A Date with Tripp Hazard

Samsonite's Exit

2012-02-02T17:12:00.002-07:00

I hung out with Samsonite on Sunday. I thought things were going pretty well. So last night, I texted her to ask when we could see each other again. Much to my surprise, I received a long text from Samsonite explaining why she didn't think we should see each other anymore. I was bugged. In my response, I tried to explain why I thought she was being foolish and what I was willing to do to try and make this work. Her response makes my blood boil.

"Listen, I don't want this to end ugly with bad feelings. I care about you as a friend, Tripp. I just don't want to date or do what we are doing anymore so, therefore, don't think it's probably a great idea if we hang out."

I don't want to respond. I don't want to be Samsonite's friend. Anytime someone is not willing to put in the work required to make a relationship work, I already pretty much know what kind of friend they are going to be. Crappy. I guess it's kind of interesting that I expect more out of my friends than I do out of the girls I date.

Somebody that I used to know

2012-01-25T18:09:00.003-07:00

I have been out with Samsonite a few times over the last couple of weeks. I have developed a couple of concerns about Samsonite. First, I am not sure what kind of mother she would make. I actually haven't seen her interact with any kids. She has only 1 brother and he is close to her age (so no nieces and nephews). I know that Samsonite wants kids but I also know that she really enjoys having a career and would have a hard time sacrificing her career to raise a family. Second, i am not sure what kind of wife Samsonite would make. She never seems to cook and I am not sure about her homemaking skills. Also, Samsonite is sometimes a bit antisocial. She tends to hang back in groups.

Samsonite's sense of humor is much fouler than mine. She definitely prefers her comedy to be vulgar. It feels strange to me, since I have always been on the other side (where I am the one pushing the limits of those around me).

Last night, Samsonite and I were watching tv and the State of the Union address was on every channel. So I stopped to check it out for a bit. I find politics fascinating. And while I don't agree with President Obama on a lot of things, I definitely am interested in his opinions. Samsonite was immediately upset. She has some very strong views about Obama's policies and was quite vocal during his speech about how much she disagreed with what he said. It doesn't really matter to me whether the girl I am dating is politically conservative or liberal or even independent. I just was a bit surprised to find how unwilling Samsonite was to even consider some of Obama's opinions. It made me wonder if maybe Samsonite was a little bit closed-minded.

Flora never wrote me a second email. She texted me two days ago saying she guessed she wasn't very good at writing emails back. Then she went back to radio silence. That prospect seems to be dying.

Lolita and I have hung out a few times lately. In some ways, I think Lolita would like to hook up with me again. It's just things she has said. But then, she will tell me some story about a guy that she hooked up with and I wonder if I am reading her all wrong. For the time being, I am absolutely content with hanging out with Lolita without hooking up.

Cabins

2012-01-11T18:10:00.004-07:00

Lolita and I hung out last week. I always have fun with Lolita. And there is a part of me that wouldn't mind dating her again. Besides being very pretty, Lolita is just so chill about life. She has this relaxed attitude that reminds me of a surfer bum or some kind of hippie. But as littlebrother and Lolita got to talking about some of her wilder experiences, I got uncomfortable. Lolita doesn't really believe in Mormonism and I think that is a major stopping point. Not that Lolita is jumping up and down to date me, just that if she were, I am not sure how we would handle the whole religion issue.

On Friday night, I decided to go up to the cabin with littlebrother, GetErDone, Samsonite and a large group of people. It was kinda last minute but when I suggested it to Samsonite, she seemed down. It ended up being a lot of fun. GetErDone brought a bunch of cute girls and I think everybody had fun playing games and just hanging out. Samsonite was pretty quiet most of the night. I don't think she was uncomfortable around all the people, I think Samsonite is just more awkward in social settings like that. I sort of naturally became the entertainer, which I really enjoy. One of the girls GetErDone brought is named Spark. Spark was much more comfortable at the cabin than Samsonite and there was a part of me that wanted to flirt with her. Spark also seemed to show some interest in me. It could have just been me imagining things.

On Monday, after waiting for a week from Flora and not hearing anything, I sent her a text. She responded with a promise to email me back within 24 hours. 24 hours later, Flora called to say she hadn't been able to write the email yet and asked for another 24 hours. It was really fun to talk to Flora on the phone. She seemed much more interested in me than during our previous conversations. I think the email helped. I am very much toying with the idea of traveling out of state to take Flora out on a date. Flora emailed me today and it was fun and interesting. I thought about immediately writing her back but decided to wait a day or two, just to make it more anticipated.

Tosh texted me today and wanted to hang out tonight and watch the basketball game. Our teams are playing each other... Since we are both huge fans, it should be interesting.

2012 - More of the same?

2012-01-03T18:01:00.005-07:00

On Thursday, Sugarloaf texted me Flora's number. I guess his roommate wasn't that interested in her so he called her up and asked if he could give her number to me. So I gave Flora a call while I was waiting for Lolita to come over and hang out (Lolita and I are trying to play through Donkey Kong Country on my Super Nintendo). I was hoping Flora was still in town and we could arrange a date. Flora answered and we talked for a couple of minutes. It was a bit awkward. She had already left the state and spent all day driving. And she had arrived at her destination (a friend's parents' house) and was about to get into the shower. So we agreed to talk on the phone the next day.

One of the first questions Flora asked me when we talked the next day was "So, did I say something brilliant that made you want my number or have you just run out of girls in your home state to date?" Kind of funny but also awkward and very direct. I tried explaining it to Flora but I think it just came across as fuzz. Either way, the phone conversation was fun. Yesterday I sent Flora an email that I thought was funny and personal. She hasn't yet responded.

Hanging out with Lolita was a blast. As we were playing Donkey Kong Country, Lolita got a craving for Trix so we hopped in my car and hit up the grocery store. Cold cereal at midnight is such an amazing treat.

For New Years Eve, I went to a club with littlebrother and GetErDone. I have extremely low expectations for New Years Eve, since it is my least favorite holiday. I think my problem with it is that most people are drinking and hooking up. New Years Eve as a holiday does not really make sense for Mormons. GetErDone and littlebrother met a couple of cougars at the club. I kinda tried to mingle but I just felt so out of place there. In the end, it wasn't a bad New Years Eve. It's just that unless I spend the evening with someone and fall in love with them, New Years Eve is really just another night. The only difference is the additional expectations heaped on me to have more fun than any other night.

On Sunday, Samsonite texted me to apologize for being AWOL. A part of me wanted to not respond to her texts and give her some of her own medicine. But another part of me really wants to spend more time with her. That part of me won out. I accepted her apology and told her it was ok. I am not sure if her and I will end up spending any more time together. But if we don't, anything else would be like shooting someone in the back as they walk away. And if we do hang out again, I am not sure how giving her the cold shoulder is going to benefit me. Either way, I still definitely have some feelings for Samsonite and want to see her again.

2011 Year In Review (by the numbers)

2012-01-02T17:38:00.003-07:00

In 2011, I went out on dates with 19 different girls. I kissed 6 girls. I had 0 real relationships. Statistically, that is a date with a different girl approximately every 19 days (in years past, I have traditionally been on a date with a different girl every 14 days). I kissed 32% of the girls I went out on dates with (in years past, I have traditionally kissed 20% of girls that go on a date with). Of the 19 girls, 2 were met on a dating website, 4 were girls that I was set up with, 8 were girls that I already knew and 5 were girls I met this year on my own.

Of the 5 girls met this year on my own, 2 were met via mutual friends, 2 were met at a party and 1 was met on an airplane. Of the 5 girls met this year on my own, 4 received a second date and 2 were girls I kissed. Success rate: 40%

Of the 2 girls met on the dating website, 2 received a second date and 1 girl was kissed. Success rate: 50%

Of the 4 girls I was set up with, 0 received a second date and 0 girls were kissed. Success rate: 0%

Of the 8 girls that I already knew, 7 were taken on a second date (this year) and 2 were kissed (this year). Success rate: 25%

Of the 19 girls, 2 are girls I am still considering going out with again, 4 are girls that told me they were not interested in going out with me and 13 are girls that indicated they would go out with me again if I asked.

Gingerbread Houses and Mission Impossible

2011-12-28T17:34:00.004-07:00

Last week, Sugarloaf called me up to invite me to a gingerbread house making party. I had nothing else going on so I agreed to go. TheCaptain and my old friend Fireman were also there. Initially, Sugarloaf called me because there was going to be a shortage of guys there. Instead, Sugarloaf had a date there and Fireman had a date there while TheCaptain and I were flying solo. And most of the people there were either married or engaged. So TheCaptain and I did what we do best: we screwed around. We built the worst gingerbread house in the history of gingerbread houses (no structural integrity, taller than the others using gummy bears and toothpicks, no Christmas theme). When they voted, ours received zero votes (because you couldn't vote for your own, what a dumb rule).

I was getting ready to go when Sugarloaf's roommate asked me a few legal questions. His date was named Flora. I thought Flora was cute but it wasn't until we started talking that I really felt like there could be a connection there. One of the first things I noticed was that Flora was excellent at conversation. Also, as she made a comment that only pertained to me, she looked at me and winked. I could have been seeing things. But I discovered that Flora lives in another state and this was a blind date with Sugarloaf's roommate. In other words, there was a chance. I asked Sugarloaf to get some information on Flora from his roommate so that possibly I could ask her out on a date. Unfortunately, Sugarloaf never got back to me.

On Friday night, we celebrated Cowboy's birthday. As we were leaving the movie theater, I noticed a guy with orange shoes waiting for someone. I thought nothing of it until we were driving out of the parking lot. There was Flora walking with orange shoes guy. They were on a date. This was both good and bad. Good because it meant Sugarloaf's roommate was nowhere near sealing the deal. Bad because guy with orange shoes could potentially be sealing the deal. Seriously, for the rest of my life I am going to have a hard time trusting anyone with orange shoes.

On Christmas day, Samsonite sent me a text asking how my Christmas was going. Initially, I had no intention of responding. But, I am a nice guy so I responded and we texted back and forth a bit. It was all pleasantries and no substance. That sort of texting really bothers me. I generally text with a purpose. After a few rounds of going nowhere, I grew tired of it and didn't text her back (her last text read something like "I did have a good Christmas! I am glad that you did too. :)" Don't even get me started on her misuse of exclamation points. And the smiley face at the end? It serves no purpose.

On Monday, Lolita called and suggested I go visit her older brother with her. Lolita's older brother and I have been friends since high school but we hadn't seen each other for a few years. We went over to his place and ended up having a blast. His wife came home and was like "Are you guys dating?" to which Lolita quickly replied "No, we are just friends." It was that funny kind of awkward that you kinda laugh at and cringe at simultaneously.

On Tuesday night, Samsonite texted me to ask if I had seen the new Mission Impossible movie because it was great. I replied that I had and I enjoyed it. Then... nothing. I guess I don't know what to expect but to get a random text like that with no follow up is so weird to me. Today I managed to find Flora on Facebook and I learned a couple of useful nuggets about her. I added her as a friend on facebook. My plan is to wait for her to accept my add and then send her a message saying that it was fun meeting her and suggesting we do something together some time. Too forward? Not forward enough? Too stalkerish? Not stalkerish enough?

Christmas Party

2011-12-22T17:05:00.003-07:00

So Samsonite bailed on my work Christmas party. About the same time, I received a random phone call from Lolita. Lolita and I used to date several years ago and we have been friends ever since. Lolita had been dating a guy for the past two years and she told me they had broken up. While fretting over who to ask, Lolita kept coming up.

Background on Lolita: Lolita and I became fast friends while on a hiking trip that I attended with her older brother. A few nights into the trip, Lolita and I shared an unexpected kiss. We were both really attracted to each other but due to circumstance, a long term relationship was not possible. Still, I have always felt super comfortable with Lolita. So I called her up and asked her to go with me.

Lolita showed up looking fantastic. We headed off to the fancy restaurant. I knew Lolita could handle meeting all my coworkers and dealing with a long dinner party as my guest. And she did great. She didn't get jealous when I talked to my coworkers. She jumped in and agreed with me when I argued that adultery was considered less of a bad thing in this country than lying. It was good that Lolita was there because after the dinner, I felt super embarrassed that I had maybe spoken too loudly in front of the other attorneys or been obnoxious. I didn't have to worry because Lolita is not the kind of person that would ever judge me for that sort of behavior.

I didn't hear from Samsonite for over a week. I had a decision to make. Text/call her again and risk looking like the kind of guy that gets walked over or just let it die. I always lean a little more towards being the guy that gets walked over. So I sent her a text saying that even though she wasn't responding to my texts, I hoped things were going well for her and that I had fun when I was with her. She responded the next day with some bull excuse about how she had been so busy at work, she barely had time to breathe. At first, it seemed positive. I knew that she had been working 14 hour days and that she was under a lot of pressure. But then, I remembered that I had seen several facebook posts from her over the past week. And, she certainly didn't work on Sunday. So I decided to not text her back.

Spinning Wheels

2011-12-14T17:59:00.003-07:00

On Friday, I had my second date with Tosh. We doubled with a couple in my ward. Tosh was pretty easy to talk to and seemed to have fun on the date. After dinner, we played a board game at my house. I learned on the date that Tosh is a huge sports fan. We actually had a very interesting conversation about our favorite sports teams. However, after the date, I haven't felt any interest in taking her out again. Perhaps it was the comments from the married couple that her and I just didn't seem to click. Or maybe it was just that while Tosh is cute, she isn't really what I want.

On Saturday, I ended up going over to Samsonite's house to watch a movie. We clicked a lot more than we had previously and ended up hanging out together until way late. 2:45 in the morning, to be more precise. We hung out again on Sunday night. I was feeling pretty good about things, so I asked her to my company Christmas party. She accepted and everything seemed good. Then last night, she texted and said her mom had given her a ticket to an event on the same night and she didn't feel like she could turn her mom down on them. I was extremely frustrated. First off, the event is not something cool. Second off, she had already made plans with me. Clearly I am not as high of a priority in her life as I thought I might be. Am I done with Samsonite because of this? Well, no. I still want to spend more time with her. But could something like that break a budding relationship? Absolutely. My interest in Samsonite has waned. And I find myself four days before the party without a date and not feeling like there is anyone I can ask.

Worst Date Ever (but not what you think) or An unexpected second date

2011-12-06T17:19:00.003-07:00

On Thursday, I went on a first date with Tosh. I met Tosh at a party a few weeks ago. One of the things I can immediately tell while talking with Tosh is that she is a very intelligent person. The conversation flowed. After grabbing dinner, we decided to go see The Muppets Movie. I am still a bit on the fence about how attracted to Tosh I am. But we had fun and I am going to go out with her again this weekend.

On Friday, I had a blind date with Beaver (get your mind out of the gutter). My aunt set me up with Beaver. I was a bit hesitant, since I didn't feel like I really clicked with Beaver on the phone. When I picked her up, I thought she was better looking than in her photos. We grabbed some Indian food. There were a couple of moments where the conversation got out of hand, mostly because I was peppering Beaver with too many questions and I think Beaver started feeling like she was being interviewed. Still, dinner went well and we were both having fun. I didn't have anything else planned, so I suggested that we just go back to my house to see my Christmas tree. It wasn't a ploy to hook up, I just thought it was a simple activity that we could go do and then I could take her home.

As we were driving, I mentioned that I used to work at Walmart. Beaver went silent for a few seconds before asking "Did you used to hate country music?" "Umm, that's a really odd question, where did that come from?" I responded. "Just answer the question." "Yeah, I used to hate country music, I like it now, but growing up I didn't like it." So Beaver says to me "We have been out on a date before."

My first response was that no, we have not been out on a date. She must be confusing me with someone else. Then Beaver starts rattling off details about this date. None of them clicked with me. Finally she says that we had doubled with my roommate that was a cop. Gratefully, I explained to her that I had never had a roommate that was a cop and that she was just mistaken. Then she said he was a redhead... I got nervous. My redheaded roommate Bill was working as a prison guard while training to become a cop. But that was before he got married 8 1/2 years ago. Could I have possibly been on a date with Beaver 9 years ago and just forgotten about it? But I still wasn't convinced. So Beaver mentioned that I had put a gun in my mouth on the date (one time, a long time ago, as a joke, I remember putting my roommate's gun in my mouth). Then Beaver told me where she had used to leave and it all clicked for me. I remembered the date (although not all the details). It had been a blind date. While at dinner, I was frustrated with how uptight the girl was so I asked the girl if she ever wore a bikini. She looked at me and said "That is an inappropriate question and I am not going to answer it." And then she basically shut down. I should have taken her home right then. You can't recover from something like that. But no, in the wisdom of my youth, I kept trying. We finished dinner (FAIL), we went to the bowling alley (FAIL), we went back to my house to watch a movie (FAIL), I tried to cuddle with her (FAIL) and as I dropped her off, I shook her hand and said "Well, this was interesting" (FAIL). It wasn't a great date for me but as it turns out, it was Beaver's worst date ever.

So now, 9 years later, we are in my car. Beaver is laughing and I am awkwardly cringing at each detail from our first date. I apologized numerous times. And I did what I should have done 9 years ago: I took Beaver home. This time, I gave her a hug (and jokingly told her that this was interesting). She said that she looked forward to our next date in 9 years.

On Saturday, I hung out with Samsonite. We went to the mall to do some Christmas shopping. It was fun (I get along with Samsonite so much better when Gonzo is not around) but mostly uneventful. It's hard to see much of a future with the emotional damage that Samsonite has. But at least right now I have options.

Swallowing my pride or being swallowed by pride

2011-11-30T17:57:00.004-07:00

After a little more thought, I decided maybe I would give Samsonite another chance. So I asked her out again. Her response, via text, was that she needed to be honest and that she wasn't ready to start dating. This was on Monday. I was extremely frustrated so I called up three new girls and scheduled dates for Thursday night, Friday night and potentially Saturday night (one of the girls might be going out of town). What have I got to lose, right?

Yesterday, I received a random text from Jewel. After three months of no contact, other than a random call which I didn't answer a few weeks ago, Jewel wanted to know how I was and if we could go to lunch. I rolled my eyes but agreed. So Jewel and I had lunch today. I didn't expect any substance in our conversation and none was given. We spent most of the lunch arguing about whether to end the war on drugs. And then lunch was over and she dropped me off back at my office. I didn't give her a hug. We didn't talk about why we broke up. We didn't talk about dating. She sent me a text after saying she had fun and that she really hopes we can be friends. Friends? Really?

Last night, Samsonite texted me to suggest we go shopping together. Shopping? Really? Am I just a really good friend to these girls? Are they hoping to keep me around while they get their crap together or are they just latching on to me like barnacles? I guess I can't complain too much, since I agreed to have lunch with Jewel and I agreed to go shopping (for Christmas) with Samsonite this weekend. It has me thinking about littlebrother. He has some of the flakiest friends. It's not just a coincidence, his easy going attitude attracts flaky people. Perhaps it's my easy going attitude that attracts flaky girls. But these girls aren't flaky about showing up to stuff when they say they will; they are flaky about committing to anything. I suppose it's my curse for not dating House.

Unwanted Drama

2011-11-22T19:32:00.003-07:00

So last night, Samsonite and I agreed to get together. Her really good friend Gonzo was in town so I thought it might be me playing third wheel for most of the night. I was wrong. It was Samsonite that played third wheel to Gonzo and I. From the moment we met in the restaurant, Gonzo stole the show. She started asking me question after question and nitpicking at my answers. She talked and talked and talked and talked. There were times where I felt like I had no part in the conversation. Attempting to keep up with the intensity of Gonzo, I shifted gears. I almost made an inappropriate joke but stopped myself. However, I let it slip out that I had almost said something inappropriate. Both Samsonite and Gonzo were like "no, come on, it's just us, there is nothing you could say that would be inappropriate." So, I told them what it was. Talk about vicious. They attacked like a couple of starving wolves attacking a deer carcass. At that point, I gave up. I was stunned at how awful things were going.

As we were leaving, I thought I was free and clear. But no, I had no escape plan. Gonzo wanted to see my house. So they followed me home and I gave them the grand tour.

Sample conversation number 1:

Gonzo: Your tree needs to be in the middle of the window.

Me: I kinda like it where it is.

G: Well, you are wrong. Isn't he wrong Samsonite?

Samsonite: You are wrong Tripp, your tree needs to be in the middle of the window.

M: Well, thanks for your concern, but there are reasons why I placed it where I did and I want it to stay there.

G: You are wrong. Your tree needs to be in the middle of the window.

Sample conversation number 2:

G: Oh my gosh! You have tickets to the football game! Oh my gosh, can I buy one off of you?

M: No, they aren't for sale.

G: Come on! I will give you $20 for this ticket right now.

M: Umm, actually I paid $85 per ticket and I really want to go to that game.

G: Come on! I will give you $20 for this ticket right now.

I was annoyed. Gonzo started peppering me with questions again. I attempted to answer and she shot back with "All I heard was blah blah blah, I'm really insecure, blah blah blah." At that point, I should have just kicked her out of my house. Samsonite did nothing to defend me. So I tried defending myself, explaining what I meant. I was on my best behavior because I have had fun with Samsonite and I thought there could be some major potential there.

So Gonzo starts into this diatribe of how Mormon guys are all gatherers when they should all be hunters. I gave a couple of valid points that were shot down by both Gonzo and Samsonite (Samsonite remained relatively quiet through most of the conversation). At that point, I wanted them both out of my house, I made a mental note to myself that Samsonite would not be getting another phone call from me. Nevertheless, they were still in my house and I had no way to get them to leave. So the awkwardness continued. Gonzo was mean, Samsonite was mostly silent (except for an occasional laugh at something Gonzo said, just to sort of prove that she was on the same page as Gonzo on just about every topic). Finally, at 12:45, they left my house. Gonzo offered up a half-hearted apology on the way out the door. Samsonite stuck up for me a total of 1 time the entire night but it somehow felt enough to redeem her from throwing me under the bus the other 10 times.

Today I got a text from Samsonite asking if I wanted to go get pizza with them. Umm, no. A minute later, I got a text from Gonzo offering another apology. It seemed sincere so I accepted the apology and apologized to her if I had said something mean last night. Gonzo replied with "I don't need an apology. I wasn't offended, one has to be insecure to be offended." Oh how my blood boiled. I considered sending a profanity laced response that would surely put Gonzo in her place. But I realized that no matter what I wrote back to Gonzo, it would fail. No matter how accurately I described her insecurities or lack of manners and mean spirit, it would only make me look more insecure in both her eyes and Samsonite's eyes. So I told her that the apology was unaccepted. Gonzo gave some snide remark back about how she was only doing it to be a good friend to Samsonite. Can't imagine a lot of scenarios where I will be taking Samsonite out again.

Introducing Samsonite

2011-11-11T18:39:00.003-07:00

Last night I had my first date with Samsonite. I met her last weekend at a party. I didn't get her number at the party but I added her as a friend on Facebook that night and then asked for her number via Facebook. It's not ideal but it worked.

I picked Samsonite up and immediately thought she was cuter than I remembered from meeting her before. That's always a good sign. The conversation never seemed to lag during dinner. Samsonite and I have the same sense of humor (quirky and a little off-colored) so it went well. Initially I hadn't planned on doing anything after dinner (since first dates are best left short) but I was really digging Samsonite so I took her to my house so we could watch a movie. It was super easy and natural to start cuddling with Samsonite. Sometimes I am not sure if other girls are just more awkward or if they just don't want to cuddle with me. Not that I am a cuddle slut. But a few minutes into the movie, Samsonite and I were cuddling. We did a bit of tickling and ended up making out. It had been way too long. I definitely want to do something with Samsonite again soon. The funny thing is, today as I rehashed our date, I kept wondering whether Samsonite was actually interested in me. I guess there must have been a couple of moments during the date when I felt unsure (these moments were probably not when we were kissing), although I can't put my finger on exactly what moments they were.

Tweak called me on the phone this week and gave me two phone numbers of girls that he thinks I should go out with (and that agreed to be set up with me). A coworker offered to set me up with his sister this week (unsolicited). Also, my aunt called me to suggest I get set up with her friend's little sister. After 6 weeks of no dates, having a dating pool of 6 or 7 girls feels a bit overwhelming. Of course, it's the good kind of overwhelming.

Speed Dating

2011-11-08T16:43:00.005-07:00

Over the weekend, I went speed dating. After a significant dating hiatus, my hopes weren't too high of meeting anyone. A couple friends of mine were doing this speed dating event to launch their new dating website. Since I honestly had nothing better to do (and secretly since I thought speed dating might be a little fun), I headed over. The first thing I noticed was the disparity between guys and girls. There were more than twice as many girls as guys there.

I awkwardly took a seat. There were actually a few cute girls there. Not dream girls. But girls that had some potential. For whatever reason, I didn't feel intimidated. So I started talking... lots. Rather than give the usual rundown of who I am and where I am from and what I do, I tried to avoid those subjects and focus on just being fun. See, one of the biggest struggles I have on dates is because of my dating resume. I subconsciously feel as if I am in a job interview and I need to make sure that the interviewer knows that not only do I have multiple degrees but that they were obtained from prestigious institutions. The problem is, dating is not like job interviews. In job interviews, being subtle is often a negative. In dating, being subtle is the key.

So as the night progressed, I continued to avoid most of the talking points about my career or my education or how I play guitar. Instead, I focused on which Disney Princess I would date (I joked that it would be Beast but we all know it would be Belle). I asked about their careers but made all of my comments very lighthearted. And it worked. I was the belle of the ball. 9 different girls listed me as someone they would be interested in going out with! The next closest was a guy that had 3 girls list him as someone they would be interested in going out with. After the event, Rogen and I and one of the girls grabbed some dinner together.

On Saturday, I was hanging out with Sugarloaf and TheCaptain watching some football when Sugarloaf got an invite to go to a party. I am normally very hesitant to go to these parties, since I rarely meet anyone and generally don't have much fun. But I was feeling good, so I agreed to go. It was a blast. When we got there, I released all of my inhibitions. Why? I am not sure. I wish I could control it. I talked with a bunch of different girls. Two of them gave me their numbers and I am going to call them this week to set up dates. I don't think I even told them what I did for a living. I just had fun. I flirted shamelessly and fearlessly. I left the party feeling like a million bucks. I may not be back in the game yet, but at least I feel like I am a contender again.

The Wonder Years

2011-10-24T18:28:00.003-06:00

I haven't been dating. So what have I been doing with all that extra free time? Watching The Wonder Years on Netflix.

It's amazing how much emotion I feel while watching that show. In some ways, it's actually a bit awkward. As I watch Winnie and Kevin interact, I sometimes wanna scream at the tv because they are always playing mind games with each other. The other night, I swear it, I cried just a little. I loved that show growing up and watching it all now brings a wave of nostalgia. Confession: I had a super crush on Winnie Cooper growing up. I always thought her and Kevin would end up together. I still remember the way I felt when I watched that final episode for the first time. A part of my hope for ever finding someone died when I found out that Winnie Cooper and Kevin Arnold did not end up together.

What have I learned?

2011-10-03T16:12:00.003-06:00

In response to aLifeInBloom's suggestion (a cute redhead in a relationship that I have never met), I am going to try and write about how I have changed in the past year. For simplicity, I will write it as a numbered list.

1. Less chaotic dating. I think in the last year, I realized how awful it can be to go on four dates a week consistently. I think I mostly just liked the attention. Lately, I have been going on less dates with less girls. It makes for a boring blog. But it means I am not constantly trying to juggle dates with four or five girls at a time.

2. Less money. I have made a conscious decision to spend less money on my dates. Yeah I took Popcorn to a traveling broadway musical, which wasn't cheap, but in general I have decided to spend less on my dates. This past week I had tickets to a Taylor Swift concert. Rather than take a girl I wasn't that into, I sold them for a tidy profit.

3. I feel less like marriage is just around the corner for me. I used to think it was just going to fall in my lap soon enough. Now, I have serious doubts about whether I will be married anytime soon. It means I am thinking of my life more in terms of being single rather than "I can't buy that cause it won't make sense once I get married."

I was hoping that I could write a really decent list of ways that I have changed in the last year. But I don't think I have changed that much. So instead, here is a list of things that I could/should change to become more dateable:

1. Be less shy. I ask plenty of girls out. But they are often setups or girls that I know that I am not that interested in. The girls that I meet or see and really want to date intimidate me so I am less likely to talk to them or ask them out.

2. Worry less about marriage. When I am not thinking "where is this going?" I tend to have lots more fun on dates. Problem is, how do I stop thinking like that? How can I be "fun Tripp Hazard" rather than "date Tripp Hazard" on a more regular basis while on dates?

3. Make more of an effort to go to social activities where I might meet people. This one is harder. The mormon party scene drives me crazy. I never meet anyone at those parties and leave feeling angry. Bars aren't much better. Should I go back to school? Take cooking classes? Join a yoga group? I need a better way to meet girls.

4. Get rid of my mullet. Yeah, I said it. I love it because it makes me feel like a rebel. And it gives me this excuse like "these girls just aren't interested in me because I have a mullet."

5. Dress better. I have tons of out of style clothes. And lots of in style work clothes. But hardly any in-style casual clothes.

6. Do what I love. They say it's easier to meet someone if you are just doing what you love. I don't really know exactly what that means. I guess I need to get some hobbies that will help me meet girls.

Last week, I had a second date with Popcorn. It was fun but short. I can't tell right now if this thing with her is going anywhere or if we are on the fast track for friendship. We just went out for dinner and then talked in the car while listening to music.

A Spoonful of Sugar

2011-09-20T18:35:00.004-06:00

On Friday night, I had a date with Popcorn. I first met Popcorn six years ago when she was dating my roommate HandsomeRob. Back then, she was a 19 year old hair dresser that I didn't consider to be very smart. But we maintained our friendship over the years. Initially I texted her to see if she would go to the football game with me and the parentals on Saturday but Popcorn was working that night. She said she was free on Friday though, so I took it.

I was thinking about what to do on my date with Popcorn and I decided that I really wanted to go see this musical. So I told Popcorn to dress up. We ended up having a really fun time. Popcorn is fairly easy to talk to and looked great in her dress. I went home from the date feeling pretty hopeful about things (which hasn't happened in a long time).

On Saturday, I ended up being set up on a blind date with this girl Scooby by GetErDone. I don't really like to take dates with the parentals, especially blind dates but they had invited me to the football game and seemed intent that I take a date. Scooby ended up being really cool. She handled the conversation with my parents well. And didn't mind that I was a bit hyperactive at the football game either. But, Scooby is a couple years older than me. Honestly, I have a hard time with that. And while Scooby was definitely more attractive in person than in her pictures, I didn't feel that attracted to her during the date. Right now, I am kind of on the fence about taking her out again. Suggestions?

On Sunday, I had dinner with a family in my ward. They have this really cute daughter Foxtrot that is engaged. Her best friend Fanta was also there along with her boyfriend. Both girls are super cute. After dinner, we were outside playing a game. It was my turn to move and as I jumped, I uncontrollably farted. Everybody heard it and laughed. I was super embarrassed. I pretended to not care but am pretty sure I will forever be that guy that farted during the game. Still, being there made me feel like there are cute girls out there that aren't total snobs. I just don't know how to meet them.

Skydiving and the fair with Pulse

2011-09-12T12:52:00.002-06:00

I talked Pulse into going skydiving with me on my birthday. I knew that the only way I would dare do it is if it was on my birthday and if I had someone there with me to hold me accountable. I was so scared. Surprisingly, Pulse wasn't really all that scared. We both ended up having a lot of fun. So I decided to ask her if she would go to the state fair with me the following weekend. In case you don't know, I love the state fair. It's a combination of the food, the smells, the people, the rides, the carnies, and the animals. And I knew that I would have fun with Pulse.

The fair started out well enough. We got some fried cheese on a stick and saw a bunch of the animals. Then, we went to the sheep. While Pulse and I were looking at the size of the scrotum of a prize sheep (the size of a cantaloupe!), in walked this guy that Pulse has kind of been dating lately. Although my feelings towards Pulse are definitely mixed right now, I was not too happy to see/meet this guy. In fact, it put me in a pretty bad mood. Pulse and I have had many talks about the difference in guys. She uses a scale between "dude" and "emo." I use a similar scale between "douche bag" and "wiener." This guy is basically pretty far over on the "wiener" scale. Although Pulse says that I am a dude, I consider myself to be somewhere in the middle (although closer to the "douche bag" side than the "wiener" side, but not by much). However, when this wiener started talking to us, I reverted to "douche bag" mode. I couldn't help it. I felt threatened and I didn't want him there. It's hard to explain how I reverted to "douche bag" mode but I definitely felt it. It actually carried over for another 45 minutes after we left the wiener. I was kinda mad at Pulse that we had run into him and that she had introduced us and acted like it was no big deal. To Pulse's credit, she worked hard to get me out of "douche bag" mode. She suggested we ride some of the rides. I was less than enthusiastic and just wanted to leave the fair and head home. Pulse talked me into it though, and as soon as we were on one of the rides, I came out of "douche bag" mode and started having fun again. The rides were fantastic. I love fair rides. Expensive and dangerous with creeps running them, fair rides are a true white trash paradise. We screamed and laughed and basically just loved riding the rides. Although I was super frustrated with Pulse and am feeling as if I will probably just walk away rather than try and date her, I was glad that we had the night together at the fair.

It's Fair Season

2011-08-22T18:29:00.005-06:00

On Thursday, I had lunch with my grandma and littlebrother. Littlebrother had to take off early and as my grandma and I were leaving the restaurant, someone yelled my name. I turned to see Jewel walking towards us. I gave my grandma a hug and sent her on her way and walked over to chat with Jewel. It was pretty short, I made a couple of jokes, tried to make myself appear aloof and then said I had to get back to work. I could see in Jewel's eyes that she was hoping for more. And I was right. Two minutes later, I got a phone call from Jewel asking me if I would like to meet her for lunch on Friday. I politely declined, citing lunch plans with my parents. I could definitely hear bits of regret in Jewel's voice but she admitted nothing.

On Friday night, GetErDone called me up and said he wanted to set me up with this girl Figure for Saturday. I tentatively agreed and then a few minutes later, Figure called me using GetErDone's phone. She asked if I had something to ask her. It was a little weird but I liked her being forward about it. So I asked her out for Saturday. When I picked her up, the first thing Figure told me was about her strange diet. Figure is training to be in a figure competition (sort of like a female bodybuilding competition sans the huge muscles). As is typical, I had tons of questions to ask her about it. Why did she do it? What did it entail? What could she win? Did she have a six pack? (yes she did)

The problem is, it got our date started on completely the wrong foot. I don't know if Figure normally would have asked lots of questions but I think my questions sent her into pageant mode. Pageant mode is when a girl only answers the questions that you ask rather than attempts to have a conversation with you. So as the questions about figure competitions began to run dry, so did our conversation. I wanted to ask about other things but I felt pigeonholed into that one topic. Figure tried to ask me some questions but those conversations never got off the ground. In the end, I learned more about figure competitions than I thought I would ever learn. But very little about Figure as a person. And Figure learned very little about me as a person either (other than my ability to interview pageant girls).

At one point, I was struggling so much that I started trying to figure out what guys Figure was attracted to. She started telling me that she was super picky and she wasn't sure that any of the guys there were her type. I felt like the person asking the questions of Miss South Carolina why the majority of US children cannot find the United States on a map that got more than they bargained for. "I personally believe that U.S. Americans are unable to do so because, uh, some... people out there in our nation don't have maps." And I also learned that fairs are only as fun as the person you are there with.

A Sweet Mullet

2011-08-17T14:15:00.003-06:00

I haven't been on any dates over the past few weeks. I would be lying if I told you that I have really enjoyed all the extra free time. I broke out my old Nintendo and played several games all the way through. I also broke out my old Super Nintendo and finished a game that I started three years ago. I watched every episode of 30 Rock available on Netflix. I have even lost some weight by eating better (since there is no one to go to dinner with me, I have been eating at home). I am just not used to having that much free time. Although going on two or more dates per week seemed unsustainable, not going on any dates also seems unsustainable.

On Friday night, Jewel called me from a different number. I answered and she asked if she could borrow my truck. I was shocked at the nerve of such a request. Thankfully, my truck is out of town. Otherwise I might have said yes and made myself look like a doormat. We talked for like 30 minutes about nothing. I missed her but I didn't tell her. I felt so taken advantage of.

Last week, I became interested in this girl Broadway. Broadway works at the clinic where I am going for physical therapy. She started there a month or two ago and we became fast friends. But I knew she had a boyfriend. And I knew that Broadway just barely graduated from high school. So last week, Broadway informed me that she had dumped her boyfriend. We flirted more than usual and I seriously considered asking her on a date. I felt as if Broadway wanted me to ask her on a date. The thing is, age is just a number, right? Over the past seven or eight years, people have said to me "Tripp, you can't go out with that girl, she is too young!" Every one of those girls is now married and most of them have kids. So what is stopping me from asking Broadway out? Although the age difference really doesn't bother me in the least, I worry that it might bother her. And her parents, since she still lives at home. But I don't feel like it should bother either of them. I am young at heart and very responsible. Plus, what parents wouldn't want their daughter to date an attorney with a sweet mullet?

What's been happening lately

2011-08-08T18:54:00.000-06:00

So Jewel finally called me early one morning and said she didn't feel strongly enough about me to keep seeing me. I was bummed but the anxiety finally stopped. She said "I am probably gonna regret this." And I said "if you do, give me a call." And that was it. I went on a second date with Cabinet. It was fun but I can tell that Cabinet has huge walls built up. It's almost impossible to schedule a date with her. When I suggested a third date, she told me she had a night available in like two weeks. How am I ever going to build a relationship with someone if I only see them once every two weeks?

I went on a couple of dates with littleKJo. She is dating another guy though. And KJo knows of this blog, so I have to be careful what I write about littleKJo, since KJo is sure to tell her all about it.

I have been talking with Pulse a lot lately. On the 24th, I decided to text her and see how everything was going. She suggested we meet for dinner. We met up around 9 and ended up talking/hanging out until 2 in the morning. It was a lot of fun. I just didn't want to leave. I found myself so emotionally attracted to the stability that Pulse represents. Not that Pulse isn't lots of fun, she just isn't crazy like Jewel. Since then, Pulse and I have talked quite a bit. I told her all about Jewel and she told me all about the guys that are currently in her life. Basically, the timing is not right for dating Pulse.

Last Tuesday, I got a text from Jewel asking how my whiplash was (I was involved in about 6 major automobile accidents and about 8 minor automobile accidents over the previous weekend). I didn't respond. The next day, I received another text from her saying "I would like to spend time with you and get to know you better, is that something you would be interested in?" I was not too happy about receiving this text. The more I thought about it, the more I was convinced that Jewel had just gotten bored and liked having someone that liked her. So I followed my knee jerk reaction. I went to my computer and I wrote her an email. It was probably a little bit harsh. I told her how she had mistreated me. I told her I deserved better treatment.

Two days later, I got a text from Jewel saying "Just FYI, that was me admitting I made a mistake." I was seriously confused. I responded "and that was me telling you I still like you." A few hours later, I got another text from Jewel saying that she had just received my email and to have a great summer. I was so confused. Then I received an email from Jewel. She did not like what I had written in my email and felt attacked. She said that she obviously wasn't good enough for me and that she was sorry and that she hoped I had a good life. I responded with another email telling her that I still really liked her and that the email had been a little too harsh. I told her that I was willing to swallow my pride and admit that I had made some mistakes. Was she willing to swallow her pride and admit that she had made some mistakes too? On Saturday morning, I received a text from Jewel saying thanks for the second email and that she had some serious thinking to do. To be honest, it bummed me out quite a bit. What thinking did she have to do? Hadn't she already spent plenty of time thinking?

Today, Jewel called me. We talked for about 30 minutes. As usual, Jewel spoke semi-cryptically. She said that she had admitted she made a mistake and wanted to go out with me one more time to see if we clicked. But then she had received the emails from me. The harsh words that I said made her realize that it was selfish of her to go out with me again and torture me so. I told her that this was not irreparable. And that was it. I said bye and she was gone again. At this point, I seriously doubt that I will ever see Jewel again. I suppose it is for the best.

Last week littlebrother brought a girl over to my house named ZZ. I thought ZZ was pretty cute and littlebrother was all about me asking her out (after he made out with her in my house - which is just awkward). I am toying with the idea of asking her out.

Every day we get a little bit stronger

2011-07-14T18:13:00.000-06:00

On Saturday, GetErDone texted me and suggested I take this girl Oprah (not the real Oprah!) on a date and meet him at this country concert. I guess GetErDone had been set up on a blind date with Oprah a few weeks earlier and being the good friend that he is, he passed his leftover on to me. Prior to calling Oprah, I checked out some of her stuff from her TV show. She seemed fun and funny and she was pretty cute in a lot of the stuff. When someone is on TV regularly (as in everyday), there is plenty to discover about them online. So I called her and set up the date.

I picked her up and thought she was very pretty. However, she wore this purple lipstick that would have embarrassed Ronald McDonald on a date. Even though we got along fairly well (I didn't feel like there was any chemistry though), how in the world could I get over a first impression like that? I am attracted to clean, natural looking faces. Even people that are freezing to death don't have lips that color purple. Nevertheless, I had fun. I just don't think I will take her out again.

On Sunday, KJo and her little sister littleKJo invited me over for dinner. It ended up being a lot of fun. I flirted with littleKJo and even though she has kinda been dating this guy, I decided to ask her on a date. I asked her to attend a baseball game with me on Wednesday night. We had a blast. I approached the date more like I normally approach dates: not really caring and just trying to have fun. We talked about the boy she was kinda dating and I told her a little about Jewel. She thinks that Jewel has treated me horribly. I kinda agree.

Jewel had told me she would call me on Tuesday. On Tuesday, I received a text from her saying she had just been to the dentist and asking if she could call me on Wednesday morning. Umm, ok. On Wednesday morning, I woke up feeling super anxious (as any thoughts related to Jewel seem to do to me now). Jewel texted me asking what I was doing for lunch on Thursday. No mention was made of the phone call that had apparently now been canceled. I texted her back and said that I already had lunch plans for Thursday.

I really am not even sure why I should see Jewel again, I don't see any positive potential. Sample conversation likely to occur if/when we see each other next:

Me: Hey Jewel.

Jewel: Oh my gosh, I hate my intern so much, he is so stupid, but I am moving to California soon, I am sooo excited, like, it is gonna be great, I won't have to live here anymore.

Me: Uhh, gee thanks, that makes me feel great.

Jewel: California is just so much better than here. I can go to the beach and swim in the ocean. The ocean is like my favorite thing ever. And swim in my mom's pool. And ride my bike every day. I am so excited.

Me: Wow, ok, why did we meet again (while stabbing my fork into my eye)?

Jewel: Because we are friends. You need to just chill out. Stop worrying so much. My roommate would love to go on a date with you. Oh my gosh, California.... California... California...

You get the gist. So I told her that I had plans. Then she asked what I was doing on Monday. Here's the thing, when we were dating, she would ask what I was doing this weekend, and I would tell her some of the stuff I had planned and then she would say "oh, this is what I am doing." I used to think maybe she was trying to invite me to do something but now, I have no idea. Her asking what I am doing on Monday in no way guarantees that a) she will not suddenly have something better come up that requires moving activities with me to another day or b) she will just not feel like doing anything. Yeah, I am pretty much fed up with Jewel. I still love her but since yesterday, I have decided that I would only take her back on several conditions (assuming she doesn't move to California, since there are no jobs there).

1. No more talking about how great California is. To be honest, I would move to California to be with Jewel. But right now, we don't live in California and she needs to get over it.

2. We need to do stuff together at least 3 times per week. No exceptions.

3. We have to start kissing again immediately.

4. If she goes to California for the weekend, she has to invite me to come along.

5. We are steady dating, no dates with other people.

6. I need regular words of affirmation from her. Maybe her love language is shown via quality time spent but mine requires words of affirmation.

Since zero of the above 6 things are likely to change, the odds of Jewel and I dating are pretty much zero. It's sad but perhaps I can move on and find someone else.

It's the reason why I'm here

2011-07-08T15:33:00.000-06:00

I ended up having a lot of fun on my date with Cabinet. Cabinet is one of those really cool girls that every guy gets along with instantly. But from talking to mutual friends, she is the kind of girl that is really good at keeping guys at arms length. In other words, there may be walls she has built that I can't possibly tear down unless she lets them down. So we will see.

I picked up Cabinet and decided that I wanted to eat some place decent. So I took her to the Melting Pot. She had never been. Cabinet is so good at carrying conversation. I think I was a bit surprised at how able she was to hold a conversation through the entire dinner. I guess I don't actually anticipate that a girl will be able to do that. After dinner, since it was too late to do an activity but too early to take her home, I took Cabinet over to my house. Milo and Steve-O were there and they were definitely impressed with Cabinet. We just talked about politics and it was super chill. Of course, one of my main concerns about dating is that I let things become too chill way too soon. I guess I have more baggage now than I did a few months ago with the Jewel debacle. Now I am going to enter every potential relationship with a fear that things will be too relaxed early on and that I will be unable to jump start them when I decide I want to move to the next level.

Cabinet and I have texted a few times since the date. I would be very interested in going out with her again. I can't really say if she has any interest.

I can't move the mountains for you

2011-07-06T17:26:00.000-06:00

I literally got off the phone with Jewel 2 minutes ago. Our conversation was nice, a bit awkward. Jewel told me how great her weekend in California was. And that it had almost pushed her over the edge to quit her job and move back there. She said she is going to spend the next couple of weeks thinking before she makes her final decision.

I was definitely disappointed. I have tried so hard to pretend over the last two weeks that I was over Jewel and that I was ready to move on. I actually encouraged Jewel to follow her heart and do what she needed to do. Partially because I think that really is what she should do and partially because saying anything else would solve nothing. I sent her roommate and best friend here a quick message on Facebook about it. I know I probably shouldn't have but what exactly do I have to lose?

I told Jewel again on the phone that I liked her and that I still wanted to date her. Then, I asked her if she wanted to spend any time with me or if it would cloud her judgment. Jewel said she would give me a call in a week to answer that question. Of course there are going to be moments where I think that I should have said something else or done things differently. But in the end, I told Jewel how I felt. And if she leaves then I guess that is what is supposed to happen.

On Friday, I had a date with Bolivia. I met Bolivia through an ex-girlfriend of Milo's a week ago. We met up with Sugarloaf and Tweak and their dates and headed to a rodeo. Bolivia is in her mid 30s and looks very good. But, there just wasn't a huge connection. I doubt I will take her out again.

Tonight I have a first date with Cabinet. About two weeks ago, I saw her online on Facebook. So I struck up a conversation with her and asked her out. I guess I kinda felt impressed to ask her out. She seems like a pretty cool girl and there have been times where I saw her and thought she was very good looking. I can't say that having this phone conversation with Jewel prior to my date with Cabinet has put me in the best mood for going on dates but I can't cancel on Cabinet 2 hours before the date just because of that. Wish me luck.

It must have been love, but it's over now

2011-06-30T19:10:00.003-06:00

It must have been good, but we lost it somehow. Jewel and I haven't talked in 11 days. After a bit of a freakout, I called her 12 days ago and laid some feelings on the line. I told her that she was mistreating me and that I wasn't at all a priority in her life. She admitted that I wasn't a priority. Sort of. As we talked it became clear what had happened. Jewel really enjoyed hanging out with me and even liked me quite a bit. I started liking her back. And it freaked her out. Don't get me wrong, I am sure plenty of this is my fault. I am not used to liking girls. The last girl I really liked was 2 years ago, and people change a lot in 2 years. So I think I came on too heavy.

So Jewel and I met for lunch and to figure out how to proceed the following day. The lunch was pretty short. We had some casual small talk and then talked about options. In a perfect world, I would be able to just tone it down and continue dating Jewel while she figures out what she wants. There is a good chance that we could continue to date over the next few months and she could fall madly in love with me. We decided on a 1 week break with no talking. For both of us to think about what we really wanted. I guess when the break started, I didn't really think about how we would initiate communication after the week. I kinda figured that since she knows I like her, she would be the one to initiate it. Littlebrother advised me to not call or text her on Monday and I heeded his advice. On Tuesday, I realized I had no idea what I could possibly say to Jewel. Telling her that I have strong feelings for her wouldn't work - I already tried that. Telling her that I am ok with casually dating her is basically going back to where I was a few weeks ago. Whether you like me or not, you should agree that Jewel was not treating me as well as I deserve to be treated.

Now it is Thursday and we still haven't talked. She hasn't called or texted. I told littlebrother last night that she probably doesn't even remember who I am. I am trying to sort of play it off like I am not super bothered by this whole thing. Yesterday, I logged onto facebook chat and saw Jewel online there (she is almost never online) and my heart skipped a beat, literally. I didn't say anything to her. Last night, I prayed long and hard about getting help to handle this situation appropriately. I asked if I should email her or call her or text her or visit her in person or never talk to her again. I am not sure I have received an answer. Maybe God just doesn't care much about my dumb little dating dilemmas.

They say that when you meet the right person, it will just be easy. At first, that's exactly how it felt with Jewel. The conversation never lagged. I looked forward to spending time with her. Basically she made every activity fun and I felt like I did the same for her. Someone once told me that with how much I date, and with how long I have waited to get married, I am sure to find exactly what I want. He married the first girl he dated after his mission. Maybe none of us ever really have it figured out.

2 steps forward, 1,823 steps back

2011-06-13T17:11:00.004-06:00

While on vacation, I wrote Jewel an email. Nothing too heavy. When I got back and she still hadn't responded, I was a little bummed. But she texted me and suggested we go on a bike ride on Saturday. We met at the park and then biked to a little hamburger joint where Jewel insisted on paying. I was definitely more quiet on this date than usual. Jewel brought it up a few times, trying to figure out what was going on in my head. I couldn't tell her that I was trying to seriously evaluate whether she cared enough about me to make any effort I put in worthwhile. While on the bike ride, we passed a car dealership and Jewel and I decided to test drive a couple of cars. Well, SUVs. Jewel really wants a new car and I think test driving new cars is a lot of fun. The date was fun but I kept counting myself out through the rest of the evening.

On Sunday, I had asked Jewel to go to family dinner for littlesister's birthday at my parents' house (the estate). While I was in church, my anxiety spiked. I seriously wondered why I was even bothering. The way I saw it, Jewel didn't care the least about me. She would probably feel super awkward around my family. I came fairly close to calling up Jewel and saying I didn't think she should come.

Nevertheless, I decided to give it my all and perhaps take myself out of the game with Jewel if the evening didn't go well. I picked up littlebrother and then Jewel and drove to the estate. Jewel was super talkative on the drive up and i could tell that her and littlebrother got along fairly well. We ate dinner, played with the dogs, jumped on the trampoline and played ping pong. It was fun and super chill. I think Jewel had fun too. I can never tell with her. In a lot of ways, she was much more excited to see and play with our dogs than anything else.

On the drive home, Jewel decided to blast some LDS primary songs on my radio. Jewel pretty much has ADHD when it comes to music and kept changing songs after listening to about 1/3 of a song. I was trying to talk to her and listen to the music and didn't notice that I was going 20 mph over the speed limit until the cop pulled me over. Jewel and littlebrother approached it humorously but I was super embarrassed about it. Luckily, the cop chose to only write me a ticket for not having signed my registration and let me off with a warning for the speeding. I am sure it helped that littlebrother said a few funny comments to the officer that made him laugh. If you ask littlebrother, he was 100% responsible for me not getting the ticket, but that is just how littlebrother is. Jewel laughed pretty hard about it and I had to smile. I dropped her off at her apartment and there was almost no linger. I was frustrated. Jewel seems to be so spunky and feisty about everything except me. When she told me that she feels like she talks a lot more than I do, I really wanted to tell her that she had bruised my self esteem a bit and that if she worked on building it back up, I would get a lot more comfortable with her. As it is, I am always a bit on edge around her.

As I drove off, I explained to littlebrother my dilemma. As I was whining about my situation, my phone rang. It was Jewel! It was only maybe 5 minutes after I had dropped her off. She said that she had a lot of fun with me that day and that we should definitely get together soon. It definitely brightened my mood. I am just realizing that I need more little affirmations like that.

Probably one of the biggest problems is that since I have started dating Jewel, I haven't had any interest in dating any other girls. I am tempted to start asking a number of different girls out to distract me from Jewel a little. Good idea or bad?

A mini-breakdown and a mini-DTR

2011-05-31T16:02:00.002-06:00

Last week I stressed out about Jewel. Big time. It's kinda hard to explain but I got really depressed and worried that Jewel wasn't interested in me. And I let it resonate in my head, getting stronger with each round. When I received a text, my first thought was "great, Jewel is texting to let me know she is dating somebody else." It was very self destructive. By the time Saturday rolled around, I was haggard from the stress. And guess what? Nothing had happened! I hadn't received any texts from Jewel suggesting she wasn't interested in me. She is definitely scatterbrained and may take a few days to respond to a text but it was never malicious.

I talked with a number of different friends about it and came to the realization that the problem was me. I have a pattern when I start liking a girl. I started thinking back to a number of other girls that I have liked in the past and I seemed to have the same mindset. I started liking them, freaked myself out, and somehow things fell apart. Either I did something really heavy (like writing them a letter expressing my undying love) or I took myself out of competition, I never really handled it well. So I have become determined to handle things differently with Jewel.

On Saturday, we had made plans to go on a bike ride. However, the weather turned foul. We ended up eating dinner at my favorite restaurant. I don't know if Jewel was impressed with the place but she definitely liked her food. Then we went to the apple store cause Jewel thought I should buy a macbook air or something. It was fun looking at the stuff with her. We also stopped by an art gallery to compare some of our tastes in art. Just talking to Jewel made me feel much better. I conquered some of my fears and just asked her about things. I got some really interesting answers.

One of my first questions was if she was still interested in me. She looked at me like I was kind of dumb and said "why would I keep going out with you if I wasn't still interested in you?" I couldn't just blurt out "cause that's what I do and I suspected you would do the same." Basically, Jewel told me to just relax. If she decided she didn't like me anymore, she would just tell me and I would know. Don't get me wrong, Jewel is not without her idiosyncrasies. She told me that she liked kissing me but that she didn't want it to cloud her judgment. So, she had decided to not kiss me for awhile. Kinda bothersome but if it makes her feel more comfortable with things, I can understand, I guess.

Jewel and I met today for lunch. As usual, we talked way too much about her intern that she can't stand. But, I learned a little more about her. For one, I learned that Jewel has trouble sleeping and never feels rested. Except when she sleeps at her mother's house. I am not sure how I feel about that. But I definitely like her.

The similarities between Princess and Jewel

2011-05-23T10:49:00.003-06:00

I went out with Jewel twice last week. I didn't kiss her after either date. Why? Because I discovered last week that I like her. I am not sure when it happened or how it happened. I just found myself thinking that I would rather go out with Jewel than do something on my own. I found myself thinking about her during the day. I was upset about her smugness about California. You see, Jewel is from California and she always tells me how great it is there. She goes there to visit her mother every other weekend. I think my realization that Jewel likes California more than she likes me was what made me realize that I liked Jewel. Along with liking her came an odd side effect: I started worrying about her leaving. I had flashbacks to dating Princess years ago.

For the first 6 weeks of dating Princess, I was unsure about her. She was pretty but I wasn't sure if I was attracted to her. Princess was a bit uppity and at the time, I held myself out to be a very regular guy. After all, I was driving a truck for a living. After each of our dates, as I drove home, I considered not calling or seeing her again. I felt as if Princess liked me more than I liked her. And then in an instant, everything changed. Princess informed me that her ex-boyfriend was coming back from an internship and she was going on a date with him that weekend. She said that because we had never discussed our "relationship" she was free to go out with him and maybe even kiss him. The following morning, I left on an interstate job. Over the next few days, I worked 80 hours. Most of the time was spent by myself in the truck on the open road. Nothing to think about except Princess. And losing her. Such was the beginning of the end. Our relationship didn't end that weekend. Instead, it was on life support for 6 weeks. I guess I can understand when a family keeps a loved one on life support long after the doctors have told them it's over. I fought desperately to get back what I had lost but in the end, it wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. What happened with Princess that summer 6 years ago still haunts me.

So when I started liking Jewel, I felt her pulling away. I saw the future. I can't relax around her. It's as if I feel smothered by her sudden lack of interest. But did she change? Probably not. Over the past few days, I realized that Jewel can break my heart.

An apple you just barely can't reach

2011-05-10T17:41:00.004-06:00

I have been out with Jewel a number of times since my last post, but I haven't felt as interested in writing about our dates. I always have fun with Jewel. She makes me laugh and every activity seems like a lot of fun. But, I started becoming more unsure about Jewel a week or so ago. Jewel is definitely a cute girl. But I found myself feeling less than committed to her. I thought maybe it was because I am not attracted enough to her. Last week, Jewel gave me the cold shoulder for most of the week. I actually started getting nervous, thinking that maybe she had decided to be done with me. When I did set up a date with her, I suggested Saturday but Jewel shrugged it off and said that Saturday wouldn't work. I could tell that she had another date set up for Saturday. We met on Wednesday instead and got Indian food.

I think Jewel pulling back a little (whether intentional or not) kinda pushed me into opening up my feelings for her a little more. I found myself wanting to spend more time with her. After dinner, we drove around in my car. Jewel wanted to drive and so we had a lot of fun listening to country music while crusing the streets. (side note: are we always going to listen to only country music? I like country music but I think it's fair that she commit to listening to what I want to listen when we are in my car) We ended up planning a date for Friday night and talking about Jewel's date on Saturday. Luckily, she wasn't too excited about it.

On Friday, Jewel and I hit up a baseball game. I love going to baseball games and surprisingly, Jewel really enjoys it as well. Of course, the local team isn't as good as her hometown team but I still had a blast. We ate dinner at a nice restaurant and then watched a few episodes of Jersey Shore back at my place (side note: Jewel and I both really enjoy Jersey Shore, her because I think she has a bit of a secret crush on Pauly D, me because watching their train wreck lives makes me feel a little better about my own life). We ended up making out and it was by far the best makeout that Jewel and I have shared. After Jewel left, I definitely felt myself starting to like her more.

On Saturday, I met up with my friend DrJ for some frisbee. We were playing with a bunch of people when two girls showed up. One was a girl I used to be interested in named Cabinet and the other was a girl I have never met named Dream. Dream actually added me as a friend on Facebook several months ago, but since I had never met her, I hadn't (and still haven't) accepted her request. I didn't really get a chance to talk to Dream but let me tell you this, she was gorgeous. And a little bundle of energy. Several of my friends have tried to date Dream and she has given them the cold shoulder. Still, you could tell by the way people acted around her that everyone adored her. Dream is the kind of girl that every guy has a crush on. Probably because she looks you in the eye and smiles. She is that girl that you just think for a second maybe you might have a chance with. Dream totally reminds me of girls from my distant past such as Cassie and Mindy. Maybe it's just the way they smile in a mischievous way that gets me. Maybe it's the feeling that you are just barely out of their league that causes guys to go crazy. I have plenty of mean girls that are not as pretty as Dream that I know are out of my league. But my guess is that every guy sees Dream as being just out of reach. Like an apple on a tree that they just barely can't reach, holding on to a branch and leaning out. Dream is of the mold that causes a lot of guys to end up with a broken leg.

Wild Horses Can't Be Broken

2011-04-29T17:14:00.002-06:00

This morning, as I was driving to work, I saw a cute girl in a car near mine. Then, we went out to lunch at a restaurant with a really cute girl working as the hostess. I have seen her there several times before. Cute and blonde and surely wild. I am so attracted to girls that are wild. These wild girls are like caffeine. I crave Coke all the time. But I know what it does to me. I can never take a few sips. I end up guzzling it. If I order a Coke at a restaurant, I will get two, three or even four refills. And oh how sweet it is. It's cold. It's full of flavor. I start feeling like I am on top of the world. I have been known to dance on a table after drinking Coke. I have also been known to be quite fearless. When I have been with these wilder girls, I have felt the same way. Fearless and on top of the world.

But, inevitably there is a crash. Usually my eyes go first. They start looking very tired. More tired than normal. Even if it's 10 at night, my eyes start looking like it's 4 in the morning and I haven't slept yet. My mind fogs up. Sometimes I crash and fall asleep easily. But most times, I end up at home sitting on the couch watching late night tv until three in the morning. Or sitting on my bed doing absolutely nothing for hours straight. I usually get a major headache. And I pay for it over the next few days. My body is so dehydrated; the inside of my mouth constantly feels sticky and occasionally gets completely dry.

I guess I crave that feeling of being on top of the world. I think all guys are attracted to wilder girls. It's probably due to evolution. Or maybe it's just a sign that I am not with the right girl yet. Either way, I can't help but notice tons of attractive girls all around.

Saxophones and cheesecake

2011-04-15T15:02:00.004-06:00

On Tuesday, I invited Wonder to a saxophone recital for the wife of a coworker. Most of the date felt pretty awkward. I like Wonder, I really do. I think she is sweet and caring and just a great person. But I just don't feel that connection with her. On Wednesday, Jewel and I went out. I am so tired of traditional dates that I decided to take Jewel shopping instead. We went shopping for clothes for me. Yeah, it sounds like a pretty egotistical thing to do. But it went really well. We had fun interacting, Jewel had some useful opinions, and it gave us time to bond doing something that normal people do (i.e., people that aren't out on a date). We grabbed dinner after and went over our lists for what we want our future mate to be like. It was pretty casual and I got to know Jewel quite a bit better. We ended up kissing that night. It was good (although I like kissing Wonder better and think Wonder is a better kisser). I have been thinking a lot about the LDS general conference talks about how guys need to just settle down and marry someone. I guess they were pretty much speaking to me. After all, I have a few really good LDS girls that would probably marry me if I wanted. I am not delaying marriage for education or financial reasons. I am delaying because I want to find the right one. Should I really just marry someone that I have some common interests with and hope that love appears? What would you do if you were in my position?

I'm just trying to find... what's on her mind

2011-04-11T11:47:00.003-06:00

Wonder texted me last week and asked me to go to a hockey game. After our previous date, I was very hesitant to go out with her again. But I went. And I had a lot of fun. I could tell that Wonder had zero interest in the hockey game but she did her best to have fun anyway. We had a really interesting conversation over dinner after the game about the traits of the person we want to marry. I actually felt like we bonded a little. It helped to see Wonder really trying. On Thursday, Jewel and I met up for dinner and a movie. I always have lots of fun with Jewel. She is just so spunky. Kind of a bit nerdy too but fun. She called me a killjoy when I predicted the end of the movie. We held hands during the movie but there was no linger after the movie when I walked her to her car. I am not sure if she wants me to kiss her or if she just doesn't know how to act in those situations. On Saturday I had a date with Peyton. The situation with Peyton is kinda awkard. We met at a bar 2 1/2 years ago and ended up making out. We hung out one time after that but I really wasn't that interested. Every once in awhile, she will text me and suggest we get together for something. So I finally agreed to something on Saturday. The date was pretty fun. Peyton is really interesting to talk to. But she isn't really my type. We were on the couch and she turns to me and says "Wanna make out?" It was just so casual, it caught me off guard. I suppose dating is like a lot of things in life: two steps forward, one step backwards.

Wonderjewel

2011-03-30T16:25:00.005-06:00

Last week, I went on what will probably be my last date with Wonder. I haven't made up my mind completely yet but it didn't feel right. It hasn't helped that my mom is so against me dating Wonder (because she feels so strongly about House) or that Milo is so against me dating Wonder (because he thinks I should get someone better looking and with a personality). We went to dinner at a little Italian place, very hole-in-the-wall-ish. But the conversation lagged several times. I have just run out of things to say to Wonder. It didn't help that I picked her up straight after work and was thus already tired. Still, with Wonder I feel as if I have to carry all conversations. Which works fine when I am hyper (which is usually the case) but not so well when I am tired. I guess part of the problem was not communicating my intent with Wonder. See, I wanted to go have dinner with her, drop her off, go home and watch an episode of Lost and get to bed early. Wonder wanted to go on a full date, which includes hand holding, dinner, some activity, cuddling somewhere, making out, lots of talking, etc. We just weren't on the same page. So when I was like "Ok, I need to go now" at 10, Wonder was offended. Do you think it means I don't like her that much if I am more excited about getting home from work, changing out of my work clothes, making a milkshake and watching tv on my comfy couches than making out with her? I do. Wonder said that every time she sees me, she isn't sure if she is going to see me again. Thing is, Wonder doesn't need me. We are so different. I haven't called her since (5 days) and I am wondering whether I will... Last week, I had a fourth date with Jewel. I met Jewel on the plane ride back from visiting MrShit (I know, weird, what is it with me and meeting girls on planes? I guess it's cause they have a couple of hours and nowhere to go to get away from me). Jewel kinda got scared while on the flight so I talked to her to keep her distracted. I also helped her get her baggage down after the flight. We walked together to the baggage carousel and then Jewel said goodbye and walked away. It was rather strange. Two minutes later, she came back to "apologize" for trash talking some of the sports teams that I care deeply about. I told her we should be friends on facebook and that maybe we could get together sometime. We met for lunch three times and at the end of the third time, Jewel asked me to go on a date with her. The date was a lot of fun. Jewel is kind of the polar opposite of Wonder. Wonder is shy and not at all quirky. Jewel is very quirky and fun but not the least bit apologetic about her quirkiness. She grew up Jewish and then converted to the Mormon church; so she takes being a Mormon very seriously. For instance, she said a prayer over her food when we met for lunch. She is just very much a molly mormon. Much to the chagrin of my mother, I am more attracted to girls with a little bit of an edge. I am not sure yet if I would kiss Jewel but we are going on our fifth date tonight. On Sunday, I drove littlebrother to the airport. After dropping him off, I saw House getting out of a car and going into the airport. I was quite surprised, but I pulled out my phone and called her. She didn't answer but her voicemail said she was going to be out of town for over a week. I left a message.

I Still Haven't Found What I'm Looking For

2011-03-08T10:50:00.003-07:00

On Sunday, I brought Wonder up to my sister's house for dinner. When my sister texted me to ask if I wanted to come to dinner, the first thing I thought was "Oh, I should bring along Wonder." It was a bit of a disaster, but not how you might think.

I haven't written much about Wonder (or any of my recent dating experiences) because of some threats I received. Hopefully that is all behind me because I long to write. But Wonder and I met online. I think we have been out between 8 and 10 times. On our first date, Wonder and I talked frankly and I found out she was a germaphobe and she found out that I use public restrooms. She was disgusted, especially at the fact that I don't put those little paper liners down on the seat.

There are some things that I really like about Wonder. She is very kind. She always smells really good. She is a hard worker and knows the value of money. She has a great relationship with her family, especially her nieces and nephews.

There are also some things that I worry about with Wonder. She is a molly mormon. She has a bit of fat potential (FP). In social situations where Wonder is a bit uncomfortable, she tends to stand back and be quiet and just watch the other people interact.

**Before you are too critical of me for saying that a girl has FP, let me just say that everyone has the potential for different things. For a girl, having FP may simply mean that her mom is overweight. Or that she has big bones. I have AP (alcoholic potential) because my grandpa was an alcoholic. Does it mean I am going to be an alcoholic? No. It just means that if left unchecked, I could be.

The biggest question with Wonder is whether our personalities really mesh or not. Lets face it, I am loud and obnoxious and sometimes vulgar. I am hyper. So when a girl tends to just sit back and take all of that in, it appears that our personalities do not match. Such was the case with Sunday. My mom (bless her heart but she drives me crazy sometimes) felt the need to write me an email after the dinner about how she felt that Wonder and I weren't right for each other and that she still thinks I need to get back with House. It didn't ruin my day but it certainly ruined my hour. Who wants to hear from someone they really care about that they think you are making a mistake? Especially when it is something as personal as dating. My mom saw neither all of the interactions between House and I nor all the interactions between Wonder and I. How can she possibly know why I make the decisions that I make?

In all fairness, Wonder and I are not a match made in heaven. There have been a couple of occasions where I said something that Wonder took as perhaps me trying to be offensive towards her family. I didn't mean it that way but it showed we weren't quite on the same page. And while I think it is great that she is such a devout Mormon, it is a bit of a conflict with my own life. It's not that I don't try and live all the church's teachings. It's just that I trip up from time to time. And someone who has never tripped up is bound to have a harder time understanding it.

The email from my mom got me thinking a lot about Wonder. And about the other girls that I date. I guess I am just spinning my wheels. I made a conscious effort and removed the stale daters that were clogging my dating pool. I try and say a prayer before every date that I go on. But, I definitely worry about what sort of match I really want. Of course it is going to take a special person to put up with the energy that I bring to the table. But also, what sort of energy do I want? The more I think about it, the more I crave having someone that is very outgoing. Not just someone that makes a great audience. It's not to say that Wonder is out (and there is no way I would let my mom have that much power over my dating life). But maybe, like U2 I "still haven't found what I'm looking for." Sometimes I am just so tired of looking though.

A long december

2011-02-22T17:56:00.002-07:00

Over the weekend, I spent a lot of time thinking about the song "Long December" by Counting Crows. Especially the lines "maybe this year will be better than the last" and the lines "it's been so long since I've seen the ocean, I guess I should." As of late, my dating life has been tiring. No, my dating life has been exhausting. I feel as if I have been running at a sprint for such a long time while getting nowhere. I suppose the old adage "if you don't know where you are going, maybe you are already there" applies. Or the one that says "no matter where you go, there you are." Maybe I am running from myself. Maybe I am running from what everyone around me perceives me as.

In any case, I am going to stop running. Someone once told me that dating was all a numbers game (or was it me that told someone else that? I can never be too sure). According to my records, at the age of 27 I had been on a first date with 204 women. That is when I stopped keeping records. But I have easily been out with another 100 girls since then. It all started when my bishop told my older brother as he turned 16 that he should try and go out with 20 different girls before he married one. Who knows how different my life might have been if I had never heard those words. So I kept track. It became a bit of a ritual, I got home from a date and I wrote her name on the list. I dated when I had no interest in dating. I dated when I had no money. Sure I dated girls that I was really interested in. But if there wasn't one or she wasn't available, I dated anyway. Some of my friends were very critical of this list (and of my dating habits) but I wasn't really doing it for them. I had this romantic idea in my head that my wife would be the last name on the list and we would frame it and place it in our house to display what I had gone through to find her. Instead, I ended up burning the list in a little ceremony.

People were critical of the list just as they were critical (and still are) of my dating habits. But I can't take everyone's advice all the time. I guess in hindsight, I should have never taken anyone's advice. If I had those dates back, I would probably have enough money to pay off my car and my student loans. I don't think taking that many girls out on dates was selfish.

I do think that I need a change though. I am going to stop going out on dates with girls I don't like. It means I probably will spend a lot more time playing video games or watching tv and a lot less time going to shows, plays, operas, ballets, concerts, baseball games, basketball games, football games, formal dinners, informal dinners, restaurants, etc. Maybe I will start writing music again (although the only thing that ever inspired me to write music was girls). I hope I can continue to blog about some of my more interesting dating experiences.

For the time being

2011-02-08T23:42:00.002-07:00

I had to pull the blog down again tonight. I am still amazed at the trouble I managed to kick up by trying to write a blog about my dating life.

Disasters

2011-02-04T15:10:00.003-07:00

So when I first started writing this blog about a year and a half ago, it was just to let a few of my friends read my stories and allow myself the opportunity to write more. I was warned often that writing about my dating life might jeopardize some of my personal relationships and hurt some feelings. I shrugged all of that off because nobody was really reading my blog anyway and people wouldn't know what to search for if they wanted to find it anyway. I am not the best at being completely honest about my feelings and emotions in front of people. In fact, I tend to hide behind my "nice guy" persona. Thus, this blog has also provided a bit of therapy by allowing me to say the things that I would never say in person. Typically this has been for the better of "for better or worse" but on Tuesday, it would prove to be for the worse.

On Tuesday, one of the girls I had been going on dates with found my blog and texted me to let me know her disapproval. To say that it stressed me out would be gross understating. Part of the reason that I am such a nice person in real life is that I don't want to hurt people's feelings. So, I began taking advantage of the anonymity that this blog affords me, and I posted some things that were harsher than I should have. I called her and apologized. She told me that I objectified women and that I clearly needed therapy. It seemed rather ironic having her tell me how bad of a person I am for having posted some of the things about her personality that I didn't like.

I immediately pulled the blog offline while I decided what to do. Do I want to keep writing and risk more problems such as this? Do I want to discontinue the blog? Should I sugarcoat everything I write about every girl so as to prevent any feelings from being hurt in the future? I guess what it really comes down to is this question "Am I treating dating as a game or am I truly searching for the right one?" Even though I would like to think it is the latter, I have to admit it is a combination of both. But what right does anybody have to judge me for that? Thus, I am going to continue blogging and let the chips fall where they land.

Fast Food Dating

2011-02-02T12:00:00.003-07:00

On Friday night, I went and saw a movie with Gamer and Chief. It wasn't really that interesting. Gamer is just as awkward as ever and Chief has always been very awkward. But it's nice to have friends that want to do stuff with you (although to be honest, I am not sure why they want me to do stuff with them - do they need a chaperone because he is married to someone other than her?). On Saturday I had a date with Simpson. I am so lukewarm about Simpson that it's like swimming in a warm pool when it is hot and humid outside of the pool. I just kind of get no sensation either way. But Simpson is very nice and the conversation was pretty good. After dinner, we made smoothies at my house (in case you are noticing a trend, I finally gave in and purchased a super high powered blender; it's one of those blenders that you can blend anything in and so I have been on a smoothie and milkshake kick) and watched a movie. I made out with Simpson. It's scuzzy and I know it. It's kinda like eating fast food. You know that after you eat it, you are gonna kind of feel sick to your stomach. And you know that eating it for long periods of time is only going to make you fat and unhealthy. But, you are hungry and it's right there and it's cheap and they can get it to you fast. And so you just give in and eat it once in awhile. I know that I don't really like Simpson, because the next day I thought to myself "How am I going to get myself out of this one?"

On Monday night, I talked on the phone with a new girl named Wonder. I haven't yet met Wonder but we are going on a date on Saturday. We have been emailing on the dating website for a little while and she seems pretty cool. Definitely much more conservative than me but it should be fun to go out with her. Last night, TAB came over to make smoothies. We went to the grocery store to purchase appropriate smoothie supplies. TAB was absolutely annoying at the store. Ever since I told her that I thought she was controlling, she kinda tries to pretend like she is not controlling by saying things like "it's your smoothie, what do you want to do?" But then she picks and chooses pretty much everything. The smoothie did not turn out as well as the one with Simpson, even though Simpson and I spent $10 on supplies while TAB and I spent $30 on supplies. We didn't kiss or anything and I have no intention of going out with TAB again. TAB is sort of like an annoying expensive restaurant in Las Vegas with expensive sub-standard food. It's too hard to get and the food you do get is not near worth the expense to obtain it.

Today, I walked into my office to find an envelope from the business where House works. My heart jumped. I was worried I was going to get a scathing letter about how irresponsible I am. Or some other bad news from House. My secretary opens all of my mail (I have no idea if she reads it or not, but the mail is always placed on my desk opened) so I was also a little nervous about what she might have seen. The envelope included a book called "Look me in the eye" and a letter from House. It was kind but basically said that in the future, I should try and be a better communicator. I have struggled so much with wanting to write House an email or call her and try and work things out. In fact, I almost cried while thinking about her this morning. I had/have feelings for her. I just never felt like it was enough. Like that I never felt strong enough about her to justify ruining her life by having me be a large part of it.

Joy Ride

2011-01-26T12:43:00.004-07:00

Last week I had a first date with Peanuts. I met Peanuts on the dating website and found out she went to the same law school as me. We met for sushi. Conversation with Peanuts was mostly pretty easy. We decided to just meet for a casual dinner of sushi. Peanuts is cute but I am not sure yet how attracted to her I am. She put lip gloss on while I was still eating dinner. It was mildly frustrating. I think I will take her out again, although I am not certain. I told her I would on the date but I have second guessed myself a couple of times.

I am pretty sure I had a date with TAB but I can't really remember it. I am sure she kinda drove me crazy, whatever it was. I am still texting her, which shows maybe there is more interest there than I am willing to admit.

On Friday night, I went out with Dee and Dum. I might have also told them about this blog. And I might have also allowed them to read some of it. And I might have also read aloud to them some of the blogs about them. I don't know why, I just did. They didn't seem too mad. I was a little worried that they might be upset with me for their nicknames (sorry Dum) or because I said that they were crazy. Dee and Dum have set up accounts on another dating website to catch married men attempting to cheat. I don't think this sort of thing would even occur to me but they have it set up and they are going to set up meetings and sit in a car and watch some dirty guy show up expecting to have sex with them only to be stood up. They want me to come along. I am pretty sure there is a movie where this sort of thing happened and people ended up getting murdered. I can think of at least one. That trucker movie Joy Ride where the kids pretend to be some girl and they tell the driver a hotel room to meet them at as a joke and the next day someone was murdered in that hotel and then the semi starts following them all over. A bit unrealistic because how hard is it to outrun a semi-truck if you are in a car?

Simpson has been texting me again so I scheduled a date for her for Saturday. I guess it has been about two years of back and forth with Simpson. Hard to get my hopes up that this go around will be any better than any of the other go arounds. I have met a couple other girls on the dating site and am planning on going on dates with them in the next week or two.

How dating is not like house hunting - and why it should be

2011-01-21T15:07:00.005-07:00

I wish dating were a little more like house hunting. When I decided to buy a house, the first thing I did is hire a realtor. Her name was Heather and she was fantastic. The first thing Heather did was figure out my finances to determine what I could afford. In other words, what sort of house (or girl) I deserved or could competitively get. We came up with an acceptable range and some of the deal breakers (must have an attached garage - no junk in the trunk, must have at least 3 bedrooms - must be neither underweight or overweight, must be in a good neighborhood - must come from a good family). That range basically laid out what I could expect to get in a house.

Next, we visited houses. Some nights we would go to 10 or 12 different houses. She always drove so that I could eat cookies in the passenger seat. Heather picked out all the potential houses and sent me pictures. I was free to veto any of the pictures if they looked like they wouldn't be something I would want. Heather and I probably looked at over 100 houses. We would show up at a house and Heather would immediately explain to me what the positives and negatives of that particular house were. I am picky but I don't realize it. So I would look at a house and say "well, I think I like this and this," and Heather would say "I can already tell you don't like this house." So we would move on.

I chose a house and put an offer on it. This is sort of like getting into a relationship with a girl. My parents came and viewed the house, along with a few of my close friends, and they said that they weren't really sure it fit me. So Heather and I went out on another trip and looked at even more houses. That last trip was almost a disaster. Heather and I looked at a number of houses that were not at all what I wanted. We stopped at our last house of the evening both feeling a bit frustrated. The house was gorgeous. It was well within my price range although the sellers were asking a little more than what I had hoped to pay. After 15 minutes of walking through the house, I knew it was the one. We got into the car, and without me even saying anything, Heather knew it was the one too. We did the paperwork, canceled the contract on the first house and made an offer on the second house.

Part of the problem with dating is that I never get to really see what all the options are. When I go to parties, I am only looking at the flashy expensive luxury houses. They are out of my price range and more house than I want. When I go to a singles ward, I feel as if I am looking at the fixer uppers. The ones where you get a lot equity fast but may need a little work before you can move in. If I go to a bar, I am really just looking at apartments (temporary) or condos (not really what I want). While I was still in college, I had the opportunity to view all the new models. It was like the Home Show where they show you all the newest latest and greatest house technologies. The problem with those houses is that everyone wants to buy them, so it is a seller's market, which drives prices up. Now that I am out of college, I hardly see any houses that are for sale. I follow the same path to work and home every day. I pass maybe three houses that are for sale and not one of them interest me. What I need is a marriage realtor. One that can accurately assess what options are appropriate for me and what options are outside of my league (up or down). And one that only charges once I actually settle down. How much can one expect to pay for a service like that? Do you know anyone that offers a service like that?

The Long and Short of it

2011-01-18T11:31:00.005-07:00

So House and I ended things last week. Well, I should say that House ended things and I let her go. It made me a lot more sad than I let on to anyone. She did it via an email and her reasons made sense. She just couldn't handle waiting any longer to figure out what it is that I want. I think part of the issue is that since House starred in that commercial, she has been inundated with options. Everyone wants to know what her dating situation is like and they want to set her up. She told me that she felt like she was wasting opportunities by not going out on those dates since she had no idea where her and I stand. I am not the least bit mad at her for it. I totally understand why she did what she needs to do. But it's hard to explain to anyone else. Littlebrother seemed to be the only person that I talked to that really had any understanding. My mom actually came over and punched me in the shoulder. She was kinda mad.

I hung out with TAB twice last week. She drove me crazy both times. I don't think I can do much with her anymore. Besides being a bit controlling, she can also be mean. She isn't very sensitive to other's feelings and none of my roommates like her. I guess it's back to the drawing board.

We watched the Bachelor, well sorta

2011-01-10T16:17:00.004-07:00

On Wednesday night, TAB and I went out. Well, sorta. I met her at her house and we watched the Bachelor. Well, sorta. See, TAB wanted to watch the Bachelor but then when we started watching it, she got really frustrated with it and didn't want to watch it anymore. So we switched to Modern Family. I don't really watch that much tv but it was a fun show to watch. TAB was being pretty obnoxious though. For some reason, I think she was trying to push my buttons. The thing is, with how stressed I have been at work lately, I was feeling particularly patient putting up with her shenanigans. Still, TAB acted like a spoiled 15 year old girl. We ended up kissing but I left wondering what it was that I saw in TAB. I didn't have lots of fun with her; if anything watching tv with her reminded me of watching tv with Jasmine.

On Thursday, I went to the wedding reception of House's brother. House had invited me and I was glad I went. I had fun just sitting and talking with House. On Friday, I had another date with TAB. After dinner, TAB said that she was tired and had to get up early the next morning so I took her to her house. I haven't quite got TAB figured out. She has the attention span of a 5 year old. She might like me a lot one minute and not like me at all the next minute.

On Sunday, House and I went to dinner with my family at my grandma's house. It was a lot of fun. House is just super chill with people. Compared to some of the other girls I have dated, of course my family is going to like House. Still, House handled it like a charm. We had fun playing with my cousins on the wii. Still, I couldn't help but think about what an older gentleman in my family ward had told me earlier that day. "But what if I don't know if she is the right one?" I asked. "Then she isn't and you should leave her and move on," was his reply.

TAB texted me on Sunday night to say she didn't think she could date me because, she said she is "really hestitant about things with you. I don't want to string you along. I don't know what to do..." Then 10 minutes later she said "I'm in a strange place and need to take it slow... but I want to see you. I'm annoying, huh?" Today she texted me and said "Let's try to get together and we'll play it by ear?" I didn't respond. The whole thing is just weird.

Am I just playing House?

2011-01-05T12:07:00.005-07:00

I have been busy with the holidays and haven't felt like posting. Let's see if I can remember. My date with Lebron was rather dull. In fact, it was just plain boring. We drove to a Christmas party hosted by GetErDone and Lebron had a hard time giving us anything to talk about. I was in a bit of a fiesty mood so I wanted to talk about her opinions on politics or schools or something interesting. They were all dead ends. I tried talking about school vouchers cause she is a teacher and she basically said she didn't have an opinion on the subject. So I tried talking about movies. Turns out Lebron doesn't really like movies that much. I dropped her off early and headed home. I received a text from TAB saying her plans had canceled so I invited her over to watch a Christmas movie. While TAB was driving over to my house, I received a call from MrShit. It was fun talking to her but it's so hard when she is too far away to ever see.

That night, TAB and I cuddled and I felt myself kind of leaning towards liking her. The thing is, House is better than TAB in pretty much every category. Ugh, that sounds awful. TAB is a really cool girl but she is definitely a bit spacey at times. I think part of the problem is that I am driven to like girls that are a bit crazy. House came over one night and we exchanged Christmas gifts. It was short lived cause I was sick. I really do feel bad that I am not falling in love with House. In fact, I am kinda pissed off at myself.

Over New Years, Dee and Dum and RunsWithScissors and I headed to Las Vegas. We met up with Dee's friend Unwritten for dinner. I immediately kinda liked Unwritten. She is really tall and very pretty. Plus, she is super chill. Not a bad girl at all. But just more relaxed in social situations. As we were eating dinner, I came up with an idea for challenges that each of us was to try and complete before the evening was over. It was a fun idea and everyone helped come up with ideas. My challenge was to propose to Unwritten 11 times in front of large groups of people. So I bought a cheap ring in a gift shop and got to it. You would not believe the kind of reaction you get when you propose to a girl in front of a huge crowd on New Years Eve. People started cheering. They gave me high fives. They wanted to see the ring. On the fourth (and final time), people came running at us and started running in circles around us. Unwritten was a good sport but four times was enough for both of us. Unwritten is still getting over an exboyfriend and is pretty much undateable right now.

On New Years Day, we met up with Unwritten and her brother for dinner. Our waitress Dispatch was very pretty. She reminded me of WTEG a lot. Not fat but not skinny. More curvy. And she just seemed really fun. It was a bit depressing cause she flirted with Unwritten's brother a bunch. What was I gonna do anyway? Ask for her number? I doubt it.

House sent me a message on New Years Day in distress. She was trying to figure out why we weren't spending much time together. I think House has been a really good sport through all of this. I really don't feel like I have been stringing House along although I know a lot of people would argue otherwise. I wrote her an email today explaining how much I liked her but how I wasn't falling in love with her and I wasn't sure if it was because we weren't right for each other or because I have defense mechanisms set up. To be honest, I am really scared to see how she might reply. Of course it is selfish to want to keep House around without my being ready to commit to her. I don't like myself for even considering it. But should I really drop the girl that is probably the best fitted to me because I am unsure about myself? If I were sure that House wasn't the one, I would have dropped her a long time ago.

A beautiful drink for beautiful people - TAB

2010-12-17T18:19:00.005-07:00

On Friday night, Lebron and I went on our third date. Well, sorta. She texted me to say that her little brother was playing in a basketball game that evening and she really needed to go watch him play. So Steve-O and Milo and I bought some steaks and grilled them up. The plan was for Lebron and I to meet up later that night and go see a movie but it ended up being much later. Lebron came over and we watched a few episodes of The Office. We cuddled and she fell asleep. Since we both had early mornings, Lebron took off fairly early.

On Saturday, I flew out to meet up with TheCaptain and go to the football game. We met up with TheCaptain's girlfriend MrsTheCaptain on Sunday night. MrsTheCaptain is much cuter in person than she was in any of the pictures I had seen of her. Not sure if TheCaptain reads my blog anymore but way to go man. They are totally going to get married soon. I enjoyed hanging out with MrsTheCaptain, although at times she seemed a little bit aloof. And she definitely reminded me of Belle from a year and a half ago in both looks and the way she acted.

On Monday, I woke up at 4:45 to catch an early flight home. I rushed through security only to find that my flight had been canceled. Thus, I spent most of the day laying on the floor of the airport waiting for the new flight. Disastrous.

On Wednesday, I had my first date with TAB. The moment I picked her up, I knew it was going to be a good date. One, TAB is a touchy person. I hate being touched by people that I don't want touching me. But an attractive girl that I am interested in touching me? Yes please. We immediately hugged and TAB had to show me her room (I guess she had just cleaned it). We had dinner at my favorite Bosnian place and TAB handled herself quite well. She made jokes and asked interesting questions and laughed at all the right times. It was definitely a fun first date. Without much else to do, I took TAB back to my house to eat some dessert. Milo and Steve-O were there and they decided to give TAB a bit of a hard time. TAB seemed to handle it pretty well, laughing and acting like one of the guys. I am sure when their language became fouler, it bugged TAB a little but she handled it like a champ. When we got back to her house, TAB invited me in for a minute. I met her roommates and she showed me her gingerbread house that she had made. We sat on the couch and she whispered some secrets to me about her roommates. It was really fun. I left feeling that I really wanted to see TAB again soon.

Tonight I am going out with House. Tomorrow I am going out during the day with Lebron and then with Dee and Dum in the evening. Should be a busy weekend.

Adventures in Dating Wonderland

2010-12-10T14:40:00.006-07:00

Last weekend, on Friday House and I went to a basketball game with BFF and the guy that BFF is currently dating. House is just so comfortable around everyone. It's amazing how I have never noticed how uncomfortable most of the girls that I date are. Or maybe it's just that House is particularly good with people. After the game, we stopped at Wendy's so I could get something to eat. Then we watched Christmas Vacation. Hands down the best Christmas movie ever made. We cuddled and kissed and it was a great evening. I have definitely started liking House more recently. Is it enough? Well, I just don't know yet.

On Saturday, RunsWithScissors and I went on a sort of double date with Dee and Dum. I drank a large coke before the date (Caffeine makes me act a little like I am on cocaine I think) and on the date, I was uber hyper. I had the hardest time sitting still. But it was fun. On Monday, Dee and Dum decorated a tree in front of my house and placed a sign saying "From Santa" on it. It was actually pretty good looking. Sort of like the Christmas tree from the Charlie Brown Christmas Special.

On Tuesday, I had a date planned with FarFarAway. I kinda decided recently to maybe try and go out with her a few more times to see if there is anything there. I called her the day of the date and received no response. Around 9 that night, she texted me to say she had called in sick to work and had been sleeping. She really wanted to reschedule but I was/am hesitant.

Simpson has started texting me again. She wants to hang out. I told her if she made me cookies, I would forgive her for just disappearing 5 months ago. Since I always felt lukewarm about Simpson, I will not be too disappointed if she drops back into another coma at any time. I think it is her flakiness that drives me the most crazy.

On Tuesday night I called TAB to ask her to this Christmas party. We played phone tag a bit and in the meantime, MrShit sent me an email wanting to know if I wanted to talk on the phone with her in Hong Kong one last time before she took off on a trip to Cambodia and Thailand. I told her a specific time to call me and a few minutes before, TAB called me. TAB and I absolutely click, at least on the phone. I really enjoyed talking to her. Problem was that MrShit was calling me from a foreign country and didn't have much time to talk before she was leaving the country. So I think TAB was a bit disappointed that I cut our conversation short. She couldn't go to the Christmas thing with me and I was a bit disappointed but MrShit already called once during my phone call and I couldn't very well explain to TAB that I was waiting on a phone call from a girl in Hong Kong. So I told TAB that I had to go do my laundry. Afterwards, I felt like such a dork for giving such a flimsy excuse. Then I talked on the phone with MrShit. It is always fun to talk with her.

On Wednesday, I had a date with Lebron. I was really excited for this date. Lebron is so smart and I just smile when I look at her. I think she is very cute (although she could probably use a breast reduction). I decided to take her some place a little nicer. I called and made reservations and we wandered through some stores while waiting. One of the problems with Lebron is that she seems so innocent and I worry that I am not quite myself around her. One of the stores we were in had all sorts of kooky stuff and I was trying to make jokes about buying some of them and she just kinda shrugged it off as if they were inappropriate. After dinner, we watched some episodes of The Office at my house. At one point, there was a sexual reference in the show and I made a comment about it and Lebron kinda laughed at me but wouldn't really respond to my comment. We didn't cuddle but there were a couple of times where I felt like we were really clicking. Because TAB couldn't go out with me on Friday, I asked Lebron if she would like to go do something with me. She said yes. At the end of the night, as I went in for the hug, I noticed a subtle way that Lebron approached the hug that suggested she might be open to me kissing her. I didn't but I felt like maybe I had the option.

TAB texted me before my date with Lebron and said she was making Thai food and that I should come over and try it. I told her that I already had plans but that I would really like to do something with her next week. I am not sure if she was disappointed or not. But it was a good sign.

On Thursday night, House was going to come watch my soccer game and then we were going to grab a bite to eat and sit in her hottub. She texted me midday to say that she had to cancel because of unexpected chaos from a friend visiting from Australia. I totally understood. It was probably good anyway, since I lost my temper at the soccer game. This Bosnian guy on the other team picked up the ball after it went out of bounds when he shouldn't and I yelled at him and he started really yelling back. I totally would have fought him right then and there. Milo came and intervened. We ended up losing the game and I left in a rush because I was so mad (on a side note, a guy kicked the ball pretty hard into my junk TWICE during the game - the second one laid me down on the floor).

Tis the Season

2010-12-02T15:28:00.005-07:00

On Tuesday night, I finally managed to go on a first date with Lebron. Lebron and I met through the online dating website. Having been out with girls I met online in the past, I was very nervous. Would she be pretty? Would she be much heavier than in the photos? Would she attempt to steal a lock of my hair so that she could perform voodoo spells on me? Thankfully, all was pretty normal.

I picked up Lebron and we instantly clicked. I guess there are just some personalities out there that I really click with and others that I do not. But Lebron found me funny and that's usually enough to get me going for the night. We went to a Japanese Hibachi restaurant. In hindsight, not the best place to go on a first date. The cook comes out and cooks right in front of you, leaving you very little time to talk with each other. Still, we managed to get through a few subjects. And I managed to make her laugh, which is of the utmost importance.

Lebron had told me beforehand that she felt like most first dates were too long. So I had planned on taking her home after dinner. We parked the car at her apartment and kept chatting for a minute. It was obvious we still had plenty more to talk about. So Lebron says "Wanna come inside? But I'm not coming on to you." I thought that was hilarious. So we went inside and ended up talking for another 2 hours. We talked about some serious subjects and some not so serious subjects. But the conversation seemed to flow easily. And to be honest, I found Lebron to be very attractive. I am almost sure we will go on a second date.

Last night, House and I went out to this Christmas festival. I always have fun at these things but I can't help wondering why they even exist. I understand that they are for charity but are that many people really that interested in going to look at a bunch of decorated trees? And the entertainment: horrendous. Painful even. At some point, these kids need to be told that they are talentless hacks and pushed into more appropriate hobbies (like reading). Ok ok, I am jesting. But they shouldn't be given a stage and encouragement. Their dancing was fairly bad and their singing was much worse. And the boys that were involved? House and I had an interesting discussion about how these boys ended up in dance groups where the girls outnumbered them (sometimes 12:1). I voted that it was because the boys planned on hooking up with these girls. House tended to agree with me, noting that her roommate (a high school teacher) thinks that the girls on the dance troupe at her school have a much higher percentage of sexual experience than the average student. Mostly, House and I felt bad for them. We both shared stories of growing up and playing on sports teams where we were clearly inadequate. I think most of the kids are pushed into it because of their parents. Points for House for agreeing with me that kids should not be raised in a way that they feel forced to join awful dance groups and perform at Christmas festivals.

At the festival, I ran into BFF. She was there with a friend of hers that I had never met named TAB. Afterwards, BFF texted me to say that TAB had said she thought I was funny and cute. So I might end up taking TAB out soon. She is this shorter girl with lots of personality. Now, before you become too critical of me for dating other girls besides House (or for dating House at all as some readers believe), remember that I am just trying to figure this whole dating thing out. I continue going out with House because I really enjoy spending time with her. And we have kissed, although not a ton. I don't have an answer of how interested in me she is. I think she really likes me and maybe it will go somewhere but it is going to go at my speed.

I have been getting quite a few texts of fanmail lately from FarFarAway. We hung out a few weeks ago (it didn't really feel blogworthy) and she is always sending texts saying things like "Hey handsome, how are you?" It's a little weird. Especially when she says things like "We need to hang out so that you can fall in love with me and we can get married and I can have your babies." I am not kidding, she says things like that. So I told her I would take her out on a date this next Tuesday. Last night, as I was laying in bed texting five girls (BFF, Dee, House, Lebron and FarFarAway) I felt just a bit overwhelmed.

Updates

2010-11-23T16:11:00.003-07:00

Last week, I met Dee and Dum for dinner. They are such a strange couple. If I text one too much, the other one will get mad at me. At this point, I am pretty sure that Dee likes me more than Dum does. Dee randomly texted me on Sunday night and asked if I was attracted to Dum. I waffled a bit and then said yes and she said she figured that was the case and it was to settle an argument. It kinda felt like unnecessary drama to me.

On Sunday, I invited House over for dinner. I made pork chops (since I have my pig skittles in the freezer), rice a roni and brownies. I don't know if House liked any of the food but at least she pretended to. Then I played my guitar for her. I think House was impressed but she is so nice that she probably would have said it sounded great even if it sounded awful. We watched Groundhog Day with Milo and RunsWithScissors. Then we watched House's new commercial. Yeah, that's right, House filmed a commercial last week. Both Milo and RunsWithScissors couldn't stop complimenting House for how hot she looked in the commercial. After House left, Milo and RunsWithScissors and Steve-O all told me that I need to marry House. I can just add them to the list.

Tonight I am meeting Lebron for dinner. Lebron is a girl I met online. This is our first date. It should just be a short dinner to minimize the awkwardness. I wonder if I should get my haircut before I go...

Style Points

2010-11-10T15:44:00.003-07:00

I haven't made any huge life decisions about cars or dogs yet. I have been thinking about cars a lot lately today and odds are I am going to keep the same car that I have. When I bought it, I thought that girls were going to go crazy over it (or at the very least, give me style points for it) but I was wrong. It's really just a way to get from point A to point B.

As for the dog, Milo kept reminding me of how large the feces would be for a large dog. He thinks I should get a much smaller dog. Then again, he doesn't think I should get a dog at all. I work a lot and I mostly worry about a dog having social issues because no one is around the house. Even with the four of us living there, the house is unoccupied more than 50% of the time. I certainly don't want to become like my grandparents (they each base their entire schedule around their dumb dogs - it's an excuse to leave early for everything "Gotta go take care of the dog." I wanna just scream "It's only a stupid dog, it's not as important as this event." But I don't.).

Last week at church, I met two new girls Tweedledee (Dee) and Tweedledum (Dum). They are these two besties forever crazy girls. We went bowling on Friday night. I made a bet with Dee that the loser of bowling had to run naked around the outside of my house later that night. She lost. We decided to blow up pumpkins at my house using dry ice bombs. So I ran by the store and bought some dry ice. It was a disaster. 1 in the morning in my residential neighborhood and we are outside trying to blow up pumpkins. Only on the third attempt did we have any success (a loud boom much like the shot from a gun - the pumpkin still didn't blow up). We ran back inside and I started realizing how dumb the whole thing was. If the cops showed up, I would be the one to take the blame because a) I own the home, b) I won't lie to the cops and c) I instigated the whole thing. KJo and my new friend Rogen were there too. They saw my vulnerability and started pretending like the cops were outside snooping around. I was so nervous. Of course it was all just a joke (thankfully) but I had nightmares that night about it.

The next day, Milo and Dee and Dum and I went to the soccer game. It was kind of a date but it was obvious early on that Milo did not approve of Dee or Dum. A direct quote from Milo "These girls aren't cute enough for you." He acted sick and I ended up with the two girls watching a movie. They both seem interested in me, but in a weird kind of way. It's just asking for trouble to hang out with these two girls. For instance, on Monday I texted Dum a few times and then she told Dee that I had been texting her (and not Dum) all day and so Dum was pissed at me. Instant drama, just add water. I had a bit of interest in Dum up until that point. Now I have zero interest in dating either of them.

The online dating thing has produced a few prospects. There was one girl that I had even set up a date with. She had one picture that was very cute. Then she posted about 5 more pictures and she wasn't as cute in any of them. Now I kind of feel a bit committed. I have to keep reminding myself that dating is not charity. Nobody is entitled to a chance. Still, I feel really bad canceling on her now. Overall, online dating has been less effective.

I still talk to MrShit regularly. She is coming back to the USA in January. I still talk to House all the time too. We went on a date last week. There just isn't much to report there.

Girls that are into flashy cars and big dogs

2010-10-26T16:09:00.004-06:00

I haven't written much lately. But then, I haven't dated much lately. Last week, House and I went to see The Social Network. It was fascinating. I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. As I walked House back up to her doorstep after, she said "Kiss me goodnight Tripp." So I did. And guess what? Still nothing. I have been debating telling her that it just isn't working and cutting things off. I enjoy spending time with her so much though. Some of my friends and coworkers are convinced that she is right for me and that I should just ignore my feelings. But for how long? I am a normal warm blooded male. I just dont see House in that way.

The online dating thing hasnt produced any substance yet. Milo looked through the profiles of the girls I was chatting with and he didn't think any of them were attractive. The problem is that I am just not meeting any girls that have the potential to date. The girls at the singles ward are all too young for me to date (well, in reality, I am too old for them to date). There aren't lots of places for a single LDS guy to meet single LDS girls. Especially out of college. So I have been considering a dog.

Yeah, that's right. I am thinking about getting a dog. Something that will attract girls. I mean, I tried buying a flashy car and it didn't really work. Milo has been suggesting I trade my car in for a Lotus or a Nissan GTR. He thinks that the problem is that my car (an Infiniti) and me both look just like everyone else. I already know what you are thinking: "But Tripp, won't a flashy car or a big dog only attract girls that are into flashy cars or big dogs?" The answer is yes. Those girls are better than no girls, right? So which should it be, a flashy new car (that just happens to be capable of going 193 mph) or a big dog (I am leaning towards a Great Dane)?

Pink Floyd with Punk

2010-10-14T15:12:00.004-06:00

Last week, Punk and I went on a date to see this awesome band. I have known Punk for 2 1/2 years. We have hung out quite a few times but, to be fair, we have never been on a date. She was good friends with an ex-girlfriend of mine (that is how we met) and there were times when Punk advised this ex-girlfriend that I was a jerk. So we didn't exactly start at a favorable point for a romantic relationship. In fact, there was a time when Punk and I didn't get along so well. But now, I adore her.

I haven't made a ton of effort to take Punk out on any dates. She has this on-again off-again boyfriend that is basically her best friend and that creates a huge wall. Plus, Punk seems to stand me up a bunch. She always has a pretty legitimate excuse but a lot of the time, I think it's just so she can go hang out with that guy. Although Punk has said that she is attracted to me, she doesn't particularly act that way around me. Sometimes I think Punk just likes to hang out with me because I am too agreeable. I will admit that around Punk, I tend to be more agreeable than around other people. I think it might be because Punk intimidates me. Not a ton, but just enough for me to always kinda be on my best behavior around her. And as I have already mentioned, my best behavior is very impressive to people but it doesn't induce romance.

Punk picked me up for the concert. She had an extra ticket and texted me a day or two before the show. I was really excited to go but I definitely felt like I was her backup-backup plan. Her parents and brothers and sister and brother-in-law were all there and then me, so I am guessing she had plenty of time to plan for the concert and at the last minute, she invited me. It was ok though, I was excited to go. I had made plans to do something with House that night (to go to some wedding reception) but I texted her and told her I was invited to a concert that I really wanted to go to.

For the most part, Punk and I interact solely as friends. We joke all the time about how we are going to get married but we have never kissed or held hands or anything. At the concert, she did rest her head on my shoulder for a minute but it was short lived and more friendly than romantic. Still, the concert was awesome. We had VIP seats in a suite. After the concert, Punk dropped me off at my house. The night was young and I totally wanted to watch a movie or something with Punk but she kinda acted like she had to go (when we pulled into the driveway, she left the car running). I was a little bummed since it was Saturday night at 10 and I was basically in for the night. I just can't really figure out if Punk is only interested in me as a friend or if she would actually enjoy spending more time with me. I have invited her to play video games with me but she hasn't yet come over to do it. Before the date, I texted her and said "Wait, is this a date? Does that mean we are gonna kiss and stuff?" and she responded with "It is a date. But no kissing cause you have cooties."

I broke down last week and joined a dating site. Thus far, it hasn't produced any solid leads. Thing is, the girls that it is going to match me up with are not necessarily the girls that I am super attracted to. It seems to match me up with very conservative girls. Most of them are over 26. I think I am attracted to younge girls because I look so much younger (and act so much younger) than I really am. Punk's little brother LittlePunk said at the concert "Are you really 30?" I took it as a compliment.

Waves of notalgia

2010-10-01T11:35:00.004-06:00

I am not sure if it's the fact that I am listening to "The House That Built Me" by Miranda Lambert or that I just finished reading some of the real story behind Mormon Bachelor Pad or the fact that I kissed House for the first time a few days ago or that I recently turned 30 but I am feeling very nostalgic.

The past 9 years have been crazy. I quite literally went out on dates with over 200 different women. I had the worst first date of my life (she said partway through the date "You know what Tripp, sometimes you just need to learn when to shut up!"), I had the best first date of my life (thus far) with a girl named Mindy to the Ballet. I watched girls come and go in my life. Some of the girls I used to date have married friends and I have seen a glimpse into their lives that I don't usually see. Others have disappeared and I may never see what became of them. There are lots of girls that I have been on a date with that I wouldn't recognize if I passed them on the street. I am not sure they would recognize me either. There are a few that I could spot from 100 yards away. Some I would approach and strike up a conversation. Others I am sure I would hide if I saw them. In fact, the last time I saw Princess at the mall, I hid to make sure she didn't see me.

I guess it makes me sad to think about all of the missed chances and blown opportunities. I fell in love at times when I shouldn't. I didn't fall in love at times when I should have. I cried with girls and I made girls cry. As I remember it, I cried more than the girls but it's hard to really know how much a girl is crying over you when you aren't there. I have treated girls better than they deserved to be treated and others much worse than they deserved. I have kissed girls that I didn't like and not kissed girls that I really liked. I have even told girls "I love you" when I didn't mean it and remained silent when I should have said "I love you."

I have been far from perfect in dating. I would like to think that I always had the best of intentions but I know that sometimes I did not. I felt sorry for myself when a girl didn't like me but I never thought twice when I didn't like a girl and she liked me.

And now, I have never felt further away from falling in love. I like House and think the world of her. If I married her, we would be happy. She would make my life better. But she deserves someone that loves her. Someone that really loves her. And I don't. I know what it's like to fall in love cause I have been in love. It wasn't perfect and I screwed it up but I felt it.

I had a dream on Tuesday night about House. I dreamed that we were friends and that she told me that she was getting married. I was confused and realized that I was in love with her. I was disturbed that what I wanted had been in front of me all along. The dream really affected me. So I decided I needed to try with House.

Sometimes I think I am more broken than I like to admit. I have taken a beating from dating. I am not innocent. Just damaged goods. "I thought if I could touch this place or feel it, this brokenness inside me might start healing. Out here it's like I'm someone else, I thought that maybe I could find myself..." Here's to hoping.

A month off from blogging

2010-09-21T12:05:00.004-06:00

Well, I took a month off. In the past month, I have gone on zero dates (other than dates with House). I spent a week of vacation with my family. I talked to MrShit on the phone in Hong Kong. And guess what? Life just kept going.

I decided to take a break from blogging after my mom read my blog about my trip to New Orleans and she was less than pleased with my behavior. I guess making out with a drunk girl is not something you should tell your parents about. Ever. Or at least if you are a single mormon male.

Milo has moved into my house. I am excited about it cause I think I need to get back into dating. Milo thinks we should join an online dating site (separately). I have been trying to evaluate my dating habits and I have come to a shocking conclusion. Maybe you will disagree but I wonder if all my dates just find me horribly boring. If you have met me, you probably don't think I am particularly boring. But, when I am on a date with a girl, especially a girl that I am interested in, I think I may be reverting to my old boring ways (i.e., the boring person that I was in high school). For instance, telling a girl that I am a patent attorney makes me think that I come across as responsible and hard working. But in reality, I think I come across as stuffy and boring. Milo's solution to this problem: change the game. He thinks that if I go on dates with a more playful attitude, it will help the girls see that I am a fun guy. So, his suggestion is for me to downplay all of my accomplishments. Instead of saying I am an attorney, he thinks I should say I am a garbage truck driver or something to that effect. Then, if the girl likes me, she will be pleasently surprised to find out that I don't actually collect garbage for a living. I am a bit worried that she might find out and think I am a liar but it seems like it's worth a try. After all, I am never going to lie to build myself up, only down. So any lies that I am caught in are like a pleasant surprise. That way, maybe I can come across as interesting and fun to girls. Think this is a bad idea?

The Situation

2010-08-20T15:22:00.004-06:00

MrShit and I have talked on the phone a few times and messaged a number of times. She flew to Hong Kong early this morning for her study abroad. Meeting and hanging out with MrShit has reminded me that it is possible for me to meet someone and fall in love. It also reminded me that I will know it when it happens. Maybe for some people love is just being there. Just showing up. But it isn't that way for me. I require more than that. I require a legitimate emotional connection. I have had it happen enough times to recognize it's presence or lack thereof. Every time it happens, I question whether it will happen again. It may never happen again but as many readers have suggested, it is nonsensical for me to marry someone that I don't feel that spark with.

I am not saying things would or even could work out with MrShit. Right now she lives thousands upon thousands of miles away. We have different goals in life. Maybe something will come from it over time. Maybe not. But I am saying that I would rather spend my life lonely than compromise and marry someone without that spark. It would end in divorce. And if I think I am broken and lonely now, I can't imagine how it will feel to go through a divorce.

House came over on Wednesday night and we watched more Band of Brothers. We get along well. I don't know if she is frustrated that the relationship doesn't seem to be progressing. I guess I kind of am frustrated with it. I texted Pot about going out this weekend but she is busy. I think I will try one more date with her. I think she is cool but I don't know how high of a priority I am for her and she certainly isn't a super high priority for me.

Other notes: A girl named Conrad called me the other day to ask me to go to a concert with her. I had already made plans so I had to decline but I may end up taking her out.

We live and die by the same principles or A night in New Orleans

2010-08-10T15:13:00.006-06:00

So last Thursday was my long planned bachelor party trip to New Orleans. As the token Mormon, the trip promised to have some awkward moments. We hopped on the plane and I found my seat next to MrShit, a pretty blonde. (I apologize for the nickname, but during the flight, she told me that it was her nickname and explained why and it was just too hard to avoid). Milo was across the aisle from me and Thunder was up in first class. Thunder and I have been friends since undergraduate. He has a bit of a temper.

So, I really had lots of time to talk to MrShit. And talk we did. MrShit was just fun and bubbly and interesting. I was kinda sad to have the plane land. I felt really awkward asking her for her phone number cause we had merely sat next to each other for our flight. We live in different states and lead very different lives. So I said bye to her and set off for the weekend.

Drama ensued. At one point in a taxi, I seriously thought we were all going to be arrested. If I thought it was uncomfortable spending the night in our suite with the AC turned all the way up, imagine how uncomfortable a jail cell might be with the humidity and the temperature. This was Friday night. After a number of harsh words were exchanged between all of us (there were six guys), my friends went into a pizza parlor. I stood out on the street to people watch. Suddenly I heard my name spoken excitedly. It was MrShit! She was really excited to see me and I was super excited to see her. After all, my friends were darn near ready to kill each other and any distraction from that was welcome. Her friends and my friends immediately merged into a large group, saving us all from killing each other.

When MrShit found out I didn't drink, I think it weirded her out a little. It hadn't come up on the airplane. But we still quickly found ourselves really connecting. I gave her a shoulder rub. Milo was trying to hook it up with her friend Shontelle (not her real name but funny nonetheless). As the night progressed, MrShit and I became more and more friendly with each other. We danced. We kissed. We held hands. To be honest, I really liked hanging out with MrShit. I just felt an emotional connection with her. Eventually, MrShit and I and Milo and Shontelle ended up back at our suites. Milo had signalled to me that he intended to copulate with Shontelle. I made out with MrShit a bit in another room. Then she fell asleep and the heat got to me. I really liked spending time with MrShit but it was nearing 6:30 in the morning and I hadn't slept. I was exhausted. Figuring that Milo had been alotted plenty of time, I left MrShit sleeping and headed to the room I shared with him to figure out the situation. Apparently Milo and Shontelle were in the middle of their act when I entered the room. Milo tried to get rid of me and in the process, said something that offended Shontelle. She got up to leave and he begged her to come back saying "Shontelle, come back here." Well, Shontelle was not her real name and she was most displeased at being called by a different name. We woke up MrShit and they left on their merry way while Milo lamented to me about how awful he felt. I felt a little bit bad too but sleep was so necessary.

The rest of the trip occurred with very little incident. Upon returning home, all I could think about was MrShit. I found her on facebook and wrote her a message. She wrote back. She said how much fun she had with me and how great it was to meet me. It made me feel really good. I actually read through that message about 6 different times yesterday. I haven't felt this kind of emotional connection to someone in a long time. Of course, it just happened to be about the worst timing in the world. MrShit is moving to Hong Kong in less than two weeks for a study abroad. And she lives in a different state than me. And she drinks a fair amount. But spending time with her was so great. As I explained to Milo, it wasn't like all the pressure filled dates with Mormon girls. MrShit was excited to be with me then. She wasn't thinking 3 months or 3 years or 30 years or 300 years into the future. She was thinking about the now. I think that a lot of the girls I go on dates with are emotionally closed off. Sure they are friendly and have fun but they are guarded. They have walls put up and I hate them. MrShit had no such walls.

Now that it is over, and I will probably never see MrShit again, I can't stop thinking about her. I want to see her again. I want to talk to her more. I have a feeling she is going to push me away. Say something to the effect of "I am moving to Hong Kong and I don't want to get too attached to something here in the states right before I leave." I guess in the end, you live and die by the same principles. My connection with MrShit was born because of her short-sightedness and will probably die because of the same short-sightedness. But for a few brief hours, I was on top of the world.

The Bare Minimum

2010-08-03T12:43:00.003-06:00

Since the last post had a list of things that I wanted, I thought it might be appropriate to write a list of the things I need. The absolute bare necessities without which I simply will stay single forever.

1. Female. (There is no way I am marrying a male or something in between).
2. Somewhat near my age. (I wont marry a grandma or a child.)
3. Drug free. (I have dated girls that had former drug habits and I guess I am ok with that. But no current drug users. I don't have time for that. My insurance only covers so much rehab.)
4. Willing to let me be Mormon. (I don't absolutely have to marry a Mormon girl - although I would like to. But I cannot marry a girl that pushes me away from the church or fights me constantly about my religion.)
5. Willing to let me raise my children Mormon. (Again, even if she isn't Mormon, I fully expect my children to be. I want them to be active in the church. I think that as parents, we are responsible for our children and I won't let someone change that.)
6. Not overweight. (I would rather be single than marry a huge girl. I think a large change in weight - say more than a 40% increase should be grounds for divorce.)
7. Not ugly. (She doesnt have to be a model but if I am not attracted to her, I am not marrying her. Forget it.)
8. Able to read and write. (There is just no way that I could marry an illiterate girl.)
9. Clean. (I have a maid service but they only come once every two weeks. If the house becomes a pigsty over the course of 13 days, then this girl has a serious problem and I didn't sign up for that big of a problem.)
10. Disease free. (Mostly I am referring to STDs like AIDS and Herpes. I won't sign up for that. If she is a cancer patient... I would have to think about that. I mean, marrying someone knowing they have 6 months to live would just be really difficult.)
11. Normal body. (I simply can't marry a girl with three arms or three eyes.)
12. Straight. (I guess sometimes a lesbian chick is hot but if I don't turn her on, why would I marry her?)
13. Non-abusive. (I don't like getting hit or put down any more than anybody else does.)
14. Capable of working. (If she can't go get a job if need be, I think that would just be too hard.)

Well, that list was quite depressing. I think some of my minimums are actually higher than what was listed but I don't know how to define where they are on the medium so I just listed the bottom threshold. Ugh, let's hope it never comes down to a game of bare minimums.

So tell me what you want, what you really really want.

2010-07-28T16:45:00.005-06:00

It seems like everyone is telling me that if I figure out what I want, then maybe it will be easier to nail it down. When I was on my mission, I made a list of the things I wanted in my future wife on my blue planner. It was very detailed and included "sexy shoulders" and "likes the music that I sing on the guitar." Many years later, the whole thing has become much more vague. So this is my attempt to write what it is that I want in a wife. I am not saying that it is what I need. Just stuff that I want.

1. Sexy shoulders (why not?)
2. Tall enough that we can slow dance and not have it be awkward.
3. Shorter than me by enough that she doesn't appear taller than me wearing certain types of shoes.
4. A healthy weight. (Not obese and not anorexic. Somewhere in between. I want a girl with some curves but not one with lots of fp (fat potential). It isn't so much about the weight as a number as it is about how they carry themselves.)
5. A decent amount of self confidence. (I don't want to put up with a girl that thinks she is really ugly all the time. I also don't want a girl that thinks she is so gorgeous. I would say almost dead in the middle but leaning a bit towards a higher amount of self confidence.)
6. Low makeup maintenance. (There are plenty of girls who wear so much makeup that it is disgusting. I would say the closer to the minimum that you can get, the better. Not necessarily a granola. Just not "whoa, check out my makeup, are you looking at me? can you tell I am wearing makeup? I hope the sun doesn't come out and melt off all my makeup. My makeup is affected by gravity. My face is not even the same color as the rest of my body.")
7. Good sense of humor. (She will probably have to be a little on the "I can take a dirty joke" side since that is where my sense of humor falls. Not disgusting joke telling. Just able to handle a few off color jokes.)
8. Mormon. (But she has to be a fairly relaxed Mormon. You know, there are super uptight Mormons that believe you should never ever talk about sex. They take themselves way too seriously for me. But I also don't want a "Mormon by baptism only" type girl. I don't want to have to drag her butt to church every week or chastize her for going out drinking with her friends.
9. Proportional in body measurements. (Some girls are pear shaped. I don't really want that. Just a normal looking body.)
10. Exerciser. (I want a girl that will continue to try to look good long after she doesn't need to impress me anymore. Staying in shape is absolutely important. She doesn't have to be a gym rat, just the type that agrees that regular exercise is absolutely important to her well being.)
11. Get along with my family. (This is easy, as my family is fairly easy to get along with. But some of my friends have married girls that hate their familes and they basically have to choose between their family and their spouse. What a horrible decision.)
12. Well rounded. (I want a girl that wants to go on vacations and see stuff and experience culture. But also wants to stay at home and watch a movie with me. One that will play charades in front of 50 people she doesn't know. Just a girl that is comfortable doing lots of different activities and able to enjoy them all.)
13. Willing to get dirty. (Life isn't always fancy banquets and expensive restaurants. I want a girl that will climb under the car and get oil all over her if that is what needs to be done. She doesn't have to be a mechanic. Just unafraid of hard work and the possibility of getting dirty.)
14. Intelligent. (She doesn't have to be a genius. I don't care if she is bad at math and writing. I just want a girl that can have a normal conversation with people. I would like for her to want to always learn new things. If she can't correctly use 'your' and 'you're' or 'their' and 'they're' and 'there' then I hope she is able to learn cause those things drive me crazy.)
15. A problem solver. (Being married to me means you are going to find yourself involved in interesting problems. I can't predict them. I just know that they are going to happen. I want a girl that can help to solve them rather than just give up.)
16. Values education. (She doesn't have to have a doctoral degree. But a mother is the single most determining factor in how our children are going to end up. And I want them educated. I expect her to encourage reading and to teach by example (by reading herself). I want her to constantly seek to improve herself. If she likes cooking, take a cooking class. If she likes tap dancing, join a tap dancing group.)
17. Independent. (Some of the most successful couples are ones that each have some of their own hobbies. I want a girl that has her own hobbies. Maybe she really likes dogs. Maybe she wants to go on a vacation once a year with a girlfriend to Alaska to deep sea fish. I think if you are capable of spending time apart, the relationship will be much healthier. I want a girl that wants to be with me but is more than able to fill the 16 waking hours of a day with her own activities.)
18. Sexual. (She doesn't have to be crazy on this one. But she had darn well better like sex. I seriously believe that there are plenty of Mormon girls out there that don't have any idea whether they like sex or not. If a girl is that sheltered, she isn't for me. I am not saying she should have prior sexual experience. I just think that a girl should have a healthy sexual appetite even prior to marriage.)
19. Likes to listen to me play my songs on the guitar. (It means a lot to me.)
20. Madly madly deeply in love with me.

When worlds collide

2010-07-27T15:30:00.005-06:00

On Friday night, I took Pot to a baseball game on a double date with Milo. Pot is just so chill. I think that is probably one of her best qualities. As we were walking together, I honestly thought about holding Pot's hand. But I am not sure if I am ready for that. So I didn't. After the ball game, we went and saw the movie Salt. Absolute rubbish. The people involved in this movie shouldn't be allowed to make movies anymore. It was just crap. I think Milo and Pot enjoyed most of it. Seriously though, 10 minutes into the movie, I called the ending. I even told Pot so that she could verify how predictable it was. When I dropped Pot off, she kinda seemed to linger. I wonder if maybe she was expecting me to kiss her. Milo was in the car with his date so I certainly wasn't going to kiss her in front of them.

On Saturday, House and I went to the demolition derby. It was great fun. I wonder if House felt a little overwhelmed at times cause at the derby, I am probably more hyper than normal. She seemed to take it all in. I know she had a lot of fun.

At both the baseball game and the demolition derby, there were lots of scantily clad tattooed girls (sorry Punk, but you know I love you). This is the reason that I think maybe I wrote previously about mistresses. On an intellectual level, I can have these great conversations with House and Pot and have lots of fun. But on a sexual level, the scantily clad girls with tattoos have always held some appeal for me. They just appear so much more sexual than the conservative girls. I just wonder if maybe some guys are trying to "have their cake and eat it too" by taking on a mistress. I guess the reason I don't go out with more girls like that (the wilder girls) is cause I don't think I would have much to offer them. I suppose there are some wilder girls that don't drink but most of them probably do. And they probably have sex. I just kinda feel torn between two different worlds with neither one really fitting me.

Men and mistresses

2010-07-20T12:03:00.005-06:00

My date on Friday night with SG was about what you might expect. A little awkwardness, conversations about some really strange topics, and watching a couple of really crappy horror movies. SG and I don't really click at all. Thank heavens for that. She is quite the strange girl. It was a fun night, don't get me wrong, but I am not at all interested in her.

On Saturday, House and I went to a concert. It was an outdoor concert and so we just chilled on a blanket on the grass while people around us drank wine. We stopped at 7-11 after the concert and got donuts and chocolate milk. Do you ever think about why men have mistresses? I watched The Other Boleyn Girl on Sunday by myself and the king had a wife that he loved but he kept finding a mistress. I know some of it was because he was searching for a male heir. But, I also wonder if maybe a wife can never really fulfill both roles. Maybe you can't have both an intellectually satisfying connection with the same person that you have a sexual connection. Of course you initially are sexually attracted to the girl you marry. But maybe everything becomes utilitarian once you have kids. She cares for them more than she cares for you. Once a woman is a mother, her role as wife is diminished. I am not trying to place all the blame on women for men cheating but I wonder if maybe men are taking too much of the blame.

I talked with my friend Hobbes last night about his divorce. He told me how crazy I am for wanting to get married. Basically, getting married was the single worst decision he had made in his life. Is it just society pressuring me to find someone and get married or does it begin internally? I don't have an answer. My parents are absolutely disappointed in me for not being married. It's not the first time they have been disappointed in me. Every one of my friends from high school is married. I think that sort of thing is naturally going to have an influence on me. Three of my closest friends from law school (girls) are getting married in the next month.

Bullied by the world around me.

2010-07-16T17:48:00.004-06:00

This weekend I have a date with SG and a date with House. I know what you are saying, "Tripp, are you crazy? Why are you going out with SG?" Well, I just thought it would make for an interesting story. I kinda feel a bit low on interesting stories right now. House came over the other night and we watched band of brothers. We talked and it was just great. I think the world of her but I am just not finding myself falling in love with her. According to my dad and one of my coworkers, that should be no excuse. I should just marry her anyway. Marriage is less about love and more about mutual respect and partnership. In 7 years, the whole looks thing won't matter anyway. Phooooey.

I don't want to live that life. I refuse to live that life. In the words of Taylor Swift (yeah, I listen to Taylor Swift, what's it to you?)

But I miss screaming and fighting and kissing in the rain
and it's 2 am and I'm cursing your name
you're so in love that you act insane
and that's the way I loved you
breaking down and coming undone
it's a roller coaster kinda rush
and I never knew I could feel that much
and that's the way I loved you.

Maybe I am just writing this because I might be starting to cave a little. I might have been thinking "sure, I can marry someone that I am not in love with. It would make my life much easier. We could talk and have lots of fun and when it came to lovemaking, I could just go with it, I guess." It just adds to the problem of me feeling bullied by the world around me.

Conversations with future strippers

2010-07-12T16:17:00.005-06:00

House came over for Band of Brothers last Wednesday night. Nothing eventful. I enjoy all of the time I spend with her. On Thursday, Pot and I went to dinner. It was fun. Pot is older than me by a few years and is divorced. We went for Indian food and then dipped ice cream cones. It was a short date cause Pot is super busy right now but it was fun. The conversation went well and Pot seems like a super chill girl. I am excited to take her out again. Probably sometime next week, since she is out of town for most of this week.

On Saturday night, Milo and I met up with a couple of other guys for sushi before heading to a bar. I always feel a little awkward at bars cause I don't drink but it seemed like fun. We ended up at the same bar that I met Jasmine at a year ago. I ended up in a strange conversation with a girl that I will call StripperGirl (or SG for short) about whether stripping is degrading to women. SG wants to be a stripper and plans to make a ton of money and then retire and live the great life when she is my age. I just wasn't so convinced that it was such a great idea. But it made for a great conversation. SG definitely enjoyed talking to me and as the night went on, SG informed me that she was probably going to sleep with me that night. I hated to burst her bubble but it needed to be done. I hate using the excuse of "I am Mormon" cause it implies that I don't really think for myself and that the only reason I wasn't going to sleep with SG was because of religion. So I explained to SG that I wanted to wait for marriage and such. It was an interesting conversation, one that many mormon girls can probably relate to but not one that many guys have experienced. I was trying to explain my values to a drunk girl intent on sleeping with me.

Eventually, SG got offended that I wouldn't sleep with her. She said I was a tease. There really isn't a good response to that. I went to the bar because I wanted to have an interesting discussion with someone but to the average person, I guess going to bar is all about hooking up. Due to some weird circumstances, I ended up giving SG and her friends a ride home. I guess I should take the whole thing as a compliment.

On Sunday, I texted back and forth with McSwanson. I met McSwanson with littlebrother and Sugarloaf at a party celebrating the 4th of July. McSwanson is divorced with a kid but very spunky and friendly. I think she might have given her number out to four or five guys that night (including littlebrother) but she has potential. I might try and take her out this week. But McSwanson seems a little too playful to take seriously. Like that maybe she isn't taking dating seriously at all right now.

The pot calling the kettle black

2010-07-07T17:13:00.005-06:00

The rodeo date with House was great. I absolutely love the rodeo and so does House. I just don't want to kiss her. I know it is confusing because if you read my blog, you probably think I am a bit of a slut and will kiss anything that walks. But still, I don't want to kiss her. I have a hard time explaining why. But why should I have to explain why? Isn't it just enough for me to say that I don't want to kiss a girl and leave it at that? I have kissed plenty of girls in my day. I know what kissing is like. The lack of a desire to kiss a girl basically means the lack of a desire to mate with her, correct? It's so frustrating cause if I could just fall in love with House, my life would be a lot easier. She is coming over tonight to watch the second episode of Band of Brothers with me.

When I was at the arts festival a few weeks ago, I ran into a girl that I met a year ago named Pot. We talked for just a minute but there was definitely some clicking between Pot and I. So we did the texting back and forth thing and we are meeting up for dinner tomorrow. Pot is generally pretty cute BUT she wears lipstick. Which, as you know, grosses me out. So here is the real dilemma. If I take Pot out tomorrow night for dinner and she is wearing lipstick, I will be grossed out and then I probably won't want to take her out again. But there is no way to call or text her before the date and say "oh, by the way, I have OCD about stuff on lips, so can you please let your lips be naked for the night so that we can find out if we are compatible?" My only hope really is that for some odd reason, Pot will decide to not wear lip crap tomorrow (cause it is really nonsensical - we are going to eat dinner - thats like making your bed right before it's bedtime). I will keep my fingers crossed.

Pho, a platinum blonde and Jerry Springer

2010-07-02T16:05:00.005-06:00

Last weekend, I went with some friends to an art festival. I love looking at the art and mingling with those artsy fartsy girls. While I was walking, I saw Anastacia. I have mentioned Anastacia before but never by name. She is a Russian girl that used to be in one of my wards. About a year ago, Anastace informed me that she was ready to settle down. Apparently, she had decided to live a fairly wild life until she turned 25 and then she wanted to find a nice (rich) boy and settle down. I was skeptical, to say the least. Especially when she informed me that I would make a great suitor for her. I am smart enough to know that I don't make enough money for a girl like Anastacia. She has dated rappers and worked as a concert promoter in Russia. But she wants a nice American guy cause they don't cheat and can lead a more normal lifestyle. So when I started talking to Anastacia on Saturday, she was all compliments. It was kind of an ego boost to have an attractive girl gushing about how good you look. But like I said before, a girl like Anastacia would bleed me dry and then disappear back to Russia; with a 50/50 chance of taking the kids with her.

On Wednesday, House invited me to go see a local play. Her company sponsors the theater and so we were VIP. It was great fun. As usual, I had tons of fun with House. In fact, I invited her to the rodeo with me tonight. It should be a lot of fun.

Last night, I met up for dinner with my friend Smash. Let me just tell you, if you haven't tried the Vietnamese dish Pho, you are in for an experience. She took me to this trashy little restaurant and ordered this dish for me. It had floating meatballs that had a texture I had never before seen on an animal product. Pho is some kind of soup with vermicelli noodles in it. Now I understand how my grandpa felt whilst fighting in Vietnam (actually, I am not sure if either of my grandpas fought in Vietnam, nor do I know if they partook of Pho, I just thought it was a funny joke). Either way, it was not for me.

I was dropping Smash off at the apartment of her friend Platinum. As Smash opened the door, Platinum was standing there in a towel from a recent shower and Smash immediately shoved me away to prevent me from seeing anything (jerk). So Platinum tells me to stay for a minute while she changes. Here's where it gets interesting. Platinum is a fairly attractive girl with more drama in her life than mine and Flava Flav's lives combined. Perhapst thats an exaggeration but she comes out in this pink shirt that goes down to about her thies and is semi transparent (don't worry, she was wearing underwear, you could see it) and these knee high white stockings. She has her nose pierced and her hair is platinum blond (almost white) which could be natural but is more likely totally fake. Then, Smash's friend shows up and they take off to go clubbing. I was about ready to leave but Platinum looked like she needed to talk to someone (and maybe I was a little interested in what her story was) so I stayed and we talked until about midnight. I won't tell you Platinum's life story but I will tell you the portion that caught me most off guard. Her mom and dad separated after she was born and remarried. They each had more children. So Platinum's half brother from one side of her family is now dating Platinum's half sister from the other side of the family. I kept waiting for Jerry Springer to jump out of the bushes and for some huge transgender to come running at me ready for a fight. Sometimes you need moments like that to remind you of how stable your own life is.

Dissatisfied

2010-06-24T16:17:00.003-06:00

Last night House came over and we watched Band of Brothers. It was fun. We had a great talk about a bunch of different subjects (skydiving, weeding, video games, dogs painted to look like tigers, WWII). The conversation is always great with House. We just click. Ten seconds ago, I sent a text to Gamer telling her that I just don't feel right about dating her. Before you judge me too harshly, let me tell you that I seriously considered just not having any more communication with her. She hasnt texted me since Saturday and I haven't texted her. I already feel bad but there is nothing that can be done about it now. Right this minute, I don't like myself very much at all.

Older girls versus younger girls

2010-06-22T14:17:00.004-06:00

On Friday night, Cowboy and I did some volunteer stuff for the American Cancer Society. Just in case anyone was wondering, I am against it (cancer, that is). There were about 5 guys and 7 girls there. It actually was extremely conducive to meeting people. I had a good conversation with a girl that had gone to two years of law school and then dropped out and another conversation with a girl that had "Faith" tattooed on her wrist but was embarrassed about it. These girls were a bit older (probably their early to mid 30s) but they were super chill. I think all of them were Mormon but they weren't crazy Mormon. I think being Mormon is kinda like being a parent. Your first kid is way overprotected. You have tons of rules set up for them and if they don't follow the rules to a T, then they get punished. At least this was how my parents raised us. However, over time, you seem to chill out a little. My parents stopped freaking out if one of their kids was a few minutes late past curfew. And the curfew was moved from midnight to 1 or even 2. Of course, there are downsides to this. Littlelittlebrother speaks to/about my parents in ways that would have never been acceptable when I was his age. I think this is more because of his personality than because of my parents' more relaxed parenting style. Anyway, so people who have been Mormon a while can sometimes get that it isn't easy and they don't come off quite as judgmental early on. Thats how I felt with these girls. It was really fun.

On Saturday, BFF and I went to a theme park with BFF's cousin and her cousin's husband. There were tons of early teenagers walking around in love. How come it is so much easier for them to find love at that age than it is for me at this age? Most of the guys just look like total freaks. They have piercings in their faces. They are wearing girl's pants. And yet they have a fairly attractive girlfriend. Do the girls just have lower standards at that age?

The Getaway

2010-06-17T18:11:00.005-06:00

Gamer peppered me throughout the weekend with texts. I really didn't want to hang out with her so I made it seem like I was super busy with work and just too tired to hang out. Instead, I went to a Mormon Aristocracy party with Sugarloaf, TheCaptain and littlebrother. I have been to this exact same party approximately 47 times in my life. It may be at a different setting and there may be a slightly different group of people there but essentially it is always the same party. I guess it is better than nothing but I always find myself leaving these parties saying to myself "I am never going to another one of those parties again." It's not that there aren't cute girls there. Aussie was there (although I doubt she recognized me). It's just that most of the people don't seem to go to these things to meet people. They go to hang out with people they already know. Halfway through the party, someone cranked up the volume on some obnoxious music just to ensure that anyone attempting to have a conversation would be discouraged. For the upcoming generation, dancing and physical interaction always seem to have a higher priority and come before real social interaction.

On Sunday, while avoiding texts from Gamer, I called up House and suggested we go on a walk. I drove over to her place and we just walked for awhile. It was great. The conversation with House is always lively and interesting. Throughout the night, my mind kept running into the dead end of "why can't I date this girl?"

On Monday, I even sat down with one of the partners at my law firm to discuss it. His advice was actually quite astonishing to me. He said that if he were single, physical attraction would not even be close to the top priority when looking for a wife. He said that no matter what, all of that will mean basically nothing in five years. To be honest, I still have a hard time wrapping my head around that. If I were marrying for personality, House would be great. And House isn't an ugly girl. As I have thought about it over the past few days, I have concluded that I have an ego. On my mission, an elder that was fairly popular sent out engagement photos. My friends and I were shocked when we saw the announcement. This guy was marrying a girl that seemed obviously less attractive than him and was slightly overweight. To be honest, we all threw in a few jabs about them. Maybe I do have a bit more of an ego than I would like to admit.

When I dated Mindy many many years ago, it felt so great to go out in public with her. I was a superstar. Is it wrong for me to want that again? Should I just take my dad's advice "Tripp, you are never going to find a better girl for you than House."

Last night, I went to dinner with Gamer. I kinda felt obligated to. Gamer seemed even more clingy. I walked her back to her car and I know that a) she really wanted me to kiss her and b) she really wanted me to invite her back to my place (we met near where I work). I just wasn't having it. I felt bad about it too. I have always been terrified about dumping a girl (even when we aren't really dating). But I gotta do something about Gamer. She wants things to progress and I am really not feeling it.

Clingy

2010-06-11T18:21:00.004-06:00

Work has been particularly busy this week and so dating has taken a hit. On Wednesday, I sent a text to Simpson suggesting we go to a soccer game together. She responded that she already had plans for that evening. I know it's weird but it really bugged me. Maybe it's cause she didn't say something like "Let's reschedule." I think it is has been about 4 weeks since I last saw Simpson so I guess that whole thing is just kinda dying out. The same thing happened with her a year ago. It wasn't that I didn't like her, she just kinda became less and less available and I got tired of dealing with it.

That night, FarFarAway called and wanted to go to dinner. It's hard to explain why I don't feel a ton of interest in FarFarAway. She is definitely cuter than most of the girls I date. And she has told me on more than one occasion that her and I ought to be married. On Wednesday, she came over and I was weeding around my house. She knew tons about the plants around the house and told me that if we got married, she would take care of all the weeding around the house. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I actually really enjoy weeding. After dinner, FarFarAway took off. She was heading out of town the next day. I will admit that I wouldn't mind making out with FarFarAway. She looked awful pretty in her summer dress. But it's pretty obvious to me that I am not driven to date her.

Last night, I hung out with Milo for a bit at his new business. His little sister LittleMilo was there. I met her once a year or two ago but didn't get a good look at her. She is gorgeous. Bosnian girls have a tendency to be much prettier than American girls. Of course, it's one of my best friend's little sisters and she is muslim (but not practicing) so it is probably out of reach.

Gamer got back into town last night. I think she was bothered with me that I didn't want to meet up and hang out at 11 last night when her flight landed. I gotta be honest, lately Gamer has become very clingy. Here's the situation (and I am able to explain it well because I have been on the other side of it). You like someone and they show some interest. But they are very casual. Things progress a little but that person stays casual. In fact, they might even start pulling away. So how do you naturally respond when you think you are losing something? You fight for it. And the other person gets really turned off by this.

I am not ready to start spending every night with Gamer and talking all the time on the phone. I don't want her to know the intimate details of my life and I don't want to know the intimate details of hers. But as I kinda pull away a little, she sees it as requiring her to pull me back. Which just doesn't really work. Gamer texted me today and really wanted to hang out tonight. I probably have to work tomorrow and I wanted to get my work done early enough to maybe go watch the USA play England in the World Cup Soccer with Milo (and maybe LittleMilo will be there, ha ha ha) so I told Gamer I couldn't be out late tonight. I said something to the effect of "Ok, if we go see a movie, you have to promise to go home right after so I can go to bed. Deal?" Immediately after I sent the text, I got a bad feeling (an omen). A few minutes later, Gamer texted back with "Are you being serious?" I think I pissed her off. Now I don't even really want to hang out with her at all. See girls, clingy just doesn't work.

Take your memories I don't need em

2010-06-08T15:33:00.004-06:00

On Saturday, my roommate RunsWithScissors and I went to Costco looking to spend some money. Our initial plan was to check out their barbecues and maybe look for an edger for the lawn (since RunsWithScissors doubles as my lawnboy). I was also interested in patio furniture. We walked around and my head was definitely in the game. I was looking at items, considering their usefulness and just generally enjoying participating in the commerce that is Costco. I looked up from the solar powered yard lighting pieces and exclaimed to RunsWithScissors "Oh my gosh, there is my ex-girlfriend."

WhiteTrashExGirlfriend (WTEG) and I dated many years ago. We both worked at Walmart at the time. So did her mom. I remember when her mom told me that WTEG was coming to work at the store that I had better stay away from her daughter. Within a few days, we went on our first date and we just clicked. WTEG was not mormon.

The thing that I found particularly intriguing about WTEG is that I didn't feel constantly judged around her. WTEG wasn't judging me for potential eternal companionship. She was living in the now. And the now was that we had a lot of fun together. As the summer drew to a close and WTEG prepared to move back to the city where she attended college, I decided to break up with her. We had talked before about how our relationship could never really go anywhere. I was committed to getting married in the temple and WTEG didn't have the slightest interest in joining the Mormon church. It was a sad day because I really liked WTEG. I saw her a few months later at my brother's funeral and hadn't seen her since until Saturday.

WTEG got married a few years ago and now has a two year old. I said hi to them and told them I was "just a lawyer" which they found funny. Not too many other Walmart coworkers had since become lawyers. I really just wanted to talk to WTEG for a few minutes. I wanted to say how sorry I was for breaking up with her so many years ago. That I had really cared about her and that I just felt the pressure of family members and friends to not date her. I really just wanted to find out how she had been after all these years. It didn't work out that way.

After saying hi to them, one of WTEG good girlfriends from high school also came into Costco and saw WTEG. WTEG turned and started talking to her. I was all but forgotten. I said goodbye to her mom and RunsWithScissors and I turned back to the task at hand. However, in the brief two minute delay, I lost my zeal for shopping. We drove back to the house while I took many a trip down memory lane. Determined to get my mind off WTEG, I weeded around my house for four hours in the sun. I looked her up on facebook and found her but didn't add her as a friend. I missed her. I missed that sense of wonder that I felt when I was with someone that I really liked and that I just felt very comfortable with. Maybe I really just missed liking someone and having them like me too.

We had joy we had fun, we had seasons in the sun

2010-06-01T17:30:00.004-06:00

On Friday, I left work early and headed down to stay in a houseboat on the lake. I traveled with Robin, BeefCake and MrsBeefCake. Although they aren't married yet, BeefCake and MrsBeefCake are practically married and it just makes things easier. We met Sugarloaf there with Barrel and a bunch of girls. SpicyTuna was there. I haven't talked about SpicyTuna before. I have met her many times and have always perceived her as a snob. It's cause she is always hanging around tools and snobby girls. I wonder if she even realizes that she is such a tool magnet.

Being out on the lake was mostly great. Exhausting. By the last day, I was so ready to get out of there. Can I just say that I really like BeefCake but MrsBeefCake drives me crazy. She is bratty and self-righteous and snotty. I couldn't have been more annoyed with her on the trip and the drive home was no exception.

So I got a chance to have a couple of deep conversations with SpicyTuna. She is actually really cool. Super athletic and spunky, she is the type of girl that everyone knows. I am sure many of the tools pursue her too. Thing is, she doesn't strike me as the type that would want a tool for a husband. She wants to get married and have kids. She wants to fall in love. I really enjoyed my conversations with SpicyTuna. I even kinda would like to take her on a date. It's hard cause SpicyTuna has been out with Cowboy a number of times and she dated Barrel for awhile.

On Sunday, after I got home, Gamer came over. I had fun hanging out with her. I think I am going to keep hanging out with her. I made plans to go out with Simpson this Thursday.

Kissing across languages

2010-05-28T14:25:00.004-06:00

Mormon Bachelor Pad recently wrote a blog post about kissing a girl that had limited kissing skills. It reminded me of an experience I had a few years ago. HandsomeRob served his mission in Brazil and he knows tons of Brazilians. Oftentimes, HandsomeRob would invite me along to Brazilian parties that he was invited to. I didn't speak Portuguese so I often found myself in awkward situations at these parties.

One party had a karaoke machine. Everyone was having great fun singing popular Brazilian songs. A really cute Brazilian girl (lets call her Braza) was doing some of the singing. We flirted a bit. Braza spoke a bit of English but to say she was fluent in it would be a lie. We tried singing a duet of a popular Brazilian song but holy crap, that stuff moves fast and my Portuguese reading skills are probably on par with my Portuguese speaking skills. So we sang a duet of an English song. This is probably what led me to believe that Braza understood what I was saying. I was wrong.

We went to her apartment after the party to watch The Incredibles. I think this further persuaded me that Braza spoke fluent English. HandsomeRob played an excellent wingman by sitting on the floor while we watched the movie. We had drove there together so we didn't have lots of options. It took probably half the movie to get Braza to cuddle with me. It just wasn't very natural. But then, less than 5 seconds after starting to cuddle, Braza and I were making out. This was my first experience kissing a Brazilian.

So, we started kissing and here is what happened. Braza took her tongue, inserted it in my mouth and then stopped. I kid you not. She put her tongue inside my mouth like a dead anchovy and then she... did... nothing... It just kinda sat there. Don't get me wrong, I like having a cute girl's tongue in my mouth as much as the next guy. However, I don't so much enjoy having a cute dead girl's tongue in my mouth, which is what this felt like. Her tongue wasn't going cold, it just wasn't moving at all. I tried pushing her tongue out with my tongue but she was obviously practiced in the skill of tongue wrestling, rendering my tongue ineffective at removing her tongue. Finally, I pulled away in desperation.

Not wanting to disturb HandsomeRob (because I was grateful he was finally playing wingman to me - how many times I had sat there watching a movie while he macked on some chick? I lost count), I tried to quietly explain to Braza that a little less tongue would be appreciated. "Hey, uhh, Braza, I like kissing you, and uh, it's great, but could you maybe just use a little less tongue?" Her response of "OK" let me know she understood every word that came out of my mouth. I moved back in and we began making out. Braza wasted no time in again aggresively inserting her tongue into my mouth and claiming the territory as her own. I was growing a bit frustrated. I pulled away again. I seriously considered asking HandsomeRob for help but decided to try and explain again to Braza. "Hey, so, yeah, I am not sure if you understood me last time, and it's totally ok if you didn't, but anyway, I was kinda hoping maybe you could use less tongue. Would that be possible?" Again, Braza responded in the affirmative with "OK."

We started making out again. Third time is a charm right? Wrong. Braza took her tongue and placed it in my mouth like it was now her designated tongue parking spot. Then she took the keys with her and went into the mall (metaphorically speaking, really it just meant that she left the tongue there with no intention of moving it in the near future). I decided to take a more aggressive approach. So I bit down on Braza's tongue. I think I might have bitten a bit harder than intended. Let me tell you, Braza jerked away with a huge amount of shock in her eyes. I half expected her to come at me throwing punches. Maybe I had drawn blood. Then, Braza looked at me and sported a bit of a kinky smile and I knew I was done.

On the drive home, I learned from HandsomeRob that "o que" in Portuguese means "what?" I never called Braza again, because I realized we wouldn't be able to talk on the phone since we didn't speak the same language.

Story of my life: talking about nothing

2010-05-25T12:32:00.006-06:00

On Friday night, MrsChief, Chief, Gamer and I went to see MacGruber. It wasn't a particularly great movie. Oh yeah, and Gamer brought one of her friends. After the movie, we were standing in the hallway talking. Talking about nothing. I had some soda during the movie and I really had to go. But, it appeared that all the bathrooms for the theater were past the ticket counter (we were in the main lobby). So, the conversation was going nowhere, I really had to go and it felt awkward. The situation was just weird and I wasn't thinking straight. So I kinda just walked away. And didn't come back. It was pouring rain so I decided to just go straight to my car and drive home rather than try and find a bathroom.

When I got home, Gamer texted me and said something about how weird it was that I had left. I guess it was kinda weird. But it's not like we had any other plans after the movie. And it's not like I was on a date with Gamer. How can I tell that Gamer really likes me? She still wanted to come over to my house and hang out. We hung out for a little while and then she took off cause I needed to get up the next morning and get some work done.

On Sunday evening, I went over to Gamer's to play some Super Mario Bros. on her Wii. You may not know this about me but I love Super Mario Bros. Since the day my older brother received a Nintendo for his birthday, I have been fascinated with the game. I have a lot of fun with Gamer but I am just not falling for her.

Other Notes: I called Simpson over the weekend and left a message but she never called me back. I think Simpson might be pulling another disappearing act. Crack told me today that he is setting me up with his personal trainer. FarFarAway called me on Saturday to hang out and again last night.

Is that a hairless cat?

2010-05-20T16:00:00.006-06:00

I was supposed to go to dinner with Simpson the other night. But when I texted her, she told me she had forgotten and that she had some car problems that needed taken care of. I know it sounds dumb but I was kinda bugged at Simpson about it. So I haven't contacted her since.

Last night I went to a condo with Sugarloaf, Barrel, TheCaptain, Robin (The Boy Wonder), Giselle, this girl BigMac and this girl LuvMeLongTime. LuvMeLongTime and Giselle are really good friends. I really have no interest in dating any of these girls. It's amazing how hard it is to get girls to come along on things with us. I know Sugarloaf called like 5 girls and none came. TheCaptain brought along all three (all of whom I had met before). Everytime I hear girls complain about how they are never hanging out with guys, I have a hard time believing it. Either there are tons more guys than girls around or huge groups of girls are going around with a small number of guys. Either way, it pisses me off.

While I was in law school, a coworker showed me a picture of his sister-in-law named Sphynx. She was really cute. I suggested he set me up with her and he told me that I had no idea what I was getting into. Sphynx bred/raised hairless cats. She didn't have one or two or three or four. She had 17! Still, she looked cute enough and I thought to myself "How bad can a bunch of cats be?" On our first date, Sphynx seemed fairly normal, albeit a little shy. The date was fairly short and I thought I would ask her out again. As we were driving after dinner, Sphynx told me that a year earlier, she had been stealing oxycontin from the pharmacy where she worked and had been sent to rehab. I know it's a good idea to get things like that out in the open fairly early on, but conversations about recent drug abuse on a second date is not recommended.

Still, the date went well enough. We watched a movie at her house (well, her parent's house where she lived) and things appeared to be going well. We started making out and I kid you not, a hairless cat jumped up on me. Google "hairless cat" if you wanna see what these creepy things look like.

A few days later, Sphynx called me and asked me to go to a baby blessing of her sister's baby (my coworker's kid). I agreed. We sat down in sacrament meeting but Sphynx felt like confessing. So, as the sacrament was being passed, Sphynx told me how many tattoos she had (three). Then she told me how many piercings she had once had (9, including one in an unmentionable location). About a week later, Sphynx called me and invited me to a family dinner at her house. I accepted. I showed up and Sphynx acted particularly weird. She seriously asked me if I was ok like 7 times during dinner. She seemed high. My coworker told me that before I had arrived, she was freaking out and needed help doing her hair. She had just come from work at the pharmacy (yeah, she was able to continue working there) and he thought she had taken something there. She told me she had only taken a Xanax but it seemed like she had taken more.

After dinner, she was really rude to her mom (we were in her parent's house and her mom was watching tv; Sphynx told her mom that she was being rude for not leaving the room to let us watch what we wanted to watch (even though the basketball game on that her mom was watching was plenty interesting to me)). At this point, I decided I had just about enough with Sphynx. She got a text from some guy and she told me about how he wanted to date her but that she didn't want to date him, she wanted to date me! It really freaked me out. I said something about wanting to leave and she kinda grabbed onto me and was like "No, you can't leave yet." Not wanting to be rude, I stayed for over an hour after that. I was really put off by the whole thing though.

A week or two later, I decided that the only solution was for me to "break-up" with Spynx, even though we had never really gotten together. Whenever I meet a girl that is a bit crazy, I usually gauge her craziness on a "how many hairless cats" scale. Sphynx was a 17 hairless cats amount of crazy.

Other notes: Pulse is now officially in a relationship on facebook.

White trash roots

2010-05-17T11:13:00.005-06:00

On Friday, Cowboy called me up and wanted to know if I would double with him. I already had a date planned with Simpson. We met up and went to the dance studio to learn the tango. Simpson was not as impressed as I thought she might be. After all, normally isn't it the girl that is begging the guy to go take dance lessons. She thought it was kind of dumb to learn to do old dances like that. I thought it was quite fun and the tango is a fun dance to learn.

After dinner, we headed out to the drag races. I will always have a special place in my heart for white trash people. Perhaps it was the many years I worked at Wal Mart. So going to watch drag races just gives me a warm feeling inside. Of course, as we watched the cars race, all I really wanted to do was get my own car out there to race. According to online specifications, my car should be able to do a 1/4 mile in 13.9 seconds, which was faster than more than half of the cars there. I saw one car nearly break the 1/4 mile in under 10 seconds. I should have been a racecar driver. Sugarloaf, Barrel and Arches were there too. Simpson had fun but she was tired. I dropped her off, gave her a goodnight kiss and headed home.

On Saturday, KJo and I met for lunch and some furniture shopping. We found a place selling these giraffes that were about 5 feet tall for $6500. Ha ha, I was tempted but not that tempted. By late afternoon, I was tired so I delayed my date with Gamer for a bit while I took a nap. I met up with Gamer and after a quick dinner, we went and saw the movie The Good, the bad, the weird. She had initially suggested we see Robin Hood but I wasn't sure I could handle two hours of hollywood crap. The Good, the bad, the weird is this chinese action movie. The action scenes moved a little too fast on occasion and sometimes the subtitles in white were impossible to read but the movie was fun. I know Gamer enjoyed it.

We drove back to her car. As we were saying our goodbyes, this homeless dude walked up for a chat in the hopes of scoring some cash. I don't particularly like to give money to homeless people. I get asked for money nearly every day and professional beggars have a particular ability at irking me. So when the homeless dude said he just needed money for a ride to where he was staying, I thought "why not just give him a ride?" Gamer gave me this look like I was dumb as dirt. So she got into her car and the homeless dude and I got into my car. We drove for about three blocks (and the smell was quite intense) before I discovered that the homeless dude had zero interest in getting a ride out to this place (which sort of invalidated his original request for money). So now, I had a homeless dude inside my car begging me for money while drunk as a skunk (and as smelly as one too). Not wanting to give him money, I took him through the drivethru at McDonalds. He didn't stop asking for money the entire time (until I dropped him off back where I had picked him up). I chided him a little about needing to figure out what he was doing with his life (can you imagine a guy saying "and when that guy took me to McDonalds late one Saturday night and told me to figure out my life, that's when I saw the light and decided to stop using drugs and drinking and straighten out my life!") At least it got him out of the car.

On Sunday, I invited Gamer over to watch a movie (I called Simpson first but she was visiting her grandma and couldn't come). I just needed some company. Gamer came over and we watched a movie and cuddled. Now, before you get all judgmental on me, let me clarify a few things. One, I do like Gamer. She is fun to be around. She is interesting. And she is attractive. But I dont really see her as a potential girlfriend/spouse. I just don't feel like I am a bad person for spending time with her.

Will it ever be enough?

2010-05-14T15:25:00.004-06:00

On Wednesday night, I headed over to Gamer's place. We had planned to go bowling but it ended up being too late. So we played mario on her wii for a little while. Then I sang a couple of songs for her with her guitar that I wrote years ago. We made out and I left. I felt awful on the drive home from her house. Why? Because I knew that I was going to hurt her. At this point, there is absolutely no way for me to not cause her pain. I know she isn't right for me. Dating her will never be enough for me.

I know that the right answer of what I should do is tell her right away. I should call her up and just explain that I think she is really cool but it just doesn't feel right. That would hurt her less than dragging it out, right? But I am not sure if I am going to do that. A part of me, a very large part, wants to just drag it out. Slowly start hanging out with her less and less and hope she meets some other guy and can reject me in favor of him. This is exactly what happened with Pulse and probably what I am most comfortable with. But it isn't right and I know it.

I like Gamer. She is cool to hang out with. She is very spunky. She is very unique. She collects action figures, loves video games, plays guitar and is fun to be around. It just isn't enough.

One year of blogging/sabotaging my marriage prospects

2010-05-12T14:56:00.006-06:00

I first decided to write a dating blog after several conversations with the infamous Holly Lynn. Her blog "if i were really skinny..." was the inspiration for my blog, even though our blogs have almost nothing in common (hers is about fashion and pop culture and diet coke - mine is about my dating escapades). I was there when Holly Lynn got a boyfriend (well, not physically there, man that would have been awkward - just heard about it from her soon after the fact) and I was there when I found out Holly Lynn got engaged (I wasn't there when she got married, even though I had promised her a quilt with something about her husband's nickname "de la rocca - conservative" embroidered on it, sorry about that Holly Lynn, I am not sure you really would want a quilt like that anyway, if you were just going to throw it away, it doesn't really make sense for me to have it made, does it?). Since then, Holly's blog posts have become fewer and farther apart.

After I began blogging, my good friend Lorelei from law school read my blog and decided to start her own dating blog "Date Lorelei" which was a much better put-together blog than this one. Now that Lorelei has become engaged, she has stopped posting on her blog. Although I certainly wish her well, when a friend that is a girl gets married, the dynamic of the friendship changes. I just don't feel as comfortable chatting with married women. So I feel as if I am losing Lorelei as a friend in much the same way I lost Holly Lynn as a friend and the way I lost Chanel many years ago as a friend. Another one of my good friends from law school got engaged a few weeks ago. It has me reflecting quite a bit on my position in life and dating.

Maybe I subconsciously don't want to get married. When my friends have gotten married, most of them have deserted me. I will admit that I have a lot of bad feelings towards marriage. Besides the fact that many (if not most, depending on who you ask) married couples are unhappy, there is also the huge chance that the marriage will not be successful (no matter what you do, you cannot control the actions of another person and marriage always involves two people (well, at least two)). Could I be sabotaging potential relationships to ensure that I keep my single life? After all, every year that I remain single, I get to live how I want, buy what I want and do what I want. Being married would be a major life change for me. I would have to develop a budget (which I make fun of my friend Crack for nearly every day). I would have to go to bed at a regular time every day. I would have to spend my saturdays helping in-laws that I can't stand move from one crappy apartment to another cause they are too cheap to hire someone. I would have to learn to accept the kooky holiday traditions of my in-laws. Maybe I am not ready for marriage.

If you want a revolution, the only solution evolve

2010-05-10T12:17:00.005-06:00

On Friday, UpsideDown messaged me to let me know that she couldn't go out with me. It wasn't a huge surprise for me. I texted Gamer and asked if she wanted to go to littlelittlebrother's soccer game. She said it sounded like fun and would meet me at my house. The game was heartbreaking. Littlelittlebrother played really well but his team lost in double overtime. Rather than wait around while my entire family asked Gamer questions, we took off and got tickets to the new Ironman 2 movie. The movie wasn't all that great but it wasn't awful. Neither of us particularly loved it. Then we went back to my house and talked on the couch for a bit. I could tell that Gamer wanted me to kiss her. To be honest, I wasn't really sure if I wanted to kiss her though. So I hugged her and sent her on her way.

On Saturday, I had a date planned with Simpson. As I was pulling out of my driveway to go pick her up, I decided to pick 4 pink tulips from my front yard to give to her. I don't know much about flowers. For some reason, they just grow around my house. I guess they must be bulbs planted. Anyway, I think it definitely earned me some brownie points with Simpson when I showed up at her house holding a bouquet of freshly handpicked flowers. We went to dinner at my favorite Indian restaurant and then watched a movie back at my house. After the movie, it felt pretty natural to just move in and make out with Simpson. After all, a year ago I made out with Simpson several times. It was a pretty good make out. There are definitely a lot of qualities about Simpson that I like.

On Sunday, after a mothers day dinner with my family, I headed over to Gamer's to watch a movie. We cuddled during the movie but things definitely don't feel as natural with Gamer as they do with Simpson. Nevertheless, I ended up making out with Gamer. It was a much more awkward make out. For one, I think Gamer's couch kinda smells like urine (from her yappy dog, no doubt; or because it is a really old couch). Also, I think Simpson is way more experienced at the whole thing than Gamer (for better or for worse). Overall, a successful weekend.

Punch-Out!!

2010-05-05T11:17:00.004-06:00

Simpson and I went out last night. She almost canceled the date at the last minute cause she had to take her mom to her sister's place (her mom is in from out of town and doesn't have a car here). The conversation went really well. One thing about Simpson is that I feel very comfortable around her. She is smart enough to have a decent conversation with but not so smart as to be self aware (which usually leads to awkwardness). At the end of the date, I didn't find myself laying in bed thinking about her. I don't feel inspired to write a song about her. I want to go out with her again. I just don't feel that extra umph. That unexplainable something that you feel with some people and don't feel with others. We made plans to do something on Saturday.

Today I rememberd that I had already made plans for Saturday with UpsideDown. UpsideDown and I used to work together many years ago. She found me on the facebook and I thought it would be fun to hang out. I don't know how serious I am/could be about dating UpsideDown because she has several kids and we never really clicked that well. I am gonna try and move the hang out with UpsideDown to Friday so I can do the date with Simpson on Saturday.

Notes: I told FormerLesbian that I would go running with her today. The poor girl is suffering from depression and I think she really needs some friends. Pulse told me she was hanging out with her exboyfriend. Since then, she has been fairly distant. In fact, she didn't even respond to my last text. On Sunday, I talked for a few seconds to this girl Filer. I have kinda known Filer for over a year. She is good friends with TheFlake. Filer looked really good at church and I found myself wanting to date her. The problem is, Filer taught TheFlake everything she knows about how to flirt with boys but keep them at arms length. It's like trying to beat Mike Tyson in Punch-Out!! before you are able to beat Don Flamenco. You are outmatched and in way over your head.

Are you cooler than me?

2010-05-03T11:42:00.005-06:00

I was supposed to go on a date with Simpson on Friday night but she canceled. She said her mom was in town and it sounded legit enough that I just let it slide. We made plans to do something tonight but then last night she texted me and asked if we could move it to tomorrow night. Maybe the reason I stopped dating Simpson a year ago was because it was just so hard to actually see her.

On Sunday, I went to church at the 90210 ward. There were literally 500 people there. To anyone who says there is not a mormon aristocracy, I present the 90210 ward as exhibit A. Sacrament meeting is a freaking fashion show. In most singles wards, the parking lot resembles a badly maintained used car lot. There will be cars with the spare tire on, cars with cracked windshields, and cars without paint jobs. Typical for the poor college students that attend. Not the 90210 ward. Harley Davidson motorcycles, lexus, audi, mercedes, ferrari (singular) and other brands fill the lot. Both the guys and the girls look like fashion models. Girls walk around with $1000 purses and $1000 high heels. Some of the guys have expensive business suits. I hadnt showered cause I was running late. And I had a moustache. I felt super out of place. As I sat there looking at all the beautiful people, I felt more and more like there was no way I was ever going to meet someone. I left in a very bad mood.

I took a nap to reset and then went over to Gamer's place to play video games. We played Super Mario Bros on the wii for like 4 hours. It was fun. Gamer is absolutely not as cute as some of the other girls I have dated. She is completely inactive in the church. She uses the F word quite frequently. She is socially awkward.

A few years ago, I did an internship. I was roommates with Kenny. Kenny was a nice enough kid. One time we had a conversation and he basically told me that he knew he was cooler than me. It bothered me at the time. I mean, he probably was cooler than me. But I disliked the fact that he had to tell me he thought he was cooler than me. With some of the girls I date, I think it is the same. They may not come right out and say it but they think they are cooler than me. Maybe all the really attractive girls think that. I mean, they have spent their whole lives being told how much better they are than everyone else (the mormon princess syndrome) by their dad, their mom, their siblings, their church teachers, their friends at school and their boyfriends that they actually start believing it.

When I take one of these girls out on a date, they have know that they are better than me. Sure, they may give me a chance. But did I ever really have a chance? I don't think I did. With Gamer, I know that she doesnt think she is better than me.

Awkward dates with girls from Estonia

2010-04-26T22:44:00.007-06:00

On Friday, I had my date with Katarina. I was worried cause before the play, there was a 2 hour planned. It ended up being pretty fun (the dinner). All these swanky people and an open bar. Of course, I don't drink, but I did have a coke from the bar. I was fun and funny. With it and witty. After the dinner, we walked over to the play. It was not one of my favorite plays. I was kinda tired and kept yawning. Katarina was about as awkward as you could expect for someone from a completely different culture on a date. I think she is a good person but I am never going to be interested in her. I kinda feel bad about it.

On Saturday, I had a date with this girl Simpson. I went out on a few dates with Simpson over a year ago. I actually met Simpson at the same party as Ariel. Ariel had a boyfriend and Simpson went out on a few dates with TheCaptain. Somehow, Simpson and I ended up going on a few dates. But it wasn't meant to be. I liked Ariel at the time and one night, Simpson and I were making out. She mentioned something about how Ariel had broken up with her boyfriend that day. Somehow I decided that I wanted to date Ariel more than I wanted to date Simpson. I can't really remember any other reason for me to stop dating Simpson.

Last week, Simpson just randomly said something to me on the facebook and we set up the date. I was a little late cause I was at a soccer game for littlelittlebrother. My friend Punk invited me to go see a jazz band she manages at a local club. Simpson and I had a lot of fun just talking and listening to the band. We went back to Simpson's place and watched The Lovely Bones. It wasn't very good. We cuddled a bit. To be honest, I couldn't remember why I stopped dating Simpson last year. She was fun.

On Sunday, I received a text from Spinster. She said she wasn't interested in me. It kinda pissed me off. I guess I can't be too upset because I certainly didn't feel any interest in Katarina. Anyway, so there won't be any more dates with Spinster. Tonight I was chatting with Gamer on the facebook. Even though she is awkward and kinda nerdy, I find myself wanting to spend more time with her.

Omens

2010-04-22T17:09:00.005-06:00

I have been reading this book about omens called The Alchemist. It has gotten me to thinking about some of the omens in my own life. Or what I perceive as omens. A couple of days I got a really bad feeling about Spinster. Nothing had really happened. But I was suddenly nervous to call her or text her. I called and left a message and she never responded. Yesterday, I sent a text and she responded back that she had gotten the voicemail but was at her sister's and then it was late. She said she was sorry. That was it. I have probably started 10 times to write a text back to her but nothing has come. I guess it's cause I am delaying the inevitable. I already know in my heart that Spinster is done with me. I talked to littlebrother about this once and he was of the opinion that this is bullcrap. That I am getting nervous because of something in my own head. He believes there is no such thing as omens.

As I look back at my dating life, I can't think of a single bad omen that I have felt that didn't turn out to be true. You could argue that they are self fulfilling prophecies but I disagree. I got a bad feeling about a girl and a day or two later, she would call me and tell me she just wasn't interested. How is that a self fulfilling prophecy?

I have had a strange omen about Pulse lately. Today she got on facebook and told me that she has been talking to her ex and might start seeing him again. She felt compelled to tell me. I kinda already knew. I expected it to be a little more harsh than that (because Pulse said she still wants to date me) but the omen was correct. You can disagree with me about whether omens are real or not but I think you need to have read the book before you formulate your arguments. Should I put more weight on omens? In other words, should I start following my gut more?

The 10 Facts

2010-04-20T15:26:00.004-06:00

I just reread my last 10 facts and thought it was funny so I am gonna try and do it again. I hope I make you proud DCFresh.

1. My first date ever was dinner and a movie. The movie was at the dollar theater and dinner was at a cheap burger place near the dollar theater. Maybe everything has gone wrong because I started out on the wrong foot.

2. Don't tell a girl on a date that you swallowed a live goldfish once. It won't help your cause.

3. There is a point on every bad date when you know that there is nothing else that you can do to make it a good date. If this point happens early in the date, you may save some money.

4. On one date, the bad point happened during dinner when I asked my date if she ever wore a bikini. It was over before I even finished the question.

5. I forgot the name of a girl while on a date once. The look she gave me was priceless. I use that moment to measure how bad every bad date is going.

6. If I added up all the money I spent on dating, I could probably buy a new car. Crap, that is a depressing thought.

7. If you are anorexic and we are on a date, it would probably impress me more if you didn't order any food. I have to pay for it whether you eat it or not.

8. When I am on a date with a girl and she secretly holds hands with one of my friends during the date, I am not going to hug her at the end of the date. Don't ask for it. Don't expect it.

9. Dating is kinda like life. You remember all the really good moments and really bad moments but everything in between is sort of fuzzy. I have about 10 dates I want to remember, 10 dates I wish I didn't remember and hundreds of dates I don't remember.

10. My friends and I used to have a code for dating: If you can't make it good, make it memorable. It was about this time that I asked a date about her grooming habits and was informed that I needed to learn when to shuttup. It was memorable.

Typical atypical weekend

2010-04-19T11:50:00.004-06:00

On Friday night, Chief and Gamer and an old friend/roommate of mine (WoolyBully) went to the movies. I am still trying to figure out what Chief is doing hanging out regularly with Gamer. I am absolutely attracted to her. She is such a smart alec. Very awkward but I found that if I try and make things awkward for her, it works. After the movie, we went to dinner. Gamer and I were joking about how we could get married to just cover the stigma of being single. She said maybe we could have our own houses. I scoffed at that and said maybe our own rooms but we had to copulate and she said "Sounds good to me." I gave her a high five. Does that mean we sealed the deal and are going to copulate?

On Saturday, Sugarloaf and I went to this church dance. It was dinner followed by ballroom dance instructions. Picture all the awkwardness of a stake dance when you were in high school and then just add 10 years. I totally thought the whole night was gonna be a bust. They had all the guys line up on one side and then said "go find a girl on the other side to dance with." It was like a feeding frenzy. All the cute girls were snatched up in an instant. Then I saw a fairly attractive girl Linguist sitting on the side. Sample conversation:

Me: Hey, you wanna dance?
Linguist: Uhh, well, you see, I can't because I am watching my friend's purse.
Me: Yeah, I understand, it's a pretty rough crowd out here. I would hate for it to get stolen.
Linguist: Well, I just told her I would watch it.
Me: Well, what if I hold it while we dance?
Linguist: No, that wouldn't work.
Me: What if I cover it with my suit jacket and we dance right next to it and watch it?
Linguist: Well, ok.

So we started to dance. And we really clicked. She was very interested in what it was like to be a lawyer. I remember thinking to myself "hey, this is going alright." The song ended and we just kept talking. They taught a new dance and we just kept talking. And then out of nowhere, this total douche walks up to us talking and is like "Hey, it's time to change partners, sorry" and grabs Linguist to go dance. I seriously thought about punching him in the face. See, the problem was that now I had missed the dance instructions (which meant I couldn't just ask someone else to dance) and so I had to go back over to the side where the guys were. I was pretty pissed. Linguist got asked to dance for the next song as well.

As I was walking back over to other side, Sugarloaf came up to me with this awkward girl Katarina. He kinda dropped her off on me and walked away. I wasn't really sure what was going on so I kinda started a conversation with Katarina. Then I tried to walk away and Katarina told me she had tickets to a play and wanted to know if I would go with her. It turns out she had already asked Sugarloaf and he had given some BS answer about a birthday activity that he had that night. I quickly scanned my mind for any legitimate excuse. Nothing came and I agreed to go to a play with Katarina. I was already pissed at the douche bag and this kinda made the night seem even worse. Sugarloaf admitted that he owed me big time later that evening.

After teaching us to ballroom dance, they turned off the lights and blasted hip hop music. I loosened up and had some fun. All the cute girls had left. I danced the way I think people who love to dance do it : I couldn't care less what anyone there thought of me. It was fun. I met one girl who seemed very interested in me but I didn't bother to get her phone number. I wasn't that interested.

Ummm like, so like Ohmygosh!

2010-04-16T10:31:00.005-06:00

The other night, BFD and I went on a date. She came over to my house and we hopped into my car and headed to a local sporting event. I can not believe how much BFD annoyed me on this date. It was like every 10 seconds, an alarm went off in her head to say something really ignorant and pointless. I wish I had written these things down because I have forgotten most of them. If you would have been there, you would have rolled your eyes so many times. A couple of times, I looked around to see if maybe anyone else had heard what she said and was laughing at us. A couple of times I wanted to look at her and say "wait a minute, are you serious? Did you really just say that?" She is going on a cruise this week but she couldnt name any of the places they were going. She was like "umm, I think it's like the nederlands." During the date she asked what else our plans were cause she wanted to go to the gym that night to get her body "bikini ready" for her cruise but thought maybe we could go hottubbing afterwards. I was thinking to myself that there was no way I wanted to spend even more time with this girl after the sporting event. She pointed out that the bra she was wearing made her breasts appear two cup sizes larger than they really were. She wasn't going to bring that bra on the cruise cause she didn't want people to see her in her swimsuit and then get confused when she wore normal clothes and was totally busting out.

We started talking about weight a little (I am sure she brought it up so don't judge me). She told me how she isn't ever going to be overweight cause it isn't in her genes. I asked a little about her parents. Turns out her dad is in decent shape and her mom is obese. She pointed out a very large woman and said that her mom had that body type. Umm, what part of "genes" do you not understand? Every time that BFD says something stupid, she kinda does this obnoxious laugh too. Like she thinks she is just so funny. The date couldn't end fast enough.

Notes: I haven't really talked to Spinster much this week. I kinda felt a little awkward at the end of our last date and when littlebrother texted me on Monday to say he was at the same party as her, I sorta got my hopes down a little. I am thinking maybe I will call her on Sunday. I sent Pulse a couple texts this week but I didn't really feel like planning anything.

Week in review

2010-04-12T11:33:00.006-06:00

I had a really busy week last week and wasn't able to write at all. On Wednesday, I had a date planned with BFD. I ended up working late (til 10:30) and had to cancel on her. BFD seemed ok with it. On Thursday, I went out with Pulse. It was really fun. We ate at IHOP, went to the bookstore and then watched Taken at my house. She hadn't seen it and was totally freaking out throughout the whole movie. Pulse is just really cool. Everytime I talk to Steve-O, he totally thinks that I need to date Pulse.

On Friday night, I had a date with Fiesta. I met Fiesta last summer at a cabin trip and we became facebook friends. We chat from time to time and I just felt like asking her out. We had dinner and went to a movie. Nothing too exciting. Fiesta is pretty cool but I already know that I don't have any interest in dating her. She is pretty and fun but she lives far away, is not LDS and there are just too many moments where the conversation sort of dies between us and I have to struggle to revive it.

On Saturday, I had a date with Spinster. She met me at my house and we drove out to my friend Crack's place for dinner and games. Crack and I have been friends for many many years. As we were driving out there, I decided to ask Spinster a few questions. I was just fishing a little about what she had done with her life thus far and Spinster dropped a bomb on me. She was married. Ok, it isn't that big of a bombshell. When she was 20, she was married for about a year. The whole thing just intimidates me though. Why? Well, for one, it makes me wonder if she is really not interested in a relationship (because maybe she has trust issues). It also makes me wonder if everything I do is somehow compared to some guy from many years ago (even though he failed, he initially succeeded). I felt a bit of a disconnect with Spinster.

We drove back to my house and although it was early, it was probably too late to start a movie (and maybe attempt to cuddle or initiate some kind of physical contact) but early enough that we had to do something. Spinster and I played a few round of MarioKart on my Super Nintendo. It was way fun. She wasn't horrible at it. Then she took off. There was a short hug. Knowing that Spinster was married kinda makes me way more nervous to try anything with her. I am not ready to kiss her anyway.

I was a little bummed (cause it was Saturday night, it was like 10:00 and I was sitting at home playing video games). Steve-O came home and said he was going to this western bar to meet some girl. He invited me along. We got all dressed up in our cowboy gear (well, my cowboy gear, I let Steve-O borrow a belt buckle and a cowboy shirt and a cowboy hat) and headed out in my truck. The place looked empty from the outside but was bustling on the inside. Tons of cowboys, a mechanical bull and cowgirls. I have always had a special place in my heart for cowgirls. Lilo was kinda a cowgirl and the way she spoke drove me crazy (in both the positive and negative aspects).

A good friend of me and Steve-O named Feldman met us there. Feldman has no fear. A few years ago, Feldman was engaged to be married. He showed up at the temple with all his friends and family on the day of the wedding. They waited. And waited some more. He called his fiance and finally got a hold of her. She was not coming. Nor was her family. Nor did they ever intend to come. The receptionhouse had not been booked. Announcements had not been sent. After going through a day like that, Feldman is the kind of guy who has no fear. No matter what happens, it won't ever be as bad as that day. While Steve-O was cuddling with some chick in the corner, Feldman and I country-danced it up with a couple of girls. It was a lot of fun. I just felt so rejuvenated by it. The girls probably weren't Mormon and one of them told Feldman she had a boyfriend but it was a good night for me. I think Mormon girls play this game with dating that non-Mormon girls do not play. It's like all Mormon girls are naturally suspicious of everything I do. Sometimes I get really tired of it. At the end of most dates with Mormon girls, I feel like a bit of a limp noodle. But after dancing with those girls, I felt like such a stud. I had my truck. I had my belt buckle. I had my Wrangler jeans. I had my cowboy hat. I had my cowboy shirt. I felt pretty good.

Singing waiters

2010-04-05T13:16:00.005-06:00

Friday night was my second date with Spinster. I was a little nervous and thought it might affect the way I acted around her. As soon as I picked her up though, my nervousness went out the window. I just feel so calm around her. And funny. We went and saw this incredibly corny play and loved it. We joked with each other throughout and made fun of some the more awful parts of the play. Then we grabbed dinner. Because it was late, we were the only ones in the restaurant. Our waiter either a) had a thing for Spinster or b) was just really friendly. He told us all about olives from some show he watched on TV. I decided there were two ways to handle a situation like that. One is to get all jealous and close off. We all know how well that works. The other is to just go with it. So I asked Spinster if she thought we could get our waiter to sing for us. I offered him a little money but he declined. It was one of those italian places where you can write on the tablecloth with crayons. I took a $20 bill out of my wallet and wrote a note on the table saying it was his if he sang for the lady. He really didn't want to sing but called over another waiter with almost no singing ability. This guy was anxious to make a quick $20 and he proceeded to sing and dance to "Hey now, you're a rockstar" by Smash Mouth. It was pretty awesome.

I think it helped lighten the mood. As we were driving back to Spinster's place, she was talking about how she wanted a new car. I decided it would be fun to take a drive (with her driving) in my car. I was a little worried about her getting a ticket so I only pushed her to get up to 100 mph (if it were daytime, I surely would have encouraged her to approach 120 mph). Spinster loved it. I think the date had been going well before but definitely improved. I dropped her off, got a quick hug and headed home. Spinster sent me a text 25 minutes later saying "Thanks again! That was fun!" And it was fun.

I called her last night but she didn't answer. She texted me back saying she was watching a movie with her sister but suggested we talk on the phone tonight. She also texted GetErDone and said that she was interested in dating me. I know it isn't much but it made me feel good. I am thinking of asking her out on a third date for this Saturday.

Blind Date Basics

2010-03-31T14:52:00.003-06:00

When someone sets you up with a person on a blind date, it says a lot about what they think of you. Of course, there are many different factors to consider. One is how well the person setting you up knows you. Another is how motivated they are to set you up. A third is how many people they know. When my grandma calls me saying she has met a single girl, you can rest assured that this single girl a) comes from a really great family capable of paying for a really nice wedding reception, and b) she is single. My grandma has no concept of attractiveness or personality compatibility. If the girl wears really nice shoes, my grandma will usually throw in these piece of information as well.

This isn't to say my grandma has never tried to set me up with an attractive girl. She did once. My grandma is just going to look for different qualities in a mate for me than I might look for. It's the same thing with siblings and friends. A person with the best intentions for setting me up may still totally fail at it because they don't know any girls that I would be attracted to.

Still, I can't help but feel disappointed when I meet a girl on a blind date that someone chose for me and the girl isn't attractive. Especially when the person setting me up knows me well. What were the criteria they used to determine this set up? ("Well, they are both single and Tripp is a boy and she is a girl so... BINGO!") I have been set up with girls much older than me, girls taller than me and girls much heavier than me. Most setups just don't make sense on paper, let alone in the real world. So, when someone who knows lots of single girls sets me up with an overweight unattractive shy girl, I know that either this person a) does not think very highly of me, b) thinks very highly of this girl or c) is a lunatic.

I understand that there is a very wide range of subjectivity in attractiveness, humor, ideal weight, and personality connection. But I don't think it is too hard to figure out where my subjective levels of what is acceptable are. And a setup with a girl that is outside of those acceptable ranges is really just a waste of time for both of us.

What's all this talk about love?

2010-03-29T14:58:00.005-06:00

Friday night I went with Chief to play video games with this girl Gamer and her friend. Chief and I picked up pizza on the way over. Gamer is a very different girl. She plays lots of video games. For some reason, I am very attracted to her though. Maybe it's just because she seems so relaxed compared to other girls. Like she isn't trying to be anything other than herself. Gamer has a yappy little dog that seriously drove me bonkers though. We played Super Mario Brothers on her Wii until like 1:30 in the morning. It was a lot of fun.

On Saturday, I had a date with BFD. I was supposed to go to a wedding reception before the date but I hurt my back really bad and had to lay down for a bit. I woke up 10 minutes late to my date and impossibly late to the wedding reception. I think I showed up at BFD's place 30 minutes late. We met up with BFD's roommate Script and this guy she is kinda dating. After dinner, we decided to rent a movie. The guy Script was on a date with chose this movie Black Dynamite. I kissed BFD a couple of times and then headed home.

On Sunday, BFD texted me asking me to come over and hang out. I was bored since all of my roommates have basically abandoned me so I headed over. We watched slumdog millionaire. I think BFD honestly likes me but it feels so contrived. Like that maybe BFD just likes the idea of me. Script was saying how she wanted a guy that had such and such qualities and I realized that she was kinda naming off all the qualities that I had. Not trying to build up my ego or anything. I just wondered if maybe BFD was feeling pressure from her friends to settle down with a guy and if maybe the qualities her friends wanted had influenced the qualities that BFD wanted. Do you think maybe I am purposefully not falling for BFD because she represents all the girls that I have wanted to date in the past who wanted guys other than me?

Suggestions to improve the mormon dating scene

2010-03-26T11:22:00.005-06:00

So the weekend is approaching and I haven't done anything to "drop" BFD or Pulse. Pulse is out of town this weekend visiting her sister who is an actress in this HBO series. BFD texted me the other night suggesting we do something this weekend. I decided to give it one more serious chance with her so we are going out on Saturday. Tonight, my buddy Chief and I are going to play video games with some girls. Chief was one of my good friends in undergrad. I was the best man at his wedding. Chief''s wife MrsChief and I are good friends too. I have to admit though, I really don't understand their relationship. Chief is going to some girl's house to play video games on a friday night without MrsChief. Two girls, two boys, double date right? Anyway, I think he wants to sort of set me up with one of the girls that works with him.

A week or so ago, I started messaging Spinster on Facebook. As you might remember, Spinster and I had a decent first date back in January and then Spinster got a boyfriend while I was on my cruise. I was basically just fishing. She responded back and forth several times and I finally felt comfortable enough to ask when we might go on our second date. She told me she and this guy had just broken up and that we ought to. So, we have plans for next Friday. Spinster is doing her student teaching right now and she is a physical trainer at a gym - both definite plusses. However, Spinster is also very attractive and gets asked out quite regularly.

I have been thinking about how to change the mormon dating scene. Here are a few off the cuff suggestions.

1. No more limits on who you can date. If a girl has dated my best friend or met my best friend at a party or whatever, this should not preclude me from dating her. I don't care if my best friend liked her or still likes her. People should not be that territorial. Potential advantages: Opens up dating a lot more. You tend to meet the people your friends date so why not be able to date those people? Potential disadvantages: Guys at the top of their game will poach more. This rule tends to benefit those guys and girls more that are higher up on the mormon dating food chain.

2. A small get together social network. Instead of paying for a dating service, how about paying for a small-get together service. It basically takes two groups of friends and matches them up for an evening hang out. I think something like this would help us actually meet people. You and your friends commit to these hang outs for two hours. It matches groups together and facilitates actually meeting peole. Kinda like speed dating for hang outs. Potential advantages: Meet lots more people. Easier to get a number in a hang out environment than in a dark dance club. Potential disadvantages: Could become a feeding ground for NCMO. Also, it might be kinda like family home evening: only the people who need help dating actually go. Thus, it might be overrun with less attractive guys and girls.

3. A free online dating service. Facebook is free. Why can't there be a dating service that is free? How about a simple facebook application for this? It only attempts to match you with people who meet your basic requirements. Potential advantages: Easier to meet people. Less likely to spend many hours writing messages to people who aren't paying for the service and can't read your messages. Potential disadvantages: People naturally take better care of things that they pay for. If they aren't paying, they may not be as dedicated to it.

More to come (potentially).

Fatal flaws of mormon dating

2010-03-24T15:50:00.004-06:00

I agree with everyone's comments that I need to just move on. I have felt strongly about a girl/girls in the past and I hope that someday I can feel that way again. There isn't a lot of point in dating a girl that I am not falling head over heels for (other than making my mom and dad very happy).

When I was in college (back in my younger days...), if a weekend came up where I didn't have a date, I could just go to some party with a group of friends and walk away with a date for the following weekend. Those days are gone. I still have single friends and they still go to those parties. I even attend with them occasionally. But, I almost never leave having met a single girl with any real prospect. There are several reasons.

1. The mormon aristocracy. I talked about these people in a previous post. The mormon aristocracy dominates these parties. It's the same elitists at basically every party. Or at least a very large group of them. They all know each other. The guys in the mormon aristocracy are usually tools. Some may be nice guys but I would guess most of them are stringing along four or five girls. Likewise, the girls in the mormon aristrocracy are stringing along four or five guys. What you end up with is this giant web of self loving elitists. To break a girl away from that web, you have to convince her you are better than the four or five guys she is stringing along and the one guy that is stringing her along.

2. Molds. A girl already has plenty of friends that are guys. She has been used by plenty of tools. If she is 18, 19 or 20, she may not be looking for a serious relationship. If she is 21 or older, she has developed a mold. This mold is what she expects her boyfriend/husband to fit into. Who knows what is in this mold? They don't broadcast it. I am not even sure if a single guy at the parties fits into the mold. They want rich and tall and dark and handsome and foreign and loving and independent and caring and studly and able to do double back flips off of diving boards and have the ability to woo every girl in the room but somehow choose them. TheFlake is a perfect example of a girl with a mold.

3. Defenses. When I do meet a girl at one of these parties, she already has her guard up. Every guy there is a tool until proven otherwise and I have zero opportunity to prove otherwise. Lets say that I start a conversation with a girl. In my experience, I have two minutes. During those two minutes, I have to prove that a) I am interesting, b) that I am funny, c) that I am competent, d) that I am not a tool, e) that I am interested, and f) that I am attractive enough to warrant a date. It is basically impossible. "Oh Tripp," you say, "why can't you just ask them for their phone number and prove it on a date?" Good question. It's because these girls don't give out their number to guys they aren't interested in. If you ask too soon, then you are a creeper. If you somehow manage to get enough points to justify them giving you their number (I imagine that for guys that are much better looking than me, this is easier), you have to KNOW when you have reached this threshold and act on it before your two minutes are up. Once the two minutes are up, and two minutes is only an estimate, you have lost your chance. You are either interrupted by a guy that knows her and is more than willing to cock block you or the girl walks away from the conversation.

So, here is my frustration. I can't meet girls. I go on plenty of dates but many (if not most) are with girls I am not interested in. A lot are set ups. I almost never am interested in the girls that people are offering to set me up with. Sure I can give them a chance but statistically, I am not going to meet someone I am interested in on a blind date.

I have tried other methods of meeting girls. I have been to mormon dances. It's a wasteland. There are two kinds of girls that go to dances. 1. Girls who like to dance and are emotionally unavailable. 2. Girls who are looking for a man. Girls who are looking for a man like that are not the girls that I want to go out with. The girls who like to dance have no interest in a relationship. Most are too young for me to date anyway. I have tried meeting girls at church. The singles wards are full of girls right? Wrong. The singles wards are full of young girls who aren't even thinking about marriage and non-attractive girls. The whole mormon dating system is fatally flawed.

I know you're out there somewhere

2010-03-22T13:51:00.004-06:00

BFD had a friend that needed a date on Friday so I brought along Milo. Having her friend and my friend there only seemed to amplify the awkward that is BFD. Milo was explaining some things about his ethnic origin and I could just see BFD's eyes glaze over. I don't know if it was too intellectually challenging for her or if she really just didn't care about some central European country and the politics there. I was annoyed that she wouldn't give my friend more respect.

After dinner, we went and saw that new Gerard Butler/Jennifer Aniston movie "The Bounty Hunter." Do not go see this movie. Ok, the movie wasn't bad. It just wasn't at all good. I think BFD liked it. The concept of the movie is just dumb. And somehow they expect us to believe that these people ever were in love or ever could be in love again.

I didn't hold hands with BFD or kiss her. In fact, she put on lip gloss while I was still finishing my dinner AND on the drive back to her house. It's not just that BFD doesn't have some of the things that I think are really important, she hardly has any of the things that I think are important.

On Saturday, I went on a date with Pulse. We were cuddling at her apartment near the end of the date. I came to the full blown realization then that I really have almost no feelings for Pulse. I care for her as a friend but the romantic interest simply is not there. I felt so dishonest for taking her on dates and stuff when I just wasn't interested.

So now I find myself at a crossroads. Should I keep going out with either Pulse or BFD to see if feelings develop? Or should I stop asking either of them out and wait for the next wave of girls that may or may not come?

Kissing or Memories with ManHands

2010-03-17T12:13:00.004-06:00

I get a lot of pressure from a lot of different sources about kissing. My friends are always asking "so did you kiss her?" or "did you get some?" after I go on a date. Some of my coworkers want details. When explaining dates to people, one of the main topics is whether I kissed her or not and why. I think a lot of guys like to pretend that they are doing a lot more kissing with a lot more girls than they really are. For instance, most of my friends have not kissed that many girls. Littlebrother has probably kissed more girls than any of my other friends. Most people that I meet have kissed less than 10 people in their life.

Nevertheless, I feel pressure to kiss girls. I know that I kiss too many girls. Crap, I kiss girls that I don't like. I kiss girls that I kind of like. Rarely do I kiss girls that I like. A few years ago (more or less), my sister set me up with this girl Welder. Welder was my sister's college roommate. We went on a date and seemed to click. We ended up on a blanket in the park with me playing guitar for her. I decided to kiss her. Now, here's the weird part. After I kissed her, we got kicked out of the park cause it was after hours. We were walking back to my car and started holding hands. Welder had man hands! They weren't huge or anything. They were probably about the same size as my hands but it totally threw me off. How could I be kissing some girl when holding her hand freaked me out?

Welder and I ended up hooking up a couple more times after that but I never got over the hands thing. If I had held her hand prior to kissing her, I probably wouldn't have kissed her. So I am sure you are asking the same question that I am asking. Why do I keep making the same mistakes over and over again? I think I am just hoping that I will feel more of a connection with a girl if I kiss her. I watch too many movies.

The Next Round

2010-03-15T14:31:00.004-06:00

So I went on my third date with BFD on Friday night. Sometimes it is just so awkward being around her. I am starting to wonder if maybe she isn't trying to make things awkward. Maybe she really is that awkward. I think the conversation with BFD is lacking a good percentage of the time. I just don't know what to talk about with her.

After seeing the comedian, we went to this dessert place that I really like and then watched "Can't Hardly Wait" at my house. In case you didn't know, I derived the name Tripp Hazard partially from this movie. There is a scene where Tripp McNeely (Jerry O'Connell) comes over to the high school party. He graduated a year ago. He was the big man on campus in high school and he "can't even get digits as a freshman." He talks about how he tried to get back with his high school girlfriend but "she was all comfortable with some senior. He's a pre-med... they're all pre-meds." When I first saw this movie, I felt like Tripp McNeely and I had the same problem but on opposite spectrums. He was on one side (the former high school jock) looking across at the smart guys thinking they were getting all the girls and I was on the other side (the former high school nerd) looking across at all the athletes thinking they were getting all the girls. It just clicked for me.

I ended up kissing BFD on the couch while watching the movie. Tripp McNeely would have been so proud. Me? Not so much. I really don't think I could marry BFD. It would just be too much of a compromise. Still, kissing BFD was pretty nice. She is decent kisser (she ought to be with all her experience). I am not ready to throw in the towel with her yet but I am not super excited about it either.

On Saturday, Charlie sent me a text canceling cause her babysitter couldn't come and she needed to show her house to a buyer. To be honest, I was a little relieved. I was kinda dreading a third date with Charlie. Our phone conversation had been so lacking that I wasn't sure I could handle all the work it would take to go on a full date with her. I texted back saying it was no big deal. I think we can safely say that I won't be asking Charlie out on any more dates.

On Sunday, Pulse came over to watch a movie. The conversation with Pulse is almost never lacking. We just click. The more time I spend with her, the more I like her even though we hardly see eye to eye on anything. Pulse is pretty cool though.

Today while eating lunch, I ran into Sidehug. I went on a few dates with Sidehug but she was kinda awkward and at the end of one of the dates, she gave me a side hug which sorta made me think she had zero interest. Sidehug has put on a little weight but she still looked pretty good. I think maybe I will try and ask her out. I sent her a message on the facebook today.

Third dates for everyone!

2010-03-11T13:33:00.004-07:00

My date with BFD was pretty fun. I decided to hold her hand during the movie. Can I just say that watching a 3D movie is absolute awfulness. Please remind me in the future any time I think "I should watch a movie in 3D." My love of movies ends where 3D movies begin.

We grabbed dinner after the movie and had an interesting chat. The topic of kissing came up. BFD told me she was a lip slut. Then she told me that I should guess how many boys she had kissed. I guessed 74. I was way low. She said she has kissed approximately 290 different boys. 290!!! I laughed so hard. I was only off by about 220 in my guessing. There were a couple of awkward moments at dinner. Sometimes I just don't know what to talk about with BFD. The conversation doesn't always just flow. Some of the time I think she is just trying to be awkward but some of the time, I think she really is just awkward. Maybe so many guys have kissed her because the conversation got awkward and they decided they would get rid of the awkardness by kissing. I know I have done that in the past.

I asked BFD to go see a comedian with me for this Friday. It should be fun but if some of the awkwardness doesn't wear off, I am not sure how many dates I can go on with her. After dinner, we were walking and BFD kissed me on the cheek. Before my mission, I went out on a few dates with a girl we'll call Jonesy. I really liked Jonesy. After seeing a movie, I walked her to her door. She said how much fun she had and then kissed me on the cheek. I had made out with several girls before that but nothing compared to the euphoria I experienced from that kiss on the cheek. I drove home in a haze. I am not sure I could have passed a sobriety test because I was drunk from that kiss. Nothing ever happened with Jonesy. She made it almost impossible to go on another date until a few weeks before my mission, when she told me she just wasn't looking for a relationship.

BFD's kiss didn't send me into a state of Euphoria. I could have kissed BFD for sure but I didn't. I am not even sure I want to. Five years ago, I would have just made out with BFD and never called her again. But now, with everyone telling me to keep dating girls that I don't immediately click with, I am going on a third date with her. It just doesn't feel like progress.

Last night I randomly decided to call Charlie. Talk about another awkward conversation. Charlie is a total talker and yet our phone call felt like I was running uphill in the snow where your feet sink in with every step. I really don't feel like I have anything in common with Charlie. I tried so hard to find some common ground last night. Still, in my new resolution to step it up and go out with girls I don't like, I asked Charlie out for a third date. I am not particularly looking forward to it. So, Friday, third date with BFD. Saturday, third date with Charlie.

I talked to Pulse a bit yesterday. I have to admit that my interest in Pulse has waned a little more. I never felt super interested in her. I definitely like spending time with her but I am not at all driven to enter a relationship with her. It is yet to be determined when we will next hang out. I chatted with FormerLesbian the other day. She seemed pretty down on herself. I felt really bad. I think she really just needs some good friends. We agreed to watch a movie sometime and eat girl scout cookies.

Gorillas and swag

2010-03-09T17:25:00.004-07:00

On Saturday, Pulse and I made out. It was a pretty good make out. We had just finished watching the crappy movie that we rented. Then, last night at a ward activity, I saw her there. It wasn't awkward or anything, I just didn't run up to her and start holding her hand in front of everyone. Today, I received a facebook message from her saying that she is not going to kiss me anymore until/unless we are in an established relationship. Basically, she likes me but thinks that neither of us know if we like each other enough yet to justify kissing. I really don't know how to respond to that. Should I tell her that I won't go out with her anymore unless she agrees to let the kissing continue? Should I consider her defensive stance a preemptive strike and respond accordingly by discontinuing to date her? I like Pulse but I am nowhere near entering a committed relationship with her.

Other notes: I have a date tonight with BFD. It should be interesting. We are just going to see Alice in Wonderland. I don't intend to do anything after that. I don't plan on kissing her or holding her hand during the movie but she is a bit more aggressive than I am used to. Last night I met a girl named Nascar that I would totally like to take out. She is older than me but seems way fun. I was with Cowboy, Sugarloaf and Tweak when I met her. I think Cowboy had some interest in her too though. Cowboy is sort of like lil'wayne. He just exudes swag. Girls love swag. The thing about swag is that you can't fake it. You either have it or you don't. It's like walking into a gorilla cage. If the gorilla can sense even the tiniest weakness or fear in you, it is gonna tear your head off. Girls are the same way. They can sense a fake swag and they will react violently to it.

Big Freaking Deal

2010-03-08T13:29:00.005-07:00

On Thursday, I had my first date with BFD. It was really fun. BFD is kinda goofy. There were a couple times during the date where I really wondered if she was just messing with me by trying to be weird. Littlebrother and RunsWithScissors both think that me dating a goofy girl just makes more sense. I wonder if I should take that as an insult...

After dinner, BFD and I went to my house and played some Super Nintendo. Then we kinda cuddled on the couch and watched an episode of Big Love. At one point, we held hands but it was super awkward cause BFD initiated it and I wasn't sure if we were really holding hands or just trying to be funny. On the date, BFD said something about kissing on first dates. The way she said it implied that she wanted me to kiss her that night. I think the word to describe BFD is quirky. On the drive after dinner, she pulled out a little flosser thing and flossed her teeth. She initiated a "thumb war" after awkwardly holding my hand for a minute. I think I could have kissed her at the end of the date but I wasn't ready for that yet. Plus, she had put on lip junk earlier on in the date and I wasn't sure if it had been sufficiently removed at that point. Still, it was a good date.

On friday, BFF, our good friend TheCWord and I went to dinner. It was fun. We played rockband after. I used to have a crush on TheCWord like 4 years ago.

On saturday, I picked up pizza and a movie with Pulse. It was almost impossible for Pulse and I to select a movie that we both wanted to watch. As I have said before, Pulse and I basically come from completely different worlds. Still, it was fun to hang out with her.

On sunday, I went to a new ward. I refer to this ward as the singles graveyard. Thing is, the ward I have been going to has tons of attractive girls but I hardly seem to meet any people there. Part of the problem is the size; the ward had several hundred people. Another problem is that a lot of the kids live at home so they aren't really driven to meet people at church. They live around all their friends from high school. In fact, a lot of their old friends from high school go to the same ward. I am so tired of it. I feel like I have to run twice as fast as everyone else to just compete. I met a couple of cool girls in the singles graveyard on my first day. I really shouldn't base my decision for what ward to attend on the number of attractive single girls in the ward. So this new ward might be really good for me.

This week, I am going to see Alice in Wonderland with BFD tomorrow night. I have tickets to a comedy show this weekend. I will see how my date with BFD goes tomorrow night before choosing who to ask.

BFD

2010-03-04T18:43:00.003-07:00

I have a first date in 1 hour and 20 minutes with BFD. In case you forgot (or didn't read back then), I met BFD last summer while shopping for furniture at the place where she works. It was a little awkward because she initiated giving me her cell phone number in what appeared to be a strictly business relationship. She wanted me to come back in and look at more furniture. In the end, the place where BFD worked was very overpriced so I decided to purchase from someone else.

I tried to call BFD a couple of times but she was a bit flaky. So when I received a text from her two days ago, I was kind of surprised. We texted back and forth and she definitely acted like she wanted me to ask her out so I did. I am just planning on going to dinner. I am a little worried that BFD thinks she is a big deal. TheCaptain knows her and says that she acted that way in college (interestingly enough, when BFD found out I knew TheCaptain, she exclaimed "You know TheCaptain? I love him!"). Even if the date doesn't go well, it should be interesting.

The first time I just knew (part 3)

2010-03-03T15:53:00.003-07:00

I was devastated. How could I have let the most important thing in my life slip right through my fingers? I couldn't focus on anything. I seriously was crying every night. I missed Lilo so much and I didn't understand why she wouldn't want to be with me. Nevertheless, life moved on. Two weeks later, I took the LSAT. I remember the day distinctly. I kicked some serious trash on that test and then went home, crawled into my bed, and cried myself to sleep. I didn't want to go to law school. I didn't want to go to normal school. I just wanted Lilo back.

On Christmas day, Lilo called me. To be honest, Christmas was the first day I had really felt ok since our breakup. It was almost as if Lilo could sense that I was finally starting to heal and she found this unacceptable. A few days later, she called me late one evening after she had been on a date and asked if she could come over. I accepted. She talked about how the date was not fun and how the entire time she had wished that she was there with me instead of him. We ended up making out that night. A few days later, she asked me to stop by her apartment and visit her. We made out again. Then, about a day or two later, she told me that the make outs had meant nothing to her - she was just proving to herself that she was over me. It was so cruel. It was like she had somehow figured out a way to break my heart again.

Somehow, Lilo continued to keep her claws in my life over the next few months. We hung out occasionally or talked on the phone. We didn't hook up any more but she was always reminding me that she was there and that I had to deal with life without her. That summer, I started dating Princess. Princess was this accomplished and classy girl. My friends said she was a babe. Littlebrother said she was better looking than what you would expect for me. One night (and I am not proud of this) soon after Princess and I went on our first date, Lilo came over and we ended up making out. While we were making out, Lilo looked up at me, smiled, and said "I love you."

I felt guilty. I had been kissing Princess. I liked Princess quite a bit. I told Lilo that I was dating Princess. I know it probably hurt Lilo's feelings but what was I supposed to do? I never told Princess about it. I never felt the same connection with Princess that I felt with Lilo. However, dating Princess made so much more sense. She was much more intelligent than Lilo. I didn't feel the instant connection with Princess; it developed slowly over time.

About six weeks after Princess and I started dating, I was still unsure of whether I wanted to enter a serious relationship with her. I had my doubts. One night, we were hanging out and Princess informed me that her ex was coming into town the upcoming weekend and that she would be going on a date with him. I was surprised and unprepared. She told me that we hadn't defined our relationship and therefore, it was perfectly ok for her to go out with this guy. I asked her if she planned to kiss him and she said yes. I was devastated.

I was driving a truck interstate at the time and was going to be out of town for about a week. I spent every second of that trip thinking about Princess and this guy being together. Princess and I planned a date for that Saturday night. I called her and received no answer. The time for our date came and went with no response. I stressed out major. I decided to write her a letter explaining to her how much she meant to me. I dropped it off at her house with her little sister.

The next night, I still hadn't heard anything from Princess. She called me around 9 and said she was coming over to see me. At this point, I was extremely anxious about what Princess had to say to me. She told me that she loved the letter and that it was perfect. It meant a lot to me. She said she wasn't ready to date me exclusively but wanted to continue to spend time with me. I vowed to not let Princess slip through my fingers the way that Lilo had.

Avatar in 3D or dinner with a former NBA player

2010-03-01T12:37:00.002-07:00

On Saturday, Pulse and I went to see Avatar. It was the 3D version. Pulse definitely looked better on Saturday than she had on other days. After the movie, Pulse and I went to this local brewery to get some pizza. At times, the conversation was a little awkward. Pulse is a bit of a tree hugger. She is a vegetarian. She works for a non profit organization. She has a very idealistic view of the world. I am not quite so idealistic. I am more of a realist. I think that saving the environment is great but most of the efforts are misguided and unrealistic. Anyway, I worry about choosing my words around Pulse because she might get offended or become defensive. But our discussion over dinner went really well. Obviously, we disagree about nearly everything but I decided to not worry about it as much.

After filling my belly with pizza, I was feeling pretty good. It seemed a shame to just let the night end there. So Pulse came over to my house and I broke out the old super nintendo. We played one of my absolute most favorite games: Tetris 2. When I lived alone, I used to play this game for hours at a time because I didn't have cable tv or internet access. I was on level 10 and Pulse was on level 2 and I consistently beat her. But when she went to level 1, she managed to pull off a couple of nice wins. It was really fun. Too often, I think we have our guard up on dates. We go through the motions of dinner and a movie and a doorstep scene and those interactions typically lead to me liking a girl less, not more. However, playing Tetris 2 with Pulse made me see her competitive side. It definitely made me like her more.

Pulse and I then cuddled on the couch. I hadn't planned on making out with Pulse. It just happened. But I didn't feel guilty like I did with TheWriter. With TheWriter, I think I had already made up my mind about her before we made out. With Pulse, I haven't made up my mind yet. It was fun. And it didn't feel super awkward afterward.

Yesterday BFF and I went to her dad's house for dinner. Her dad was trying to set her up with a former NBA basketball player that lived in his stake. It was lots of fun. The former NBA'er was really cool. Some of my old friends from law school were there. I felt particularly confident and witty. I am thinking the NBA'er might ask BFF out on a date. That would be so awesome.

The first time I just knew (part 2)

2010-02-25T11:14:00.001-07:00

After Chanel got married, I wanted nothing to do with marriage. I continued to date girls, I just wasn't thinking at all about marriage while I dated them. When I was on my mission, at my final interview with my mission president, I expected him to give me "the talk" about how my next goal was marriage. He didn't. In fact, not a word was said about marriage.

I started dating with a frenzy when I got home. I went out with lots of really amazing girls. Some were great Mormon girls, some were kinda Mormon, some weren't Mormon at all. LittleChanel was only 16 when I went on a few dates with her. I knew her dad didn't particularly approve (he was my home ward bishop) of her going out with this long haired older kid. LittleChanel told me years later that she never felt like I really opened up with her. I think her dad sensed the same thing.

I went on several dates with a tattoo artist. She had run away from home when she was 15 to work as a stripper and support her drug habit but had since gone clean. I dated a girl 6 years older than me. While I was dating the older girl, I ran into a buddy from high school named HandsomeRob. He was with his girlfriend named Lilo. I had never met Lilo but I thought she was very pretty that day.

About 2 months later, I received a random call from HandsomeRob. He told me he and Lilo had just broken up and suggested I take her out to help her adjust to moving to a new city. It seemed so random but I was pretty open to the idea. He gave me her number, I called her, and we clicked immediately. She had been dating HandsomeRob for a couple of months and it was probably refreshing to have a conversation with me. Don't get me wrong, HandsomeRob has been one of my best friends for many years. But, he is a slowtalker. A slowtalker is a person that has an extra delay before they say something in a conversation. Slowtalkers are not any less intelligent than normaltalkers (or fasttalkers like myself), they just like to process what they are going to say before they say it. Having had many phone conversations with HandsomeRob and other slowtalkers, I knew how difficult it was to deal with. Our first phone conversation went really well. We agreed to go on a date that Saturday to a homecoming at my university.

On Friday, my band was playing a concert for the high school I attended as part of the homecoming festivities. After the concert, I stuck around to watch a little football and ran into Lilo there. We chatted some more, clicked even more, and agreed to meet up later that night to "watch a movie." I think we watched Joe Versus the Volcano that night. We cuddled and ended up kissing. It was by far the best kiss I had ever had in my life.

I just felt a strong connection to her. We began spending nearly every day together. I was studying for the LSAT; she would come over every evening. At the time, Lilo was 18 and I was 24. But we seemed to have so much fun together. She loved it when I played my guitar for her and sang. I think I sang to her nearly every night. I wrote quite a few songs about her. Things just fell into place and I knew that I was going to marry Lilo. It was like everyone had always told me, things would just feel right and work out perfectly. I felt like a fool for having not believed them.

About two months into our relationship, I tested Lilo a little too much. I asked her how she would handle being married to someone poor. Lilo had some interesting personality quirks. One was that she absolutely would not defecate anywhere but her own home. I worried that Lilo might not be capable of dealing with rough times when they came up. The conversation didn't seem too bad at the time but I guess I touched a nerve with her. A day or two later, I asked her if she wanted to spend some of Thanksgiving together. She got scared. She said something like "why would we spend Thanksgiving together? we're not engaged Tripp!" I think I said something back like "well, don't you think this is moving that direction?" The damage was done.

A couple days after that, on the Sunday before Thanksgiving, Lilo came over and broke up with me. (To be continued...)

The first time I just knew (part 1)

2010-02-24T16:19:00.002-07:00

In middle school and high school, I had an on again off again crush with a girl we'll call Chanel. Chanel and I never dated (although she was my first official date a few days after my birthday). After high school, I really wanted to spend more time with Chanel even though she lived in another city. Chanel started school at the same time as I did and dropped out about two weeks later when she met her future husband and got engaged. It was a bit shocking. I felt so young at the time; marriage really didn't seem like a possibility for me or any of my peers.

As soon as Chanel got engaged, she cut off ties with me. She kinda withdrew when I would see her. I met her fiance a couple of times and he was quite cold towards me. Nevertheless, I continued to try and be friends with Chanel. My friends and I thought we were so funny when we got her a wedding gift. We were dirt poor so we bought a 12 pack of orange soda (generic brand) at the local grocery store. Then we got thirsty, so we opened the 12 pack, drank a few sodas, laughed about it, taped it back up, and wrapped it. We wrapped it using Christmas wrapping paper (cause we thought it would be funny and there was plenty of unused Christmas wrapping paper at my friend's parents' house). Then, we topped our present with what we considered the "gold star."

We taped it to the outside of the present and wrote in marker to address the present to Chanel. We went to the reception, laughing heartily while carrying a present that moved when tilted due to the empty space previously occupied by some of the orange sodas. I don't know why we thought it would be so funny. I think we were just particularly slow at maturing. We left the gift with Chanel's sister LittleChanel (I dated LittleChanel about 3 or 4 years later) who was quite embarrassed to accept the inappropriate present. Then we went through the line. I remember making a joke to Chanel's husband about how he probably thought we were just immature. He said "whatever floats your boat man." I had no idea what that meant and I thought he said "whatever floats your bowl man" so I responded with something like "yeah, well, unless my bowl is full of cheerios." I know exactly what it is like to have somebody look at you and think you are completely idiotic. Chanel did nothing to defend her stupid immature friends.

We left the reception feeling particularly shunned. I remember being upset about it. I knew she was marrying the guy. I knew Chanel was gone forever. I just didn't think that getting married meant that a person had to drop their friends. I spit on the limo as we left. (To be continued...)

"I could get married tomorrow if I just lowered my standards."

2010-02-22T16:07:00.002-07:00

On Friday, I had my much anticipated second date with Charlie. I met up with Sugarloaf and his date at a local Thai restaurant. The food was delicious but the conversation lulled a couple of times with her. I know that I should like Charlie. She is pretty. However, every guy has different tastes and mine is just not that partial to her. She runs marathons. She is touchy feely. She really likes board games. We ended up at Sugarloaf's place playing an Olympic Wii game. Charlie wasn't very good at video games but at least she was willing to try. At the end of the date, I hugged her and said "see you soon."

Honestly, I am really trying to like Charlie. What I mean is that I am giving her more chances than I normally would. I want to like her. It would make life so much easier. Of course there would be difficulties with having an "instant" family but that is not what worries me. What worries me is that I am not gaga for her. I tried to explain this to Littlebrother yesterday at church. Suprisingly, Littlebrother was extremely critical of me. "What the HELL are you talking about?" was his response. I think this was because I used the word "love" instead of "gaga." But, if you have read this blog, you know that I wear my heart on my sleeve. Some of the girls I have really liked were not girls my friends found attractive at all. I can't explain it, sometimes I am attracted to a girl and sometimes I am not. Sometimes I feel a connection with a girl and sometimes I do not.

Once Littlebrother got mad at me, it just really pissed me off. Why should I have to explain to him whether I like a girl or not? I think I was a little mad at Littlebrother because he had a blind date on Saturday night over and I thought the girl was very pretty (but also very self centered and immature). I know that Littlebrother doesn't have any interest in her other than just a hook-up and that just pisses me off more. He has some really great options that I don't have and he chooses to just piss them away.

On Saturday, I met up with Pulse for a late breakfast. I decided that I am not really attracted to Pulse. But I am still drawn to her. Part of the problem with Pulse is that she has really blond hairs on her face. I know girls probably don't think that guys notice this type of thing, but let me tell you, WE DO! And once we have seen a girl with some facial hair, it's hard to get rid of that image. So even if the facial scruff is never seen again, well, you only get one chance to make a first impression. I think I will hang out with Pulse again but I am just vocalizing that I am not interested in her for a relationship. I am sure you are saying that instead of wasting my time with another friend that is a girl, I should be hanging out with potential relationship girls. But there aren't any.

On a side note, have you read the Mormon Bachelor Pad blog? There was a post today about a 27 year old mormon bachelor that was picking a fight with them. I found it hilarious. For as much crap as Calvin and Jake get, they sure seem to have a lot of followers and a lot of people wanting to comment on their posts. I was a bit annoyed with all the girls who commented saying "this guy is 27 and mormon and single so he obviously is a loser." It reminded me of a comment my ex girlfriend from law school once said. "I could get married tomorrow if I just lowered my standards a little." I guess the same could be said for all of us. What a wench she was.

Finding opportunities

2010-02-16T11:11:00.001-07:00

Yesterday, littlebrother and I decided to both get a haircut. We hopped in his car and headed over the Great Clips. The girl cutting my hair was very chatty (I absolutely prefer a chatty girl to cut my hair). She asked where I went to school and what I did for a job. An older woman (mid to late 40's) sat nearby while her son received his haircut. She piped in with some questions about my law school and mentioned how she had a single daughter. Littlebrother thought it was hilarious that 30 seconds after getting my haircut, moms started jumping at the chance to introduce me to their daughters. Of course, it really only happened once. And the daughter wasn't super cute in the one picture the mom had. Still, it boosted my confidence. So, if your mom gave some guy your name to lookup on fbook in a Great Clips recently, it might have been me.