Things that work, things that don't work

So Mya and I have been dating for over 5 months now.  It's crazy cause sometimes it doesn't feel that long at all.  It's also crazy because I know so many couples that were already engaged or married after 5 1/2 months.  I stopped writing in this blog for a little while, mostly because I was worried about damaging the relationship.  And while there is always still the possibility, I am hoping that things have settled down enough for me to write about some of my fears and some of the things that have worked/haven't worked for us.

First, I am not a 24/7 relationship kind of person.  I like to have plenty of me-time.  Mya has been accommodating about this but I sometimes wonder if she thinks we ought to be spending more time together.  I mean, we usually spend at least three nights a week together, but never more than four.  My roommate got a new girlfriend a month ago and they haven't spent a day apart yet.  He says that's how marriage is going to be and that when someone is important to you, you want to spend as much time as possible with them.  I see it as a codependent relationship.  I am still trying to figure out if my feelings are closer to the norm or the fringe.  When I am married, I definitely want to have a life outside of my spouse.

Second, religion has been hard.  Mya is very understanding but I really struggled at one point with our different views about religion.  Mya was raised Mormon but she doesn't go to church and doesn't believe it.  Littlebrother and I had a conversation one night where he told me that it was silly if I honestly believed that I could do everything right but not end up in the celestial kingdom because I chose to marry the wrong person.  While I certainly don't turn to littlebrother for spiritual advice, there was some validity to his argument. I have decided that even if Mya never decides to be active in the church, I could still love her and have a happy home.  It's something I still worry about, for sure, but it is not a dealbreaker.

Third, family.  Mya's family can be kinda weird at times.  I feel as if my family has been very quick to accept Mya.  Even though my parents would certainly prefer a Mormon temple wedding, they aren't advocating against my relationship with Mya.  I think they really like her.  Mya's family seems to tolerate me at best.  At her sister's baby shower (my first baby shower ever, it was co-ed...) I felt like the odd man out.  They talk to me a little bit but mostly, they aren't super welcoming.  Mya thinks they are weird too.

Fourth, littleMya.  LittleMya and I have a lot of fun together.  But sometimes she drives me crazy.  She is 4 years old so that's to be expected.  I have plenty of experience with children but not to the extent that I have had with littleMya.  I have seen littleMya at her absolute worst.  On my birthday, she threw a tantrum at breakfast in the restaurant.  She screamed and refused to come out from under the table.  I know it's just her trying to figure out the world and how she fits into it but being around her has changed my feelings about children a little.  I still want children, just not quite as badly.  Kids think the world revolves around them and they are so demanding.  I am surprised that as many people are having kids.  On Saturday, at a corn maze, Mya and I talked about this.  She thought most of the kids were probably accidents.  The parents there seemed completely unable to control their kids.  And halfway through the corn maze, littleMya decided that she was tired of walking (we all were) and that she had to be carried.  It's frustrating sometimes because I want to be like "you can either walk or lay down in the dirt and die in this corn maze!" but I can't.  Because she isn't my kid.  And because that's not really how I feel.  I just want to teach her that most of life is spent walking and not being carried.

Overall though, things seem to be going well.  Mya and I seem to be pretty understanding of each other.  There have been times where I have thought "Hey, I could maybe marry this girl."  And there have been times where I thought the opposite.  It's not perfect but it's life.  And our relationship has been pretty satisfying thus far.

A short update

I have been spending more and more time with Mya and LittleMya.  Things have been great.  That isn't to suggest that the relationship hasn't had ups and downs though.  We have each gone through phases where we thought the other person didn't like us as much as we liked them.  I especially felt this way when Mya was struggling to get through her classes near the end of the semester.  And while my family has really tried to get to know Mya, her family has not made near as much of an effort.  They have said hi to me but they don't really ask me questions or invite me to family activities.  I think that they just aren't that close as a family.  But also, I wonder if they don't see Mya and I as being that serious.  At least, that is what Mya's mom hinted at when Mya asked her about it.

I helped watch LittleMya a bunch while Mya was studying for school.  I previously approached everything with her in a sprint rather than marathon style. So spending larger chunks of time just the two of us was harder than I thought it might be.  After 45 minutes of playing Barbie, I have completely run out of ideas of new things to have Barbie say or do.  After an hour and a half of playing Barbie, Barbie under my control turns into a pretty wacky character.

Three months into a solid relationship is very scary.  Even though things just feel right, there is a part of me that misses the dating scene.  It's not to say I don't enjoy every minute with Mya and think about her when she is gone.  It's just that I spent so much time being single, and a change away from that feels like a bit of a departure from who I am.  Confusing? Sure.  Problematic? Doubtful.  I guess there is just a part of me that is resisting change.  Being single allows a person to live very selfishly.  And I still mostly live that way.

Happenings Lately

Mya and I were talking one night and somehow, the subject of this blog came up.  It was a bit awkward, since I really didn't want to tell Mya much about it.  Nevertheless, Smash had told Mya about this blog before I even met Mya (thanks Smash, jerk!).  Anyway, Mya wasn't too bugged about the blog but she wasn't exactly super enthused about it either.  It's understandable that she would be a little uncomfortable about me broadcasting all of the details about our dates.  But when she realized it was anonymous, I think that made her feel a little better.  Anyway, due to that conversation, I have been more hesitant to blog about every minor detail about our relationship.

Over the past few weeks, Mya has had the opportunity to meet most of my family members.  We were both pretty nervous about her meeting them the first time.  It was at littlesister's house for a birthday party.  We decided that LittleMya would probably have a lot of fun so we brought her along.  Everything seemed to go well.  My family liked Mya, although the comment they made the most about her was that she was very quiet.  I didn't get any weird emails from my mom the day after about how weird it was for me to bring a girl to a family party (like I got a year ago with Wonder).  I didn't get any emails from my dad about how to choose a wife (other than the typical emails that I regularly get from him on the subject - nothing specific about Mya).  I didn't get any comments from littlesister about how I am an idiot for dating Mya.  So I felt pretty good.  And Mya did really well.  Everyone liked her and she didn't seem awkward around my family.

Since then, Mya and I have settled into dating.  About half our dates include LittleMya.  Sometimes I get a bit frustrated because I worry about biting off more than I can chew (e.g., becoming a bit of an instant dad).  Sometimes I get really scared when LittleMya hurts herself and wants nothing to do with me.  For the most part though, things are really good.  When I show up to pick up Mya, LittleMya comes running up yelling my name and she gives me a big hug.  Over the weekend, we went to a drag racing event and LittleMya chose to sit on my lap the entire time rather than on her mom's lap.  Sometimes I wish that Mya and I could spend more time together without LittleMya but I totally understand that they are a package deal.  

Overall, things are going well.  I still like Mya a lot.  I enjoy kissing her and I enjoy talking to her and I enjoy just hanging out with her.  We are going to spend the upcoming holiday together at my parents' house and I am going to LittleMya's birthday party on Friday.  

An Acknowledged Relationship

On Friday night, Mya and I took her little brother out to dinner.  Her sister was supposed to come as well but canceled at the last minute.  After dinner, Mya and I went to a bar with Platinum.  The moment we got there, I started feeling super tired.  I had just about had enough of Platinum for the evening.  Even though she was in the happiest mood that I had ever seen her in, my patience was just wearing thin.  Mya immediately noticed it and became very worried that I was upset at her.  I guess I kinda was, just a little, for being such good friends with Platinum and getting me involved in situations with trashy people that I wasn't always excited about being involved in.  

See, the night before while we were at the baseball game, Platinum wasn't feeling well.  So she drove to the emergency room (but not the one that is close to her apartment, that would make too much sense, she had to drive to one clear across town).  Then, we had to take LittlePlatinum up there after the game.  And now, only 1 day later, Platinum was going out to a bar?  After sitting down for a little bit and having a big glass of water, I calmed down and stopped worrying about it so much.  Still, there were a couple of times while we were sitting there that I thought to myself "What have I gotten myself into?"  

On Saturday, I met up with Mya and LittleMya and Platinum and LittlePlatinum at Platinum's ex-husband's apartment complex pool.  It was fun, albeit a bit trashy.  And LittlePlatinum was super clingy while we were there.  Mya and I both think that LittlePlatinum has been getting much brattier lately and we are both concerned.  Mya thinks we shouldn't plan any activities with LittlePlatinum for awhile.  It kinda feels like with LittlePlatinum's family situation, no matter what we do, she is going to just get more screwed up.  

On Sunday, I went over to Mya's for a movie.  We had a real great discussion while sitting on her front lawn looking at the moon.  We talked about going exclusive (since some people had referred to me as her boyfriend and to her as my girlfriend) and basically decided that we were boyfriend and girlfriend.  It was nice and just felt very natural.  So for the moment, Mya and I are in an acknowledged relationship!

Drive

Sunday was Mya's little brother's mission farewell.  So we met up and headed to church.  It was fun.  He gave a great talk and I got to meet some of Mya's family (and play with LittleMya).  I think most of them liked me (although only one of her siblings was there - but she hasn't said anything bad about me yet, which Mya says is a very good sign).  Playing with the kids (some cousins) at the house after wore me out though!  I am used to being the fun uncle that can show up, rile the kids up, and then leave when I get tired.

On Monday, for Memorial day, I gave Mya a list of potential activities that her and LittleMya and I could do.  LittleMya chose a rodeo.  It ended up being a lot of fun.  LittleMya and I had a lot of fun together; she kept wanting to sit on my lap or sit between Mya and I.  I am not sure exactly how much to involve LittleMya in our dating.  I want her to get to know me and we definitely have fun playing together.  But when she gets tired, she becomes very shy with me and doesn't want me to give her any attention.  Mya says it's just her being a 3 year old.

On Thursday, Milo, MrsMilo, LittleMrsMilo, Mya, LittleMya, LittlePlatinum and I went to a baseball game.  It was fun (although the kids mostly just wanted to run around on the grass, they didn't care that a baseball game was going on).  The kids basically see me as a jungle gym and they are constantly climbing on me.  They had a balloon and I ended up blowing it up at least 10 times so that they could each have a turn holding it and letting it go to watch it zip around as the air was released.  LittlePlatinum was particularly bratty that night.  I really think she doesn't get enough attention at home.  But at times, it made me wonder if I have what it takes to be a good father.  It definitely made me worry a little about being thrust into fatherhood and whether I could handle it day in and day out.  Still, I had a lot of fun with Mya.  We have lots to talk about and we already have a bunch of inside jokes.

Dates 4, 5 and 6

On Tuesday, I found out that the baseball game was not going to be during the regular time.  So Mya and I decided to take the girls to Chuck E. Cheese.  I haven't been there in approximately 25 years so I wasn't sure what to expect.  I could tell that LittleMya was a bit unsure about what I was doing going with them.  But her good friend LittlePlatinum was there, so I didn't think it made a big difference.  The girls had lots of fun watching the robots sing and dance and they loved the games.  I tried to teach LittleMya how to play skeeball but she smacked her hand while trying to throw the ball (and cut her finger).  She gave me this look like "You did this to me! Stay away from my mommie!"  It was a bit disconcerting, even coming from a 3 year old.

As we were leaving, Platinum called and was upset because LittlePlatinum's dad had come to pick her up and we weren't there (I didn't know we were even supposed to be back at a certain time).  So that made things very awkward.  He looked pretty mad and although it wasn't my fault, I felt pretty certain he was assigning a high percentage of the blame to me.  After we dropped LittlePlatinum off, Mya, LittleMya and I drove over to my house for just a bit so that Mya could see it.  She seemed very impressed.  I definitely wondered what was going through her mind though.  Was she imaging it being her house?

I dropped Mya off at her car.  After putting LittleMya in the backseat, Mya and I had a nice kiss (with LittleMya banging on the window impatiently...).  Even though I felt really good about the date, I also felt exhausted.  I spent most of the night worried that LittleMya didn't like me and was never going to like me (unlike LittleMya, LittlePlatinum basically attached herself to me from day one and always wants to hold my hand - probably because she thinks she will get ice cream out of me).  LittleMya has definitely been more standoffish.  She loves to give me five as long as I say "Ouch" really loud after she does it.  But other than that, she seems mostly content to ignore me.  And I definitely worry about trying too hard to win over LittleMya.

On Wednesday, I went over to Mya's house to watch a movie.  I think LittleMya could sense that I was over because she woke up several times (which Mya says she never does) and Mya had to keep getting up.  It wasn't a big deal but it definitely made me wonder if I was the evil guy dating the mother that the daughter was trying to scare off (see The Parent Trap).

On Saturday, it was Platinum's birthday.  Smash and Mya invited me to go dancing with them.  We were having fun dancing when Platinum got very dramatic (probably because she was drunk) and needed to leave.  So Mya and I took her home and then went back to my house.  We ended up hanging out at my house talking until 4 in the morning.  We just had so much to talk about.  It was a great night.  Even after Mya left, I found myself wishing she was still there.

Fourth date with Mya rating: 7
Fifth date with Mya rating: 7
Sixth date with Mya rating: 10

You and me and all other people

On Saturday, I had my third date with Mya.  On Friday night, I was hanging out with Milo, RunsWithScissors and my friend Chimichanga and they started making me very nervous about the date.  Milo was "dropping some knowledge" on me, as he is prone to do, about how I don't have enough mystery with Mya.  I spent most of Saturday thinking about whether I need to change the way I act at all around Mya to try and get her to be more interested in me (I think this could be defined as "playing games").  I wouldn't know how to pull something like that off even if I wanted to.  Ultimately, I decided to just be myself.  If I sent texts to Mya that were too cute or too sweet, it was just me being me and if it was too much and she gets scared off, then I guess we don't have as much chemistry as I thought we did.  Thankfully, thus far Mya seems to really accept me for who I am.  I am sure part of it is because Mya is a single mother.  She is more real than most of the girls I date.  She has to be.  Five years ago, I am not sure we would have been compatible at all. But now, it just seems to work.

I decided to take Mya to my favorite Indian restaurant and then to a small venue concert.  The dinner was excellent; we made jokes with each other and never ran out of things to talk about.  Oh, and Mya looked spectacular.  After dinner, we drove over to the concert.  As we were getting out of the car, Mya realized that she had forgotten her ID.  Unfazed, we drove out to Platinum's house to pick it up.  I got to meet LittleMya there.  LittlePlatinum was immediately super excited to see me and I think it helped my case with LittleMya.  I played with the girls for a few minutes (they would slap my hands like they were giving me five and then I would exclaim "ouch!" which they loved).  Not that I was acting any different around them than I would any kids, but I think Mya was impressed.  We made it to the concert and had a lovely time.  We held hands through most of the concert and I must say, I was having the time of my life.  The music was good.  I had the prettiest girl in the world sitting next to me.  I had a full belly of Indian food.

After the concert, we drove back to Platinum's.  Smash and Platinum and a few other people were there (the girls were asleep).  Mya acted like she wanted to stay awhile.  So we sat on the couch and talked. It was great.  It was the first casual time we spent together.  Just sitting on the couch talking and joking and holding hands.  Finally, I decided it was pretty late (we had lost track of time) so I helped Mya load LittleMya into her car.  Then Mya came over and gave me such a great hug.  I pulled away and kissed her!  It was only a closed mouth kiss for maybe 5 or 6 seconds but it was absolutely amazing.  It left me feeling giddy in the way only a first kiss with lots of spark can do.

Third date with Mya rating: 10
Possibility of a fourth date with Mya: Very High (Scheduled for Tuesday evening, we are taking LittleMya and LittlePlatinum to a baseball game)