Am I just playing House?

I have been busy with the holidays and haven't felt like posting. Let's see if I can remember. My date with Lebron was rather dull. In fact, it was just plain boring. We drove to a Christmas party hosted by GetErDone and Lebron had a hard time giving us anything to talk about. I was in a bit of a fiesty mood so I wanted to talk about her opinions on politics or schools or something interesting. They were all dead ends. I tried talking about school vouchers cause she is a teacher and she basically said she didn't have an opinion on the subject. So I tried talking about movies. Turns out Lebron doesn't really like movies that much. I dropped her off early and headed home. I received a text from TAB saying her plans had canceled so I invited her over to watch a Christmas movie. While TAB was driving over to my house, I received a call from MrShit. It was fun talking to her but it's so hard when she is too far away to ever see.

That night, TAB and I cuddled and I felt myself kind of leaning towards liking her. The thing is, House is better than TAB in pretty much every category. Ugh, that sounds awful. TAB is a really cool girl but she is definitely a bit spacey at times. I think part of the problem is that I am driven to like girls that are a bit crazy. House came over one night and we exchanged Christmas gifts. It was short lived cause I was sick. I really do feel bad that I am not falling in love with House. In fact, I am kinda pissed off at myself.

Over New Years, Dee and Dum and RunsWithScissors and I headed to Las Vegas. We met up with Dee's friend Unwritten for dinner. I immediately kinda liked Unwritten. She is really tall and very pretty. Plus, she is super chill. Not a bad girl at all. But just more relaxed in social situations. As we were eating dinner, I came up with an idea for challenges that each of us was to try and complete before the evening was over. It was a fun idea and everyone helped come up with ideas. My challenge was to propose to Unwritten 11 times in front of large groups of people. So I bought a cheap ring in a gift shop and got to it. You would not believe the kind of reaction you get when you propose to a girl in front of a huge crowd on New Years Eve. People started cheering. They gave me high fives. They wanted to see the ring. On the fourth (and final time), people came running at us and started running in circles around us. Unwritten was a good sport but four times was enough for both of us. Unwritten is still getting over an exboyfriend and is pretty much undateable right now.

On New Years Day, we met up with Unwritten and her brother for dinner. Our waitress Dispatch was very pretty. She reminded me of WTEG a lot. Not fat but not skinny. More curvy. And she just seemed really fun. It was a bit depressing cause she flirted with Unwritten's brother a bunch. What was I gonna do anyway? Ask for her number? I doubt it.

House sent me a message on New Years Day in distress. She was trying to figure out why we weren't spending much time together. I think House has been a really good sport through all of this. I really don't feel like I have been stringing House along although I know a lot of people would argue otherwise. I wrote her an email today explaining how much I liked her but how I wasn't falling in love with her and I wasn't sure if it was because we weren't right for each other or because I have defense mechanisms set up. To be honest, I am really scared to see how she might reply. Of course it is selfish to want to keep House around without my being ready to commit to her. I don't like myself for even considering it. But should I really drop the girl that is probably the best fitted to me because I am unsure about myself? If I were sure that House wasn't the one, I would have dropped her a long time ago.

Take your memories I don't need em

On Saturday, my roommate RunsWithScissors and I went to Costco looking to spend some money. Our initial plan was to check out their barbecues and maybe look for an edger for the lawn (since RunsWithScissors doubles as my lawnboy). I was also interested in patio furniture. We walked around and my head was definitely in the game. I was looking at items, considering their usefulness and just generally enjoying participating in the commerce that is Costco. I looked up from the solar powered yard lighting pieces and exclaimed to RunsWithScissors "Oh my gosh, there is my ex-girlfriend."

WhiteTrashExGirlfriend (WTEG) and I dated many years ago. We both worked at Walmart at the time. So did her mom. I remember when her mom told me that WTEG was coming to work at the store that I had better stay away from her daughter. Within a few days, we went on our first date and we just clicked. WTEG was not mormon.

The thing that I found particularly intriguing about WTEG is that I didn't feel constantly judged around her. WTEG wasn't judging me for potential eternal companionship. She was living in the now. And the now was that we had a lot of fun together. As the summer drew to a close and WTEG prepared to move back to the city where she attended college, I decided to break up with her. We had talked before about how our relationship could never really go anywhere. I was committed to getting married in the temple and WTEG didn't have the slightest interest in joining the Mormon church. It was a sad day because I really liked WTEG. I saw her a few months later at my brother's funeral and hadn't seen her since until Saturday.

WTEG got married a few years ago and now has a two year old. I said hi to them and told them I was "just a lawyer" which they found funny. Not too many other Walmart coworkers had since become lawyers. I really just wanted to talk to WTEG for a few minutes. I wanted to say how sorry I was for breaking up with her so many years ago. That I had really cared about her and that I just felt the pressure of family members and friends to not date her. I really just wanted to find out how she had been after all these years. It didn't work out that way.

After saying hi to them, one of WTEG good girlfriends from high school also came into Costco and saw WTEG. WTEG turned and started talking to her. I was all but forgotten. I said goodbye to her mom and RunsWithScissors and I turned back to the task at hand. However, in the brief two minute delay, I lost my zeal for shopping. We drove back to the house while I took many a trip down memory lane. Determined to get my mind off WTEG, I weeded around my house for four hours in the sun. I looked her up on facebook and found her but didn't add her as a friend. I missed her. I missed that sense of wonder that I felt when I was with someone that I really liked and that I just felt very comfortable with. Maybe I really just missed liking someone and having them like me too.