision.)
12. Well rounded. (I want a girl that wants to go on vacations and see stuff and experience culture. But also wants to stay at home and watch a movie with me. One that will play charades in front of 50 people she doesn't know. Just a girl that is comfortable doing lots of different activities and able to enjoy them all.)
13. Willing to get dirty. (Life isn't always fancy banquets and expensive restaurants. I want a girl that will climb under the car and get oil all over her if that is what needs to be done. She doesn't have to be a mechanic. Just unafraid of hard work and the possibility of getting dirty.)
14. Intelligent. (She doesn't have to be a genius. I don't care if she is bad at math and writing. I just want a girl that can have a normal conversation with people. I would like for her to want to always learn new things. If she can't correctly use 'your' and 'you're' or 'their' and 'they're' and 'there' then I hope she is able to learn cause those things drive me crazy.)
15. A problem solver. (Being married to me means you are going to find yourself involved in interesting problems. I can't predict them. I just know that they are going to happen. I want a girl that can help to solve them rather than just give up.)
16. Values education. (She doesn't have to have a doctoral degree. But a mother is the single most determining factor in how our children are going to end up. And I want them educated. I expect her to encourage reading and to teach by example (by reading herself). I want her to constantly seek to improve herself. If she likes cooking, take a cooking class. If she likes tap dancing, join a tap dancing group.)
17. Independent. (Some of the most successful couples are ones that each have some of their own hobbies. I want a girl that has her own hobbies. Maybe she really likes dogs. Maybe she wants to go on a vacation once a year with a girlfriend to Alaska to deep sea fish. I think if you are capable of spending time apart, the relationship will be much healthier. I want a girl that wants to be with me but is more than able to fill the 16 waking hours of a day with her own activities.)
18. Sexual. (She doesn't have to be crazy on this one. But she had darn well better like sex. I seriously believe that there are plenty of Mormon girls out there that don't have any idea whether they like sex or not. If a girl is that sheltered, she isn't for me. I am not saying she should have prior sexual experience. I just think that a girl should have a healthy sexual appetite even prior to marriage.)
19. Likes to listen to me play my songs on the guitar. (It means a lot to me.)
20. Madly madly deeply in love with me.

When worlds collide

On Friday night, I took Pot to a baseball game on a double date with Milo. Pot is just so chill. I think that is probably one of her best qualities. As we were walking together, I honestly thought about holding Pot's hand. But I am not sure if I am ready for that. So I didn't. After the ball game, we went and saw the movie Salt. Absolute rubbish. The people involved in this movie shouldn't be allowed to make movies anymore. It was just crap. I think Milo and Pot enjoyed most of it. Seriously though, 10 minutes into the movie, I called the ending. I even told Pot so that she could verify how predictable it was. When I dropped Pot off, she kinda seemed to linger. I wonder if maybe she was expecting me to kiss her. Milo was in the car with his date so I certainly wasn't going to kiss her in front of them.

On Saturday, House and I went to the demolition derby. It was great fun. I wonder if House felt a little overwhelmed at times cause at the derby, I am probably more hyper than normal. She seemed to take it all in. I know she had a lot of fun.

At both the baseball game and the demolition derby, there were lots of scantily clad tattooed girls (sorry Punk, but you know I love you). This is the reason that I think maybe I wrote previously about mistresses. On an intellectual level, I can have these great conversations with House and Pot and have lots of fun. But on a sexual level, the scantily clad girls with tattoos have always held some appeal for me. They just appear so much more sexual than the conservative girls. I just wonder if maybe some guys are trying to "have their cake and eat it too" by taking on a mistress. I guess the reason I don't go out with more girls like that (the wilder girls) is cause I don't think I would have much to offer them. I suppose there are some wilder girls that don't drink but most of them probably do. And they probably have sex. I just kinda feel torn between two different worlds with neither one really fitting me.

Men and mistresses

My date on Friday night with SG was about what you might expect. A little awkwardness, conversations about some really strange topics, and watching a couple of really crappy horror movies. SG and I don't really click at all. Thank heavens for that. She is quite the strange girl. It was a fun night, don't get me wrong, but I am not at all interested in her.

On Saturday, House and I went to a concert. It was an outdoor concert and so we just chilled on a blanket on the grass while people around us drank wine. We stopped at 7-11 after the concert and got donuts and chocolate milk. Do you ever think about why men have mistresses? I watched The Other Boleyn Girl on Sunday by myself and the king had a wife that he loved but he kept finding a mistress. I know some of it was because he was searching for a male heir. But, I also wonder if maybe a wife can never really fulfill both roles. Maybe you can't have both an intellectually satisfying connection with the same person that you have a sexual connection. Of course you initially are sexually attracted to the girl you marry. But maybe everything becomes utilitarian once you have kids. She cares for them more than she cares for you. Once a woman is a mother, her role as wife is diminished. I am not trying to place all the blame on women for men cheating but I wonder if maybe men are taking too much of the blame.

I talked with my friend Hobbes last night about his divorce. He told me how crazy I am for wanting to get married. Basically, getting married was the single worst decision he had made in his life. Is it just society pressuring me to find someone and get married or does it begin internally? I don't have an answer. My parents are absolutely disappointed in me for not being married. It's not the first time they have been disappointed in me. Every one of my friends from high school is married. I think that sort of thing is naturally going to have an influence on me. Three of my closest friends from law school (girls) are getting married in the next month.