It seems like everyone is telling me that if I figure out what I want, then maybe it will be easier to nail it down. When I was on my mission, I made a list of the things I wanted in my future wife on my blue planner. It was very detailed and included "sexy shoulders" and "likes the music that I sing on the guitar." Many years later, the whole thing has become much more vague. So this is my attempt to write what it is that I want in a wife. I am not saying that it is what I need. Just stuff that I want.
1. Sexy shoulders (why not?)
2. Tall enough that we can slow dance and not have it be awkward.
3. Shorter than me by enough that she doesn't appear taller than me wearing certain types of shoes.
4. A healthy weight. (Not obese and not anorexic. Somewhere in between. I want a girl with some curves but not one with lots of fp (fat potential). It isn't so much about the weight as a number as it is about how they carry themselves.)
5. A decent amount of self confidence. (I don't want to put up with a girl that thinks she is really ugly all the time. I also don't want a girl that thinks she is so gorgeous. I would say almost dead in the middle but leaning a bit towards a higher amount of self confidence.)
6. Low makeup maintenance. (There are plenty of girls who wear so much makeup that it is disgusting. I would say the closer to the minimum that you can get, the better. Not necessarily a granola. Just not "whoa, check out my makeup, are you looking at me? can you tell I am wearing makeup? I hope the sun doesn't come out and melt off all my makeup. My makeup is affected by gravity. My face is not even the same color as the rest of my body.")
7. Good sense of humor. (She will probably have to be a little on the "I can take a dirty joke" side since that is where my sense of humor falls. Not disgusting joke telling. Just able to handle a few off color jokes.)
8. Mormon. (But she has to be a fairly relaxed Mormon. You know, there are super uptight Mormons that believe you should never ever talk about sex. They take themselves way too seriously for me. But I also don't want a "Mormon by baptism only" type girl. I don't want to have to drag her butt to church every week or chastize her for going out drinking with her friends.
9. Proportional in body measurements. (Some girls are pear shaped. I don't really want that. Just a normal looking body.)
10. Exerciser. (I want a girl that will continue to try to look good long after she doesn't need to impress me anymore. Staying in shape is absolutely important. She doesn't have to be a gym rat, just the type that agrees that regular exercise is absolutely important to her well being.)
11. Get along with my family. (This is easy, as my family is fairly easy to get along with. But some of my friends have married girls that hate their familes and they basically have to choose between their family and their spouse. What a horrible decision.)
12. Well rounded. (I want a girl that wants to go on vacations and see stuff and experience culture. But also wants to stay at home and watch a movie with me. One that will play charades in front of 50 people she doesn't know. Just a girl that is comfortable doing lots of different activities and able to enjoy them all.)
13. Willing to get dirty. (Life isn't always fancy banquets and expensive restaurants. I want a girl that will climb under the car and get oil all over her if that is what needs to be done. She doesn't have to be a mechanic. Just unafraid of hard work and the possibility of getting dirty.)
14. Intelligent. (She doesn't have to be a genius. I don't care if she is bad at math and writing. I just want a girl that can have a normal conversation with people. I would like for her to want to always learn new things. If she can't correctly use 'your' and 'you're' or 'their' and 'they're' and 'there' then I hope she is able to learn cause those things drive me crazy.)
15. A problem solver. (Being married to me means you are going to find yourself involved in interesting problems. I can't predict them. I just know that they are going to happen. I want a girl that can help to solve them rather than just give up.)
16. Values education. (She doesn't have to have a doctoral degree. But a mother is the single most determining factor in how our children are going to end up. And I want them educated. I expect her to encourage reading and to teach by example (by reading herself). I want her to constantly seek to improve herself. If she likes cooking, take a cooking class. If she likes tap dancing, join a tap dancing group.)
17. Independent. (Some of the most successful couples are ones that each have some of their own hobbies. I want a girl that has her own hobbies. Maybe she really likes dogs. Maybe she wants to go on a vacation once a year with a girlfriend to Alaska to deep sea fish. I think if you are capable of spending time apart, the relationship will be much healthier. I want a girl that wants to be with me but is more than able to fill the 16 waking hours of a day with her own activities.)
18. Sexual. (She doesn't have to be crazy on this one. But she had darn well better like sex. I seriously believe that there are plenty of Mormon girls out there that don't have any idea whether they like sex or not. If a girl is that sheltered, she isn't for me. I am not saying she should have prior sexual experience. I just think that a girl should have a healthy sexual appetite even prior to marriage.)
19. Likes to listen to me play my songs on the guitar. (It means a lot to me.)
20. Madly madly deeply in love with me.
Miscarriage: My Story
6 months ago